Ashamed I can't get a mortgage

[username1223]

So im in my early thirties and feeling very down and deflated lately.

I have always lived with my parents, we get on really well and it was fine. I did feel in my twenties, that this was fine as I hoped I would eventually meet somebody and we'd combine finances to move into a place of our own. For the last few years however, I have wanted to move out on my own when my hopes didn't come to anything, however I lost my job when Covid hit and it took a year before I got a new Full time job.

The new job I got, was a step up on the previous job I lost through covid. I am now at management level. However with all the extra work I do, I still only earn £20k a year. Only about 4k more on what I previously earnt. I like my job, and the field i am in, its all i've ever known. I worked up from the age of 18. Yet here I am, as far as I can realistically go, and still earning peanuts. (its a sales role btw)

My family is proud of me, I also got a car to commute to my new job. The first car ive had as I previously didnt need one as I commuted by train. But i'm constantly feeling down and depressed and comparing myself with other people.

Sure im single and wanting to move out alone. Its not exactly my choice to be single, my love life has just always been a shambles. In my late twenties I put myself out there numerous times, done all the apps etc and still nothing stuck. :( So I decided im going to have to be independant and do the moving out thing alone.

Except i've tried a few mortgage calculators and see I can't get a decent mortgage on my income with my deposit i saved from previous job. Im starting to feel like what is the point if i cant make a life for myself.

I wanted to arrange a first time buyers appointment at a bank, but im ashamed by my income and circumstance, i cant imagine sitting with someone in a office reeling off how rubbish my finances are and feeling ashamed this is where i am at in my thirties.

I have no idea what to do. My goal is to get a mortgage on a little home to call my own. But im single and on £20k a year despite working up for 10 years+. I could just cry.

@username1223

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age. But then again they are married and have two incomes! I only want a little terrarace or something. Shared ownership is something I may consider.

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

@username1223

I'm 42 and live in a one bedroom flat in an expensive city. I have a professional job and earn more than you do but it's still all I can afford.
It doesn't make me a failure.
It's cosy and mine and I love it.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I have married university friends with townhouses in Chelsea and 5 bedroom piles in the Gloucester countryside. Their success doesn't make me a failure. And you aren't either. You're smart hardworking and love your job - that's great, but you may need to adjust your expectations. Look at flats/1beds. Get on the ladder then you can move up. You're also a decade younger than me!

Speak to London and country brokers

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age

This is bonkers.
In all likelihood you can’t afford what you want, you for some bizarre reason you’d feel a failure in a 1-bed flat, where you’d at least be living on your own. 🤷🏼‍♀️
There’s no point in comparing yourself to your friends.
So either go and see a broker and see what mortgage you can get, and then see what that gets you in your area.
Or, as others have said, consider moving area. Because, if say a broker says you could get a mortgage for £70k, you could probably find a 2 bed terrace with a garden somewhere in the country. But obviously you’d have to relocate and get a new job.
But most people have to compromise on something.
I’d have loved my first house to be a fucking massive Georgian mansion with sea views. It wasn’t, it was a 1 bed flat that resulted a minimum 1.5 hour commute (each way) to my job.

I was in a similar role/salary & although I had a partner he was a student so not much of an income. We made use of the LIFT scheme.

I would suggest booking an app with an independent mortgage advisor. By the sounds of it you have potentially got a 10% deposit so are in a good position. They won't judge you, you'll be surprised what options there are to you. Good luck 🙂

@ILoveAllRainbowsx rubbish. Expand on what you have personally had issues with or don't put people off a valuable scheme that helps so many.
The new model of shared ownership has only been published in the last couple of months which makes the scheme even more secure for anyone looking. removes risks around lease lengths, ground rents and staircase costs.

I think theres a few issues at play here. I'm not sure why you have always relied on meeting a partner to subsidise you rather than make plans for the future to support yourself. I bought my first flat on my own with a £15k deposit when I was 25 on £25,000 a year. It was quite run down and an ex council flat (so was a good sized 2 bed!) And was way below what flats normally go for in the area but I spent time giving it a lick of paint, tidying it up and generally making it better. Me and my fiance bought our dream 2 bed house last year but we could only do that by taking the stepping stones to get there (flat first).

Depending on the area you're in, your income does sound low. Retail is a difficult place to be at the moment. Are there transferable skills that could go accross to ther better paid jobs?

