Help me with my abusive neighbour. I can't live like this anymore.

[Ivyruin]

I really need help because I can't deal with this anymore. It's making me anxious and sick. I am a 29-year-old woman with 2 children.

My next-door neighbour moved in 3 years ago and was fine for the first year, but for the last 2 years, has made my life hell. I have lived here for 9 years and never had any issues.

They are possibly in their 40s with an 8-year-old child. I think. They don't work but the wife has always been polite to me. I don't know if she knows what her husband is doing.

The man has been to my home, banging on my door, shouting and threatening me. Telling my children to shut up and that he hears them all day. I have a full-time job and I am out of my house from 07:30 am to 18:00 pm. My 8-year-old is in clubs, and my 13-year-old goes home at 3 pm. They stay with their father at weekends. I tried to explain to him that's it's not my children as we are not here, but he won't have any of it. I called the police, and they came as they were concerned due to his threatening behaviour. They went next door and proved my children were not home and I work all day. He didn't have none of it, and this has just continued. The next day, I had my car tyre slashed. He waits till I get home and starts knocking on my door. He's threatening me with the council, some noise boards and environmental agency. My children can't go play in the garden as he shouts at them to shut up. We can't do anything in our home.

He's posting letters through my door saying he can now hear my dog; this is just another thing for him to bully me for. I have a dog walker, and I go home on my breaks as I work round the corner. He is roughly alone for 2 hours! I asked my other neighbour and she didn't hear anything from my dog. For context, we live in terraced houses, and the walls are paper thin. I can hear them argue, but I don't say nothing because I know how thin these walls are.

He turned up at my door on Saturday. My 12-year-old answered, and he started shouting at her to shut the fucking dog up. She was shaken and scared. I've come home today to yet another letter through my door. Threatening with agency's again saying my dog was barking all day! This is a lie as my dog was at a friend's house! I have had my dog for over a year and only now has it become an issue. I just can't deal with this anymore. I avoid coming home till dark, I feel sick and anxious at home. My children are scared to do anything, and now I can't even let my children play with their dog or play music.

What can I do about this? The police only seem to make him back off for a few weeks, then he's back at it again. He is a nasty bully and I know if I was a man, he wouldn't think twice about doing this.

It's just hugely affecting me now. I really need help on what I can do. Moving is not an option as I can't afford it right now. I have absolutely no idea what I have done to make this man like this. I just wish someone could make it stop.

Wonder if he would change if he thought there was a man living in the house? Big boots at the door, shirts etc on the washing line. Record your brothers voice and play it back randomly.

@StrongTea

Wonder if he would change if he thought there was a man living in the house? Big boots at the door, shirts etc on the washing line. Record your brothers voice and play it back randomly.

I wouldn't try that. Likely he'd try to report you believing your defrauding either council tax or benefits

Is he a tenant or does he own the property? As others have suggested, report every single incident and keep a log of everything, Ring doorbell etc. If the police don’t take it seriously then make a complaint about them. The local council may also be able to help with anti social behaviour problems, worth checking. Contact your local MP so have a network of contacts to deal with any problems, I used mine for an issue at a previous home I had which was sorted quickly with their intervention.
I used to working in Lettings and we had a tenant like this who used to chase his neighbours or delivery drivers down the street, if someone was working at another house he used to complain that they’d woken him up in the middle of the day (he didn’t work) and he’d call us continuously and be abusive, he managed to get hold of the landlord’s mobile number and would call her in the middle of the night making demands. Needless to say he was served notice at which point his girlfriend called us in tears asking that we give them a good reference to the next poor Lettings agents who would have to deal with them…

When one of my brothers stayed with me for a week, I didn't hear a peep from him so I know he just a nasty bully.

This is vile. Makes it even worse. So he acts insane but he knows perfectly well when it's just you in the house to bully. Men like this make me sick.

Could you sneak one of your brothers into your house, make some noise, wait from him to come round, then your db can answer the door and give him what for? Might scare him away.

Also enlist the help of neighbours.

I agree that he is probably worse with his wife, unfortunately. If he ever goes out, could you go round to see her?

💐

If he is a tenant, you could put string pressure on his landlord via the police to move. Though that might backfire on you. Can you speak to your landlord? They often have several properties and they might help you to switch rather than lose your tenancy.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds awful.

You have 7 brothers?

