Will a bigger house make me feel calmer?

[CubbyRose]

Hello! This is on my mind constantly and I want to put it to rest or put a plan of action in place.

We are a family of 5 (daughters 6 and 4, son 5 months). We have a small semi in the East Midlands, sold as a 3 bed but it’s 2 and a box room. Daughters share the biggest of the bedrooms, baby is still in with us but will move into his own room soon as it stops being a dumping ground. The box room is tiny but works for a cot/chair/drawers and fits a toddler bed, definitely doesn’t fit a single bed (unless built in over stairs bulkhead)

We feel totally cramped in this house now! No matter how much I declutter or organise it feels impossible to make it spacious and calming. Trouble is, I’m attached to the memories and the convenience. The mortgage is small and affordable. The garden is a great size. We have a garage and a driveway. 4 minute walk to school. Shops/town centre a short walk away.

Deep down I know we will need to move in a year or two, but it’s like I need somebody to tell me that? Will a bigger house make me feel calmer, not constantly battling storage, having to turn sideways to get between my bed and the wardrobe, not having to clear craft supplies off the kitchen table to eat dinner?

The thought of likely doubling our mortgage terrifies me! Husband doesn’t seem bothered and says we can afford it.

I have five children and it was important to me that they have their own room. I think what gives the real peace is the children all having their own space. We had four children in a three bedroom house and then moved to a six bedroom house. It made a big difference. The only downside is more house to keep clean. Storage - is there ever really enough of that? It's only with two of them leaving home I'm finally feeling like there's enough of that. Your children's bedrooms are going to be an issue in not too far away years, so you're going to have to do something. Your location sounds great so, if you can, garage or loft conversion might be a good solution.

It was yes for us at that stage in family life. We moved out of a same sized house when our daughters were 10,10 and 11. We had to move away from london to be able to afford something bigger, but it was so much better being in a house where the kids each had their own rooms and we had 2 bathrooms, especially in the teenage years.

You will definitely need more space.

I doubt you’ll be calmer though - my house is 5 beds and I’m constantly stressed trying to keep it clean and tidy. It’s hard to keep on top of.

Unless you can pay stamp duty, selling snd moving fees and a 4/5 bed houde for under 55k (i'd be amazed if you could)

A loft conversion is the answer (you love the house location etc.)

Who cares what you "make back today " if you are living there 20 years (lets assume you "only" make 40k back.... thats £14 42 pw week for the space you desperately need...

It needs to be well planned and designed and generally younneed to look at storage solutions (floor to ceiling wardrobes in all rooms akd good eaves storage in attic.

And yes will make it calmer

Yes it absolutely will.
We moved from 3-bed terrace (typical new build style with massive bedrooms but really small out of proportion living space) to a 4 bed detached.
Everything has somewhere to live now. My lounge just has usual lounge furniture rather than piles and shit everywhere that has nowhere to be put away because you can’t fit any more units in to store it in.
my kitchen - all the food, crockery, pots pans, etc etc lives in cupboards now rather than half of it having to live on the kitchen side because there’s not enough space.

I actually like being at home now. It’s restful. I want to spend time here. My heart doesn’t sink as soon as I walk in.

We moved earlier this year to a bigger house and I am so much happier and calmer. The new house is organised and I am not just going to fill it and have no space.
Our old house sounds very similar to yours. Our 2 children were sharing a room as we needed the box room for an office.
We did not want to extend as did not love the location of the house as it was on a busy road. Although 2 mins from the school so was convenient. We have moved less than a 10 minutes walk away so still near the school.
I am so glad we moved and the kids have a room each now.
The mortgage has doubled but was fairly low before and we can still afford it so it is worth it for us. As needed to be done at some point.

The British are obsessed with having large houses. It’s quite odd as many other cultures (excluding Americans obviously) cope perfectly well with families in much smaller spaces. I didn’t find my large house in England calming at all as the more space you have the more clutter you accumulate and clutter induces stress. I threw 3/4 of my stuff out and downsized and my new smaller space is very zen - Ibizan beach house vibe.

Yes. But only if you can cope with the bigger mortgage.

I hate it when people say you should declutter in a smaller house. I still need a certain amount of belongings FGS, especially as we're very outdoorsy. It's stressful having no storage.

We are a family of 4 and recently moved out of a tiny two bed (50m squared) into a rambling farmhouse. I honestly can say while I loved the 10 years I spent in our first home, its such a joy to have space. I am a messy person so I was constantly stressed needing to tidy things away to maintain sanity. I felt like a queen for about a week, swanning around our spacious new place! And I could never remember where I left the toothbrushes (two bathrooms, oh my god!) But honestly yes, im less stressed and I also feel like im more myself or something? Can't really explain it.

Other points in random order: tidying takes longer. The kids have way more freedom to play, especially in bad weather when they dont want to be outside. We can have family and friends to stay. We are hosting Christmas for the first time this year! Yay! Costs more to heat.

