Having serious doubts about the house I’ve bought

[Jigsaw72]

Move is imminent. I’ve been through a long divorce (that has dragged on an eternity) and had to put the family home (4 bed detached) on the market. Kids are over 18 and at university so the house just has me in it. Too big and it was pushing my budget a bit and I didn’t want to struggle so I’ve purchased another house (3 bed in a new estate). I’d had an offer accepted on another house but the seller pulled out and I felt under pressure to find another quickly as there were 4 other houses in the chain waiting on me.

I have started to realise I could’ve probably bought out my ex. We were mortgage free but I have had to take a mortgage out for £95k for my new home. I’d have needed probably another £50k to buy out the family home. The family home is a big house and big garden - I work FT and found it all a bit much.

I’ve driven to the other house a few times and I’m now dreading it. I’m starting to pick at the estate and the house. It’s lovely inside but I just feel that the house is on a cramped estate and I like to see a bit of greenery. I’m having serious jitters and wish I’d gone for the family home instead and tried to make it work. The kids are both sad.

I will move in as everyone else is waiting on me and the completion date has been set. Would it be crazy of me to sell up in 6 months if I don’t like it?

You’re probably emotionally exhausted and running on empty OP, which never casts a sunny aspect on a situation.

There are so many positives for you. More disposable income means less worry and more adventures. Newer build will be easier to maintain and keep clean. Bills should be less. Re the greenery, use some of your disposable to create your own little oasis, just for you and your morning coffee.

Straighten one room up this weekend, the lounge ideally, so you have a calm space to chill out when you need a rest, and well done for making your bed up last night.

Don’t go through with house purchase that you don’t want . That’s crazy! Pull out .

She moved in yesterday…..

Please give yourself a break and a virtual hug. Moving house is a horrendous experience. God I moved loads in my young years, took on so many issues, moved myself in my car so many times! This latest move has been horrific and it has completely broken me and DH. He's in hospital now and we both feel the stress of the whole thing put him there. I started grinding my teeth (wtf?!) and currently have the flu and a stye (I never get styes!).

Our last home, like yours, was our home for now home that was supposed to be 5 years and ended up 10 because it was actually a very competent and unoffensive home that was easy enough to live with and in - life just got in the way and our forever home ended up waiting to this year (25). The "new" build sold in a heartbeat (twice but that's another story) and we landed in our forever home just before Christmas - late due to exchange delays. The house was left in a horrendous state, so dirty we couldn't even put our stuff in it. Christmas ended up cancelled, actually getting in has been tortous and DH ended up in and out of hospital starting on Christmas day and remains there today. We've been in 5 weeks and only now the house is beginning to feel like home. I love the bones of the place, and it is in an amazing location, so it will be a forever home but the process of getting here has broken me (us). So I feel you.

OP it will get better. Dig deep and just take one thing at a time. You have the knowledge that this is your "now" home to allow you to get used to your big life changes. It's in a popular estate and will likely sell on when you need to easily. This gives you time to work out where you want that forever home to be and what you want it to look like. Your DC are at a transition stage so a few years will likely see their lives settle and once you see where they have landed it will make your decisions easier and your future direction clearer. You haven't made a mistake, your path has just taken a bit of a diversion but the end goal remains in your sights and under your control. Don't rush to jump from the fire into the snakepit - make sure your next steps are the right ones for the right reasons - there's no rush. Your house is an asset that can work for you if you let it. The next home can be your special place.

Take care. Wishin you peace X

Hope you were able to sleep and are feeling a bit better today. So much change.
as others have said, try to make one room homely - maybe ask some friends round to help you. Take care of yourself

Feeling a bit better today. I’ve put the two sofas in their places and got my cosy blankets out. I’ve ordered a new TV and arranged for someone to fit it in the media wall in the lounge and the other in the kitchen. Dining room taking shape. Seeing my own things is helping. Paid off a few bills today too (as released some money from the sale).

I think its not until you make a few changes to a new house that it starts to feel like home. This could just be small things like putting up a few shelves or changing door handles. Once spring arrives you'll feel better and more settled. Good luck 😊

So glad to read this. It might be helpful to think of this new home as a sort of recovery / resting place for a year or so whilst you gather your thoughts about what you’d like the next chapter to look like. Hopefully you might meet some lovely neighbours along the way. Good luck

Ah OP, be kind to yourself. Moving is a massive upheaval at the best of times, let alone after a huge life change like divorce and leaving your family home. I'm really glad that you're feeling better today, and I hope that you can embrace the possibilities and new opportunities that this house will bring you. One step at a time - little changes while you plan the longer term and the house will begin feel like home in no time.

Well done, that’s all brilliant.

Well done. Paying bills off sounds good. Can you also afford a sh.ort break for yourself?

I hated my house when we first moved in. I thought the area was grey and grungey. I so down I decided all I could do was sit and watch crap TV for a couple of days. 17 years later I can see that was just exhaustion / stress. Nothing grey and grungey about it round here.

Anyway., sounds like you are more positive than that

Good luck, OP. It was a stressful move at a grim time of year, but Spring is round the corner.

Any update OP? Hope your ok

I’ve just moved house and miss my old house maybe because I lived in it 12 years but I had to move for personal reasons so I’m just getting used to the new place now and making chances to suit me.

I hope things are looking up now @Jigsaw72 I would take the next 4+ years to heal myself after the divorce. To rebuild my savings. To create a haven just for myself, and my children if and when they visit. When you are ready to move next time, it will be on your terms and into a house you will love.

If youve not exchanged on family home..
Pull out and try and buy your OH out

People do it all the time.

This is YOUR life!

Lots of house sales pull through.

I think it's madness to move expecting to sell within a year or two...