Think I have PTSD from the property market

[Wentie]

Firstly, light hearted, Not meaning to be offensive or flippant with use of PTSD

however, we have had a hideous time trying to upsize over the last 5 years. It’s just been awful and so stressful.

had 5 houses fall through. 4 due to the vendors pulling out for various reasons (ranging from changing their minds, to reading they don’t actually own the garden they were trying to sell etc), the other we lost our buyer far down the line. Had a hideous time trying to sell our house as unfortunately it’s now surrounded by building development that’s dragging on and has massively reduced our property value (was fields before)

it’s just been awful. We’ve lost a far amount of money as our house has dropped in value whilst the ones we are trying to buy have skyrocketed

house prices now 100+% plus MORE expensive than they were when we started. (Eg in 2017 house would have been £400 now £900 k)

we need to upsize and a reasonably priced and sized property that I like has come up within budget. I just don’t know if I can face it all again.

@Echolight I’ve apologised. I’ve asked MN to change the title.

I’ve stated that I do, in fact, have PTSD from medical trauma which you have minimised and stated was convenient.
I’ve then elaborated I have further anxiety symptoms regarding what I’m posting, which you have again minimised.

with respect, none of us knows anything about anyone else here, so you have no idea about what anyone has been through.

what more do you want? To be validated you are most deserving to be labelled with PTSD? Then yes, it truly sounds awful what you have been though and I am truly sorry. Really, I am, and I’m not being sarcastic. But I started this thread in property to talk about the housing market.

@Echolight please calm down.

What you've gone through is horrible. It truly is. None of us can understand how you feel as I doubt there are many people who've been through that much trauma.

But please don't direct your anger at the OP. It feels misdirected. OP found her own situation stressful . What caused her stress wouldn't seem like a problem to you because you've been through so much that I'm not sure not a lot could phase you.

But everyone is so different. We have different stories, different life experiences.

If you had said that you had PTSD from a traumatic birth I would have absolutely been supportive- DD
was a shoulder birth, full medical team, forceps, stuck in birth canal etc - over 24 hours later she arrived. Sadly anaesthesia took several hours to get there and my midwife burst into tears when she tried to break my waters to induce etc etc I still feel slightly traumatised by it and finally if DD said she wanted no children I would be perfectly happy not to be a grandmother one day!

You do however certainly deserve sympathy and support for going though what you have re the house move as it sounds highly unpleasant and dispiriting. It’s just the wording that’s all. If you had phrased it slightly differently it would have produced a different reaction.

The use of the word PTSD can be triggering for what is banal life events.

Finally not everyone has made fortunes on property and some people have lost money. To put it on some perspective think about people who bought houses nowhere near the sea but suddenly their houses are possibly going to fall in the sea or people who bought flats they can’t sell due to ground rent charges etc.
Speak to the estate agent for advice about why your house is not selling easily. Maybe do some staging eg clear ornaments, personal items and make it appear more turn key etc.
Im not sure why houses you want to move into have gone up so much. Have you asked the estate agent? Maybe there are EA on mums net who can offer advice?

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I have a close relative who has a serious chronic health condition and she lists the stress related to a very bad house move as a major contributing factor to the condition. I’ve only been through a couple of pretty straight forward sales and it was still bloody shite!

By the sounds of it, I live in a similar type of village and when I look at the inflation of sold prices over the last ten year period of the bigger properties, it’s staggering. I sometimes play the lottery in the hopes that it will enable me to be able to upsize to a detached (but otherwise fairly mediocre) house.

Not the same situation but when I had an awful neighbour, I kept trying to tell myself that, whilst it might not feel like it right now, this will pass. You will one day be out of that house. And try to be kind to yourself because it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I would be feeling the same in your position.

And in the same vein, are you incapable of reading the full thread?

Even buying and selling in Scotland (where sales tend to be tied down by earlier exchange of contracts) is still stressful, so I can't imagine having so many sales fall through.

Do you need to move now/very soon or could you put it off for a couple of years? It would give you some time to regroup and enjoy the renovations you have done. Could you do anything to your house to mean you don't need to move? Could you look at other areas/different properties to reduce the pressure on what you need to make on your property? I worry we have invested more than our house is worth, want to move but too scared to have it valued and this confirmed!

I feel you OP, you've been through the mill with 5. We had 2 fall through and luckily our 3rd went through but that got shaky at the end. Seriously we've both been having panic attacks and sleepless nights over it all. I do actually worry about what its done to our health and think we've both slipped a bit at work with the stress and the thousands in costs plus the intrusiveness of viewings etc (think we've done 60+ with a toddler /preschooler over the last 20 months) it isn't trivial.

I know there are worse traumas and I have been through "real" trauma myself. But that doesn't mean that this process isn't traumatic in its own way and capable of triggering anxiety to the point of needing medication to function.

As for trying again, is there any reason you can anticipate a buyer potentially pulling out and address that? We came off the market for 6 months after our second failed purchase and addressed a couple of things mentioned to us on the survey. I also changed estate agent and chose the same EA as my dream house was on with, I liked the idea the sellers EA was also on my side as my EA.

Good luck OP. The English system sucks and really needs to change.

Crikey, this thread escalated whilst I was away watching $1.8 million cabins in Alaska that I could never in my lifetime afford O_O

There needs to be a term for something that sits between PTSD and GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) for when a series of things causes a far higher level of anxiety than GAD does. I certainly know that after living in two absolutely god awful rentals for three years and having three house purchases fall through in three years (with almost NO time NOT house hunting, which is all-consuming), my mother dying very quickly of cancer, having to ask my partner to move back from another country, being estranged from almost all our family inside of four years, and various other crappy things doesn’t feel anything like the GAD I was first diagnosed with 7 years ago. Back then I could actually sleep at night. And anxiety throws constant symptoms at you and there’s always a new crappy health “alert” from it. One day it might be a racing heart when you try to sleep, another you are dizzy, the next you have a mouth full of ulcers where you are constantly grimacing so much. They might seem like small irritants but when taken over a long period of time and given how often they change, it is properly, properly shit and grinds you down.

GAD it is not, PTSD it is not, but something nameless in between it most definitely is.

Anyway OP, I know you started this off as a lighthearted thread but the issue you have with your housing is a pretty serious matter and I would like to see it resolved. I can only see two options:

a) extend AND convert the loft
b) move to a cheaper area but don’t concede on house type

After so long looking we opted for option b) and we are seeing far more houses we like than we ever did with our previous chosen location. And the new location surprised us with overall amenities, friendliness, accessibility to good places and nice people. So it doesn’t feel as much of a concession as it first did when we realised we could just never be in our favorite place.

Perhaps it’s time for area B?

Whatever you chose, I feel your pain, you have my utmost sympathy, I also have M.E and feel like shit almost all of the time as well, but even with never feeling well, I can still feel when anxiety is throwing me a new health curveball because the consistent thing about it is you consistently get new shit from it! And yeah, meds and therapy x many haven’t worked for me either.

All I ever needed is a good home. Which continues to evade me.

I hope you find yours soon.