Having serious doubts about the house I’ve bought

[Jigsaw72]

Move is imminent. I’ve been through a long divorce (that has dragged on an eternity) and had to put the family home (4 bed detached) on the market. Kids are over 18 and at university so the house just has me in it. Too big and it was pushing my budget a bit and I didn’t want to struggle so I’ve purchased another house (3 bed in a new estate). I’d had an offer accepted on another house but the seller pulled out and I felt under pressure to find another quickly as there were 4 other houses in the chain waiting on me.

I have started to realise I could’ve probably bought out my ex. We were mortgage free but I have had to take a mortgage out for £95k for my new home. I’d have needed probably another £50k to buy out the family home. The family home is a big house and big garden - I work FT and found it all a bit much.

I’ve driven to the other house a few times and I’m now dreading it. I’m starting to pick at the estate and the house. It’s lovely inside but I just feel that the house is on a cramped estate and I like to see a bit of greenery. I’m having serious jitters and wish I’d gone for the family home instead and tried to make it work. The kids are both sad.

I will move in as everyone else is waiting on me and the completion date has been set. Would it be crazy of me to sell up in 6 months if I don’t like it?

Have you exchanged? If not, I'd pull out.

PS. I am going to use my pension lump sum to pay it off in 6 years - I‘m almost 54 and can get hold of part of my pension at 60

I can’t - I’ll feel terrible. My sellers are
moving to a new build. I’ve paid two lots of solicitors and survey fees already.

You might like it though.

It will surely be cheaper to run as modern houses should be well insulated.

You shouldn't have to spend much on maintaining it for a long time as it's new.

You can go out to walk amongst greenery.

You have said the original house was difficult to cope with.

Give it a year in the new place and see what you think?

I would pull out

Yes, I might like it. It is definitely cheaper. I’ve already sorted out new bills with various companies and every one is cheaper than what I had been paying.

Do you have anyone in real life that you can talk to about this? You can put a stop to it, it happens. Don't sell just to make strangers happy. It really doesn't seem like you're ready for the move. If you can stay where you are you can always revisit things in a year or so. They say not to make big decisions in the first year after a bereavement - maybe this is a way to reframe the situation. Honestly though, please don't feel like "you should". Don't spend all that money on stamp duty etc unless you are sure.

I would have a really good calm think about whether it’s jitters or whether you really feel it’s not the right place for you, try and think practically without too many emotions and think whether realistically you can afford current house/upkeep etc. If it really doesn’t feel right you still have time to pull out. People will be upset and disappointed and angry but it happens. Moving is too expensive and stressful to redo a few months down the road the line and it would put people off purchasing. If it really genuinely feels wrong I wouldn’t go through with it.

Can you extend the mortgage another £10k and spend it all on making the front and back garden really green and amazing by way of compensation?

You do spend most of your time inside your house rather than outside, so you were right to prioritise that. If the estate's not that great, just drive out somewhere else. You don't have to walk round it.

Would it be crazy of me to sell up in 6 months if I don’t like it?

Probably!

Have you looked at how much that will cost in additional fees, especially stamp duty?

I’d guess that will cost a lot more than if you pull out now.

You can’t progress with a sale that you are not happy with just to please other people.

Have you exchanged yet?

It doesnt have to be forever. Just for now. Probably a bit longer than six months but if you hate it you can always sell up a move.

A friend whose marriage broke up had to move out of the family home and her DC were uni age. She had loved the family home and had put so much into it. She bought what she called a 5 year house. To get her self settled for a bit. A home that the DC could come back to. And more importantly a house that was easier and cheaper to run. It wasn’t “her”. It wasn’t a forever home. It was a for now home.

It did exactly what she needed it to and she has since sold and moved.

I find it utterly terrifying buying a house. In the last week I get very jittery. Given that you have also been through a divorce, this is a lot for you! It isn't surprising that you are getting nervous and the kids will be sad - but they will also be off living their own lives. How about sitting down at the weekend and make a list of all the things that are Benefits, Risks, Alternatives & Nothing (ie staying put) for the new house? It does sounds like there is a lot going for it - smaller (but not tiny so still room for the kids) and cheaper bills. Lower mortgage. Having a plan to pay it off in the medium term. Living somewhere your ex hasn't might also be a lot more liberating that you think. Maybe think of it as a staging post for 5-10 years rather than a "forever" place - and in the end you might like it? That happened to me when I moved city - ended up still here after 30 years! Getting your list together and chatting it through is probably the best way to decide. And I agree with the PP - you always have a choice and you shouldn't move just to keep the others in the chain happy.

I know what you are saying about liking greenery but maybe this is your chance to create some (been there...... done that)?
Plan your new garden as soon as you can, buy semi-mature trees & plants and look after them (i.e. plenty of water especially if we have a dry year like 2025). The longer you leave it, the longer it will take the garden to establish.
Likewise any open space out the front of your house. "Adopt" new trees to make sure they survive the all important first few years by watering. Plant lots of bulbs (daffs & snowdrops seem to be favourite) in green areas, often you will see that other householders do the same.

Absolutely do not let that be the reason why you go through with this if you need to pull out you pull out

You will feel even more terrible when you move in, honestly just read some of the threads on here, don’t buy a house as not to upset other people, they wouldn’t do the same for you.

I was going to say pull out til I read @Peridot1 's post. That's such sensible advice. Call it your 5 year house, collect yourself, you need time to breathe. You can chuck out a lot of stuff for when you move later into the house that's really the one. Your kids being a bit sad is an unfortunate part of the process but they'll feel better with time.

I think we all have second thoughts at some stage. It's a big step. I bought my house and moved in in November last year but if I decide I'm not happy, I'll put it back on the market after a few months and sell it. Not a huge problem.
And yes, it's an opportunity to plant out the garden and create something beautiful.

You don’t say if you’ve exchanged.

If you haven’t pull out, new builds aren’t great and it sounds like you’d have less debt overall when buying out your ex. Your kids are likely to return too from university and can contribute for some time.

Sorry also it doesn’t matter if anyone is waiting for you. You have to live there day in day out why be miserable.

Chains fall through all the time. Don't buy a house because you want to be nice.

At some point you would have had to let the family home go. It would become a millstone. Yes it's a wrench but once you've settled down and put your own stamp on the new home you'll probably work out just how much better off you are. With spare cash you can rebuild your life.

I honestly wouldn’t buy on a cramped new build estate unless it was my only option. It’s likely to be noisy. I’d pull out, take your time and buy the right house for you.

You'll buy a house you don't want so that you don't inconvenience and upset people who you hardly know?

Wtaf? I'm sorry to sound brutal, OP, but.....what's the MATTER with you?

It would br crazy to move to keep strangers happy.
It would be daft to sell new house in 6 months and pay out again for moving costs.
Your reasons for moving are sound , i think moving is the right decision given maintenance, upkeep, bills, house size etc
Whether the new house is right for you is debatable.
It sounds like its practical on paper but maybe in the wrong setting/environment.
Are there other alternatives you could buy?
Another option is to sell your house and go into rented so you would be in a strong position to move quickky for the right house but then you might be losing equity/savings on rent and have upheaval of moving twice.
Theres a lot of emotions/end of an era tied up with moving. Ive always been sad to leave my previous home behind when i moved , so like pp said you need to try and figure out if its just nerves or if the new house really isnt right for you.
But dont move to please other people or to save face, its too important for that.

Seriously OP, if you haven’t already exchanged, you can’t buy a house you’re not happy with just to keep other folk happy.