Moving in a month, regret house purchase - HELP!

[NattyBeaker]

We've bought a 3 bed terraced house in a gorgeous newbuild development in a seaside town. It was a resale. We were initially waiting on a 4 bed semi from the developer that wasn't available until the end of 2025 when this came up.

The lower, more affordable mortgage was attractive to us as we're just starting a family and have nursery fees starting this month for 2 / potentially 4 years if we have another. I also want to cut hours to 4 days, and I've recently decided to go down to 3 days for a time maybe next year.

The one we've bought has ample space and storage, in fact it's almost same size as the 4 bed, but I can't stop thinking what have I done? I think we got fed up waiting (been house hunting for 18 months now) and went for this. My husband is really happy and excited, and I feel sick. What's worse is the 4 bed we were waiting on looked on to a park they'll be building in the estate, which just sounds lovely. Also I'll be at that park all the time with my lo and have to walk past it.

I appreciate this is such a first world, pathetic problem. Still, I can't change how I feel. I feel sick, can't eat, I'm ruining a good thing by worrying about the fact I'll need to move again in a few years if we outgrow a 3 bed. I feel like an absolute idiot for doing this and now wish our buyers would pull out so we could just stay put!!

Looking for support, has anyone ever felt so hopeless right before a move? Did it work out did you get past the "what if"?

@NattyBeaker we have moved as we out grew houses, job relocations etc. our current home is my forever until I get old but even so we did extend 7 years after moving in as we needed a better space downstairs which we only realised by living in it.

Well I move in a few days. Still feel horrible 😭 wish I could get another chance at it all. Really hope this has all been nerves and not just a massive mistake!! Wish me luck

Good luck! Remember it doesn't have to be perfect. You will make it yours by decorating, furnishing and living in it.

Good luck @NattyBeaker
From what you have told us the house you're moving to is the right fit for right now.
The other house at £2,200 per month, nursery fees on top of that plus you reducing your hours just sounded too expensive

Its normal. I’ve felt like this everytime I’ve moved

I know all this in my head and my hearts saying don't go. Could have waited. Could have extended the mortgage out to 35 years. Could have got a "doer upper". But with jobs not being too safe just now waiting felt risky as redundancy would affect a mortgage. Very little comes up in this area.
Just trying to think I'm on this path for a reason even if it's not clear what the reason is yet.
Can't stop crying!!!! And now read too many threads on people that never settled and sold again

Did you talk to the GP? I really think this is a mental health issue, moving is stressful but it's not normal that you can't stop crying

I've pulled myself together a bit now. Yes went to GP and getting some help

Honestly I don’t understand how a GP can help with stress over a house purchase. Life is about stress and strain and decisions. It’s just normal. I have also felt like this over several house moves. It’s a huge upheaval. Just remember the reasons you decided to do this in the first place!

Is the answer really to run to the GP over every upset in life? What can they actually do anyway? Considering no one can even get an appointment these days, it seems a waste of their time.

It's more the inability to manage the stress normally. They prescribed sertraline which I probably should have done a long time ago but didn't because of BF. It didn't agree with me anyway so stopped it already. Just going to try and talk to someone about it all. 🤞

You need to do what is right for you. Don't let worrying about people in a chain stop you. Depends how difficult it would be to change your mind. I don't think living beside a park is a great plus sign. I wouldn't want to.

Reading your post again in your circumstances if the mortgage is lower I would go ahead and maybe plan to move again in a few years when childcare fees are less.

@Allatseas pretty insensitive post

You clearly didn't read all the OP's posts, at least not properly. If you had you'd have realised it's not just about the house move.

Sorry the sertraline didn't agree with you. I found the side effects awful for the first few days, they did subside after that but if it had taken much longer I would have given up.

This house sounds perfect for you! The 4 bed sounds like it would have been the purchase you regretted because you'd be stretched and regretting not being able to drop your hours. It also sounds like the same thing happened with your flat and it was ok in the end. I have to say I think there is a lot of media culture about a fancy big house when it's not needed. Just think about this being the right house for all your family. I get really stressed when buying a house but it's not really about the house in the end it's an anxiety thing and how I feel about my security being taken away. I also agree the park thing can go either way

Your new home will give you choices. Choice about working hours/income. Choice about extending. Choice about when you move to your next home. Choice about when to plan for another baby

If you'd gone for the 4 bed, you'd have had to stay working longer hours than you'd like. You wouldn't be able to afford a garden room. You might have been stuck there without being able to move for secondary (because the higher mortgage repayments would restrict how much you could save). You'd be constantly worrying when is the right time (financially) to grow your family.

I hope the meds soon kicks in and your mind is more settled. Keep an eye on the long term plan and relish the opportunities this one gives to you and your family. And remember that your DC will be just as happy in the 3 bed as they would have been in the larger house.

Thanks everyone. That's me in, not feeling great tbh. Feel like it was a huge mistake and now convinced myself I'll be trapped here.. seems a bit silly as we will have a lot of equity and the development is highly sought after, it'll be finished next year. Brain just in overdrive. Hopefully a bit of decorating helps.

Sorry to hear you are still feeling it’s all a big mistake. It’s so difficult to get out of that mindset when you are consumed with feelings like it’s wrong. Just try to take small baby steps and be kind to yourself. Feel sure you will love the house.

You have made the right decision. Life is a compromise between what we would really love, what we can afford and what is a good middle way. This is what you have rightly gone for and you will make it your own and have enough money for life not to feel as though you are on a treadmill. It's called playing the long game and you have made a good move.

Every day list, or reread your list of, the positives - start planning decor and garden and the ways in which you will make it your own - you can do it!

Hope you feel settled soon @NattyBeaker. I'm sure getting all your stuff sorted and organised and starting to put your own stamp on it will make a world of difference. I missed your earlier post about some of your other struggles and it's definitely good you've got some GP support. Hope things are on the up soon x

Houses always look awful empty, once you have got your own furniture in place and all your familiar bits and pieces it should begin to feel a bit more like home.

Also when you start paying your mortgage just about how much less money you would have of you were in the other house with your nursery fees and you working less hours