Depression after buying first house in area I hate

[Sweetenermaz]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting and is a difficult one for me.

I am 28 and am lucky enough to have just bought my first home with my partner. I grew up in Richmond in London and I realise I was very very lucky to do so. Me and my partner were living at my mums house in Putney saving for our first home and had initially been looking at flats in West/ SW London (Chiswick, kew, Putney) but couldn’t find anything suitable long term in our budget. We expanded our search and realised if we moved further out we could get a lot more for our money. We were rushing to get somewhere and to get our purchase done before the stamp duty changed in April, which would mean we would save over £7k in tax. We ended up buying our first house in Feltham for 10k under asking. The house itself is nice, cosy and I feel safe inside. The area beyond the house and surrounding streets/estate we are in I absolutely despise. I don’t feel safe, the people are rough, crime is rife and there’s just generally nothing at all to do. It’s so depressing. It’s caused me to spiral into a deep depression for which I am taking citalopram and doing CBT therapy. I cry everyday and my spark has gone. It’s causing a huge rift in my relationship as my partner is the one who told me the area is fine and he was naive and wrong. We initially wanted to start our family here, which has swiftly gone out the window since we realised what the area is like. I feel so stupid.

We have agreed that we will move in December 2026 but I’m not even sure I can wait that long. I am counting down the days till we can leave which I hate. We can’t sell right now as we would lose a significant amount of money which we can’t afford right now.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or can offer me support or advice ? Thanks

Yes I can, our first house in Dublin. I was in shock at the neighbourhood, graffiti, rubbish, mattresses (well once) on fire, millions of intimidating ugly knackers in tracksuits, I could go on :)

I could not stop crying on the day we moved in…

But, had to get over myself. we made our house beautiful, made friends with the neighbours and sold for a big profit

house moves are fucking emotional at the best of times, I really feel for you. You have an end date, so my advice is to suck it up, find the little gems in the neighbourhood, they are there, save your guts out, buy beautiful linen, art and what makes you happy for your next house

I can absolutely relate! We bought our house when I was in a really low point and on reflection we rushed in and ignored a lot of information. I so regret the house.

we’ve been here a few years now. I don’t like it And I don’t understand people who love their houses. occasionally I still get into really deep lows about it. When that happens I discuss them with my partner. Like I’m convinced the house is about to fall down and he explains calmly and logically why he doesn’t worry about it. When I feel trapped (because we’d lose so much money if we tried to sell now), we look on Rightmove with the ‘promise’ that we’ll move if we find the perfect house but only for the perfect house. It helps me see that any house we buy will have some
problems and I don’t feel trapped

I'm so sorry to read this.

Could you concentrate on spending time planning for sale and decorating etc so it's fabulously photo ready when you come to market it?

If you were to lose a bit could you.move back to your mums whilst you save again to make up lost water?

When I bought my first house I knew it was in a run down area (in a town I didn't like) but it was that very fact that meant I could afford it, better areas were way out of my price range.
I did a lot of work on it guided (and helped) by my Dad making it into a gem in a street of scruffy, run down houses.
A rising market, wage increases plus the hard work we had put in meant that 3yrs later I was able to move to a lovely house in a delightful village that I lived in for the next 31yrs.

Not many people move into their ideal house straight away.

Well Feltham is 15 minutes away from lovely places and has great transport connections. I think you’re probably being a bit precious. There will be ‘people like you’ in Feltham somewhere.
Just enjoy your home. Save and work hard and try and aim to be back in a nicer area at some point. You can still start a family. You have 5 years before you need to worry about school.

I lived there for a long time. It is an unpretentious area which is obvious to anyone who visits. However, Twickenham, Richmond, Teddington, Kingston etc are a very short drive, bus or train ride away.

Compared to Putney and Richmond, Feltham is indeed a dump. At least you now know where you don’t want to live. You’ve only got 18 months or so to go. Use this time to scout out the kinds of areas you would like to live, and where you could afford to live. If you really can’t bear it, could you rent it out and move back in with your mum?

I grew up near Feltham, bits are lovely.

The problem is you are limited by where you can afford and as a ftb chances are the first house you buy will never be "the one" because quite frankly no one can afford that first off.

I hated the area I bought my house in when I first moved here. Like you the area is not the best, hugher crime rates etc.

However. 5 years in I love it. I have (mostly) lovely neighbours, I have done work on the house to increase the value. It has risen by nearly 50% in the 5 years. And whilst there is nothing I can move on to currently as nothing in my price bracket gives me the extras I want to warrant moving, I do now like the area. The crime is no where near as bad as I believed/was reported, the rough pub 3 doors down has had new tenants and has become a lovely place to visit.

