Neighbour wants to copy our renovation style

[tomtom88]

Hello
Firstly I want to acknowledge everyone copies and takes inspiration from the look of other houses - me included.

However a neighbour has contacted me via whatsapp (don't know them never met them) to say they were planning to do some work to their house "along the lines of ours and had lots of questions could we find a time to talk them through"

Now while I appreciate everyone copies and takes inspiration from others myself included no way on earth would i have made direct contact with someone whose house i liked and demanded they answer my questions! I would have looked at a house and just thought how can I apply this to my home.

I really don't want to get involved with their questions - am i being silly?

Sigh.

People not allowed to be private then? They have to be weird or kinky?

Surely a culture where we can ask a neighbour for advice isn’t ’asking someone to do everything for us’? I genuinely can’t see how on earth you and others are getting to there from the request the OP got?

Thank you. I’ve shared pics on line too and love interior design - am actually really proud of my home as we’ve renovated it over 20 years. But it is a home first.

I love showing it off at Christmas when we have parties and in the summer when the garden is at its best (DH and I planted every one of the 1000 or so plants over one spring a few years ago), but otherwise it’s our sanctuary.

It’s lovely that other people here have no issues inviting just anyone into their homes, but - like @tomtom88 - I am fussy who I let into my [and my family’s] home. I don’t think it’s weird to be guarded and to not want to invite the neighbours in. 🤷🏻‍♀️

A reminder that the neighbour hasn’t asked to come into the OP’s house at all, just to ask some questions.

Possibly because ive worked in some kind of customer service type job all of my life and I've seen it become a real problem. General public just expecting you to do everything for them. Maybe I am projecting, but I genuinely don't want that from my neighbours. I want to go home and spend my time doing what I want.
Of course I help when they need it - ive volunteered when most of my town had no electricity and so on. I say hello to all our immediate neighbours, bit if a random one started messaging me abd asking about some house renovations, I wouldn't be inclined to spend hours answering questions. To each his own.

But it will likely involve a visit and looking at the interior… how else will they be able to see what her renovation has involved to ask questions? If it’s about planning matters, that’s on the local planning portal for anyone to see?

@CautiousLurker01 sounds like we could be friends who dont hang out in each other's houses too often.

But what could the neighbour be asking OP to do? Answer questions. I doubt they imagine she’ll be drawing up plans or laying bricks. I find yours and other’s attitudes profoundly sad and a worry about where we’ve ended up in society (and I also have worked in several roles where I provide service to others).

Who did the work? How long did it take? Did you manage without a kitchen/roof/back wall? How straightforward did you find planning? How easy was it to get parking for deliveries sorted on our road? I’ve read you can go for x or y option - what did you pick and is it working well for you? How were the neighbours - I hear Grant and Sharon can be a bit tricky about vans parking on the road so good to be prepared?

Just off the top of my head.

@SorryTimothy it's ok to say no.

We dont have to do something that makes us feel uncomfortable.

I'm not sure where you think we have ended up in society, but ive made it very clear I am a member of my community, I just have boundaries. And that is fine.

We live in a world where literally every answer you could possibly need is just a Google away. We dont need to ask strangers and strangers don't need to reply.

We live in a world where literally every answer you could possibly need is just a Google away. We dont need to ask strangers and strangers don't need to reply.

This is how we used to get to know other people. Small acts of kindness and sharing.

I know loads of people where I live as I volunteer [also an act of kindness] - I still reserve the right to keep my home private.

I also carried out all the renovations in my home without once asking a neighbour what they did and who they used. I just noted the contractors names, looked at the planning portal and then visited bathroom and kitchen showrooms and researched online..

Is it a particularly unusual style or something very striking? If not (and the vast majority are not) then I wouldn’t think of it as copying your style but just looking for a little general advice.

Oh everyone on my streets doing this all the time.

It’s interesting to see what other people have done, and steal their good ideas.

And if you’ve done the work - nice to show it off to someone who is interested…!

I have actually got to know many neighbours this way - and probably cost some of them quite a bit of money.

It’s so hard to visualise building work - and there are always things people have done slightly differently.

But stuff personal to your neighbourhood isnt necessarily stuff you could Google....
Most of the theoretical questions @SorryTimothy mooted probably couldn't be googled but would get an answer from a neighbour, possibly without neighbour having to see/speak/make eye contact if they so wished!

Of course its OP perogative to give as little or as much info as they want, and meet - or not - but I dont think its all that unreasonable for someone to be interested/ask questions if they are having similar work done, and live in the immediate area.

Ask for a commission.

I doubt they’ve demanded anything of you. I personally wouldn’t mind at all. Just send your builder details if it makes you uncomfortable to chat to a neighbour about what you had done. It makes sense to get inspiration from someone with same style house and most people are happy to share i’d imagine. Ignore if you’re not. I’d imagine that would he more awkward long term.

Why would you not want to be nice and help your neighbour. You never know when you might need a favour from them.

I think they’ve asked really politely for some help. I’d like to think that’s what neighbours can do!

I be pleased that they wanted to do something similar or the same to my own renovations. The street will look better if all renovations are similar! I wouldn’t be giving them my plans, but showing them, letting them take pictures, passing the name of the architect/builder, giving a rough idea of build cost (probably not finish cost!) etc would all feel fine to me.

Glass of wine/cup of tea and a chat. Thats all they’re asking for. You might even make a new friend, and you might find that friend becomes someone you can call on for a cup of sugar or a parcel take-in or to put the bins out while you’re on holiday ….. neighbourly stuff!

I'd say something along the lines of 'Ah, it's a process, isn't it? We used (contractors name) and were led by them as far as the design process went. This is their number, can't recommend them enough. Best, Tomtom88.'

And then if they messaged again, I would leave their messages mostly unopened for 4 or 5 days and then give very short, 2 or 3 word answers. Passive aggressive but not unfriendly.

where is the demand?

I think you failed to quote it because I just see a request that implies they look up to your taste. Really surprised you can take offense to that, if you don't want to help just ignore them but it wasn't really 'rude' just a request you can say 'no' too.

Absolutely agree with you. Dies mumsnet attracts a disproportionate amount of people with strange attitudes/thought processes ?

When we were in our previous house we had an extension built and a few months later someone from down the road knocked and asked if they could have a look. We showed them around, they were impressed so we gave them a (spare) set of architect plans and wished them well.
A few months later, they had obtained PP and started on an identical extension although they did use a different builder (we could not recommend ours) but the end result was identical to ours.
We were glad to help.

I think their ask is completely normal and neighbourly. We had a similar situation with a Victorian semi-detached where the houses are very similar in design and when the neighbours wanted to restore theirs back to a more original layout, we invited them in to look at ours! It's friendly and reasonable. But of course you're in your rights to brush them off.