Page 5 | Neighbour wants to copy our renovation style

tomtom88 · 2025-10-07T10:48:50+00:00

Hello Firstly I want to acknowledge everyone copies and takes inspiration from the look of other houses - me included. However a neighbour has contacted me via whatsapp (don't know them never met them) to say they were planning to do some work to their house "along the lines of ours and had lots of questions could we find a time to talk them through" Now while I appreciate everyone copies and takes inspiration from others myself included no way on earth would i have made direct contact with someone whose house i liked and demanded they answer my questions! I would have looked at a house and just thought how can I apply this to my home. I really don't want to get involved with their questions - am i being silly?

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:04

OriginalUsername2 · 07/10/2025 14:59

This would have been me when I was suffering from terrible anxiety.

No judgement here.

Op, would you cope better with a quick chat in person or texts? It might be easier to knock on her door and get it over with. If not, I would go for sounding helpful but busy and just pass on details and wish them luck.

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Agree
knock on their door OP then you won’t be stressing about it

I can imagine even them giving you a time to meet up means you’ll be stressed about it all day. Just knock this on the head now on your terms and pop round

Charlenedickens · 07/10/2025 15:04

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:01

Many. Not all.

Ive read at least two people on here that find that idea very stressful

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Yes this is why I used the word many

“Because in the real world many people are happy to chat to one another”

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 07/10/2025 15:17

You’re being a bit silly. When we were planning an extension we looked at extensions to a couple of similar style houses to ours to see what worked and didn’t work.

LibertyLily · 07/10/2025 15:24

Mum2twoandacockapoo · 07/10/2025 12:05

This would also be my worry that they would copy my ideas and it would look like we had designed our houses together . Maybe tell them some of the things you’ve done you regret coz they are hard to clean or they are easILY damaged haha

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Ha! Thanks, I might try that!

I know everyone has access to the same paint manufacturers/colours etc. However, it miffed me a little when one neighbour in our new street (a road where virtually every one of the old cottages is a different architectural style/period/size) admired our freshly painted door, asked what make and colour paint we'd used, then promptly chose exactly the same for hers. It's not like there aren't a myriad of other blues available.

Another neighbour pushed their way through said front door when we'd only been here a couple of weeks, because he'd 'never seen inside before' and wanted to 'have a nose at what you're doing to the place'! I was too polite to refuse him entry.

Like a few other posters, I'm shy/introverted too. Till last Sept we'd lived in a rural location for 6+ years, where I'd only met our nearest neighbour once and never met his wife. So I'm really not used to all this neighbour interaction! Think I should have stayed in the countryside, tbh 😁

SirChenjins · 07/10/2025 15:26

LibertyLily · 07/10/2025 15:24

Ha! Thanks, I might try that!

I know everyone has access to the same paint manufacturers/colours etc. However, it miffed me a little when one neighbour in our new street (a road where virtually every one of the old cottages is a different architectural style/period/size) admired our freshly painted door, asked what make and colour paint we'd used, then promptly chose exactly the same for hers. It's not like there aren't a myriad of other blues available.

Another neighbour pushed their way through said front door when we'd only been here a couple of weeks, because he'd 'never seen inside before' and wanted to 'have a nose at what you're doing to the place'! I was too polite to refuse him entry.

Like a few other posters, I'm shy/introverted too. Till last Sept we'd lived in a rural location for 6+ years, where I'd only met our nearest neighbour once and never met his wife. So I'm really not used to all this neighbour interaction! Think I should have stayed in the countryside, tbh 😁

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He actually put his hands on you, pushed you aside and walked into your house?!

LibertyLily · 07/10/2025 15:28

SirChenjins · 07/10/2025 15:26

He actually put his hands on you, pushed you aside and walked into your house?!

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No, thankfully not (he's got a husband so I doubt he'd be interested in touching me, lol!), he just kind of took advantage of the door being open and marched through whilst I foolishly stepped aside....

I didn't feel as though I could say, 'hold on, you can't come in!'

Actually, now we've been here a year and I've met him a few times in the street, he's really nice....just incredibly nosey/gossipy!

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 15:31

LibertyLily · 07/10/2025 15:24

Ha! Thanks, I might try that!

I know everyone has access to the same paint manufacturers/colours etc. However, it miffed me a little when one neighbour in our new street (a road where virtually every one of the old cottages is a different architectural style/period/size) admired our freshly painted door, asked what make and colour paint we'd used, then promptly chose exactly the same for hers. It's not like there aren't a myriad of other blues available.

Another neighbour pushed their way through said front door when we'd only been here a couple of weeks, because he'd 'never seen inside before' and wanted to 'have a nose at what you're doing to the place'! I was too polite to refuse him entry.

