Will a bigger house make me feel calmer?

[CubbyRose]

Hello! This is on my mind constantly and I want to put it to rest or put a plan of action in place.

We are a family of 5 (daughters 6 and 4, son 5 months). We have a small semi in the East Midlands, sold as a 3 bed but it’s 2 and a box room. Daughters share the biggest of the bedrooms, baby is still in with us but will move into his own room soon as it stops being a dumping ground. The box room is tiny but works for a cot/chair/drawers and fits a toddler bed, definitely doesn’t fit a single bed (unless built in over stairs bulkhead)

We feel totally cramped in this house now! No matter how much I declutter or organise it feels impossible to make it spacious and calming. Trouble is, I’m attached to the memories and the convenience. The mortgage is small and affordable. The garden is a great size. We have a garage and a driveway. 4 minute walk to school. Shops/town centre a short walk away.

Deep down I know we will need to move in a year or two, but it’s like I need somebody to tell me that? Will a bigger house make me feel calmer, not constantly battling storage, having to turn sideways to get between my bed and the wardrobe, not having to clear craft supplies off the kitchen table to eat dinner?

The thought of likely doubling our mortgage terrifies me! Husband doesn’t seem bothered and says we can afford it.

We downsized to a two bed semi to release money for our children, now we are looking to upsize to a 3 bed house- simply because we need the room! An extra bedroom and a bigger loft, (and maybe a garden big enough for a shed) will make our lives so much easier!

We've recently moved to a larger property (not big, but bigger) and I'd say it's definitely helped my mental load. Everything has a space. Everyone has a space. I'm no longer tripping over everyone and everything. We vowed when we moved in to not buy new furniture and to continue to live as we were where we would take something out of the house if we brought something in so I'm hoping we stick to that and don't end up in the same position. But it's much better.

We had that exact set up (even kid's same age gaps and lovely location and got someone in to talk about bulkhead bed!). We didn't move though as we moved in with the view to extend.

I'd HIGHLY recommend turning your garage into living space and putting a bedroom or 2 on top. It was indeed life-changing. Youngest DD is now 3, we've had the extension finished for almost 2 years, everyone is indeed calmer and appreciates their own full-size rooms and space :) and we're in the same fab location we bought the house for.

You will need to move anyway at some point surely as kids can't share and use box room forever IMO. The thought of 3 teenagers in that set up sounds like absolute hell, genuinely.

And yes another option we considered was turn box room into more landing space and do a loft conversion but I was less keen as

1. any loft conversion I've been in has been sweltering and
2. not such good usable space up there with the slanted ceilings if you're wanting 2 bedrooms up there (which you will be with 3 kids?).

Absolutely this. If it’s you love the location and the loft conversion will make the house fit your needs, go for it.

£55k can easily be swallowed up in stamp duty, fees, moving costs etc.

£55k for a loft conversion with a bathroom is cheap

That seems very cheap for a loft conversion these days, our neighbours were quoted closer to £80k on a basic conversion for a small terraced house earlier this year. Plus they’d never gain the money if they sold the house. It was cheaper for them to move to a bigger and better house generally. Some of the other neighbours had old loft conversions and said they were around £20k at the time. In the old days! Those days of cheap conversions and extensions are long gone unfortunately with the rising costs of materials and labour.

We moved to a much bigger house. I’m pleased we did, mostly because the kids now have a decent sized room each and they really appreciate their own space. That has turned out to be more important than we thought.

however we have just as much crap in it.
i don’t think I feel significantly calmer about it just because it’s a bit more spread out

An attic conversion is the best bet - moving home will cost a lot more unless you move to a lower cost area. Also, you have 3 children with only your husband is supporting you all financially - I wouldn't make the burden any greater at this point as resentment could start and grow over time.

We’re in the exact same boat as this. Wouldn’t be worth pumping money in to this house as it’d out price the area we’re in.

Also planning to move for very similar reasons but we’re in no rush (eldest is 6 here). I’ve got a ‘snag list’ of things to do to this house to make it as saleable as possible and me and DH just want to make sure we’re moved before they start high school. It’s nice knowing we’ve got it planned without the rush. I know some will say we’re just putting off the inevitable with the new mortgage 🫠 but I do get good payrises and should be in line for promotion in the next 2 months so that will help us get something better too.

