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New neighbours asked if they could take my fence down

467 replies

ellogov · 20/02/2026 18:22

Around two years ago, I put up a fence to divide my driveway from my neighbours. I made sure it was entirely on my side, not intruding on their area at all. The reason behind this was that they kept using my side to move their cars around, and they, along with their guests, would walk up and down my side to get around their vehicles all the time. They weren’t thrilled about it, but I was already doing some renovations, so I used that as my excuse. I never actually told them the real reason, though I have a feeling they figured it out. The driveways are pretty narrow, but that’s just how they were constructed. I had mine widened last year, so it’s much better now.

They moved out in September. New neighbours moved in just before Christmas, and they seem nice. I’ve chatted with them a few times, asking how they’re settling in. This morning, they asked how I’d feel about taking the fence down. They mentioned it’s because they don’t have much space and offered to pay for its removal. I’m a bit torn on what to do. While they seem friendly, I’m concerned they might end up being like the previous neighbours. If they’re really in need of more space, they could always pay to widen their side, and even though they’ve offered to cover the removal costs, it doesn’t compensate for the money I spent putting it up last year, and I’d have to pay again to put up another one if they start taking advantage of the situation.

What do you think? Should I say no sorry and keep them separate?

OP posts:
MargeryBargery · 20/02/2026 21:27

DappledThings · 20/02/2026 20:56

It really isn't. I've never understood why people are so offended just by enquiries.

If they'd decided they were taking it down themselves, or hounded OP after being told no then that's different. Simply asking "would you mind if....." and accepting the response is perfectly reasonable. Goes for the cutting down of trees too. Not cheeky to ask once, politely, and accept the answer.

" Would you mind if.." you took down your fence so we can take advantage of your drive ..?
There is nothing remotely reasonable about that request!!!
I would take a very dim view of the new neighbours for even asking.

SyntheticFluff · 20/02/2026 21:27

Why go over?? Just wait until they bring it up again then say you don't want to do it and they could get their drive widened.

Twooclockrock · 20/02/2026 21:27

Just day no as you had it put up only a few years ago as part of renovations due to issues with boundary lines and you don't want to remove it

Woodfiresareamazing · 20/02/2026 21:30

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:26

Thanks everyone! I’m ready to put on my big girl pants and will go over there tomorrow. I’ll just mention that I value my privacy and paid a lot to have the fence installed, so I’d prefer to keep it. I’d rather not bring up the previous neighbours because I feel they might try to convince me otherwise, saying “we’d never do that, etc” even though we all know that’s probably not the case! It’ll just get awkward then! I’ll try and keep it brief and to the point, like someone suggested. I’ll also propose widening their driveway to make it seem like I’m being helpful. It’s up to them how they take it, but that’s all I can do really. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Excellent plan!

Good luck 🙂

DappledThings · 20/02/2026 21:31

MargeryBargery · 20/02/2026 21:27

" Would you mind if.." you took down your fence so we can take advantage of your drive ..?
There is nothing remotely reasonable about that request!!!
I would take a very dim view of the new neighbours for even asking.

Such is your choice to do. I choose not to be offended by open questions. Life is so much easier when you don't ascribe malice to every interaction.

MargeryBargery · 20/02/2026 21:33

DappledThings · 20/02/2026 21:31

Such is your choice to do. I choose not to be offended by open questions. Life is so much easier when you don't ascribe malice to every interaction.

Life is also easier when you recognise entitled and selfish behaviour and proceed to give it a very wide berth.

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:33

SyntheticFluff · 20/02/2026 21:27

Why go over?? Just wait until they bring it up again then say you don't want to do it and they could get their drive widened.

I’ll just fret about it otherwise and worry that they might catch me off guard again. I said I’d let them know, so I doubt they’ll forget about it either. If I go over there myself, I can prepare myself and not let them sway me 😂 hopefully that’s it then and I can forget about it!