Like a few other posters, I'm shy/introverted too. Till last Sept we'd lived in a rural location for 6+ years, where I'd only met our nearest neighbour once and never met his wife. So I'm really not used to all this neighbour interaction! Think I should have stayed in the countryside, tbh 😁

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In fairness, if you’re too unassertive to stop a stranger pushing past you at your own front door, I think you have considerably more issues than that someone copied your paint colour.

LibertyLily · 07/10/2025 15:32

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 15:31

In fairness, if you’re too unassertive to stop a stranger pushing past you at your own front door, I think you have considerably more issues than that someone copied your paint colour.

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True 😭

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:33

I would be a lot more put off by a string of WA messages eg 1. who was your builder and would you recommend them? 2. who was your architect and would you recommend them? 3. how long did it take to get planning permission? 4. how long did the build take? 5. where is the best place locally to get roofing materials? 6. what would you do differently if you could? etc etc

Vs "could we have a quick chat so I can pick your brains on how your build went?"

TheDenimPoet · 07/10/2025 15:36

Firstly they can do what they want to their house, but I understand why you wouldn't want to be involved in the process.

The best way forward here is to say you won't have the answers as the builder took care of everything, but here is their number. After all, if they really want to copy, they may as well just hire the same person!

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:38

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:33

I would be a lot more put off by a string of WA messages eg 1. who was your builder and would you recommend them? 2. who was your architect and would you recommend them? 3. how long did it take to get planning permission? 4. how long did the build take? 5. where is the best place locally to get roofing materials? 6. what would you do differently if you could? etc etc

Vs "could we have a quick chat so I can pick your brains on how your build went?"

Or maybe OP suggest they set up a mumsnet thread. They can ask all the questions they like and have 1000 posts in just one thread 😁

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:43

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:38

Or maybe OP suggest they set up a mumsnet thread. They can ask all the questions they like and have 1000 posts in just one thread 😁

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I assume you are tongue in cheek, but if not - that won't help them get a local builder recommendation, though!

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 15:44

tomtom88 · 07/10/2025 12:29

Yes we used a contractor which i am happy to recommend. Its more that it was phrased as "we like to do it in the same style as yours" which made me think perhaps they could start ask questions of me as an individual rather than say a generic recommendation.

As I say I am a weird introvert so ams having a bit of an anxiety uncomfortable type response that others would not have

Being an introvert only means you need more alone time than an extrovert whose energy levels are charged by company. Your response to this query from a neighbour suggests you are shy or socially awkward, not introverted.

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:48

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:43

I assume you are tongue in cheek, but if not - that won't help them get a local builder recommendation, though!

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Why not
I often see local recommendations on mumsnet
or people send a personal message through it

pizzaHeart · 07/10/2025 15:50

Geranium1984 · 07/10/2025 13:44

We are looking at extending and are currently meeting architects.
I checked the planning permission documents on the council website relating to two renovated homes in the street, as I like what the architect has done and wanted to find who it was.

We are meeting with a few architects and if we choose one who has worked in our street I might knock on the door and ask the owner how they got on with the architect/would they reccommend.

That^ would be my approach as well. It’s ok to ask about punctuality, quality of work, reliability of contractors. I would be uncomfortable with them visiting my house and having a tour around, and it felt like they were asking about this. It would feel a bit of invasion to my personal space and I wouldn’t like it.
I know that one of my neighbors came to see what we were doing at the renovation stage she mentioned this accidentally. It was before my things were there so it’s ok but no way I would invite her now - she came across as a gossiping type.

My sister likes showing her house around. It’s actually very grand inside (standard from outside) and she likes to show off. So people are very different.

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:56

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 15:48

Why not
I often see local recommendations on mumsnet
or people send a personal message through it

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Or.... why not have a quick chat with a specific person who is very definitely local, vs a scattershot approach on a website that might or might not yield something suitable?

I will leave it there.

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 16:16

SheilaFentiman · 07/10/2025 15:56

Or.... why not have a quick chat with a specific person who is very definitely local, vs a scattershot approach on a website that might or might not yield something suitable?

I will leave it there.

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Agree
lots of options

Charlenedickens · 07/10/2025 16:36

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 15:44

Being an introvert only means you need more alone time than an extrovert whose energy levels are charged by company. Your response to this query from a neighbour suggests you are shy or socially awkward, not introverted.

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I think introvert is often misunderstood on here, the actual meaning, as I see a lot of people saying they are introverts, when they mean socially awkward or socially anxious. Introvert means focused on your own thoughts, preferring small groups rather than large ones. It doesn’t mean you are unable to communicate in person with people or anxious about doing so.

socially awkward people avoid interactions where possible and thus make their own situation worse as they don’t develop the social skills which would be common place.

