Will a bigger house make me feel calmer?

[CubbyRose]

Hello! This is on my mind constantly and I want to put it to rest or put a plan of action in place.

We are a family of 5 (daughters 6 and 4, son 5 months). We have a small semi in the East Midlands, sold as a 3 bed but it’s 2 and a box room. Daughters share the biggest of the bedrooms, baby is still in with us but will move into his own room soon as it stops being a dumping ground. The box room is tiny but works for a cot/chair/drawers and fits a toddler bed, definitely doesn’t fit a single bed (unless built in over stairs bulkhead)

We feel totally cramped in this house now! No matter how much I declutter or organise it feels impossible to make it spacious and calming. Trouble is, I’m attached to the memories and the convenience. The mortgage is small and affordable. The garden is a great size. We have a garage and a driveway. 4 minute walk to school. Shops/town centre a short walk away.

Deep down I know we will need to move in a year or two, but it’s like I need somebody to tell me that? Will a bigger house make me feel calmer, not constantly battling storage, having to turn sideways to get between my bed and the wardrobe, not having to clear craft supplies off the kitchen table to eat dinner?

The thought of likely doubling our mortgage terrifies me! Husband doesn’t seem bothered and says we can afford it.

We've just finished a self-build extension to turn our 2 bed semi into a 3 bed (1 en suite) with a large open plan kitchen/diner and office space for me (WFH) - I didn't realise just how stressed I was before we had this extra space. We had two options, extend or move to a bigger place as we had our second daughter last summer, DH is a builder and with house prices as they are + the fact we love our house, we opted to extend.

Long story short though, I've literally been sat on the sofa this evening looking at my lovely clean home (DM is coming to stay tomorrow for the weekend, hence the cleaning!) and thinking how calming it is to have space for all our stuff finally. Everything has a home, everything can be put away. The kids can run around, the dogs can lie wherever they like, we just have SPACE.

If you love your home, look at extending. If it's down to sentimentality only, really consider moving for more space because having it is so worth it.

Sounds very much like my house. Ds was born when dd1 and dd2 were 10 and 11 so they shared a room. We had a bed built over the bulkhead when he needed a proper bed. He is 22 now and wfh as an intern from the box room. Dd3 (17) now has her sisters' bedroom!
I would have loved a bigger house but now it's big enough and no mortgage.

This - the ideal house has flexible living spaces, a bedroom each and extra bathrooms. Use the house and enjoy it.

I wouldn't bother with a loft conversion. Presumably your downstairs is commensurate with a 2 bed and box room so that would still be cramped even with three storeys?

I have three children, and had a similar house to yours, mortgage free. But it had one toilet, and the whole house was just too small. Felt like I was constantly moving things around when I needed them.

I moved to a much bigger house, with a mortgage, but I don't regret it for a second. Honestly, as soon as we moved it was like a weight was lifted. You get used to the low level stress of living in a house that's not big enough, but as soon as it stops you realise what a huge impact it was having.

What downstairs space do you have?

I raised four kids in a three bed semi, one of the bedrooms being a very small box room. Your space is manageable but you just need to keep it decluttered and have the right storage space in place.

Ultimately it depends if you will have a lower quality of life in other ways by paying a bigger mortgage. There is never an ideal amount of space but if you have a garden you may find buying an insulated garden room a more affordable option, it will give you a spare room for hobbies now and later as a hang out for the children as they get older.

I agree on looking at converting before moving - £55k isn’t much considering what you’ll be getting. Doubling your mortgage in the broader context of the terrible economic state the country is in doesn’t sound sensible and responsible to me.

Yes.
Me & DH, 3 Dc aged 12-7.

We extended our 3 bed semi last year to add a 4th bedroom in the attic and have a large kitchen dinner and a separate sitting room. We had paid off our mortgage and now have a big mortgage again, just turning 50.

Its the best use of money ever. Life is so much calmer. Cooking is easier because there's more space. Cleaning is easier because I dont have to move everything first. He kids can help more with cleaning. Everyone gets on better because they have their own space. I just love coming home to my organised spacious comfortable house, that i am proud of. And as you said yourself - life is calmer.

Yes, you will. I’ve just done this - exact same house as you, but 2 kids and a lively dog. No garden (courtyard only and v small at that), no garage and very little storage. Carpets everywhere. We are now in a 4 bed with garage and garden and YES I am much more relaxed! The house is tidier, the kids have more room to play so not as much fighting, everyone has a bit more of their own space, if they want to do separate activities they can. Go for it!

I think your quote for the conversion isn't at all bad if it gives you what you need.
Certainly an additional bathroom or shower room somewhere should be a priority.
More rooms will allow you all to spread out, which is important as the kids get older.

Yes do it! Our situation wasn’t as extreme but two kids and us in a small two bed (with really good storage tbf) and I was miserable.

We’ve moved to a house that's still not massive but about twice the size and the difference is just unbelievable. I have kitchen cupboards that are almost empty as have so many, the kids have their own rooms, we have multiple good big storage cupboards, extra bathrooms and I just feel so so much better. I do want to move again eventually but not necessarily because of the size of this place.

