Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Helping elderly parents downsize to a flat - what pitfalls do I need to be aware of?

96 replies

QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 08:55

My parents live in my hometown over an hour's drive from where I live. They have decided the house and garden is getting too much now they are mid 70s and have made the decision to sell up. They want to buy a flat close to where we live, which my DP and I (and our DC) are totally on board with because we get on with them brilliantly and would love to have them nearby, plus it will make life so much easier as they age if I'm on the doorstep (I do have a sibling but they are useless and visit my parents about once a year, despite living only 20 mins drive away). My parents will be moving from a town where they have to drive everywhere to a city where everything is flat and shops, pubs, cafes, GP surgery, chemist etc are a stone's throw. They are excited at the prospect of reclaiming their social life! There are also three hospitals within 20 mins, whereas currently they are a 40-min ambulance ride from nearest one.

So far, so good. But I'm concerned about the emotional impact of them leaving their house after almost 50 years. It's my childhood home but I don't have a great attachment to it - my attachment is to my parents and I would love to be able to just pop round for a cup of tea whenever.

Any tips on making sure it goes smoothly and they don't end up with sellers' remorse?

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 24/09/2023 08:58

Is a flat really the right thing? Think about future mobility issues. A flat could be ok if ground floor or if it has a lift. But otherwise, maybe a bungalow would be more future-proof?

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:02

Twiglets1 · 24/09/2023 08:58

Is a flat really the right thing? Think about future mobility issues. A flat could be ok if ground floor or if it has a lift. But otherwise, maybe a bungalow would be more future-proof?

They're looking at ground-floor flats with some outdoor space for that reason. Bungalows are as rare as unicorns where we live!

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:02

Conversions rather than modern builds too, to avoid extortionate service charges.

OP posts:
NotHappyWithWill · 24/09/2023 09:03

I agree with PP. A flat is a very different way of living, too much communal space and they’d be subject to uncontrollable management fees.

A local estate agent used to market ground floor flats as ground floor bungalows, I don’t think he’d get away with that now.

ActuallyYes · 24/09/2023 09:03

my attachment is to my parents

And their attachment is to you, far more than the house!

They've made a very practical decision that sounds like a win win for all of you. I very much doubt any remorse will be felt (and you are rather infantilising them).

wormshuffled · 24/09/2023 09:04

Look for somewhere adaptable. Think wet rooms, wide door ways and wheelchair accessible. This will help them be independent as long as possible.

PiscesScot · 24/09/2023 09:04

Agree that a ground floor flat or bungalow is the way to go. Future-proofing could include getting somewhere with wide doors, wet room/space for bathrooms aids, ramps & handrails at the entrance etc.

I don't think you need to worry about the emotional impact - they sound excited for a new chapter!

One thing is their belongings. 50 years in one house often means a lot of clutter that needs to go to downsize! If that's the case, are they able to start clearing out things they no longer need (or even better, just deciding what they DO need/want to take with them)?

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:05

ActuallyYes · 24/09/2023 09:03

my attachment is to my parents

And their attachment is to you, far more than the house!

They've made a very practical decision that sounds like a win win for all of you. I very much doubt any remorse will be felt (and you are rather infantilising them).

Yikes, I don't mean to sound like I'm doing that! They are very much in the driving seat with this, but my mum in particular has been talking about how much she'll miss her garden even though it's too big now for her maintain. I guess I'm just worried because it is such a big move for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:06

wormshuffled · 24/09/2023 09:04

Look for somewhere adaptable. Think wet rooms, wide door ways and wheelchair accessible. This will help them be independent as long as possible.

That's great advice, thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:08

PiscesScot · 24/09/2023 09:04

Agree that a ground floor flat or bungalow is the way to go. Future-proofing could include getting somewhere with wide doors, wet room/space for bathrooms aids, ramps & handrails at the entrance etc.

I don't think you need to worry about the emotional impact - they sound excited for a new chapter!

One thing is their belongings. 50 years in one house often means a lot of clutter that needs to go to downsize! If that's the case, are they able to start clearing out things they no longer need (or even better, just deciding what they DO need/want to take with them)?

They have already started decluttering! They are quite minimalist in their taste anyway - they're not ones for loads of knick-knacks. They're already talking about how they'll get rid of furniture they won't need either. They're being so proactive it's taken me by surprise a bit!

OP posts:
AnSolas · 24/09/2023 09:10

They are leaving their friends and social support system what hobbies and activities are they involved in to get them into new social groups?

