Having serious doubts about the house I’ve bought

[Jigsaw72]

Move is imminent. I’ve been through a long divorce (that has dragged on an eternity) and had to put the family home (4 bed detached) on the market. Kids are over 18 and at university so the house just has me in it. Too big and it was pushing my budget a bit and I didn’t want to struggle so I’ve purchased another house (3 bed in a new estate). I’d had an offer accepted on another house but the seller pulled out and I felt under pressure to find another quickly as there were 4 other houses in the chain waiting on me.

I have started to realise I could’ve probably bought out my ex. We were mortgage free but I have had to take a mortgage out for £95k for my new home. I’d have needed probably another £50k to buy out the family home. The family home is a big house and big garden - I work FT and found it all a bit much.

I’ve driven to the other house a few times and I’m now dreading it. I’m starting to pick at the estate and the house. It’s lovely inside but I just feel that the house is on a cramped estate and I like to see a bit of greenery. I’m having serious jitters and wish I’d gone for the family home instead and tried to make it work. The kids are both sad.

I will move in as everyone else is waiting on me and the completion date has been set. Would it be crazy of me to sell up in 6 months if I don’t like it?

Are you prepared to maybe not find a buyer, are you prepared to maybe make a loss? Pull out, really not worth it if you are already unhappy.

Only way I would do this is if it is detached. New builds are notoriously noisy as the walls are paper thin. Quality is generally shabby even on the more classier ones.

I could not stand hearing neighbours plugging things in etc - yes this is how bad one I stayed at was!

Although the OP did say that the move is imminent - I can’t quite work out what stage they’re at.

@Jigsaw72 I think the post I've quoted from @flippertyflipster is such good advice.

Moving house is stressful. We bought what I thought was the house of my dreams and we moved in and I hated it , I wanted to sell it immediately. I cried over leaving our previous house . 15 years later I cried at leaving the house of dreams because we moved again (were downsizing for cost reasons.) I love the house I have now. DCs have less space but there is still space for them , just less. Over time having everything affordable without worrying is a great thing.

If it's a new build then I can see why the development will not looked lived in , but a bit of money as others have said for some mature planting , even trees will pay dividends. Climbers etc will grow quickly and you can get advice on which are pretty and which are "thugs" .

So to reiterate - don't compare the house to the last one - look at it and see what you could do with the money you won't be spending having to take out an extra mortgage and just be prepared to let it bed down. Be ruthless in thinking what is natural nerves and what is actually not right about the new house , because you really don't want to buying and selling in 6 months. If you simply cannot reconcile yourself to the new house - pull out. But if you think it is because of nostalgia or it being smaller then think carefully. It could be quite exciting to have a bit of money in hand to do things exactly as you choose.

I truly wish you well , whatever you decide. 💐

I think, realistically, this is what I’ll do. I know that, if I stay in the family home, I will have very little disposable income left. I’ll also be living in a house with 3 empty bedrooms, a large garden and that requires more £££ for bills. Now that my children are older, I am going away for weekends and enjoying freedom more. The other house is fairly new, economical (lower council tax, water etc.) and - tbh - there is a large park just around the corner.

I’ve taken out a 5 year fixed mortgage. I think I will have to make the best of it. In 4 years, re-assess the situation and maybe sell then.

I just feel really sad 😞.

Tomorrow 😞

It’s actually a very popular estate in town. Houses sell quickly. Maybe it’s just me having last minute jitters!

Oh, in that case, @Peridot1’s advice re mindset is great.

Good luck tomorrow.

Yeah of course you are. 'They' do say that one of the most stressful things in life is moving house. When I first walked into our new home (3rd move in 2 years) I burst into tears. I hated it.
Fast forward, we've been here nearly 21 years and it's been great. :)
Give it chance, concentrate on the good things, think about the positive changes you'd like to make. It's nearly Spring, what greenery can you add to the estate!
Give it chance and expect lots of emotions. :)

Do you think a lot of this is tied up to the loss of the family home? It's bound to be a difficult move.

You are selling a heart home and replacing it with a head home.

It sounds a sensible move. The market for larger properties is a difficult one just now. If you pull out you may come to regret that to just the same extent.

You are still working and your kids are at uni. In a few years time your needs/wants will be very different.