Do it!

People pay 55k for a car so I think for a loft conversion that’s a really good price, I don’t get this obsession with “getting your money back”, it’s not as if you are flipping the house to sell, presumably it will actually save you money in the long run as you haven’t had to pay stamp duty, moving costs etc. and over the long term houses generally increase in value so eventually you will get your money back if you stay long enough. I do agree with @SoldTheMovieRights though that your downstairs space should match the upstairs, top heavy houses rarely work and can be difficult to sell.

More space gets filled the same but yes it gives you more room to escape! The cleaning however takes a lot longer, also garden maintenance.

Is your garage convertable?

Yep, I looked at a nice rental online tonight , biggish kitchen but not so huge it could count as your lounge too and next to no lounge but 4 beds , 2 ensuites plus a bathroom and a downstairs loo - great if you want to just live in a mid sized kitchen and in your bedrooms- but didn’t work at all for me

Disagree that you just fill the bigger space too! I’ve not done this - we had a normal amount of possessions for four people in our old house that was just too small for four people and it was pretty stuffed, now we have that same amount of stuff in a bigger house and it feels just right.

Having higher housing costs also helps you not buy too much crap

Family of 5 here. 5 years ago, we moved from a 3 bed house to 4 bed house with a big box room. A game changer with mortgage from £709 to £1,835. We have loads of space in the house and kitchen. Huge garden with a garage and 2 additional sheds. If you cant afford the mortgage, go for it

We moved and it was the right thing to do. We haven't just filled the space, I realised when we moved just how brilliant I had been at storing huge amounts of stuff in a too small house.

We fit in the new house. All three kids are physically adult sized and we can comfortably fit in our kitchen and living room.

DH has an office. This made a massive difference because I can ignore it. Previously his working from home impacted our living space. But we've also got past the toys stage for the kids. That happens whether you move or not so not especially important but having a living room free of toys is lovely.

It might not be something you need to worry about but I want to be in a position to allow my kids to stay home for as long as they need. Our living space now means if they stay into their twenties it's not a problem. We could even accommodate a girlfriend or boyfriend if necessary. I'm hoping by their thirties they'll be gone or I might just have to move myself....

.

Stamp duty is a huge off-putting factor for us up sizing. If you have a huge garden then I'd be thinking of extending, getting a garden room (fully insulated) so you can have a spillout space for art, toys, or a second living room out there.

This comment nails it. I was in your situation 5 years ago and now have a lot more cleaning to do and less money. It was an expensive way to learn that I needed less stuff not more space.

We were you. Then when kods were about 2, 4 and 6 my husband started to work from home 1 day a week.....then 2.....then I got some work from home about couple of days a week. When husband was on the phone we all had to be quiet.
We had other circumstance that meant we couldn't move until kids were 6, 8 and 10.
Omg goodness to go from 1 bathroom to multiple loos, and an ensuite etc was bliss.
I was the master declutterer, storage organiser, loft pack away what we didn't need etc. Now we fill the house we have.
We lost an amazing sun trap garden. But we are less than 10 minute walk to secondary school which all 3 are at.
Husband works full time from home in his office and has since we moved in.
We got here one year before lock down and thanked the powers that be every day in lockdown that we had. 3 kids and 1 husband all working from thw kitchen table and we would have been very stressed.

much cheaper to get a very good cabin / shed outside which is fully waterproofed and has electricity for storage / outdoor use space

Your DC wil outgrow your house before long. Moving sooner will allow you to have a mortgage over a longer term so might work out cheaper for you. You’ll soon make new memories in a new house.

My advice is to start looking early, and take your time finding something which is right for you.

I know you’ve said the quote for the loft has put you off but when we looked at the cost of moving ie solicitors, stamp duty etc it was more cost effective for us to convert the loft. We put a master bedroom with en-suite and walk in wardrobe up there, with the stairs for it coming over the bulkhead that was also in our box room. Moved the wall that divided the old master bedroom and box room so now we have 2 rooms on the middle floor that are doubles and 1 that is a good sized single and then we have the top floor.
We’ve probably now reached the ceiling price for a property in our area but our mortgage has only increased slightly to cover the cost of the loft instead of doubling and we didn’t have the stress of moving.

Ok for me yes, the larger house has been 100% the better move. I don’t think converting the loft only will give you what moving will, and living through the conversion will be pretty awful. I’ve gone from a 2 up 3 down with really minimal cupboard or circulation space and only one bathroom/toilet, to a 3 up 5 down plus a garden office and a downstairs loo. To me the big differences are having things like 2 toilets (I ended up peeling in the garden a few times in the old house), a hallway (old house front door opened straight into the sitting room) and above all, cupboards. I filled 2 skips AFTER we moved because it was so impossible to sort things out in the old house. Also we had extended in the old house, which made a big difference but still didn’t fundamentally alter the key problems.

Having said that, I moved without financial strain.

I would start looking very carefully at other houses and costing it up in detail. It isn’t a bad time to buy right now imo, make offers.