Upstairs neighbours party

[Cdu2021]

Just wondering if I am BU.
Our upstairs neighbours had a massive party a few months ago, that kept us and our 3 year old awake until 3am.
Last weekend, they put up a note in the lift saying they were having 2 parties on Friday and Saturday, and saying to come up if the noise was an issue. We went up both evenings and explained our son is a light sleeper and could they keep the noise down after midnight. On Friday they did, after we said we would call the police if they didn't, but on Saturday, when we spoke to them at 10pm as the party started, they said they wouldn't turn down the music, and said they paid a lot of rental money for this flat, and that essentially it was their right to have this party. It ended up with DH calling the police several times until they finally came at 4am when the music was still on full blast.
Tonight, the mum, who had been away the whole time, came down and shouted at me that we didn't know how to live in a flat, and that we ruined both parties, and that they paid a lot of rent money for the flat and therefore had the right to enjoy it etc etc.
She was positioning herself as the victim and said she will play the same game and complain every time she heard our children (that's during the day, never at night). She also said she would tell the police that we are harassing them. Am I unreasonable for thinking she's unhinged? Should I be more chilled?

No, she's being unreasonable. If she wants to throw parties that have loud music going on all night, she needs to hire a house out in the country miles from anywhere. Start documenting all incidents and recording the noise, just in case this escalates.

I'm amazed you got the police to turn up. They pass you to the council here, who have one on duty noise person on Friday and Saturday nights. During the week there is no one.

Start a noise diary now.

She's a selfish twat.

I think your neighbour is selfish but the time to talk is before the parties and to allow some mutual give and take eg " we want you to have fun so noise until 11 is fine but could you keep it down after that?"

She said it was unreasonable to ask for the party noise to down at 11pm, and even past midnight. We spoke to her the day after the very first one and asked to keep it down in future but clearly she doesn't agree.

I’d be telling her I couldn’t care less how much money she paid for her flat and that if she wants to have loud parties all weekend then she needs to live in a secluded house with no neighbours and flats aren’t the place for it.

we had problems with neighbours in our terraced house having parties every night of the week, we had young children at the time and another neighbour moved into a hotel at weekends as that’s when it was worse. We contacted the council antisocial behaviour team who were extremely helpful. She ended up with an Asbo and the landlord didn’t renew her tenancy after her initial 6 months!

we gladly waved her and her removal van as she left.

How can she comment and assess the situation when she wasn’t there? Her children have been unreasonable and she has threatened you. A party with music at full blast at 4am is inconsiderate, particularly if you’re in flats and you have a young child.
No, YANBU.

If your council has an ASB team I'd get in touch with them for advice on how to report it next time, and start a noise diary now

If it's just a party every few months, I wouldn't worry about it. They're still inconsiderate and selfish though.

Find out what the lease states. If the lease states no noise after a certain time, complain to the landlord.

Also continue to complain to the police/council every single time and diarise it.

They sound like inconsiderate pigs. You don’t destroy your neighbour’s quality of life on multiple occasions just because you are renting an expensive flat.

She is unhinged.

She's being unreasonable if what you're saying is true, and that she really came down and said that she deserves to throw loud parties because she pays a lot of rent, and that she's going to report you every time your child makes noise.

They've been rude about it, but I don't think a loud late party every few months is that big a deal to be honest. I used to live in a flat, it's just part and parcel of it unfortunately- at least they gave you warning!

Do you own your flat or rent it? If you own you will need to declare these disputes when you come to sell.

Find out what the lease states. If the lease states no noise after a certain time, complain to the landlord

Have a look at the lease. Ours says something like no noise that can be heard outside the flat after 11 pm.

I'd be finding out who the landlord is and taking it up with them. How many other flats in the building, they must have been affected also?

3 parties in such a shortt space, it's her who doesn't know how to live in a flat. Selfish fuckers!

If you live in a flat or close by others it's up to everyone to be considerate and they are not being. Report them each and every time.

So if this was you and your life - your child not able to sleep because of the noise for hours and hours two nights in a row, plus you also not able to sleep because your child is awake and also because of the party noise. And your weekend wrecked because your child is grouchy as are you. - you'd be totally fine and smiley about it? I think that unlikely.
This happens to me every few months because of my neighbours (without the baby/child as mine are grown) and for sure it ruins my attempts to sleep and thoroughly spoils a weekend. Plus I can usually tell when one of their party weekends is approaching so that always means Im on edge even before they've started drinking because I know whats coming.
Its so easy to not be bothered and not worry when its not your own life.

YADNBU @Cdu2021 - I suggest keeping a log of what happens and when. You can use that in any complaint with the landlord/council etc. Also register the issue as anti social behaviour on the anonymous 101 online service.

Smiley about it, no. But I do accept when people have parties every few months (like, one party every four months). I've experienced it in the past, so I know how I'd feel about it. I don't like it and I'm not a party person myself, but I know people have parties. As long as it's not often, I'll tolerate it.

When I was a teenager we had neighbours who had drunken parties every weekend. That I'd complain about.

My DD had this with people renting a flat below hers. Noisy all the time and weekly parties. All the neighbours complained to the council and flat owner. They went when the renter period was up. Labour will make this much more difficult for landlords now. Various people were trying to wfh and it was impossible with loud dance music reverberating throughout the building. The council did ask them to curb night music but day time seems to be a free for all.

Eh, I'd love to see the lease that gives the right to party til 4am in a flat just because you pay the rent!

No that’s completely shitty. Part of living in a flat is that you need to be considerate of others. Them renting the flat doesn’t override your right to have peace in your own flat at a reasonable time.

In future I would let them know in advance that if the music isn’t off at 10pm there will be a report to the council, followed by a call to the police. Find out the landlords name and complain every single time too.

You have children and it’s not right to be that selfish.

Get a ring doorbell!

Your neighbour sounds like an unreasonable person, so I’d tread carefully and legally.
HOWEVER 😂… The upstairs neighbour in my last flat was a totally inconsiderate person, he played music way too loud on a regular basis and I found that only revenge worked.
I made his landlords life a misery with constant complaints. I also built a tower that I placed my radio on and would blast classic FM at 7am and go out for a walk, my adjacent neighbour ended up joining in sometimes and we would coordinate our efforts.
talk to your other neighbours and see how it’s affecting them, you may find some allies and that can be very comforting and a powerful tool. Mass complaints are much more effective than solo ones.
wishing you all the best xx