Helping elderly parents downsize to a flat - what pitfalls do I need to be aware of?

[QueenieMe]

My parents live in my hometown over an hour's drive from where I live. They have decided the house and garden is getting too much now they are mid 70s and have made the decision to sell up. They want to buy a flat close to where we live, which my DP and I (and our DC) are totally on board with because we get on with them brilliantly and would love to have them nearby, plus it will make life so much easier as they age if I'm on the doorstep (I do have a sibling but they are useless and visit my parents about once a year, despite living only 20 mins drive away). My parents will be moving from a town where they have to drive everywhere to a city where everything is flat and shops, pubs, cafes, GP surgery, chemist etc are a stone's throw. They are excited at the prospect of reclaiming their social life! There are also three hospitals within 20 mins, whereas currently they are a 40-min ambulance ride from nearest one.

So far, so good. But I'm concerned about the emotional impact of them leaving their house after almost 50 years. It's my childhood home but I don't have a great attachment to it - my attachment is to my parents and I would love to be able to just pop round for a cup of tea whenever.

Any tips on making sure it goes smoothly and they don't end up with sellers' remorse?

My mum moved multiple times post ɓeing retired and widowed. The main thing on moves was to have a massive declutter first.

She is currently in a ground floor flat which has communal parking and her mobility is very bad. She has to walk a reasonable way to her car (for most other people it wouldn't be far at all). She also doesn't have space for a mobility scooter which she could do with as she can no longer really use a rollator.

The other downside with the flat was that they fitted something relating to allowing doors to be opened in a fire. On her flat the entry was very tiny so she then couldn't get in or out! The guy that fitted it then broke it so she could.

The big advantage with the flat is that she has got to know other neighbours and it is in a much more central location so is driving shorter distances.

It is otherwise suitable for someone who is elderly and disabled.

Your ma can take cuttings of her favourite plants now so she has a bit of her old garden with her when she moves.

Make sure whatever flat they buy is checked for noise at various times of day. Some new builds and conversions (so many flats!) have sound insulation problems. My DM had a beautiful Edwardian flat but the neighbours above had put in wooden flooring (contravening the lease agreement) and had young children making a din that woke her up at 6am every morning.

Something to consider is noise - if they are moving from their own house with garden into a flat, they are immediately going to have more noise around them. How sensitive are they to that?
I'm thinking particularly (because I live in exactly this position!) if they are in a ground floor flat and people live upstairs they have the noise of people coming and going through the front door all day and often night, sometimes slamming the door. They may also be the window that gets knocked on when someone upstairs doesn't answer their buzzer. The window people smoke outside of because they are not smoking inside their own flat and go outside the property to do it.
For these reasons, I'd advise not being on the ground floor but somewhere above ground with a good working lift.
You may also find that purpose-built blocks of flats are better soundproofed within the building.

They sound fantastic and I hope will be liberated by the less stuff- smaller space- of it all.
I would say if they can get an extra bed and bath in case they need sort or long term live in carers, or if they become unable to share a bedroom because of illness/med equipment, that would be good. Yes to walk in showers etc. boiling water taps much safer than kettles and my mum managed hers safely until 85 with dementia well after she would have been safe with a kettle. I highly recommend vegetrugs for a patio garden - can grow a lot of plants and veg at waist height with no bending and they look very attractive too.

I would ask them what they think they would miss and then try and see if you can recreate it somehow. I know you have already said they will have garden but an example is I don't garden and don't go out in it - so people would assume I might not care about one but I like looking at green through the windows. Ask them is there anything they think they might miss about the house and area.

Rather than conversions (which can have a lot of issuse with poor noise proofing and oddly sized spaces) how about a maisonette? They will be purpose built but usually only two or four flats. Unlike purpose build blocks, maisonettes often don't have much in the way of communal areas as the top floor flats are usually reached by external stairs.

Well done to your parents for being so proactive.
This is indirectly related. Make sure they have up to date id. I renewed my parents passports well after they stopped travelling. Invaluable for financial transactions.
Make a list of all the change of addresses to be done. Whilst they/you are writing the letters add in a line to allow you to talk to the company on their behalf. Will be invaluable down the line if they are incapacitated/cannot hear the phone etc.
Do NOT take on a load of stuff to be sold on Ebay etc. Start to Freegle larger items. Get into a mentality of helping others by donating.

@QueenieMe it's not specifically retirement (be v careful with those as lots of issues selling) but majority of residents are elderly. There is only one younger family.

Don’t underestimate the amount of stuff that needs doing once they have actually moved in - setting up bills, WiFi, phone lines, direct debits etc. We recently moved my MIL to a bungalow and she’s quite tech savvy but needed a LOT of help with this stuff.