Honestly, at this point I'd get them to go round to his place together, introduce themselves very politely as your brothers and suggest that he leaves you alone.

All very polite. No threats or anything. Just all 7 of them on his doorstep.

it shouldn't be needed but do you have any burly Male friends . I would enlist some help to get them to answer the door a few times. Leave large sized mens shoes outside the front door and mens clothes on the washing line . If he starts at your front door then shout up the stairs to an imaginary man asking if they are out of the shower yet etc.
It might make it worse though if he hits said male friend but at least then you could press charges. And at this point what do you have to lose ?
That is what I would do. And yes record everything . It is shocking that he is getting away with this. I really hope you get it resolved.

oh ignore above. See others have suggested the same things.

So angry for you and your DC. I've had much lower level aggression from a neighbour & I was intimidated & scared to leave the house/make noise and answer the door. However after a warning from the police it all stopped. We had no witnesses so you're in a stronger position having them

Agree with

Cameras - you need a sticker legally to say you have cameras
Note every incident, I was able to backdate before I started that. Push the police they are not protecting you
Legal letter if you can afford it. If not CAB has a letter you can mirror which threatens legal action as a next step - I used it before escalating to the police
MP
Complain to your local council - do you know if he owns/rents? Hopefully he's renting & will be evicted
Don't let the kids answer the door
Don't answer the door to him
Have your MB in your hand already recording when leaving so you can film it with sound

Does he have a neighbour on the other side? Does he bully them too?

As you're renting I would move, it sounds so traumatic and even if he stopped I think the home may be ruined to feel safe for you all. As you've said you're making a normal level of noise!

Agree that his wife sounds potentially abused, you've done the right things trying to help her. Hopefully she will get the help she needs but don't let it discourage you from taking actions

Keep a log of every single incident in a Word document.

Report every single incident to the police.

Get your brothers to go round en masse before you put all the cameras up and let him know very politely but firmly that his behaviour will no longer be tolerated.

Tell him to go to the council and environmental health, the most they'll do is set up some listening devices and then tell him there's no noise. You can prove the house is empty during the day so they'll record his complain as malicious which gives you more proof.

I might set up a recording device in your house once or twice just to check that the dog isn't barking while there alone, for your own peace of mind.

@Twizbe even if they do accuse her she can just prove her brother lives at his own address and was just staying over

If you were my sister and going through this I would lend you the money to buy a house sooner. He sounds absolutely crazy and a misogynistic bully.

My Aunty had this from a couple of drug addicts next door who were renting. She owned her home. I'm certain they were worse with her because she was a woman on her own. My brother went round after the police did nothing and basically said he would chin them if they didn't stop. It stopped after that. Not saying it's the right way but sometimes it's the only way.

I'd report them to social services as well as there's clearly some sort of abuse going on.

Definitely agree with the cameras…we have a very weird neighbour, he also reported us for “leaving our dog outside to bark all day”. Fortunately, using our cameras (which record permanently) we were able to show us putting our dog in the car at 8am to come to work with us and unloading him when we got home at 6pm AND that the garden was empty all day. We also had footage of him have a nosey down our drive and even gawping through our windows and on a step ladder staring over the 6ft fence we had installed!!! That footage put him back in his box!!! Also agree re: reporting to the police every single time he knocks on your door. Install the cameras and next time he comes round tell him to NEVER come to your door again, but he can feel free to report to the relevant agencies….

Do you have a large male friend who can knock on his door and politely tell him to "correct his behaviour"?
Roughly translated as if we ever see hear or smell you again your head will be separated from your body.
I'm not usually one to condone violent threats but sadly sometimes its the only way!!

Luckily I don't claim any benefits so I don't think he can do anything in that sense?

My brothers are round at the end of the month so I will be telling then to go round if he is still doing it. The police stated that cause he hasn't harmed me, they can't do anything apart from go round. So he's basically has got to assault me or worse, before anything is done. We are going into the police station today and I'm hoping they listen!

He tried to speak to me this morning and I just got into my car and took a picture of him at my house. Then logged it online again with police.

The other side of his house is a building shop! Who cut wood and make noises so. The door has a bell everytime you open it and it's a busy shop. So, it's clear he's just targeting me. I never let the kids father go round as I didn't want him getting into trouble but I'm willing to try anything now as I shouldn't be forced out of my home. I think they may own their house so I don't know if that changes anything.