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 20/02/2026 21:33

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:26

Thanks everyone! I’m ready to put on my big girl pants and will go over there tomorrow. I’ll just mention that I value my privacy and paid a lot to have the fence installed, so I’d prefer to keep it. I’d rather not bring up the previous neighbours because I feel they might try to convince me otherwise, saying “we’d never do that, etc” even though we all know that’s probably not the case! It’ll just get awkward then! I’ll try and keep it brief and to the point, like someone suggested. I’ll also propose widening their driveway to make it seem like I’m being helpful. It’s up to them how they take it, but that’s all I can do really. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I dont think you need to make helpful suggestions or explain why you have a fence.

Besides the fact no is a full sentence. The facts are its your fence that you paid for on your land. Its ludicrous to suggest removing it. Especially because they want more space - on your land

Queenoftartts · 20/02/2026 21:34

CF removing your fence won’t give them any more room. I would be telling them why you put it there and state you paid to have your drive widened. Which of course is for your personal use not your neighbours as well.

Sudagame · 20/02/2026 21:34

I would be careful not to use phrases like '...so l would prefer to keep it' That suggests it's still up for debate. Better to say ...'so l am keeping it '

Shatteredallthetimelately · 20/02/2026 21:36

SyntheticFluff · 20/02/2026 21:27

Why go over?? Just wait until they bring it up again then say you don't want to do it and they could get their drive widened.

Agree here...

Just wait until you see each other in passing or they come to you.

Keep it friendly but hold firmly, be assertive or they'll think they can walk all over you. Say what you've suggested and don't leave the conversation open for them to answer with a come back.

godmum56 · 20/02/2026 21:36

SyntheticFluff · 20/02/2026 20:36

Don't even bring it up again then. If they do, then that's when you say the way you gained more space was by widening your drive, the fence is on the boundary line so doesn't make any difference. Offer them the number of the drive people and that's that.

I'd be careful about this....genuine CF's might take silence for agreement!

SharyBobbins · 20/02/2026 21:36

Sudagame · 20/02/2026 21:34

I would be careful not to use phrases like '...so l would prefer to keep it' That suggests it's still up for debate. Better to say ...'so l am keeping it '

This a million times over! Also agree with a PP who said not to give suggestions etc. The least words the better!

IdentityCris · 20/02/2026 21:37

You can perfectly reasonably say that you can't see how this would help them with their space problem given that the fence is on your land anyway.

DappledThings · 20/02/2026 21:40

MargeryBargery · 20/02/2026 21:33

Life is also easier when you recognise entitled and selfish behaviour and proceed to give it a very wide berth.

A polite, "no I'm keeping the fence as it works for me" is just as simple. Ends the conversation and without anyone taking unnecessary offence.

It isn't entitled or selfish to make a polite enquiry. I think those who find it rude are insecure in their own position so take any query regarding it as a threat.

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:40

Laura95167 · 20/02/2026 21:33

I dont think you need to make helpful suggestions or explain why you have a fence.

Besides the fact no is a full sentence. The facts are its your fence that you paid for on your land. Its ludicrous to suggest removing it. Especially because they want more space - on your land

Edited

I understand where you're coming from, and I completely agree that I shouldn't have to justify my reasons for wanting the fence. But, since I have to live next to these people for the foreseeable, I'm not sure how they'll respond or if they'll make things difficult for me, so I'd rather keep things friendly if I can. I feel like just going over and saying, "nope, I'm keeping it" would upset them, so I thought maybe some helpful suggestions could soften the blow a bit, if you see what I mean? They could still get nasty of course, but I think it’s worth a shot.

OP posts:
Aluna · 20/02/2026 21:40

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:26

Thanks everyone! I’m ready to put on my big girl pants and will go over there tomorrow. I’ll just mention that I value my privacy and paid a lot to have the fence installed, so I’d prefer to keep it. I’d rather not bring up the previous neighbours because I feel they might try to convince me otherwise, saying “we’d never do that, etc” even though we all know that’s probably not the case! It’ll just get awkward then! I’ll try and keep it brief and to the point, like someone suggested. I’ll also propose widening their driveway to make it seem like I’m being helpful. It’s up to them how they take it, but that’s all I can do really. I’ll let you know how it goes.

No OP don’t get involved in long MN explanations.

The only thing you need to say to them is that you’ve thought about if and you won’t be taking down the fence. That’s it.