Could you extend your house if you dont want to move?

We moved, going from near enough no mortgage to a large mortgage and it was worth every penny. More living space, bigger kitchen and importantly I have my own bedroom, not a small box room. DH snores and having my own space is probably the reason we are still married.

It depends, because you do sound like you need a slightly bigger house but I will say people have romantic views of big old houses eg down the country and I’ll tell you while I know we’re lucky, I miss the days when cleaning an apartment took a blink of an eye as opposed to dragging a hoover around multiple large rooms and never being fully done

A bigger house just means more room for clutter and more cleaning. De clutter, and get that bed built over the bulk head, with some storage built in below

I think so long as you don't fall into the trap of accumulating too much extra stuff, the extra space will help you feel calmer. I remember feeling so much better when I went from living in a room in a house share to the 3 bed house we're in now.

We need to move again though really, as we've started running more of our business from home and the living room/dining room is being used for work, so it's quite hard to escape and switch off from work.

In our area (West Midlands) it is mostly 1930s build 2 or 3 bed houses. Although a lot of new builds are popping up in (sometimes) random bits of clear land. It is so much more expensive to go from a 3 bed to a 4 bed that the most common choice seems to be adding a loft conversion or extending to the side and back. I would consider it in your position if everything else is great about the location including secondary school options. Good luck!

if you see the house as a long term thing (into your old age), then ensuring all the kids have their own bedrooms is ideal and getting the cost back is less of a concern. There is lost money if you move also.

Have you considered converting the garage if it’s linked.

Just holding onto a house for miemories is overly sentimental because you will make memories wherever you are, it’s the family that counts not the bricks and mortar. The memories may not be as happy as you would like them to be if you are cramped and stressed.

That said, if you love where you are - I would extend, two extras bedrooms and a bathroom will be life changing. In time you will make that money back. The cost, risk and stamp duty alone would probably guide me to a big extension and stay where you are.

My kids are very similar ages and we are in a very similar dilemma. Although in our case if we move 10 minutes into the neighbouring council area we would be in catchment for grammar schools whereas now we are not. So I’ve started looking but like you it would mean a massive mortgage increase which is scary! And we absolutely love the village we live in and would be very sad to leave.

If you're mortgage is small and your garden is big, can you look at a Wendy house extension? Or do you have a garage to build over? My mum did that her her 3 bed semi with the box room, it did feel full as kids because it's meant to! There's alot of kit to having kids especially when they're small.

We’ve just moved from a small 2 bed terrace to a 3 bed detached. It is calmer, more space, can’t hear neighbours through the walls, parking is easier, don’t feel as hemmed in as we used to. Worth it for us. Mortgage is much bigger but we can afford it and hopefully we are set now and we won’t need to move again.

Sounds to me like you're swapping one type of street for another. And money stress is much more real

I would think about how to use your garden space as you said you had a decent sized garden. There are a few very good companies near us that create garden offices / playrooms / storage for 15k plus, you can even get a toilet out there. Would be a lot cheaper than moving if you want to create a longer term hangout area for older children or us it for storage.

Also possibly invest in media-unit style storage. Cupboard and shelves built across the back of a long wall such as the lounge can create a huge amount of space, we have one with big cupboards at the botorm

I would get the loft done, choose the master and en-suite option for yourselves, put the boy in your room, keep the girls sharing, but knock out the box room into their walk in wardrobe/ toy storage room.
You’ve gained a bathroom, space for you, and the girls have gained space too.

We did exactly this, but at the same time done a double storey side extension. So we lost the box room to a landing for the loft & for another bedroom door & gained two smaller bedrooms; one double and one single.

life is much easier when everyone has space & otherwise your house sounds great.

I agree with PPs who say you’ll fill a bigger house with more stuff (not you personally but this is just human nature!). But fundamentally your house does sound too small for family of five, so if you can afford it I’d move.

I also feel our house is a bit small but fundamentally it’s not (4 beds, 2 bath for a family of four), the things I want are ‘nice to haves’ (extra reception room, garage) which is why we won’t move.

We lived in a tiny semi until the kids were about to start high school.
It was 2 bedrooms and a box room. Master bedroom was big enough for a standard double bed, 3 wardrobesand very little else.
Living room was separated from kitchen/diner by sliding doors. No hallway. Dining area doubled as toy storage
As a teacher, I work a lot from home, so spent years having to de-clutter the kitchen table before starting work, surrounded by toys and having to stop dh trying to talk to me as he cooked tea.

We loved our street and looked into extending, but in the end, we moved to a 4 bed- with the thought that the kids may not move home until they're adults. I now have actual space to work. There is space to dry clothes for 4 people. There's a hallway to store shoes and coats. The mortgage is higher, but offset against no childcare anymore (although uni looms).

I am definitely calmer now that we all have space away from each other.

Oh, and we only have 1 bathroom, but that's really not an issue. Even with 2 teenagers.