How do I get over my house-move burn out?

[OneDayIWillLearn]

We did a big house move/ relocation 3 months ago. On the surface it has gone well, we love the house, new area, kids have settled into their new pretty well and work is really exciting.

BUT I feel so burnt out and exhausted by the house move and relocation process and I don’t know how to rebuild myself!! Has anyone been through something similar after a big move?

The house is liveable but it’s big and needs lots of modernisation and decorating (which we are meant to be cracking on with), the garden is big and is another project. We should be doing more to make new friends and get involved locally, too, I know. It’s all got so much potential but we still have things in moving boxes and rooms we thought we’d have already sorted out are still total chaos. And at the end of the day I just want to go to bed, not be out at some new club or hobby or picking up a paintbrush.

Work has been really intense since we moved (I’ve had to hire and train a whole new team), which is part of the problem. That is settling down now but I still work full time and also have a part-time postgraduate research degree going on in the background. Our children are primary age so also pretty full on.

So I guess I’m wondering, if you did a big move, after you’d moved, how did you balance your need to recover internally and the need to put energy into the new house and settling into the area?? How long did it take before you felt normal again?

also if you moved into a project house, how did you actually get the project started and keep on at it?

Settling into the area can wait. Will the house fall down if you don't modernise it?
Maybe just concentrate on the children's bedrooms and one comfortable tidy living area and eating area, including an area you can use to eat in, sit in the garden. Cheap interim picnic furniture if necessary.
Then after the summer and when you see how the light falls in the rooms etc how the space connects together start planning improvements.
This is particularly true of a garden I find. A year is your best friend to work out what's needed. In the meantime garden centre plug bedding in pots or some cheap seeds like nasturtiums NOW. Get a compost bin NOW and start filling it at leisure. If you don't have a shed of any kind that would also be a very important early fix,even the plastic kind.
But there's plenty of time and you need your sanity and energy for the job and the children at this point.

"we are meant to be cracking on with"....who said you are meant to? Your partner, or the world or you? You are imposing a lot of conditions on yourself which you might want to examine.

How on earth can you work full-time whilst doing a part-time doctoral degree?

Yes it is self imposed - I guess I mean it’s what we’ve said to each other we’ll do and what I’ll feel a bit embarrassed when guests come if we haven’t sorted it out a bit more.

But I think you’re right, they are conditions we’ve set ourselves so we probably need to wind those back a bit to take off some of the pressure…

It can be done! While being a single parent as well.

Well I haven’t done much for the doctorate recently!! It’s a route designed for people working in the industry so the learning and supervision etc factor that in that you are likely to be working, and I’m already nearing the end of my fifth year on it and far from finished, so it has sometimes been very part time. My work can also be more flexible at times (but this last few months are not a good example of that!). But I suppose if I take a step back then yes it’s quite a lot to fit in….

Glad I’m not the only one 😂. Kudos if you’re doing it as a single parent too!

Thank you, this is very sane advice. No the house won’t fall down. I think you are right about just picking one or two priority areas. And yes some cheap bedding plants!!

Agree with others, make bedrooms liveable first and worry about the rest later. Good luck!
Also don't panic and get trades in without word of mouth recommendations, which are best found from socialising locally in my experience

We are 4 years post move and only just getting to grips with the house 🤣 so much has happened in life since we moved, plus the (lack of) availability of trades has meant we’ve got much slower than I wanted to but we are finally getting stuff done! Try not to put pressure on yourself, although it’s easier said than done. As per PP, as long as it’s liveable you’ve got time

We moved with a newborn a couple of years ago. I remember my head spinning for a whole year. I never want to move again. Take it one task at a time don't rush.

We were supposed to crack on and do things when we moved house last time. It was just too much and took over 6 months to recover.
Three years on some of those things are done but not all.

Relax, pick your battles and give yourself time.

We recently moved to a liveable doer upper, both work full time, 1 and 3 year old DC.

