Will a bigger house make me feel calmer?

[CubbyRose]

Hello! This is on my mind constantly and I want to put it to rest or put a plan of action in place.

We are a family of 5 (daughters 6 and 4, son 5 months). We have a small semi in the East Midlands, sold as a 3 bed but it’s 2 and a box room. Daughters share the biggest of the bedrooms, baby is still in with us but will move into his own room soon as it stops being a dumping ground. The box room is tiny but works for a cot/chair/drawers and fits a toddler bed, definitely doesn’t fit a single bed (unless built in over stairs bulkhead)

We feel totally cramped in this house now! No matter how much I declutter or organise it feels impossible to make it spacious and calming. Trouble is, I’m attached to the memories and the convenience. The mortgage is small and affordable. The garden is a great size. We have a garage and a driveway. 4 minute walk to school. Shops/town centre a short walk away.

Deep down I know we will need to move in a year or two, but it’s like I need somebody to tell me that? Will a bigger house make me feel calmer, not constantly battling storage, having to turn sideways to get between my bed and the wardrobe, not having to clear craft supplies off the kitchen table to eat dinner?

The thought of likely doubling our mortgage terrifies me! Husband doesn’t seem bothered and says we can afford it.

Honestly.. you'll just fill a bigger house with more stuff in my experience and have a bigger mortgage to contend with!

Yes it will help. You are going to need more space.

I’m going to be honest, I’ve had some fabulous big houses ( we rent) but none actually made me happier or calmer , I think it’s other factors in life that do this - all I will say is you won’t feel calmer with a much larger mortgage, longer commute, less on your doorstep , so do factor that in - clearly if you find somewhere bigger with all you have now ( or most of it) and without needing to stick £700 a month on your expenses , then that’s different

You need a bigger house. 3 teenagers sharing the space you’ve got will just be miserable for everyone. Only you notice the lack of space now, your children will let you know loud and clear the older they get. Is there any scope to extend the home you’ve got? We had a 3 bed semi and and extended over the garage to create 2 more bedrooms. We also extended at the back of the house which doubled the size of the living space. Yes it was painful during the building work but it was a lot less expensive than moving. Plus the area is perfect.

You sound like you're in a great location, any possibility of extending? It is super ££ at the moment to do any building work but a great location is worth its weight in gold.

Convert the garage if its attached to the house?

We’re a family of 5 moved from a 3 bed to a 4 bed in February. Two youngest were sharing previously and they needed their own space. Thought it would solve all our problems but now we’re in a 4 bed with one bathroom. Turns out we now need another bathroom!

This kind of thing occupies a lot of my headspace too. Having three DC (I do too!) seems to add a lot of complicated decision making. The trouble is, you might add significant extra financial stress if you move, not to mention the temporary stress of actually moving. You might not end up in such a good area, which will mean more driving, which will also add stress. There will also be more cleaning and a LOT more potential for stuff to get lost. So it's hard to know whether the quality of your life will improve overall. You tend to end up swapping one type of stress for another. Plus, three kids is not calm wherever you live! Have you considered all possible alternatives? Double storey extension/ garage conversion/ big garden room?

Can’t you hold of moving until you manage to save so you would then have a smaller mortgage. Hopefully house prices will not shoot up.

What about a double storey extension if the garden is a good size? An extra bedroom/bathroom and more room downstairs.

You do need a bigger house, but I appreciate all the memories you will have to leave behind. We recently moved from a spacious 2 bedroom flat into a house and it is so much easier to keep things organised. Each of the children have their own bedroom, we have ample storage so everything has a space and it stays there, rather than everything overflowing as you simply can’t accommodate it! We were very overstimulated with two small children in this situation and finding out I was pregnant tipped us over the edge to bite the bullet and move. Some people would have a bigger house and fill it, but we haven’t done that so far and I’m still sticking to the one in one out rule. The house does feel much calmer and the rooms aren’t over full which has passed onto clearing the mental clutter. It is however still chaos because I have three young sons running around the place 😂

I do agree that having a (much) bigger mortgage has its own repercussions but it was the right choice for us. We were able to make sure we moved within walking distance to the school, a town centre, and station as these were non negotiable for us, but if you are going to have to sacrifice on area that can come with a multitude of challenges. I agree that if you will have to do this it’s worth considering converting the garage or loft, or at least getting a few quotes to see if financially this makes more sense or moving does. I know costs have shot up post brexit and covid, and often a move will be more financially manageable. A friend of ours found the costs were similar and was able to move into the size of house she needed rather than do the work, and she opted for moving stress over building stress, which of course is personal preference.

