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Original poster

Help me with my abusive neighbour. I can't live like this anymore.

113 replies

Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:01

I really need help because I can't deal with this anymore. It's making me anxious and sick. I am a 29-year-old woman with 2 children.

My next-door neighbour moved in 3 years ago and was fine for the first year, but for the last 2 years, has made my life hell. I have lived here for 9 years and never had any issues.

They are possibly in their 40s with an 8-year-old child. I think. They don't work but the wife has always been polite to me. I don't know if she knows what her husband is doing.

The man has been to my home, banging on my door, shouting and threatening me. Telling my children to shut up and that he hears them all day. I have a full-time job and I am out of my house from 07:30 am to 18:00 pm. My 8-year-old is in clubs, and my 13-year-old goes home at 3 pm. They stay with their father at weekends. I tried to explain to him that's it's not my children as we are not here, but he won't have any of it. I called the police, and they came as they were concerned due to his threatening behaviour. They went next door and proved my children were not home and I work all day. He didn't have none of it, and this has just continued. The next day, I had my car tyre slashed. He waits till I get home and starts knocking on my door. He's threatening me with the council, some noise boards and environmental agency. My children can't go play in the garden as he shouts at them to shut up. We can't do anything in our home.

He's posting letters through my door saying he can now hear my dog; this is just another thing for him to bully me for. I have a dog walker, and I go home on my breaks as I work round the corner. He is roughly alone for 2 hours! I asked my other neighbour and she didn't hear anything from my dog. For context, we live in terraced houses, and the walls are paper thin. I can hear them argue, but I don't say nothing because I know how thin these walls are.

He turned up at my door on Saturday. My 12-year-old answered, and he started shouting at her to shut the fucking dog up. She was shaken and scared. I've come home today to yet another letter through my door. Threatening with agency's again saying my dog was barking all day! This is a lie as my dog was at a friend's house! I have had my dog for over a year and only now has it become an issue. I just can't deal with this anymore. I avoid coming home till dark, I feel sick and anxious at home. My children are scared to do anything, and now I can't even let my children play with their dog or play music.

What can I do about this? The police only seem to make him back off for a few weeks, then he's back at it again. He is a nasty bully and I know if I was a man, he wouldn't think twice about doing this.

It's just hugely affecting me now. I really need help on what I can do. Moving is not an option as I can't afford it right now. I have absolutely no idea what I have done to make this man like this. I just wish someone could make it stop.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 09/03/2022 22:49

I completely understand

But try to carry on as usual

And yes definitely will help if there's any witnesses

70kid · 09/03/2022 22:52

Get a camera that can cover your car
And a ring doorbell
Due to a fucking psycho ex neighbour I have 3 professionally fitted cameras cost 1k and a ring doorbell
Log every incident with the police you can ask them not to actually speak to him because you are scared but log it and keep the reference number
I have no contact order with no end date on it against my ex neighbour and so do 2 other neighbours .
( a no contact order is very hard to get in most circumstances but the judge could see what a nutter he is and that he was very dangerous ) and it was given to me & my neighbours when he was convicted in the crown courts .
He was evicted from the property as it was a HA property but I had to get my MP & my local councillor involved constantly

For your dog you can get a cheap dog cam that will record him in the house from Amazon

Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:53

@DuckPancake

Im so sorry you're going through this OP. Do you ever see his wife at all? I suppose like you say, you're barely there anyway Sad did you manage to find any sound/camera recording devices to prove that your dog is innocent?

Keep us updated and stay strong, it's awful when things like this happen with neighbours Thanks

Before Christmas last year, I heard him be really nasty towards her. I was screaming and banging things. I saw her a few days later, and I told her she didn't have to put up with that, and there is support. I only ever see them leave their house to take their child to school. I do feel sorry for her. She seems isolated.

I'm just on amazon to see if I can get some sort of noise recorder for my house so that I can prove my dog is not barking all day. My neighbour on the other side told me she never hears him! The police even told me on the phone that even if my dog is barking, as long as its not neglect or constant, then there is no issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 22:54

Sorry, I meant he was screaming and banging things!