Also regarding stairs, my MIL has seen a decrease in her physical fitness since moving - because she’s not going up and down the stairs. It’s such good exercise for building strength in leg muscles. It’s something we hadn’t thought about. She was perfectly capable of using the stairs before - we were also trying to future proof but that aspect has been a little detrimental.

Good thinking!

Public transport - make sure there are good links so they can get out as much as they any to shops, doctors, local park, supermarket

Space - please consider whether the house will still work in 10 years time when one might need a wheelchair, riser chairs, shower chair, grab rails etc. They won't want to move again!

Flats and retirement flats can be a mixed bag. The service charges are huge and they are extremely difficult to sell. The service charges have to be paid, even if the owner dies or goes into a care home.
Think carefully about what sort of care they might want if needed.
My parents bought a small bungalow with one bathroom.
They could not have a live in or overnight carer because of only having one bathroom.
My mum could have stayed in her own home much longer if we could have had a live in person for respite.
I am looking at down sizing and I do not need a bath, but will definitely want a walk in shower for me and an en suite for a carer.

I would think carefully about the communal area layout. We lived in a flat and our neighbour was quite elderly and leaving the flat became quite a task. We had set of double doors that led to our flats and both needed to be opened in order to get her walker through and there was quite a high threshold get over out of the main front door.

My only advice is to avoid those retirement places with high charges that are then a bugger to sell.

I’d suggest they look more at a smaller house that they can adapt, with things like stair lifts or actual lifts, and a downstairs loo / shower room. Flats are generally very small. Bathrooms in flats are small. Flats can be noisy.

Twiglets1 · Today 08:58

Most bungalows come with maintenance and gardens. Most certainly not future-proof.

We’re making the same move, OP, though a decade or so younger than your parents. Top floor flat with lift and a lovely, large, easy to maintain terrace. The service charge covers the maintenance. We’re also moving from small town to city centre with everything on hand. We can’t wait! I really don’t think you need to worry about buyers’ remorse. We’re leaving what was a loved family home and honestly won’t look back. We’re looking forward to having time and leisure (and spare cash!) again after maintaining house and gardens, which has become increasingly onerous, for years. It’s modern, clean and will be very easy to adapt bathrooms, etc. an ideal place for carers/cleaners to help us should that become necessary.

Soontobe60 · Today 12:32

I’d suggest they look more at a smaller house that they can adapt, with things like stair lifts or actual lifts, and a downstairs loo / shower room. Flats are generally very small. Bathrooms in flats are small. Flats can be noisy.”

Ours is huge. Open plan living with 3 double beds, office and two big bathrooms. It’s a modern, soundproofed block.

agree with PPs though, avoid “retirement flats” like the plague. They’re rabbit hutches.

They sound very sensible over all but they should not assume they only have a few years left. One or both may live another 20 years, so they need to plan in case that happens.

Aren't all flats leasehold, and the monthly management and other various fees can be as much as a monthly rental in themselves. There was a programme on R4 about this recently.

LightSpeeds · Today 12:36
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Aren't all flats leasehold, and the monthly management and other various fees can be as much as a monthly rental in themselves. There was a programme on R4 about this recently”

Ours (Scotland) is freehold. I think the majority are. We’re owners, not renters as I think OP’s parents will be. Fees are fixed by factors using a formula that can’t be changed so we know exactly what we’ll pay ad Infinitum. They include water and sewage, too.

I'd recommend:

1. Ground floor with outdoor space; or first floor with a balcony in block with a lift
2. Purpose-built block rather than conversion
3. A normal private development, not a McCarthy & Stone 'retirement' type
4. As big as they can afford i.e. not a small one-bedder, if they can afford a second bedroom for guests/hobbies

Absolutely what Westfacing says.

this is such a precious time. i am already planning ahead for my elderly mum. we have decided that a ground floor flat is the best option in an area where there is mainly older people. we think this would be good for her socially and also for noise and having more considerate neighbours. my mum isn't bothered about having a garden, and would prefer none, but she wants to be in a development where there are some green grounds and easy access to them. so we are prioritising somewhere like this near us :)

whyisitallsohard

Do make sure that if your mum is looking at a conversion rather than a purpose built block, that it has been sufficiently sound-proofed. Many conversions aren’t and noise from above is really amplified. Also, try to avoid a flat close to the main entrance. The door banging day and night is really annoying! Drove my mum mad.

While management fees can be a bit scary, I absolutely wouldn't underestimate the benefit of living in a well managed block. I have friends that live in conversions and the communal areas are rack and ruin because no one person has responsibility and there's always a leaseholder who refuses to contribute. It's more complex than that, but in a well managed block it's all taken care of.

I would however caution against where the LA is the freeholder due to their propensity to charge extortionate additional amounts for major works.