It sounds like the house takes the pressure off your life and finances for now but as PP said, it doesn't need to be forever. Holding onto the other one would not do the same.

Why did you choose your new house? Go back to why you wanted it. There must have been some feeling that it was right?

OP I think it’s grief of the divorce and end of an era vibes too

the new house is a sensible decision

if it makes you feel any better I’ve lived in my new build for almost 10 years and absolutely love it, the upkeep is affordable, bills aren’t high, it’s easy to heat, no damp or any other issues

I didn’t realise how many issues older houses have all the time until I started managing a deceased family members property portfolio - I couldn’t believe all the issues and how costly they are to fix!

with your new lifestyle and travelling more I really think you’ll love it - it’s just that change is scary

we all moved onto our estate at the same time and have a WhatsApp group and a great little community, everyone keeps the houses and streets clean and looks out for each other

good luck xx

Tell your solicitor “pens down” for a week, with nothing said to the other side. Use the time to think about how you’d feel if you pulled out and how you’d feel if you didn’t pull out. No need to rush ahead.

If you haven't exchanged you’re free to stay put in your family home.

maybe write a list of pros and cons for each house

Pull out of buying the new place. If you feel you need to sell your current home then rent until you find a better place.

Nothing has to be forever. I wouldn’t move after 6 months but 18 months+ is fine.

I’m having to leave my dream home because of divorce and struggling with it. I want it to be perfect because I can’t face more moves (this will be 6 in 15 years) but realistically it will probably be a compromise house and I’ll move again once DD finishes school.

Best to not think too far ahead @Jigsaw72. Leaving the family home makes absolute sense, the new house can be temporary or not. See what it brings.

I expect the difficult divorce is playing out in your emotions about it all. I know it’s making me obsess over the strangest things.

That’s the risk you take with house purchases until exchange anyone can pull out. You owe them nothing I’d pull out you will only be miserable

I’d suggest you continue with your sale which on a practical level is the absolute most sensible thing ( and emotionally whilst a touch sad will also signal the end of a difficult period of your life and the start of a new chapter). But I would pull out of your purchase and go into rented for a bit whilst looking for the house that is right for you. It would be a faff and expensive but not as expensive and faffy as moving to a house you don’t like only to move again.
That said I have lived in houses I loathe through necessity and it affects me badly-where other people can just crack on-so it depends on in which of those camps you fall I guess. I’m also biased on this particular dilemma as I’m a bit snobby about new build estates (sorry! I know. But I just haven’t ever been in one that didn’t feel claustrophobic and weird to me because they all look pretty much the same).

Give it some time. As others have said, it doesn’t have to be forever. I think staying in the family home wouldn’t be good as you’ll struggle with bills on such a large home. This sounds much better.

If exchange has not taken place then pull out. It's a business transaction and you will be the one to live in a house that you don't really want. The housing market seems dead at the moment, so you might have to wait years to re-sell.

I agree with this - give yourself the weekend if you haven't yet exchanged.

You can.

I've pulled out before when very close to exchange, so I know it makes you feel like a terrible person for a while. But do I regret doing it? No.

You would be mad to buy a house where you feel like you would probably want to sell it again within a very short space of time. You will lose more money on it than the money you have already spent (sunk cost fallacy).

You have to put yourself first in this scenario, not worry about everyone else.

You can pull out any time up to Exchange and with the feelings you have now developed towards the new house, pulling out sounds like the right choice.

It sounds like you are just having last minute jitters, you may end up loving it once you are in and made it your own. If everything is going to be cheaper and you’ll have more disposable income your doing the right thing, good luck!

Think of it as a long term rental for a while, allow yourself to miss your old home but also enjoy the extra money you have and the fact this is ‘yours’ without memories of your ex. I think it’s also because it was your children’s home and that’s ok. But try to enjoy the new house

If you really want to stay pull out

I know people who were on the wrong end of a sale falling through at the last hurdle and they were gutted BUT got over it and went on to move into houses that were better suited

however I think it’s perfectly normal to have last minute “am I doing the right thing” jitters. Especially if downsizing which can often be a sane financial decision.

Pull out. Better to pull out now than go through with something you regret. You are making the same mistake you made when you rushed to find somewhere. Better to feel bad for a few months now than to feel bad for years and years ahead. Your kids are at uni so they haven't quite left yet. Buy out your ex and stay put for a few years.