OP posts:
70kid · 09/03/2022 22:54

Is it possible to park your car a few streets away - people like him are lazy bastards and won’t bother to go an look for your car .
I had to do this for 2 years 😂
Also depending on your street whichever side of your house he is on when you leave if possible walk in the opposite direction to his house so that you are never walking past his house

QweenBea · 09/03/2022 22:56

Fight fire with fire. Get your brother to have a word with this PoS it's all he seems to understand. Big stick mentality

BOOTS52 · 09/03/2022 23:02

He is just an absolute bully and god love his poor wife. I would ring the police when you hear him bullying her and shouting at her. Keep the diary and would ask about getting a restraining order against him. This is horrible and know what it is like to have abusive bully neighbours that make your life hell. I really hope you get things sorted but go about your lives as normal and do not let him take over. He must have some issues as not normal at all and weirdly as you say he never calls if your brother there. Why not get your brother to call to him or can the police not call to him. This is shocking but does he own or rent. If he rents contact his landlord and tell him the situation and how the police are involved etc. Wishing you some peace.

Wonnle · 09/03/2022 23:04

A visit from an attitude adjuster is called for i think . the bloke is a bully full stop

mommydragonn · 09/03/2022 23:14

I learned a few things from my abusive neighbours. Don't engage with your neighbour. If he comes to your door next time, shout loudly on the street that he is harassing you and tell him never to step on your property, front or back garden. Keep your phone on record the whole time. Record him and I hope he backs off as he knows you are keeping proof. Call the Police and tell Police to tell him never to speak with you and your children. If he shouts at your children, record and contact social services saying that you have safeguarding concerns for your children from your abusive neighbour. If he tries to speak with you or your children outside, don't engage and just walk off. Video and audio recorders needed in the back garden where general public can't help as he is likely to start getting frustrated and shout abuse and I am pretty sure this is against the law. I really really feel for you. Try and gain support from other neighbours. Your neighbour sounds cuckoo, but he is not your problem. Politeness goes out of the window. Pay someone to slash his tires or break his car windows. He will suspect you... but can't prove anything. But will get the hint that he will face financial losses.

purpleme12 · 09/03/2022 23:17

Agree not to engage or respond

You can't reason with people like this

The times I have responded to defend myself calmly or try to reason with my abusive neighbours, I regret looking back on it. You cannot reason with people like this. And you look better if you don't engage or respond and it looks better on you with the police

mommydragonn · 09/03/2022 23:18

Some people will cause problems with neighbours even if the queen or mother theresa was living next to them. He has crossed the boundaries by expecting you to sacrifice normal day to day activities and shouting down on you. Don't try to understand why he is behaving this way or that it's your fault. Stand up to the bastard.

Tiredandhungry23 · 09/03/2022 23:19

That poor woman... I hope she has the strength to leave him.

Get cameras, door bell, diary. Keep a log on every single thing and keep reporting op.

Maybe worth getting a few VERY NOTICABLE cameras at your front door. May scare him off or think twice before he decodes to harrass you. Make a point with the cameras let him know his bully will ne exposed and on show.

Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 23:21

I have 7 brothers, but I really didn't want to let them have a word as I do not want to escalate anything! But they would go round there in a shot if I asked them to. I've only really let my brother know most of it tonight as it just got abit much to handle after that letter. But he said we will try it the right way with the police first, then if it doesn't work, he will have to go and have a word with him. The only thing I'm worried about that is if his wife suffers from it. I have told the police about the things I've heard, and I hope they do thoroughly check she is OK.
You all are correct. He is just a nasty bully. He has no life and sits in the house all day. I've managed to keep my cool but tonight I just wanted to go bang on their door and scream at him.

OP posts:
mommydragonn · 09/03/2022 23:25

Don't make his wife your problem for now... you may expect support from her, but things may back fire. Use your brothers. Create a situation where they visit, have a noisy party and then let the bastard approach them. Ask them to act rowdy when they come around and I am sure your neighbour will see that you have people for support who will not shy away from a fight.

Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 23:30

@Tiredandhungry23

That poor woman... I hope she has the strength to leave him.

Get cameras, door bell, diary. Keep a log on every single thing and keep reporting op.

Maybe worth getting a few VERY NOTICABLE cameras at your front door. May scare him off or think twice before he decodes to harrass you. Make a point with the cameras let him know his bully will ne exposed and on show.

I've just done an amazon shop and got a ring bell for the front door, a small one for higher up my house so that I can see my car wherever I park. My nice neighbours will like that as it also watches their cars too! I got two for the back garden (he has communal access through my garden to empty his bins) I've spoken to my landlord and he is building a fence so he will not be able to gain any access to the garden. I lose part of my garden but it's worth it. I've put a second one further up the garden as a week ago, meat was chucked into my garden and my dog nearly got it. I knew it was him but had no proof. Yes he is that evil, he leaves the gate open so my dog runs into the road. Just an awful person really. If it helps, my dog is a tiny shitzu.
OP posts:
2bazookas · 09/03/2022 23:31

Keep a written diary of every event, date, time, what he did said, witnessed by.
Keep reporting to police you are a single mother being threatened and harassed by a mentally unstable man.
Contact your local councillor, local MP. Tell police you are doing so, Tell MP and councillor you have asked for police support and they are not giveing enough.
Tell his wife what he's doing; if she genuinely doesn't know, then she needs to.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 09/03/2022 23:32

I've not read the full thread but would your brother spend a bit of time at yours and answer the door next time? This bully might be less inclined to shout at and threaten a man.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 09/03/2022 23:34

Ah sorry, just scrolled up a bit and seen your last post!

Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 23:36

@mommydragonn

Don't make his wife your problem for now... you may expect support from her, but things may back fire. Use your brothers. Create a situation where they visit, have a noisy party and then let the bastard approach them. Ask them to act rowdy when they come around and I am sure your neighbour will see that you have people for support who will not shy away from a fight.
It happens that my brothers are here at the end of the month to fit me some new flooring whilst I'm at work, and he won't like that with the noise. They are doing 3 rooms too. They really need doing so I'm not putting that off. I bet he doesn't even make a peep whilst they are here.

I agree regarding his wife. I've not really engaged with her as I know he could possibly escalate his behaviour towards her if he knew. So I've left that with the police.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivyruin · 09/03/2022 23:39

@2bazookas

Keep a written diary of every event, date, time, what he did said, witnessed by. Keep reporting to police you are a single mother being threatened and harassed by a mentally unstable man. Contact your local councillor, local MP. Tell police you are doing so, Tell MP and councillor you have asked for police support and they are not giveing enough. Tell his wife what he's doing; if she genuinely doesn't know, then she needs to.
My next step would be the MP. He's supposed to be really good at helping with things, so I will try that.

It's just awful I'm even having to do any of this.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 09/03/2022 23:39

@Ivyruin yes I had to lose part of my garden too to put a higher fence up
Well worth it I have to say

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/03/2022 23:40

Get a dash cam that records when the car is parked.

Whypaytherent · 10/03/2022 05:56

Get legal advice from a Solicitor.
Borrow a few big blokes. I hate to give this advice, it is so against the grain for me but he is a bully. They need to be there to answer the door to him. I would encourage them to have some loud conversations in your house. He needs to know they are there.
Cheeky fucking bastard.

Notmyyearthisyear · 10/03/2022 07:23

Sounds like you already have enough evidence to apply for non molestation order. Speak to the police and ask for assistance. If they offer one this won’t even cost you anything. It is harassment, full stop. Judge will be sympathetic.
Don’t even think about his stupid bins. His wife can take them out.

Instafreak231 · 10/03/2022 07:29

I second the advice to get a man (or men) to open the door/tell him where to go. Goes against my feminist principles to say that but he sees you as vulnerable as you are home with the children without their dad. He’s a pos.
Would your ex have a word?