Give it time. It is always a shock when you have moved from somewhere that has already become gentrified to somewhere still fighting it's way up. But the rewards will be there in the long term!

I agree about your being precious. Welcome to the reality of first-time buying. We have all lived in places we'd rather not. I also grew up in an affluent(ish) area of Greater London and bought my first flat in a very run-down, cheaper part of London in 1983 and hated it, the crime rate was high, the drug use in dark corners, the way people spoke and dressed in my new neighbourhood. I hated the local high street shops, the number of sirens I heard, and I was miserable about my purchase. Of course, I no longer live there! Life moves on, and yours will too. You are not the first person to live somewhere with a different section of society when you first buy, and you won't be the last. Put on some big girl pants, stop the entitled feeling and get on with enjoying what you have and being grateful you are in a position to buy when many others have no chance of ever getting onto the property ladder.

Very few people can buy their dream home as their first house. You make compromises to get on the ladder. Hopefully if you have chosen well it will keep pace or out pace the market and prove to be a good first step.

Try looking at it as a step to get to where you want to be.

It’s a journey! First houses are always a compromise. If you really can’t hack it maybe live with mum again and rent it out, although personally I’d have the kids there and move before they hit preschool, considering ofsted reports first. For the moment seek out positives, nice people, nice cafes, try to make some links locally.

My first house was bloody awful in a bloody awful area. It was a great springboard to our second house which was a mediocre house in a mediocre area (an improvement!). Thankfully our second home was a great spring board to our third home which was originally a total wreck in a stunningly beautiful area. It’s all just a journey.

This in spades.

Hi there. Im a bit surprised by some of the responses that you need to put your big girl pants on and stop being prescious. Just because one person managed in a similar situation years ago, doesn't mean that everyone will (just like Covid - some people had huge mental health difficulties afterwards, others didn't) .

I don't know London at all, but you've said that the area you've moved to has high crime rates and you feel unsafe leaving the house, and it's effecting you to the point the point where it's impacting your relationship , you're taking medication and having therapy. When something is having this big an effect on your life, you don't deserve to be hit with "just put your big girl pants on".

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, for different reasons. Our house needs a LOT more work than we realized. Eg leaking roof, failed damp course, forty year old kitchen, I could go on. It would actually cost more to sort it all than it would to buy something that needs no work. Will be moving in the next few years, but can't afford it right now. It's our own mistake for not being more realistic when we moved, and I'm sure some people might think I should just pull my socks up - but it definitely gets to me.

Things I'm doing..

Buying little bits to brighten up the house. Just things like cushions, throws etc, nothing pricey . But (a) it makes the here and now nicer (b) it will help 'stage' the house when we do sell, and (c) we can take them with us so it's not money wasted.

Doing some minor improvements. There's only so much we can afford to do as saving to move - but am spending lots of time painting etc, makes me feel a bit better even though it's just superficial stuff

Looking at Zoopla / right move etc, at places we've ear-marked for our next move. Sometimes I even have a little walk around the area we're thinking of - it gives me a bit of a lift to know it's something we're working towards.

I'm sorry you're finding things so difficult. It doesn't make you prescious or ungrateful . You're just finding things really difficult right now. It will get easier and it's not forever. Be kind to yourself.

Oh yes that would be a shock after Putney and Richmond.

now you know you need to work work work your arse off. So you are not at home ever and are pulling in the big jobs so you can afford a better property in an area you love

other things to do is to get the £££ in so you can make small improvements to your current home to add value and make you like being inside it.

if it really is bad and you can’t do those things then I would consider letting it out and moving in with your parents if you can……. Worth a try anyway. You have to change something as it is making you ill.

Op, my first flat was somewhere pretty awful too. I hated it, but it was warm, dry and mine.

I focused inwards on redecorating the flat which was in 1970s chic (!), and clearing the garden which was thigh high in weeds. I ignored the locality and concentrated on maximising the value of the property, ready for sale.

It meant I had a distraction, and when I moved two years later, I could buy in a better area.

Good luck.

The problem is that the ‘ladder’ as it was, doesn’t really exist any more.

@Sweetenermaz put your heart and soul into improving your home. Rome wasn't built in a day. You're on the ladder. Look into what happens locally get to know staff in the shops. They won't bite you. They're probably really good hard working people.