Cameras will be here at some point today, so they will be done at the weekend. I'm just worried that my daughter comes home from school alone; she is scared of him. I'm going to speak to my older neighbour today and ask if my daughter can sit with her after school - she can make a decent coffee

I want to say thank you to every poster though. Its made me feel alot better and less anxious. I just can't believe it. I'm usually not phased by much at all but this has knocked me and affected me over time. I just hope one day he gets the same treatment or when I move out, some muscle man moves in who loves to party ha

You poor thing. It sounds horrendous. I hate to worry you further but be careful with your dog too, he sounds like the kind of person who could throw things in to your garden to harm your dog. I feel incensed on your behalf that your quiet home life is being invaded by this awful bully. It makes me wonder who else he has targeted / is targeting too. Really hope this is resolved for you

Have you contacted antisocial behaviour team at council? Does he rent or own. If he rents contact the landlord - you can find out owner from Land Registry.

The ring doorbell is great it can be set to give an automatic message in a male voice. Also your brother can be linked via the app so he can answer the doorbell remotely and your neighbour may assume he’s in the house, especially if he says he is on his way downstairs to answer the door. You won’t see him for dust.

Invest in a Furbo dog camera for inside your house. You get notification if someone smashes a door or window, if your smoke alarm goes off or if your dog barks - it sends a message to your phone.

There is a small monthly subscription (we pay $10 aud per month) - not sure what it is for the UK, but it's definitely worth having because that also has a 'Person alert' so picks up intruders in the home and also if it picks up people in your garden - depending on where you have the camera.

It's called Furbo - have a look, we feel so much safer having it at our house. We can speak to our dog/cat as well through the camera - You dont have to have it on record when you are home but if you had to leave your daughter at home on her own, you could switch it on and check in on her to see if she is OK (if she is happy with that of course)

Good luck, and I agree with what people are saying about record everything and get a Ring doorbell too. He will catch himself out at some point, his behaviour is too erratic to get away with it for long.

I agree with the posters above that you really need to fight fire with fire, or in this case, balls with balls, so to speak.

Tell your brothers what's going on and get all of them to knock on his door this weekend TOGETHER and politely ask him to explain his difficulties to them.

Every time he speaks to you or engages with you in any way, 3+ blokes need to turn up on his door step, a little bit closer every time, to ask him to explain himself.

Tell the guys in the woodworking shop on the other side of him what's going on. I bet they'd be happy to knock on his door too. Nobody likes a bully.

He's targeting you because you appear to be alone and vulnerable. Demonstrate the near football team of men you have around you, and demonstrate it regularly. I bet your garden would be a lovely place for them to do their weights on a sunny Saturday afternoon for a bit! :)

Your ex doesn't want his kids bullied like this either, so use him.

Contact the contact Environmental Dept at the council and discuss the noise with them, this will show you're taking an active role as a good neighbour.
Often they put in a sound recording device the records peak noise. If you got them to do this study then you would have good evidence that your neighbours claims are unfounded. His behaviour could be treated as abuse and the police would have to be more proactive against him.

Before Christmas last year, I heard him be really nasty towards her. I was screaming and banging things. I saw her a few days later, and I told her she didn't have to put up with that, and there is support. I only ever see them leave their house to take their child to school. I do feel sorry for her. She seems isolated.

was it after this incedent that it all started, or has it been going on longer?

Theres a bit of me wondering if, as a single woman with kids, you are a threat to him, because you might 'influence' his wife to leave him. So he is trying to ensure that you dont develop a relationship with her.

massive bully and pretty delusional though, especially if you are not home. Have you been in the shop and found out if he has complained about them, because as you say, they are demonstrably more noisy. And if not it shows that he is targetting and harrassing you, and its nothing actually to do with noise

[quote Calandor]@Twizbe even if they do accuse her she can just prove her brother lives at his own address and was just staying over[/quote]
That's true, but I'm sure OP doesn't want the extra stress.

If you claim a discount on your council tax because you're a single adult they can report you for that.

It's not worth the extra stress really.

Slightly agree with getting your brothers to go round and very very politely ask him to leave you alone.

@WouldIwasShookspeared

You have 7 brothers?

Honestly, at this point I'd get them to go round to his place together, introduce themselves very politely as your brothers and suggest that he leaves you alone.

All very polite. No threats or anything. Just all 7 of them on his doorstep.

This. Ridiculous you should have to but you've tried the "proper" way already.