Having doubts about the house I’ve bought. Any thoughts very welcome!

[Doubtedly]

I’m having doubts about a house I’m buying and don’t know if it’s just last minute nerves.

I loved the house the first time I saw it, so much so I put an offer in on the way home from the viewing. (I did have a sensible friend with me who played devils advocate - but she also loved it!) I’ve been looking on and off for about 2 years and this is the only house I’ve felt this way about.

I went back, at the sellers invitation, a second time with another friend who is an estate agent and who has a staging company (so well versed in all things property.) She loved it too and asked all sorts of questions I’d overlooked, and the owner was so lovely and informative and patient etc.

I intend this to be my last move. But I moved to where I am now 3 years ago saying the same thing, and I’ve come to hate it. Obviously I loved it when I bought it but now I don’t and am therefore doubting my own judgement.

In the month or so since I went back to the new house for the second time, I’ve developed doubts. One is about the size of the house, but this is something I can address in time.

The other is that the house is in a small hamlet with no real walkable shop. There are shops in close driving distance, and it’s about 6 miles away from 2 large towns. There’s also a Milk and More round that delivers to the house, plus the usual supermarkets. But I can’t shake the thought that there may come a time when I can’t drive and wonder if I’ll feel stuck.

The third doubt is that the house is nowhere near water. I grew up by the sea, and when I realised my current house was a mistake, I decided I’d like to end up by the sea. I soon realised that wasn’t going to happen on my budget. Now I’m thinking perhaps I should’ve been prepared to compromise more.

So - the house is lovely, in a beautiful hamlet with lots of accessible walks for the dog, equidistant between 2 sizeable towns, close enough to where I currently live (an hour’s drive away) that friends can visit or I can visit them. But - the doubts!

Does anyone have thoughts please?

You don't know what you want.

I’ve always been really really excited to move. Maybe this isn’t the one for you?

The problem is these doubts are very specific to your personal likes and dislikes. If it was layout etc, it would be easier for other people to judge. Having lived in a tiny hamlet with one small shop and no pub, so a 20 minute drive to nearest small supermarket, I would always say don’t move somewhere with no shop. It’s just a massive pain in the arse.
having said all that, I think houses are a bit like people, and once you go off them it’s very hard to get it back.

Have you bought it? Or is it just under offer?

This.

Make a list of the pros and cons of this house and other types of property ( eg size, shape, flow, rooms you will use, what would annoy you, garden size/up keep). What’s is a deal breaker and what’s a nice to have?

The do the same with locations.

where do you see yourself in 10yrs and why?

it sounds lively for now but you may need to not think of it as your forever home. You may need to be in a more accessible place closer to amenities when you’re older. What you want now and what you need in old age don’t have to be the same thing.

You've been looking for 2 years. There's plusses and minuses to every decision. Maybe you should just stay put.

You have been looking for two years. This was the best house in all that time. You loved it, your friends love it. You could start looking again, for another two years and find another house you love, but then hate it again.

So you've ruled out being near water / the sea due to cost. You think it can be extended in the future. So the only real issue is whether you want to be less remote so you never have to move again or whether you could consider downsizing in future. How old are you op? How soon will the need to stop driving and be in a town come around? Do you have children to rely on when older?

Thank you for the replies. It does seem like I don’t know what I want - I’m one of those annoying people who is very indecisive but, on the odd occasion I see something I like, I usually really really like it :(.

I’m 61 and currently (touch wood) fit and healthy. I hope I’ll be driving for years to come but my dm had to stop driving in her 50’s because she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

I have 4 adult dc. 2 live abroad currently but may return. One lives with me now but will be moving out when I move, and the youngest has just finished uni and will be with me for a few months. Can’t really base where I move to on any of them because who knows where they’ll end up.

While I was reading the OP, I have to confess I was thinking “you’re the problem, not the house”. Then I read the first reply and agree 100%. If you can go from “this is my forever home” to “I hate this house” in 3 years (and not because eg rowdy neighbours, new factory being built in your backyard etc), then you need to think about yourself, not the house. Sorry OP.

You’re not telling me anything I don’t know sadly. I don’t know how to fix it though.

I agree that you don't seem to know what you want @Doubtedly...but I feel you as I'm exactly the same.

We've moved around a lot over the past few years ever since we sold what was meant to be our 'forever' home when we were about 40. Prior to that we'd lived in the same location (by the sea, close to where I was born) where we were really happy. It was just the house was too big and expensive to maintain. Instead of buying somewhere a bit smaller in the place we loved, we chose to buy a series of project houses in increasingly distant, often rural locations, none of which ended up being 'right' for me, although with the exception of the last one (where, ironically, we stayed longest), they felt absolutely perfect when we viewed/offered and some would be classed as dream homes by many.