I don’t think you’re being precious - I think a lot of posters on here’s first properties were exactly like the way you’re describing yours OP. Even though you knew rationally it’s in a less than great area you still have a romanticised view of finally becoming a homeowner. And then all of a sudden the responsibility hits you & things that you would never have worried about in a rental are suddenly magnified & feel like huge red flags that you can’t understand you never saw to begin with. Location included. And you feel like you’ve made a terrible mistake & unlike most things, you can’t just take it back or get a refund. You can’t solve the problem & feeling completely stuck is depressing & you feel trapped. But…time is a great healer & your emotions are all over the place. Let the dust settle. I grew to love my first place & have really fond memories there. And to call it edgy was an understatement. And I too had been used to urbane SW London. FWIW it might be worth just giving it some time & as a pp rightly said there are pockets in your area that you’ll find redeeming & that you’ll be surprised you actually like, in an edgy urban way. Maybe take off the Richmond /Putney lenses and try to see your area for what it is & not what it isn’t & you might get to discover a new area, with its own unique vibe, where there will be folk in a similar position who will have carved out some spaces that you’ll walk into & feel are actually not just ok but pretty cool. IME anyway.

Its hard biding your time, but i’ve been doing just that remaining in my area until youngest leaves sixth form and I can move north and finally purchase a house. Area is important, as you’ve found out. I am considering 3 counties, I know none will be as nice as where I live in Surrey, but I can’t afford to live here. Well I could, but i’d be buying a flat, not a house. Maybe that’s what you need to consider, a flat in the area you love, over a house in a cheaper area. Might be ok now, but when you’ve got kids you’ll be craving more space. Maybe move out a bit more, where I am in Surrey is lovely and only 30 mins into Victoria.

I can relate so much - our first house was an awful mistake and I was super depressed after we moved. We’d been living in an awful rental and I think the stress actually shut down the decision making part of my brain as I now can’t fathom why I ever thought it was a good idea. Difference is, the house itself was an issue as well as the area. Everyone said buyers remorse was normal but I knew this was more than that.

We ended up taking advantage of falling house prices, porting our mortgage and moving one year later - we sold at a slight loss but also bought our next house for less so it all worked out overall.

Give it time, but remember you’re not stuck forever.

Putney and Richmond are so lovely that of course it will feel like a shock. Lots of people thought we were mad when we bought our house in Mitcham in 2018 ish because of its reputation. DH was convinced it would work out but i wasnt so sure. But it allowed us to have a manageable mortgage, a garden, we've renovated, made friends with lovely neighbours and if our house is worth anthing like the mirror house to ours on the road backing onto us, we'll have made a huge profit. So there can be benefits to being in cheaper areas because the houses can have lots of growth.

As pp have said if youve made the decision to stick it out for a little while, concentrate on making the house your home, look for community things slightly further afield to get involved in, maybe find a nice bar or pub to visit and i think the time will fly by.

I hated where our first house was and the house itself. It was very much the least worst house in amongst some building that had no right calling themselves houses. But that’s all we could afford. We started our family there and maternity leave was hard because I was a bit isolated but it gave us an idea of what we really wanted in our next house. I came to tolerate that house as we moved but I was surprisingly emotional leaving the house because it was the house we’d started our family in.

We moved to a different area and have a house we both love. We didn’t compromise on anything and really feel at home. I’m 35 and I bought at 27, so similar age to you. It feels like a long time before you’ll be 35 but it’s really not in the grand scheme of things. Make the house a home, focus on improving the value (don’t do something that will devalue it), try to make some friends in the area.

It's a solvable problem. You can move. Or you can play a part in bringing the area up. Make your house look gorgeous. Set up a community initiative that adds value to the area and get local estate agents to co-fund it.
Make a project of finding something you like in your area or nearby every week. A 15 minute journey to a beautiful place is nothing.

One thing that I have always found odd about the location, location, location narrative is that it is often very much focussed on a particular few streets in a particular area. I think it's important to look at the surrounds because most places involve you leaving those streets to do other things/live your life.

How much will it cost you to move again? in this climate property is not rising much in value.

Something v similar happened to me. The area I moved to was rubbish for me as I couldn’t drive and I spent all my time waiting for busses and felt like I lost my social life and life felt flat. We stayed for two years and made some money and I was much happier when we moved on. I hope you are too. In the meantime maybe try to do what you can to keep some joy in your life. Maybe a nice holiday or some fun nights out. Enjoy the nice things about your home and spend time in Richmond over the weekends.