Moving in a month, regret house purchase - HELP!

[NattyBeaker]

We've bought a 3 bed terraced house in a gorgeous newbuild development in a seaside town. It was a resale. We were initially waiting on a 4 bed semi from the developer that wasn't available until the end of 2025 when this came up.

The lower, more affordable mortgage was attractive to us as we're just starting a family and have nursery fees starting this month for 2 / potentially 4 years if we have another. I also want to cut hours to 4 days, and I've recently decided to go down to 3 days for a time maybe next year.

The one we've bought has ample space and storage, in fact it's almost same size as the 4 bed, but I can't stop thinking what have I done? I think we got fed up waiting (been house hunting for 18 months now) and went for this. My husband is really happy and excited, and I feel sick. What's worse is the 4 bed we were waiting on looked on to a park they'll be building in the estate, which just sounds lovely. Also I'll be at that park all the time with my lo and have to walk past it.

I appreciate this is such a first world, pathetic problem. Still, I can't change how I feel. I feel sick, can't eat, I'm ruining a good thing by worrying about the fact I'll need to move again in a few years if we outgrow a 3 bed. I feel like an absolute idiot for doing this and now wish our buyers would pull out so we could just stay put!!

Looking for support, has anyone ever felt so hopeless right before a move? Did it work out did you get past the "what if"?

So you're living in a flat at the moment, with a baby, and the choice is the 3 bed terrace you're in the process of buying (sounds as if you haven't exchanged contracts yet) or a 4 bed semi that isn't available until the end of this year??

"The one we've bought has ample space and storage, in fact it's almost same size as the 4 bed"

What is the surface area of each house? If the 3 bed is almost the same size, it must have bigger rooms? I dislike the vast majority of newer houses because they all seem to have small cramped rooms, so if the 3 bed is almost as big with bigger rooms I'd much prefer that. Storage is really important too, otherwise bedroom 4 will just turn into a dumping ground anyway. And don't underestimate the advantages of a bigger garden with young kids.

"I feel sick, can't eat, I'm ruining a good thing by worrying"
"I'm an over planner and you can't control so many things as a parent / adult and I'm struggling with it so much."
"I keep just looking at the negatives and what's it's not got and I know that's stupid but I can't seem to stop my brain going that way."
"I don't seem to be coping well with huge decisions since having a baby at all. This is particularly bad though I think I've lost half a stone in 2 weeks."

It sounds as if you are struggling with your mental health, which is completely understandable - having your first baby is such a huge change (physically and emotionally exhausting) and moving house is really stressful. If you already have a tendency for any anxiety or depression it can get a lot worse post-partum and it kind of creeps up on you without you realising, as you're so focused on parenting and surviving! I really encourage you to talk to your GP or a health visitor about your anxious thoughts and struggling to eat. You can also self-refer for CBT on the NHS in most places, and new mothers are fast tracked. Please do get some support for yourself.

If it helps, I have a child who's about to turn 8, and a 4 year old, and we've managed just fine in our 3 bedroom house (admittedly with a storage space and home office at end of garden) for all those years. We are moving house now - for secondary catchment and more space. But you will be absolutely fine if you do have a second child in the house you're moving to.

We overlooked a park for a number of years and it was not good. Teenagers playing music on their phones late into the summer bin set on fire, watching local dealer do meet ups dogs barking, kids kicking footballs, school kids after school messing about and screeching. This was not downtown, this was what looked for all intents and purposes a quiet village green in a nice area that is hardly used. But once you live opposite you realise how much goes on. 3 bed will be perfect for your growing family :)

Will you move again?

This is exactly what I was going to put we bought a new build terrace and next door neighbours grandkids used to come stay every weekend and when they where running around house it was like they where in our house the neighbours where lovely and we just put up with it they didn’t stay long thankfully moved after 3 years but it was hell every Saturday night

We're building a garden room pretty much straight away and that will be the office area, it'll be nice to separate work from home. Good to hear you've been good in a 3 bed, I think we will too. The rooms are all doubles, easily fit two kids and all their stuff in one if we have another, or if they need separate rooms can keep a day bed in with one for when people stay / dh snores.
Yeah I think I am struggling with MH and have since baby came along tbh. The overthinking is out of control entirely. But I'm confident I'm a good mum and she is thriving. But I've completely neglected myself. I'll go to the GP tomorrow then, when you lay my comments out like that they're quite alarming. I'm still breastfeeding though so feel guilty taking anything for it.

I think 4 bed is about 18m2 bigger which is a bigger dining area in the kitchen and the 4th bedroom. Smaller north facing garden and 100k more. I'm not sure what sizes the rooms are though.

The windows are actually right on the street too so it would be a lot of people walking past and parking outside i think for the park. @Snowwaybaby we've asked a few residents and they don't hear anything apparently. Most of the development is terraced and semi so it's been a priority for the builder I think

You can still do CBT which might be enough to help. They should do a diagnostic questionnaire and if the results show it's mild then probably no need for medication. But if moderate/high levels of anxiety the GP might encourage you to consider it. I didn't want to take medication first time around but did the second time and it made a big difference. I breastfed both children and sertraline is safe to take when breastfeeding. It's your choice though; please don't let it put you off talking to the GP as you can still decline medication if you choose to.