Not having Jane/John from 2 doors down to chat with for 10 min a day can make a big differrence and having no personal connections may be an adjustment

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 24/09/2023 09:15

Them initiating the move and being up for it is a big win, I know people struggling with mid 80s parents with serious health issues who refuse to downsize for mobility and practicality reasons.

Start the decluttering now and encourage them to be ruthless. start a list of new places to visit with them once they’ve moved in to help with the readjustment stages such as GP, library, dentist etc. I’d advise gettting the new place decorated before they move in, as dealing with a smaller property under renovation will be harder than a bigger house.

pizzaHeart · 24/09/2023 09:17

I would think about their style of living generally. Is gardening their hobby ? If yes, you need to be sure that they would be able to continue, not all flats will allow this even with outdoor space.
Do they spend a lot of time together at the house? Flats are not very spacious so you are literally on top of each other and not much space for storage.
Flats are more noisy. It might be quite irritating.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/09/2023 09:19

It can be hard to get landlord owners to spend money on common areas. Consider whether other flats in the building are owner occupied or mainly tenants.

Their furniture may not fit in a flat because of smaller room sizes so they might need to replace it. How would they feel about that?

Look at the aspect of each room - when does it get the sun?

OscarandLucinda · 24/09/2023 09:20

A house with a downstairs en-suite bedroom, effectively living as in a bungalow but can use any upstairs bedrooms for guests

I would never buy a flat again if I could avoid it, so much unpredictability with service charge rises and constant change of neighbours

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/09/2023 09:22

How big is your garden? Do you have space to section some off for them? I know it's not the ideal solution but it would give them some outdoor space.

TeenDivided · 24/09/2023 09:24

At least 2 bedrooms so hey can move into separate rooms if needed.
3 would future proof for a live in carer.

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:24

AnSolas · 24/09/2023 09:10

They are leaving their friends and social support system what hobbies and activities are they involved in to get them into new social groups?

Not having Jane/John from 2 doors down to chat with for 10 min a day can make a big differrence and having no personal connections may be an adjustment

They don't have friends in their hometown any longer and they're quite insular as a couple. That's why I am happy for them to move because not having to drive everywhere means they can get out and about more and have more of a social life and if one dies first, the other will have us on the doorstep. They are on nodding terms with neighbours but no more than that.

OP posts:
QOD · 24/09/2023 09:24

I’m with @OscarandLucinda
id never buy a flat again and have talked so many people out of it

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:25

OscarandLucinda · 24/09/2023 09:20

A house with a downstairs en-suite bedroom, effectively living as in a bungalow but can use any upstairs bedrooms for guests

I would never buy a flat again if I could avoid it, so much unpredictability with service charge rises and constant change of neighbours

They don't want a house full stop. The only people who would stay over is us and we'll be round the corner!

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:26

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/09/2023 09:22

How big is your garden? Do you have space to section some off for them? I know it's not the ideal solution but it would give them some outdoor space.

We're confident we can find them somewhere within their price range with outdoor space, so that shouldn't be a problem.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 24/09/2023 09:27

What are they downsizing from? Can they manage stairs?
Have they considered a smaller house with a miniscule garden? Maybe one with potential for a downstairs ensuite bedroom in future?

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:29

QOD · 24/09/2023 09:24

I’m with @OscarandLucinda
id never buy a flat again and have talked so many people out of it

I totally get what you mean and it is a concern of mine - we were in a flat before we bought our house and I'd never want to move back! But my parents' very pragmatic thinking is it probably won't be for long given their ages and having amenities and family within walking distance is far more important at this life stage than staying in a house where they will struggle to use stairs.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 24/09/2023 09:30

If they are buying a flat make sure they don't get stitched up with some horrible leasehold problems . If they get it wrong here they will never know stress like it abc could end up bankrupting themselves .

Original poster
QueenieMe · 24/09/2023 09:32

MrsMoastyToasty · 24/09/2023 09:27

What are they downsizing from? Can they manage stairs?
Have they considered a smaller house with a miniscule garden? Maybe one with potential for a downstairs ensuite bedroom in future?

From a three-bedroom house. They couldn't afford a house where we live and actually don't want one. It's not just about stairs, it's that where they live is very hilly and they've seen neighbours on their street become housebound in old age and don't want that. They want a ground-floor flat in a flat area close to shops, pub, cafes, chemist and GP and that's what they can get where we live.

OP posts: