Depression after buying first house in area I hate

[Sweetenermaz]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting and is a difficult one for me.

I am 28 and am lucky enough to have just bought my first home with my partner. I grew up in Richmond in London and I realise I was very very lucky to do so. Me and my partner were living at my mums house in Putney saving for our first home and had initially been looking at flats in West/ SW London (Chiswick, kew, Putney) but couldn’t find anything suitable long term in our budget. We expanded our search and realised if we moved further out we could get a lot more for our money. We were rushing to get somewhere and to get our purchase done before the stamp duty changed in April, which would mean we would save over £7k in tax. We ended up buying our first house in Feltham for 10k under asking. The house itself is nice, cosy and I feel safe inside. The area beyond the house and surrounding streets/estate we are in I absolutely despise. I don’t feel safe, the people are rough, crime is rife and there’s just generally nothing at all to do. It’s so depressing. It’s caused me to spiral into a deep depression for which I am taking citalopram and doing CBT therapy. I cry everyday and my spark has gone. It’s causing a huge rift in my relationship as my partner is the one who told me the area is fine and he was naive and wrong. We initially wanted to start our family here, which has swiftly gone out the window since we realised what the area is like. I feel so stupid.

We have agreed that we will move in December 2026 but I’m not even sure I can wait that long. I am counting down the days till we can leave which I hate. We can’t sell right now as we would lose a significant amount of money which we can’t afford right now.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or can offer me support or advice ? Thanks

Comparing to Richmond and Putney, most other areas will be 'bad', you either can buy something there or you will have similar issues (in London). Did you go and visit the area several times before buying?

You will need to go further away if you want a nice area but don't have the budget. Most areas in London are not as nice as Richmond and Putney...

I live in an area because it is where I can afford rather than where I would choose if I had more money.

Crime is actually low but the litter is very bad, and it is scruffy and the high street is tired.

But we have taken part in lots of community activity and found like minded friends. I am not scared by the run-down-ness now I am more familiar.

I notice MNers from more privileged areas see cheaper areas as inherently unsafe, but it isn’t necessarily the case.

The culture shock sounds great OP, but you deserve to congratulate yourself hugely on buying your own place. None of us find our forever home at our lowest budget stage of life.

When is your mortgage deal ending? You can get consent to let after 6 months, rent it out and then yourself rent out in a new area of your liking before you are ready to purchase. Dont worry, while it may seem the end of the world, you have hedged yourself from future property price increases to some extent. So if house prices goes up, yours will also go up and vice versa.

If your own street is good, neighbours are good and have community feel then dont think beyond your street - if you drive, then better to avoid walking through rough areas, essentially stay away from negativity.

It’s a policing issue I think. They are all so ridiculously stretched.

God I feel your pain, I was stuck in a similar area nearby for years and hated every minute. There is little redeemable about either area. It's not too long away you will be able to move. Hang in there.

Sorry to hear this OP. I have in the past made a mistake of buying a lovely house in a not great area and also had a shock by how much the area impacted me. We stayed for a couple of years then moved to a nicer safer feeling area and it really made an impact on my overall mental health.
I think if you’ve always lived in a nice area you take that for granted and don’t realise how your mental health can be impacted by a less ideal area.
you’ve had some good tips for trying to get to know your area better to see if you can get a better sense of community and belonging. I would give those a shot but if it’s not working maybe swallow the costs of moving, and port your mortgage over to something maybe smaller in an area you would feel more comfortable in.

Just sell and move on, at least you didn't lose out on the stamp duty. Life is too short to live in a sh*thole.

Just sending sympathy really, OP. It's so miserable not to be happy where you live. You may start to feel better as you get to know a few neighbours and do some activities you enjoy. But you have wisely decided to leave after a fixed time, which should give you hope.
As PP said, you could rent out the Feltham house and move back in with family if it's really unbearable.

My friend moved to Walthamstow when it was unpopular. A few years later it had regeneration, got cool people’s attention and even though it’s still rough around the edges, it’s trendy and her house price has rocketed.
Places in London often get ‘reclaimed’ like that.

I completely agree, i did not buy because I had split with my child’s father but even renting was hell. I was so depressed. Everyone was like it’s social housing you have a nice house do not let it go. I had to but luckily I had a huge garden and I managed to swap with a couple. I do not have a garden now but I have peace and I am surrounded by nice people. What a difference it makes. I feel safe i was absolutely terrified living around criminals.

Where is your partner from? I'm guessing it's been less of a shock to him?

Similar story here - Teddington to Sutton. We bought a 2.5 bed house with a garden for the same price as a one bed flat. I was absolutely devastated but I think underneath it all there were feelings of sadness and shame that I couldn't afford what I wanted and that I simply was not part of the crowd I thought I was!

Don't make any rash decisions and waste money you clearly don't have. Think in longer term segments e.g. 5-10 years.

We've been here for c.6 years, renovated the place to within an inch of its life and I'm really enjoying having a garden. I also love and appreciate all the green spaces here.

I'll be honest I haven't made any local friends BUT we have started a family and plan to move in a few years when the DC are going into primary school.

I also spend a lot of time hopping on the bus to Wimbledon Village and Kingston for my fix of mooching and shopping but the feelings of fomo have mostly gone away.

Well I think there always has to be a compromise when it’s your first house. You chose to move to that area because you could get a better house for your money than in your preferred areas. You’re well aware that it wasn’t possible to get a good house in your preferred area on a first time buyer budget.

I bought my first house about two years ago and I was absolutely not prepared to compromise on area, but that meant paying a premium for a house that is really too small for us, and if I were to sell it now it would definitely be at a loss, which frustrates me and upsets me a bit. But I am grateful that I managed to get on the property ladder at all, and I think things can only go up from here.

I think you just need to re-frame it in your mind so that you see the positives. You are fortunate to have been able to buy at all at a relatively young age and you do have a nice house.

And I don’t think it’s reasonable to call your partner “naive” and “wrong”. Sounds more like he was being realistic about what you could afford, and trying to see the positives in a less than ideal situation.

What a lovely positive post, well said and totally in agreement.

Where in Croydon?

its not the end of the world you are only 28 that’s a great achievement buying a house anywhere at the moment. I live in the North east and have always lived in really nice areas so I understand how you feel when you are out of your comfort zone.

You are not stuck though you could rent it out and rent somewhere in a better area For the time being. Nothing is worth compromising your mental heath and I don’t think you are being precious. It absolutely awful when you do not feel safe walking around where you live.

I think it’s a good idea to have moving on the horizon and chalk this one up to experience but please don’t let it put you off starting a family. You can travel to baby groups etc in nicer areas or join local groups and take your chances on seeing who you might meet. You might be pleasantly suprised.

I’d also echo looking at other, cheaper than Richmond areas but similar vibe ie; Blackheath, Greenwich, Dulwich ( prices dip in areas a short walk away from these but are still pleasant areas) or Wanstead, or nice trendy little areas like Crystal Palace, Brockley, Hither Green - in fact a lot of places in South London. Much nicer than the equivalently priced places in N, E or W London in my experience.

Look for areas that Gail’s/Waitrose targets.

Oh dear. Yes I posted about this just the other day.. I thought it would be such a good idea to live in Brixton and just tonight I was harassed by a woman who needed a ten pound note to buy drugs, she only had it in change. She just wouldn’t take no for an answer and followed me all the way home. I get scared for my safety sometimes. Why on earth did I decide to bring my two small infants to live here? I hate it and wish we had never moved.

You know of one occasion of anti social behaviour - it literally happens everywhere. TW is still considered a very nice and safe place to live on balance.

I live in SW London and it’s true, Richmond to Feltham is quite a leap. I wouldn’t stick around and wait for it to gentrify. But it’s not forever, and it’s close to lots of nicer places. Concentrate on making your house lovely, cheaply, to maximise your investment, and move elsewhere when the time’s right. There are other areas around that are much cheaper than Richmond but not quite as bad as Feltham.

Not being too specific so's not to offend anyone, but north of the borough, not far from the hospital.

While I agree things have changed, you can still move up the ladder.

You buy a 500k house with a 50k deposit. In 5 years you will have paid off a chunk of mortgage and hopefully got a (small) increase in value, your wages have hopefully gone up (maybe only a bit), so you could now have a 200k deposit, and you can borrow more. So you can afford a 800k house in a nicer area.

I am using these examples, as we are literally doing this now...

We had a similar experience but perhaps less intense. We moved to an area of Tooting, which was really just surrounded by grave yards... and turn out the scene is literally DEAD.

We lived in it for a bit and then we rented it property out, it more than covered its cost of the mortgage and we then rented somewhere else in a new neighbourhood (Islington) which we loved.

We found renting in the area helpful ahead of then buying a place there and then selling our old place in Tooting, this took time but given we had tenants in who were renting and covering the cost of the mortgage it wasnt an issue.

If it really is causing a lot of problems for you then do what you can to find the small positives or change. This can be a good small life lesson where you made a bit of mistake. We are all so hard on ourselves so often and need to realise its ok, we all make mistakes and that is OK it is part of being human and we just need to try and learn where we can. Hope you are ok!

That's not really the case @SD25 for a few reasons.

5 years on a 450k mortgage with recent rates would not really pay off a chunk, maybe 50k of it. Lots of properties haven't increased much in value over the last few years so where would you get the 100k extra from? Plus you need to find stamp duty...,
Many FTBs are older already and don't have the ability to increase their earnings by much and for the ones that do often household income hasn't changed much because dc have come along.

The vast majority of people who bought a 500k property will not be able to buy an 800k property 5 years later. Plenty will be paying the same mortgage on that 500k property despite reducing their mortgage because they are coming off a lower fix.

I’m another one who is going to suggest sticking it out rather than moving. We bought a flat in a fairly ungentrified area after years of renting in the very very cool parts of SE London surrounded by bars and restaurants and shops, and I hated it. Cried every day for months. I completely identify with the poster up thread who said they felt shame that they couldn’t afford to live in the area they had rented in, that def played a big part for me. But then I got to know my area, more and more people who also couldn’t afford to live in the cool bits moved in so we started to find our people, a new cafe opened minutes away, etc. and we really appreciated how much more space we got living here. Now we’re selling our flat to buy a little house slightly further out and I am gutted to be leaving!

If you came to the area, then so will other people, and it will change over time. And to have bought a place under 30 in London is amazing! Don’t panic too quickly.

you're wrong - the numbers are literally what we've done.
Bought a house for 500k.
Now worth 625.
Agreement in principle for a house up to 900k.