Good luck OP (oh, and all our craft stuff goes in stackable storage boxes we keep stored under the table!!)

Does no one else have their attic done?

id go for the master and shower room. £55 is really good!

Playing worse case scenario, really assess your marriage before the move. There's many women trapped in marriages because leaving would mean giving up their home. Extending and making better use of the space may be a better and safer choice. Unless you are planning on going back to work full time and are a good earner yourself. Are you paying into a pension for you? Overpaying the mortgage from maternity payments is depleating your personal savings and income. It's a lot of trust to put in your husband, although most women do it, during the baby making years, it doesn't work well long term for many.

Well we were a family of 5 in a small semi and went to a much bigger house and it’s been brilliant. So if it’s lack of space (and also in our case parking) that driving you mad then yes you’ll feel calmer alright. More cleaning though. But yes it’s 100% better

If the garden is a great size, then look at extending instead. Find a good architect. Try to get 4 beds and 2 bathrooms, and an extra living space which can either be a quiet homework space or a retreat from family noisiness for adults. Cheaper than moving, and you keep all the convenience of your current situation. Yes, you'll need to up your mortgage, but probably by less than for moving.

We recently moved house to cut down on our mortgage and actually moved to a smaller house (terraced). The house just works better for us in terms of its layout and has great storage in every room (I think this is key to feeling calmer!) It has an attic and basement conversion (done by previous owners) so makes the best use of all its space. Maybe you don’t have to massively increase your mortgage to buy something much bigger - sometimes you can make a move to a house that just works better space wise for your family?

Id go for the attic conversion - 2 extra bedrooms and a shower room would be great. When your daughters are older they can move in to those rooms

You don't have to do it straight away. Your current set up will work for a few years, which gives you time to increase your earning potential.

Id also think about converting the garage into a teenage "den" where they can have a sofa, TV etc and have their mates round. Garage conversions can be done quite cheaply. Again, you've got a few years before you'd need to do this.

Your location sounds perfect so I'd definitely try to stay if you can. As others have said, it costs a fortune to move anyway.

We built an extension. Gained an extra bedroom a utility and a bigger kitchen. Feels like we can breathe now.

There’s absolutely no point in moving to a 4 bed with one bathroom. I can’t even believe they build those?

It made me feel so much better, moving to a larger house.
I think part of it was a reaction to the houses I grew up in; there were three of us in one room until I was 11 and one bathroom/toilet between 7 people, and then I had my own room when we moved. It was such an amazing joy for me to have my space.
When we had our children we lived in a small terrace house, with one tiny downstairs bathroom.
We now have a 5 bed, with a teen hangout space, a garage and enough space to house musical instruments, art and craft stuff, camping and sports gear etc. It isn’t what everyone wants, but it is definitely what I want and it makes me happy every day!

I don't know if it will make you feel calmer but you do need to move because the house you are in is too small for your growing family.
The lack of storage space is a problem and it would be good for each child to have their own, decent sized room.

I cannot tell you how much a big house saves a lot of stress. Storage for everything, spacious rooms, separate utility room, big garden.

If you were in London you could do the attic, extension, and even do the basement - you’d make your money back on that. But in other parts of the country the cost of those renovations would not be reflected in the sale price.

My daughter grew up with a box room, it’s definitely doable and so many families do this. You just need to build a bed above the bulkhead and cupboards underneath. Much cheaper than moving. We moved to a bigger house and 2 weeks later it was full and still felt cramped. If you go online there are loads of smaller living sites with beautiful rooms. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s how you utilise it. Moving is so expensive. Garage conversion seems a good idea too

Depends when your house was built. Ours was 1970.

Yes, a house that truly meets your needs helps you feel better. DC will ideally want a room each of similar sizes as they grow up. 2 receptions means you can keep one tidy and adult-centred and the other can be filled with toys. A utility makes a massive difference. A garage or loft space helps keep seasonal clutter out of the way. 2 bathrooms or at least a downstairs loo makes a huge difference on school mornings.

Your mortgage shouldn't have to double if you are only upsizing slightly, from three bed to four.

Is there any way you could build an extension?

This sounds so similar. I definitely crave a hallway! I’m thinking we will wait until our mortgage is up for renewable in 2.5years and reassess with the thought of secondary school for my eldest looming. Thank you.