Don’t go round, either wait for them to bring it up or put a note through their door.

Hodge00079 · 20/02/2026 21:41

I think you are doing the right thing. Hope it goes ok tomorrow. The suggestion about extending might soften the blow.

I think they might try to push back. If they don’t know perhaps tell them that you only put it up last year. I know the reason was because of previous neighbour but could there be another reason such as delivery people cutting across and you like privacy etc. You went to the expense of getting the fence so it doesn’t make sense to just write that off.

As you say the fence is on your side so it isn’t going to make their drive any wider. They will definitely to some extent do what previous neighbour did. Otherwise there would be no point.

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:41

Sudagame · 20/02/2026 21:34

I would be careful not to use phrases like '...so l would prefer to keep it' That suggests it's still up for debate. Better to say ...'so l am keeping it '

Very good point! Thank you!

OP posts:
Brightlittlecanary · 20/02/2026 21:42

I also would say no, as the only reason they want it down is to use your driveway,

be nice, just say understand but have considered and will be keeping th4 fence, however can give the name of the folks who widened your drive,

Aluna · 20/02/2026 21:42

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:40

I understand where you're coming from, and I completely agree that I shouldn't have to justify my reasons for wanting the fence. But, since I have to live next to these people for the foreseeable, I'm not sure how they'll respond or if they'll make things difficult for me, so I'd rather keep things friendly if I can. I feel like just going over and saying, "nope, I'm keeping it" would upset them, so I thought maybe some helpful suggestions could soften the blow a bit, if you see what I mean? They could still get nasty of course, but I think it’s worth a shot.

You’re massively overthinking.

The best way to keep things friendly is a cheerful polite no.

If you start explaining and justifying they will simply start negotiating and then you will get backed into a corner.

godmum56 · 20/02/2026 21:42

MargeryBargery · 20/02/2026 21:27

" Would you mind if.." you took down your fence so we can take advantage of your drive ..?
There is nothing remotely reasonable about that request!!!
I would take a very dim view of the new neighbours for even asking.

I'd find it cheeky fuckery and so CF its actually funny.....I mean "we have just moved in and we want YOU to make changes to YOUR drive for OUR convenience....but its okay because we'll do the work" I do wonder if the sellers wer easked about the narrow drive and they said something like "Oh the lady next door will take it down if you ask her"

NamingNoNames · 20/02/2026 21:43

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:40

I understand where you're coming from, and I completely agree that I shouldn't have to justify my reasons for wanting the fence. But, since I have to live next to these people for the foreseeable, I'm not sure how they'll respond or if they'll make things difficult for me, so I'd rather keep things friendly if I can. I feel like just going over and saying, "nope, I'm keeping it" would upset them, so I thought maybe some helpful suggestions could soften the blow a bit, if you see what I mean? They could still get nasty of course, but I think it’s worth a shot.

They need to live next door to you too.

I had a similar request from my neighbour. I said 'No.'
It's been fine since.

sbplanet · 20/02/2026 21:43

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:40

I understand where you're coming from, and I completely agree that I shouldn't have to justify my reasons for wanting the fence. But, since I have to live next to these people for the foreseeable, I'm not sure how they'll respond or if they'll make things difficult for me, so I'd rather keep things friendly if I can. I feel like just going over and saying, "nope, I'm keeping it" would upset them, so I thought maybe some helpful suggestions could soften the blow a bit, if you see what I mean? They could still get nasty of course, but I think it’s worth a shot.

Definitely go over. I'd emphathise with their need for extra room, say yes all the drives are/were a bit narrow (or whatever they are), and then offer them the details of the people who widened your drive - take the front foot, catch them off guard (in a nice way).

ellogov · 20/02/2026 21:44

godmum56 · 20/02/2026 21:42

I'd find it cheeky fuckery and so CF its actually funny.....I mean "we have just moved in and we want YOU to make changes to YOUR drive for OUR convenience....but its okay because we'll do the work" I do wonder if the sellers wer easked about the narrow drive and they said something like "Oh the lady next door will take it down if you ask her"

Probably 😂 it wouldn’t surprise me at all!

OP posts: