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Help me with my abusive neighbour. I can't live like this anymore.

113 replies

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:01

I really need help because I can't deal with this anymore. It's making me anxious and sick. I am a 29-year-old woman with 2 children.

My next-door neighbour moved in 3 years ago and was fine for the first year, but for the last 2 years, has made my life hell. I have lived here for 9 years and never had any issues.

They are possibly in their 40s with an 8-year-old child. I think. They don't work but the wife has always been polite to me. I don't know if she knows what her husband is doing.

The man has been to my home, banging on my door, shouting and threatening me. Telling my children to shut up and that he hears them all day. I have a full-time job and I am out of my house from 07:30 am to 18:00 pm. My 8-year-old is in clubs, and my 13-year-old goes home at 3 pm. They stay with their father at weekends. I tried to explain to him that's it's not my children as we are not here, but he won't have any of it. I called the police, and they came as they were concerned due to his threatening behaviour. They went next door and proved my children were not home and I work all day. He didn't have none of it, and this has just continued. The next day, I had my car tyre slashed. He waits till I get home and starts knocking on my door. He's threatening me with the council, some noise boards and environmental agency. My children can't go play in the garden as he shouts at them to shut up. We can't do anything in our home.

He's posting letters through my door saying he can now hear my dog; this is just another thing for him to bully me for. I have a dog walker, and I go home on my breaks as I work round the corner. He is roughly alone for 2 hours! I asked my other neighbour and she didn't hear anything from my dog. For context, we live in terraced houses, and the walls are paper thin. I can hear them argue, but I don't say nothing because I know how thin these walls are.

He turned up at my door on Saturday. My 12-year-old answered, and he started shouting at her to shut the fucking dog up. She was shaken and scared. I've come home today to yet another letter through my door. Threatening with agency's again saying my dog was barking all day! This is a lie as my dog was at a friend's house! I have had my dog for over a year and only now has it become an issue. I just can't deal with this anymore. I avoid coming home till dark, I feel sick and anxious at home. My children are scared to do anything, and now I can't even let my children play with their dog or play music.

What can I do about this? The police only seem to make him back off for a few weeks, then he's back at it again. He is a nasty bully and I know if I was a man, he wouldn't think twice about doing this.

It's just hugely affecting me now. I really need help on what I can do. Moving is not an option as I can't afford it right now. I have absolutely no idea what I have done to make this man like this. I just wish someone could make it stop.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/03/2022 22:03

Report to the police. Every single incident..keep a diary for the Council. Ring doorbell.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 22:04

Police, police, police. Do you have cameras? You need several of them, and do this ASAP.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 22:05

Also, you should have already told your child to NEVER answer the door to this man. Not ever, for any reason.

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:05

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Report to the police. Every single incident..keep a diary for the Council. Ring doorbell.
I'm going to buy the ring door bell this weekend and set up cameras. I just can't guarantee my car will be on camera at all times due to parking.

I keep reporting and reporting, but nothing gets done. I'm just at a loss now.

OP posts:
cataline · 09/03/2022 22:06

What @Aquamarine1029 said.

Cameras asap and do not open the door to him - you or your kids.

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/03/2022 22:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

dancemom · 09/03/2022 22:06

Get a ring doorbell so you can record him.

Police every single time he comes to your door or shouts as your children in the garden.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/03/2022 22:07

Email your MP tonight.
And every week.

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:07

@Aquamarine1029

Also, you should have already told your child to NEVER answer the door to this man. Not ever, for any reason.
She was expecting her friends, so she assumed it was them. Now, I've told her to not to answer the door unless I know who it is. She is usually very sensible and doesn't go to the door unless it's her friends.
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 22:08

I keep reporting and reporting, but nothing gets done. I'm just at a loss now.

Stay strong and keep reporting. Report everything, every time. Be sure to tell them you are being threatened. Record everything. Don't cave in to this bully. Ask the police about a no-molestation order.

Pegasushaswings · 09/03/2022 22:08

This is harassment, keep a diary of everything he dies and report back to the police that you are being harassed rather than report individual incidences.

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 09/03/2022 22:09

I think you need cameras, especially a doorbell one, and one for when the dog is alone, just in case you need to prove it isn't your dog making noise. Also log every single incident with him going forward, both with the police, and in writing for your own records, keep the letters too.

This will build a pattern with proof, of his abusive and threatening behaviour.

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:11

It's just a living nightmare. I don't know if I can get any kind of order on him as he has to use the back end of my garden to take his bins out. I am looking to buy a new home but it's just not possible yet but this is just taking a huge toll on me and my kids.

I called my brother and he is going into the police station with me tomorrow. I'm hoping it will help.

I'll just have the cameras set up and hope for the best I suppose. I don't know what else I can do.

OP posts:
springtimeishereagain · 09/03/2022 22:14

Oh, why do people do this?? I'm so sorry. It sounds very stressful, and your neighbour sounds batshit.

I'm glad your brother is going to the police with you. Good luck. Be very insistent. And update us when you can!

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:15

I was seeing if I can get some sort of recording device for my home so I can prove it isn't my dog barking. I'll have a look on amazon later.

I've not backed down to this man for 2 years but I can't live like this. I want my children to be able to listen to music and have fun, play with the dog. Not live in fear and silence. I have mentioned to the police that I hear him this way to his wife too, so she could be getting it just as worse.

OP posts:
Zed122 · 09/03/2022 22:17

We have a eufy doorbell and my kids have the app on their phones so they can see who is there when the door bell goes.

Definitely log everything with the police.

Is it a private rent you live in or a.council property?

Applesfortea · 09/03/2022 22:22

Get some legal advice, you might be able to get an injunction under the protection from harassment act. You'll need evidence in support - diaries, video recordings etc.

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:23

@springtimeishereagain

Oh, why do people do this?? I'm so sorry. It sounds very stressful, and your neighbour sounds batshit.

I'm glad your brother is going to the police with you. Good luck. Be very insistent. And update us when you can!

I wish I knew what I have done, to be honest!!

The police have details from my employer and school/s. They know I'm not home the times he is stating. I just do not understand any of it. When one of my brothers stayed with me for a week, I didn't hear a peep from him so I know he just a nasty bully.

OP posts:
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:25

@Zed122

We have a eufy doorbell and my kids have the app on their phones so they can see who is there when the door bell goes.

Definitely log everything with the police.

Is it a private rent you live in or a.council property?

I live in rented and have had the same landlord for 11 years. He has tried to reason with him also!

I have just ordered a ring doorbell and my brother will help with that this weekend. I've also got some small cameras for the back of my house too.

OP posts:
Sheerdetermination · 09/03/2022 22:29

Good luck, OP. You have done nothing to cause this. Your neighbour is a bully looking for an argument. Don’t waste your energy trying to understand him.

PenStation · 09/03/2022 22:34

Nightmare, you’ve done nothing wrong. Some good advice already but do consider getting some legal advice too. See if you have a law centre near you. www.lawcentres.org.uk/about-law-centres

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:35

@Sheerdetermination

Good luck, OP. You have done nothing to cause this. Your neighbour is a bully looking for an argument. Don’t waste your energy trying to understand him.
Thank you. In any other circumstances, I would just ignore someone like this, but it's my home this is impacting. I'm just counting down the days till I've saved enough to buy a home, which is about a year away.

I will update on what the police say after tonight, as I've made another report. Thanks for the advice all Smile

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 09/03/2022 22:37

I have an abusive neighbour too

Don't stop doing the normal things you know you're allowed to do

Log everything with police.

However what you do need to do is get cameras and ring doorbell. Perhaps one of those door chains too where you open the door an inch so you can see who it is before opening it. Also have your phone with you so you can get video even if just voice recording of him whenever he starts up.
Because without evidence he won't get done.
If you have evidence you can eventually get him done (or at least make him think twice if there's cameras!)

DuckPancake · 09/03/2022 22:42

Im so sorry you're going through this OP. Do you ever see his wife at all? I suppose like you say, you're barely there anyway Sad did you manage to find any sound/camera recording devices to prove that your dog is innocent?

Keep us updated and stay strong, it's awful when things like this happen with neighbours Thanks

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:45

@purpleme12

I have an abusive neighbour too

Don't stop doing the normal things you know you're allowed to do

Log everything with police.

However what you do need to do is get cameras and ring doorbell. Perhaps one of those door chains too where you open the door an inch so you can see who it is before opening it. Also have your phone with you so you can get video even if just voice recording of him whenever he starts up.
Because without evidence he won't get done.
If you have evidence you can eventually get him done (or at least make him think twice if there's cameras!)

I've been trying to always park my car where I know there's a camera so atleast it won't be damaged. I never thought about one of the chains! I will see if my landlord can fit one.

Thankfully, I have my neighbour as a witness to him shouting at my daughter, so I'm hoping that helps, too. My brother told me to carry on as usual as I'm not making any noise outside of everyday things. I just hate feeling so anxious about it.

OP posts:
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