I agree the op isn’t describing herself as introverted. If it was introversion she’d be happy to habe a conversation with her neighbour. What she’s describing is she’s socially awkward so wishes to avoid it.

Darner · 07/10/2025 16:39

I’d be happy to help.

My neighbour went one better than this and went on the local authority website, downloaded our plans and used them for his works. I thought that was a tad cheeky and the architect would not be thrilled if he saw them, his copyright and all.

DrPrunesqualer · 07/10/2025 16:56

Darner · 07/10/2025 16:39

I’d be happy to help.

My neighbour went one better than this and went on the local authority website, downloaded our plans and used them for his works. I thought that was a tad cheeky and the architect would not be thrilled if he saw them, his copyright and all.

Well exactly. Architects copyright

Which makes me think I should keep an eye out for planning applications in case others do this

Thanks for the heads up

pinkbackground · 07/10/2025 16:59

I’d be flattered too. Invite them over for a look and a cuppa.

Seaside3 · 07/10/2025 20:05

I get it op.
Please don't feel you have to spend time answering questions from someone you don't know. It doesn't feel neighbourly to me to approach a stranger via wa and ask them questions. It feels entitled. If they had said 'Sorry we've not had the chance to meet, but i noticed youre having work done and we are thinking about having some done. Would you recommend d your builder/architect?' And that was it, then fine.
But I'm a miserable cow who would rather not give my energy to people I dont know, and I'm happy with that.*

yes I'm aware of the irony of giving time to a stranger on the Internet... we are complex beings.

CautiousLurker01 · 07/10/2025 20:16

Seaside3 · 07/10/2025 20:05

I get it op.
Please don't feel you have to spend time answering questions from someone you don't know. It doesn't feel neighbourly to me to approach a stranger via wa and ask them questions. It feels entitled. If they had said 'Sorry we've not had the chance to meet, but i noticed youre having work done and we are thinking about having some done. Would you recommend d your builder/architect?' And that was it, then fine.
But I'm a miserable cow who would rather not give my energy to people I dont know, and I'm happy with that.*

yes I'm aware of the irony of giving time to a stranger on the Internet... we are complex beings.

Edited

This is not far from where I am. My house isn’t an exhibition space to show to random strangers. My ego doesn’t require other people’s ooh and aahs to validate my decorating tastes.

It’s a private family space. Some of it is specifically the private space of each of my young adult children or my husband. No one has a right to look at it and I am utterly entitled to decide who I invite in - note ‘invite’. It’s my decision and at my impetus that people enter my home. If this neighbour had texted to ask for recommendations for kitchen fitters and I had met them before I might say, of course come and take a look - at the kitchen. But it’s still fairly unlikely. Only close friends and family are invited in and the occasional tradesperson who might be mending a tap, decorating or building a cupboard - and even they only see the bits that are pertinent.

I am very proud of my home - had taken 20 years to renovate it and is rather stunning. But it’s stunning for me and the family to appreciate, and close friends for dinner parties or summer drinks… no one else.

Sasssquatch · 07/10/2025 20:21

CautiousLurker01 · 07/10/2025 20:16

This is not far from where I am. My house isn’t an exhibition space to show to random strangers. My ego doesn’t require other people’s ooh and aahs to validate my decorating tastes.

It’s a private family space. Some of it is specifically the private space of each of my young adult children or my husband. No one has a right to look at it and I am utterly entitled to decide who I invite in - note ‘invite’. It’s my decision and at my impetus that people enter my home. If this neighbour had texted to ask for recommendations for kitchen fitters and I had met them before I might say, of course come and take a look - at the kitchen. But it’s still fairly unlikely. Only close friends and family are invited in and the occasional tradesperson who might be mending a tap, decorating or building a cupboard - and even they only see the bits that are pertinent.

I am very proud of my home - had taken 20 years to renovate it and is rather stunning. But it’s stunning for me and the family to appreciate, and close friends for dinner parties or summer drinks… no one else.

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You’ve got manacles and sex swings haven’t you?

Seaside3 · 07/10/2025 20:24

Funnily, @CautiousLurker01 im happy to share mine on line. But that's because I want to do interior design and architecture.
Sharing on line means I control what people see, the info I give and whether im happy to help someone. As it happens I have helped people with their houses. But again, very much on my terms.
I just feel we have a culture where people are expected to do wverything for someone, even if it puts them out. We've stopped being able to think for ourselves. But that's a whole other thread!
And yes, my neighbourhood is friendly, and yes I'm polite, before anyone questions me.
Your house sounds lovely, well done foe keeping it foe you and your friends.