How do I get over my house-move burn out?

[OneDayIWillLearn]

We did a big house move/ relocation 3 months ago. On the surface it has gone well, we love the house, new area, kids have settled into their new pretty well and work is really exciting.

BUT I feel so burnt out and exhausted by the house move and relocation process and I don’t know how to rebuild myself!! Has anyone been through something similar after a big move?

The house is liveable but it’s big and needs lots of modernisation and decorating (which we are meant to be cracking on with), the garden is big and is another project. We should be doing more to make new friends and get involved locally, too, I know. It’s all got so much potential but we still have things in moving boxes and rooms we thought we’d have already sorted out are still total chaos. And at the end of the day I just want to go to bed, not be out at some new club or hobby or picking up a paintbrush.

Work has been really intense since we moved (I’ve had to hire and train a whole new team), which is part of the problem. That is settling down now but I still work full time and also have a part-time postgraduate research degree going on in the background. Our children are primary age so also pretty full on.

So I guess I’m wondering, if you did a big move, after you’d moved, how did you balance your need to recover internally and the need to put energy into the new house and settling into the area?? How long did it take before you felt normal again?

also if you moved into a project house, how did you actually get the project started and keep on at it?

We bought a completely derelict property 4yrs ago. I naively thought the structural work would take a year, but it was over 2yrs before we could move in.

Although the house now has windows, doors, new kitchen, bathrooms etc- there are still lots of bits to be completed. It was only white washed on the plaster, so we need to pick colours and have rooms painted. No curtains, not bathroom cabinets, some lights are just a bulb on a cord etc. The shed isn't finished, so all worktools, lawn mower etc are in 1 room inside the house! There is also a room of just boxes which had been stored in various locations.

I often feel overwhelmed that we will never had a proper sofa, or guest beds. or a garden- heck, we don't even have a proper bed for ourselves! We did look at sofas early on- then were told it was a 5mth lead time!!!

I try to sift through 1 box at a time and either keep or donate to charity. Try to also plan a few things other than painting/renovating- go to a farmers market, have a picnic in a nearby town, go crabbing etc. I also agree with prioritising the bedrooms and work from there.

And the kids’ bedrooms which look like bombs have hit them and really depress me.
They will still be bomb sites when they are 18! Make sure there is enough storage, get them to put things away, and keep that door shut 😬

The best advice for a new garden is a watch and wait approach. You don't know what is growing or dead or hidden until a different season has come round (you can get bulbs for different seasons). Cut the grass and weed the beds, and enjoy as it is until next year.

I agree with others, concentrate on the room that will de-stress and relax you more. Mine is a peaceful bedroom then having a nice front room. Yours might be a relaxing, candlelit bath or having a daily powershower so the lovely bathroom would be your priority in that case.

I did it thirty years ago - but before DC. 60 hour weeks, but I loved it. I take my hat off to someone doing it with kids though!

And “We should be doing more to make new friends and get involved locally, too, ”

lots of shoulds. I found that I recovered from burn out when I accepted and allowed certain emotions and stopped imposing judgment and shoulds on myself. Moving is really stressful plus a full time job, part time degree and young kids - you will constantly burn out. I recommend looking at ways to slow down rather than do more.

My advice after having done several renovations, is that, if it's safe to live in now, don't rush into things. Often we've found that living somewhere for a short time gives you a new perspective compared to a viewing (or several) and looking at plans. Good contractors are well worth waiting for. Good luck!

You have had lots of great advice, just to add, try to outsource what you can - ie building decorating work

We have actually 80% done a bathroom (there was previously no shower and the bath surface was all flaking off so I really couldn’t live with that!). And that is really nice now, and will be even better when we do the final 20%.

The kitchen is probably the next priority because we spend so much time in it.

Fair point about the kids bedrooms though! I do need to sort out their storage but my daughter has pretty good storage and still insists on having all her sylvanians/ playmobil/ random small toys from the front of magazines etc out all over the floor ‘so I can see them’. Looks a state but she does play with them everyday…..

Thank you, this is very thought-provoking.

Oh my goodness, your project sounds huge! Inspiring to hear about though and some helpful perspective that ours isn’t actually derelict 😂. We’re sitting on a very old and cheap Ikea sofa for now….

Some really great advice on this thread. We’re about to move into a project and it feels overwhelming but I have to remind myself it took us 5 years to get our current house to a place where we love it. The advice about living with the garden for a year is super helpful.

Personally, I would do one interesting thing to the children's room to make it fun- ie their new beds, a giant poster - just something. But really, I would focus on your bedroom, and making it a sanctuary- you need a place to recharge because if you fizzle out, everything else will too.

Don't worry about socialising, that will come eventually. focus on your family and making your new house a home together. Take the kids to b&q and let them choose a colour for their bedroom, get them involved! They will love it I'm sure!
Definitely agree about sorting your own bedroom asap though! 💯

We lost a cupboard to put the dishwasher in as we knew the kitchen would be completely remodelled but not yet. Living in the house for a bit is so. Important if you can. It really changed our ideas of what to do and we also realised we needed a pressurised water tank and the radiators were on their last legs.

Cut yourself some slack, OP. There's no hurry for this whatsoever. And don't worry about what your friends think: people love coming to a less than perfect house.