Is there potential to extend yours? Has anyone on your street with the same house style done it and you can look at their plans on planning.

Fast forward 10 years, you will have teens the size of adults plus a year 6 primary child. Potentially you have one bathroom in this too. We had a 3 bed where our children had their own rooms but Dh needed space for an office. I am disabled and Dh needed to work from home to be on hand for when my disability flared up. Very understanding employer and 10 years before Covid and WFH. The dining room was open to the lounge so he couldn't work in there.

We moved to get a house that would grow with us. That meant a 4 bed with Dh having the 4th bedroom as an office and away from the noise of the children. We converted a double garage into a massive playroom whilst keeping a storage area at the back for tools, paint, garden stuff. We were able to run an entire wall of storage in the playroom for all the toys, coats, tv hidden inside so everything had a place to live and the house could be tidy. You will fill the entire house though over time.

We have always had en-suites so we kept that on this move and made the children's bathroom very get wet friendly. There are 3 toilets in the house so no fighting over 1 loo.

But we moved when we were mid 30s so this may be different for you in terms of mortgage length. What I will say is you can get a long term mortgage because that suits you now with a look to overpay it when your children are no longer costing you a fortune, you can downsize in future to be mortgage free too. You aren't tied to the house. Think long term - look at secondary schools now. A lot of people only consider primary school and not secondary and sixth form.

If its a 1930s semi/terrace, you can probably do a loft conversion and get 2 bedrooms and a small bathroom in the loft space.

We've just moved from a 3 bed flat to a 4 bed house and it's a game changer.

Although 3 bed is always 2 plus a box. You need one more room than you want to get enough good sized rooms.

Double mortgage is a big step. Could you still afford it if one of you is out of work? If you don't want to move, having a decent garden gives you options. You could have more space on a budget with a garden room, or extend.

Yes!!!

you will feel calmer

of course you’ll accumulate more stuff but you will appreciate the extra storage space, and the living space for kids to escape each other, for adults to have space.

A decent sized attic.
A garden big enough for a proper shed.
A big garage.
A utility room.
A downstairs loo.

I grew up with none of these and now I have them I’m HAPPY.

I grew up in a family of 4 in a small semi (2 doubles and a miniscule box room). It was always hectic and my mum used to get stressed about the fact I really didn’t have much space of my own. Luckily we had a huge 120foot garden so we could go out there in fine weather.

A bigger house will make you happier in my experience

The bigger mortgage would keep me awake at night and I'd resent doing more cleaning for everyone.

I appreciate this so much, thank you. I grew up in the box room that was so cold and damp I had mould on my walls no matter what my parents did! And my brothers shared and didn’t get on, it never felt fair.

I think I need to stop thinking of the worst case scenario and aim down the middle. our mortgage is up for renewal early 2028, we could save until then and then reassess.

We are fortunate that this is all on my husbands wage. I am currently on maternity leave, only work 1-2 days a week term time when I do work so contribute very little to the pot financially. In fact I have my using most of my maternity allowance pay to overpay the mortgage.

Yes it will feel better, but also when DC are young, I think things often feel cluttered. They just have so much stuff. Once my DC were past toys my house felt a lot better.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your reply. We have recently had a quote for a loft conversion, either one master and en-suite or two small bedrooms and a shower room. £55k with none of the extras. Seems steep and we’d probably out price our area and not be able to make that back 🙄

You can stay where you are if you don’t ‘need’ the garage for the car. Line it cheaply and turn it into a craft studio/messy space so you don’t have to clear it away. Put a big summerhouse in the garden (just get a big cheap shed and line it/insulate it) + run a proper extension cable so you can have an oil filled radiator. Then you turn that into the teenagers den to watch tv and have their mates over. And a desk to do homework away from the noise of the house.

Bedrooms are for sleeping, you need breakout spaces for ‘doing’ so that the living room can be a restful family space.

But for £55k you get 2 extra bedrooms and an extra bathroom, plus get to stay in the area you love, close to school etc.

Unless you live in a very, very low cost area, then its going to cost you much, much more to get two extra bedrooms and a bathroom by moving, especially once you take into account stamp duty, estate agent fees, solicitors fees etc.

I would look at converting attic and garage if you like area.

£55 for loft conversion to bedroom and en-suite seems a bargain tbh as you will pay far more moving in Costs, stamp duty and higher mortgage.

Convert garage to another downstairs room to extend living space. Garage as storage is a waste of space

I would definitely go for the bigger house.
Yes the mortgage will be higher but long-term you will reap the benefits and enjoy the extra space immediately.