Would women who owns house date a guy who doesnt

[Lm1981]

Was thinking this over the other day due to a friend being in this situation. Would most women who own a house be wary of dating a guy who rents?

Not only did I date a man who didn't own a house, he was living with his mother in his 30s!

Married over 10 years now, no regrets.

Of course not

This is a strange question. My DP was renting when I met him and subsequently moved in with me (homeowner, with mortgage). Why would that be a black mark against him? He pays half of the bills but doesn’t contribute to the mortgage or maintenance on the house. I don’t feel we need a legally binding document - bluntly, he has no financial stake in the house and as such has no rights should we split up.

edited to say that we are 40s, in London.

My now dh owned a house when we met. I had just finished uni and was living back with my parents. It was also long distance so it was easier for me to move with him. After 3 years we moved and bought a house together. We married after 4 years. Married now 15 years with dc. On our 3rd house now and I out earn him now so bring more to the table financially. He never ring fenced his share of what he brought to the table initially (about 100k) but when we bought our current house (we moved out of SE) we became mortgage free with £150k left over. He whacked 100k into his pension and 50k into joint savings. I thought that was more than fair.

The guy probably would have previously lost his house in a divorce.

It seems my question has the room split

I did - I had a mortgage & he was renting

and then I married him

still together 24 years later

I married one.

Doesn't matter one bit if things work out fairly. My husband rented, I owned a small flat which I sold so we could buy together. I paid the deposit... which is written into the mortgage. We pay equally for all bills.

Not again no. He lived off me like a giant parasite and wanted more in the divorce after his adultery.
I would want a fairly equal financial situation for peace of mind. Not that I would ever touch any man with a barge pole now.

LOL of course I would. I mean as it gets more serious there would have to be some serious conversations about finances. Imagine if a man who owned his own home said he would never date a woman who is renting. How batshit would THAT sound?

To be honest, this thread comes across a little bit as looking down your nose at people who rent their home.

I owned a house when I met now DH. He was living in a house share. I was 22 and he was 23.

I only owned because of a gift from my parents. He earned more than me then and more than me now.

We got married whilst living together in that house (he moved in about 6 months later). No pre-nup. Sold that house and bought our next one, mostly based on his income being able to get us that level of mortgage.

I consider all of our assets joint and have done for a long time.

Gross.

I was happy to date guys who rented but I wouldn't consider them as long term partners if they weren't roughly equitable to me. I worked incredibly hard to own my own home as a single mum and I wouldn't ever have risked that hard won independence if he couldn't bring something to the table. I wouldn't have cared pre children but once you've had children you can't take risks.

I'm married so hypothetical. But no at my age (50) I wouldn't date a man who wasn't a homeowner assuming he was around my age.

It all depends on your lifestage though. If I was in my 20s and starting out, I guess home ownership would be less common and less important when dating.

DH owned a house when we met, I was renting. I eventually moved it with him and obviously we’re married now. I didn’t think there was anything even remotely noteworthy about the situation to be honest. There was also no discussion of prenups.

I can see other circumstances where more caution might be advisable, but we were two adults who were in different situations due to previous experiences/ circumstances. I brought a lot to the table too, and still do.

I’d date them. But I’d likely never move in with them - I have too much equity at stake to risk it and I’ve met too many men who seem to view a woman who owns her own as a walking cheque and nothing more.

Even prenups aren’t water tight and I’ve seen too many friends burned by greedy ex husbands or kicked to the curb partners.

I did for a few years til we grew apart during lockdownd. I never wanted to marry him I told him I'd never marry again so I wasn't being misleading. Even if he'd had a house it would have been worth either 1) less than mine or 2) more than mine. I had dc and did not.

Dating is complicated when you're older.

I used to be in the "love is all that matters, who cares about money" camp. if its just short term, it doesn't matter.

but in long term relationships I have seen so many bin fires when people from very disparate financial backgrounds get together. and have experienced issues myself.

house ownership not necessarily the be all or end all but the level of assets/income/approach to spending/type of lifestyle does have to be broadly similar for me personally.

I have no problem dating, but I'm a single mum with a teen ds, so I wouldn't allow a man to move in. Not until DS is settled.

And I won't marry now. The risks are too great.

My boyfriend is a high earner, he just bought a house in his late 40s post divorce, so kinda more equal. But his mortgage is nearly half a million and he is shit with money so I worry.
Whilst looking 'equal' on paper, I am not sure if I ever want to marry him.

Really? I'm reading almost unanimous responses that's it's fine to date someone who isn't a homeowner.

Yeh my x earned 3 x my salary but he drank 3 times as much as well! I visualise myself living a long healthy life and I'd never have said this yo him but I would foresee health problems keeping him off work before 60.

I feel bad just typing that. Sounds so transactional. He was a good guy! But I longed for the security I have now before i got it.

I'm financially secure, nearly 50. Own my house, good savings, good income.

Like others I'm open to dating around that, but if he had substantially less than me I'd want to protect myself. We won't be having children or building our wealth together, so I think it's different than young relationships. Both my parents had marriages that ended in their 60s which they thought were forever and it screwed then both financially. I wouldn't risk that.

I think it's fine, but you may need to be circumspect about him moving in too soon.

When I met DH I owned and he didn't.... TBH it wasn't a worry as the problem is that in fact he didn't want us to live together in my house, mainly as he didn't like the area (but I think also he didn't want to be seen as freeloading in any way off me, perhaps especially by his parents) and I resented that for a long time, but then I think it might have negatively affected the dynamic of our relationship if we had lived together in my place. Initially we rented a flat elsewhere because at the time he was working outside of the totally opposite side of London anyway, and I rented my house out when we were there and during the time we lived in the first place we bought together.

But housing can be an issue - I know a woman in her late 20s who says housing has been a huge issue in her relationships. She doesn't own, but has a stable rent situation where she can stay as long as she wants and she has found problems either with guys who seem to want to take advantage of that, or ones who pretty much expect her to leave a stable arrangement to move to an unstable one with them.