I can't totally relate to the feeling of not having done enough, and also wanting to do everything at once. My advice would be to make a list of priorities and then completely compartmentalise. Take it one room at a time and put your blinkers on, do the room completely and then move on rather than trying to do little bits everywhere. At least that way you get a sense of achievement once it's done and the task feels less 'neverending' if that makes sense?

You’ve had good advice already . We moved into our house about 18 months ago and it is only at Christmas the last of the huge numbers of boxes which were in the cupboards under the stairs (and initially part of the hall) were emptied.

Bit different as we renovated a lot before moving in though not finished and the flip side is we have made a couple of mistakes that if we had lived with it a bit before jumping in we would have saved some money. House moving is hard and an added layer when you move areas and I think you need to give yourself permission to relax a bit.

I've still got a room of chaos, an undecorated bedroom and a shed with several moving boxes 6 years in!

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. My advice would be to get a few rooms perfect then just live your life in the new house, rest as much as you can then do the rest as and when.

You can't magic up hours in the day.

We moved 2 months ago, into a complete renovation. House is in uproar, every room is being done, we decided to bite the bullet, contractors started the week we moved in, will take about 3 months for the whole house to be finished. Some boxes are still full, can't locate most things, but we keep telling ourselves it will be worth it in the end. Decided to go for whole house being renovated at the same time, as where we live contractors are hard to find. Keep your chin up, you'll be fine.

Been on the same boat OP. Little kids, crazy job, massive house to renovate. Echo previous posters, give yourself the essential space to relax / rejuvenate first. What is that for you? Nice lounge? Bedroom? Kitchen? As an example I know that a permanently messy bedroom wouldn’t help me. Then prioritise spaces and ideally only manage one set of contractors / project at a time and don’t forget to acknowledge your progress!

Thank you, I think this approach would really work for me too actually - one room at a time!!

Thank you so much for the reply….it all really helps with perspective! we were meant to be getting some of the work done before moving too but in the end we couldn’t get contractors lined up and/ or weren’t sure enough about how we wanted it done. I keep thinking ‘oh if only….’ but you are right there are cons to that too.

Haha so true! When we moved we still had a couple of boxes from the last move (five and a half years earlier) in a cupboard.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I’ve been reading them today and letting them sink in and I am feeling much better than I did yesterday. The kitchen is a real priority (as currently configured we don’t have a dishwasher and I really miss having a dishwasher!!). And the kids’ bedrooms which look like bombs have hit them and really depress me.

But also I do know I need to get my expectations back under control.

Obviously that should have said I CAN* totally relate 😅

Good luck op it will be worth it in the end x

@OneDayIWillLearn how old are your kids? Which part of UK did you move to?

We moved in December and it takes time to feel settled and to feel like the house is your own. We moved very locally but spent three months just getting to know the house and figuring out what works where.

Is there anything you NEED to do right now? If you need any messy work done then do this first. We have had the leaks fixed and the electrician in for repairs. Only after these were sorted could we think about the more nice to do.

Have a think about what order you want to do things in rather than trying to everything at once. For us, DS1 had the room which was in the worst condition (just lots of patches to be downs on the walls and needed a new carpet). So this was the room we painted first and then it was only fair to do DS2 next. Then we got them both new carpets and had the carpet in our ensuite replaced at the same time(or rather changed to not carpet!). So then I painted our ensuite and the main bathroom at the same time in the same paint. Then the only room on that floor not done is our bedroom so that one will be next.

In our first house we did the lounge first as this is the room more people see which might be an approach you take.

Oh me too! I've moved 4 times in 3 years and moving here, as much as I love it, nearly did me in. I've been here 2 years and it's only now I'm getting rid of more stuff to get the garage converted and the garden a bit better. Then I've got the kitchen and bathroom to do.

You've got such a lot going on. You cannot do it all. What I did was decorate the bedrooms and I think that's kept me sane.

Never again!