Two years ago we decided enough was enough - as DH actually hated that location even more than me - and sold the last house intending to move home to the coast. Only we could now no longer afford to buy a house in a naice area there as prices have rocketed. So, in order to tick the 'sea' box, which was right near the top of the wish list, we bought a cottage a bit further along the coast. We're actually two minutes walk from the beach which should be great - but again I can't settle, although DH loves it here. I've tried throwing myself into the renovations (mostly DIY), but know when we're finished I'll want to move again.

I acknowledge I'm obviously the problem, but like you, I honestly don't know to resolve it. Solidarity 💐

Perhaps what you’re looking for isn’t a specific set of bricks and mortar? Maybe you’re looking for a feeling. Perhaps, to feel settled and calm and able to put down roots. Your children are grown/growing, sounds like you will be living alone, perhaps normal at 61? This is something you can do anywhere really, but it really is a state of mind rather than a housing condition. If you aren’t actually settled, not actually calm and at peace, you might prefer to stay where you are while you work on getting there?

Or, I could be totally wrong and talking complete bollocks!

I’m nearer your age, older in fact and I wouldn’t do it. Others have made comments that I agree with. I’m about to move to, hopefully my last house in a large village. There are shops, doctors, a library, pubs and two restaurants. Also its equidistant between a town and a city, both have trains to London.
At your age, particularly as you have DC, whilst they are adults they do tend to come back home.
When we were looking we saw some beautiful houses in the wrong places, they were really tempting. We have gone for one that needs a little work, but in the right places. You can always go for days out/ holidays to the seaside.

Ooh meant to say “at your age I wouldn’t isolate myself in a hamlet”.

No way would I move to an isolated hamlet,I think that's a really bad decision. I'm near your age.

If in doubt, do nowt

Six miles from two large towns? Are there buses?

Personally I probably wouldn’t want to be moving to a hamlet in my 60s but there are plenty of much older people living very rurally who manage.

How far away is the sea? If it’s within the area you want to live, I’d go for that and get an apartment or whatever budget allows. Those who have an itch for the sea rarely let go of it.
I live in a town 20 mins from the sea and will be moving as soon as my teens finish school. I want a sea view, a promenade, beaches, restaurants and bars, and general vibe of things going on. If that means an apartment, so be it! Ps. I’m 49

It’s taken you 2 years to find this house. Were you looking for specific things in a house? Could it be that your funds don’t allow for the house you want although even if you have a very large budget there are always compromises.

How to fix what is essentially not being able to afford what you would really like - which is a large house by the sea with lots of friends ?

at even just an away your old friends won’t come to visit so you can look further afield and look to towns with lots of activities that you can join. It will take time - a few years - to make real friends. But that might be one thing you can drop - being close for existing friends

what they do on location location is take people to view the houses they would love but can’t afford as it helps them to feel the reality of the situation and it helps to identify what you are prepared to actually compromise on

we chose a small town - so when we are decrepit the taxi to the doctors or the shop won’t break the bank

I feel your pain @Doubtedly . I’m in a house I don’t love. Unfortunately we were burgled not long after we moved in and I wanted to move then. DH was completely against moving, so we never moved. DH died 18 months ago, so I could move now.

It’s a minefield though. I look every day but everything seems like a compromise. Plus, it’s very costly to move in terms of fees, stamp duty etc., not to mention the stress!

You have to be sure it’s what you want. At your age OP, I would be looking more towards a village with amenities and a community or even the edge of a market town. I know you’re not old, as such, but time flies and you don’t want to suddenly find yourself needing those things and be stuck in the middle of nowhere.

You have been looking for two years. You need to make a decision and stick to it.

Don’t go and look at houses that are not within your “must haves” criteria.

Don’t make offers when you are so bloody indecisive.

I’m sorry but my parents have just wasted 6 months on a buyer who pulled out very late over the most ridiculous reasons so I am short on patience. It has ruined their plans and they are actually ill as a result.

The house hasn’t suddenly transplanted itself to a different location. All the doubts are based on known facts at the time you made the offer.

If you’re going to back out, do it now, apologise profusely and offer to pay for their costs.

The system here sucks.

Biggest question to consider is why are you moving?

What is it about your current house that you don’t like/ doesn’t work?