North facing garden isn't great.
What's the garden aspect of the 3 bed terrace?

I'd love 3 double bedrooms btw, we have 2 doubles and a box room, which is getting small for my youngest now (4 and still in a toddler bed )

As pp said there are always compromises. There is no perfect house every time - you have to make the best decision based on the houses available at that particular time and what your circumstances allow. Even if you'd went for the 4 bed you'd still be thinking is it the right choice.
It is one of the most stressful things you do in life. Be kind to yourself and try and make peace with it - it sounds like you are making the sensible choice - things in house buying often work out as they should.

Do you have 2 kids? Can they share? The 3 bed garden is longer and north West so will get more sun. I'm thinking it'll be nice to have the sun come in the front of the house too so a sunny kitchen and living room. I didn't really mind it not being south facing with a little one as it's just a hassle putting cream on them!

Living next to a park is a nightmare as loads of unsavoury characters gather on an evening.

Living by the sea will be wonderful for your kids.

It will be wonderful I've no doubt about the village. It's the house I'm not sure it's right or if I should have held out for something more long term.
My husband says the master plan is to not stretch now while baby is little, and once nursery over save hard for the big home the next time. This was always an interim move because of the secondary (appreciate that could change but it's really unlikely, it's the location of the secondary we don't like, too far away)

A north west facing garden with a longer garden will be great! It means at anytime during the day you will have sunshine in the house and in the garden. I would be very happy with a north west facing garden not so a north facing garden.

As I said before use the time in your new 3 bedroom house to overpay on your mortgage but not so that you are not enjoying holidays and other fun things when the kids are small. And most importantly use the time before the next move to ecplore which rooms and layout would really be great for your kids as they get older.

I do have 2 kids and they can't share (for reasons I won't go into) but we are moving anyway for more space and secondary school catchment. Still no regrets about having lived here since before my oldest was born.

When i moved in this flat I wasn't convinced on it and my husband was and once I was in I just cracked on making it ours and we've had a great time living here before baby. I didn't look at other houses once in and think what if at all. Hopefully I'm the same in this house. I'll be able to make it lovely and homely and I'll be too busy with baby to worry about it all once in. But right now, it's the biggest problem in the world. I think the unknown is always scary.

Good luck with the move!! I think next time I'll imagine myself sitting in the house more and living in it. I didn't really do that with this i was looking for functionality and storage and garden space etc. Didn't think about "vibe" so much.

It sounds like the house you have will be a good fit.
The 4 bed doesn't sound better.

There is no way I would buy a house that is opposite a park. Just no way. My friend has a new build house opposite the park and a road. The noise and during the summer the music from the teenagers until late at night - who were well behaved, they were just being teenagers. It would have been hellish if they had been tearaways.

During the nursery years and if you are reducing your hours, it is eminently sensible to have a house you can afford. We had a house like this. It wasn't our dream house but it was in a nice area, good schools and we could afford it. We stayed there for 5 happy years, we could have stayed longer but we had to relocate. We're now in our 🤞 forever home.

Start thinking objectively about these other houses and the stage of life you're at now and the next 5+ years. None of them sound ideal. They all have drawbacks

Thank you, we haven't found a house yet but we'll get there! TBH I think "vibe" is overrated, ideally it would feel right but practicality and storage are so important - you can do a lot to make it feel like your home.

Having babies is stressful, moving house is hell. I swear every time I will never do it again. Be kind to yourself,look after yourself. £100k more is eye watering. We bought our first house together,a month later DH was made redundant, I was already working ft. I got extra jobs,on top. The insurance had a 9 month qualification period. He got a Job pretty quickly. We had no central heating single glazed windows. I already worked ft nights, I did agency nursing on top and 3 months worked a 12 hours night shift,then shower, change clothes off to work for an agency,in the day.Didn't dare get too much in debt, already had a live ccj courtesy of ex H.

I would describe our house that we lived in for 5 years was our 'compromise' house.

It wasn't our dream house but it was great for what we needed for that stage in our lives

I have to say this is exactly what we need right now. It'll be such an easy move because it's all done and someone has been in two years and done all the snagging.

@Nannyfannybanny wow that's a lot to deal with!! You did it though!
We both have good jobs but we're not moving up wages any time soon without taking on for more responsibility which neither of us want until we're out this baby phase. It's hard enough. We've both been warned our jobs aren't safe either, it'll probably work out OK but who knows, could take a while to get a new job if anything happens as the whole industry is struggling.
I should probably get off mumsnet and do some work

That is true.
I actually just saw another post on mumsnet of a couple clearing 10k wondering if a mortgage of 2500 a month was too much 😂 we are nowhere near that and the 4 bed was a mortgage of 2200! Maybe it would have been more stress than I imagined. Hard to budget when you've not even started nursery costs etc. They're like another mortgage. Then there's commuting because you're out the city, more insurances for more expensive house, need an extra car.... ugh