Rather than sit around and mope, you need to accept that you have not saved up much considering you have always lived with your parents and your age, and you are setting your bar far too high for a starter home. You are single, you do not not need a two bedroomed house. A one bedroom flat will be perfectly sufficient and will enable you to get on the ladder.

I think you need to look outside your immediate area. I live in the midlands not sure where you are but I have a 3 bed terrace with a nice sized front and back garden, 2 double bedrooms and a box room. Around here that would be able £150,000 now, you could get a 2 bed for around £120,000.

I don't really see why we have a obligation to "make you feel better" rather than "be helpful" or "tell the truth."

Other posters have pretty much nailed it....15k isn't much savings, even on a low wage, if you've been working since 18 and living with parents all that time, and if you can't afford a 2 bed house where you live you'll either have to get something smaller, move further away, or change career. It's not being mean, just saying there's no magic money/mortgage fairy - but at least you do have options. Other people are tied down by children/childcare needs/carers for parents, etc.

I was in a similar position to you 5 years ago - earnt 21k aged 26 (and that was my highest paying job - 5 years earlier when I graduated I was on 12k full time!) So could only borrow 90k. However I had been saving constantly since uni so had 50k plus to put down so manged to scrape together enough for the 2 bed house. Even with that I had to move a distance away from family and friends to be able to afford it, and shortly after realised that I would need to change jobs if I ever wanted to move somewhere nicer, so left a career that I enjoyed for one that pays significantly more.

So it is doable but not easy!

@Couchbettato

OP, I wouldnt be deflated just yet.

There's bound to be another economic crash that takes the housing market with it.

Houses are overpriced at the moment and mortgages are unachievable for many, but it's not always going to be that way.

Hmm....people keep saying this...yet brexit, the biggest fall in GDP, millions of jobs lost and a worldwide pandemic later and prices have only gone up....I don't think they can sustain going at this price but that's not the same as a dramatic fall. The government have shown they are willing to prop up the property market whatever the cost.

Plus prior recessions show that they don't make it easier for 1st time buyers to get on the ladder because a) jobs are often less secure, mortgage rates higher and banks more cautious of lending and b) the people already in the 1st time buyer homes can't afford to move because they are in negative equity so sit tight, so there aren't homes available

Apart from the humanity factor where you're basically encouraging op to wish for something that would result in normal families losing their homes

@ILoveAllRainbowsx we've actually taken legal action with bbc / panorama for how appallingly incorrect that whole programme was and they since issued a number of corrections, not to mention most of the issues that the people on the programme had was actuallydown to their solicitors not doing their jobs rather than shared ownership as a product or the HA's.
the first link is also completely irrelevant as the whole thing has been overhauled to give 990 year leases so its referring to a totally different product than what is currently available.

You need to make a plan.

1. Make a budget. You’ve got about £1400 take-home pay each month. Challenge yourself to save £1000/month - that’ll give you an extra £5K by the end of the year.

2. Make use of government schemes if you haven’t already. Stick £4K into a LISA and that will turn into £5K with the top-up.

3. Adjust your expectations. Most people start out small and work their way up the property ladder. DP and I started in a tiny one bed flat; we gained more in equity than we could ever have hoped to save ourselves, which helped us eventually buy our house 5 years later.

4. Look at ways of boosting your income - get some management experience under your belt then start job hunting for a pay rise.

5. Consider whether you’re depressed. Defeatist attitudes are common when struggling with depression, and you may find once you’ve sought treatment and coping strategies you’ll have a new perspective.

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age.*

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BEDROOM anyway because you live with Mum and Dad. At least if you had a 1-bed flat of your own you could invite a friend round for a meal or sex or to get drunk without your parents as audience.

Loads of people can't get a mortgage these days. I'm married with 4 kids and I can't get a mortgage. It doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold and live with parents forever. You just rent. I get that you want to buy but it's not an option for everyone.

2 bed and renting a room out is a better financial option if you can achieve that.

If you are good at your job see if you can move sideways to somewhere that pays better and has better promotion possibilities.

You can do this!!!

Sorry OP but I’m with the rest - you need a reality check. I am 31 and no one I know bought without either family help or combined wages. And the main hurdle is getting on the ladder - no one is saying you need to stay in a gardenless-1bed forever more. It’s easy to move up once you’ve got some equity and prices are basically always rising. We did 1 bed leaky flat -> 3 bed semi -> 3 bed semi with loads of potential and about to do a big extension because our track record/credit rating we’ve built up through all these purchases allows that. Literally just get something to get on the ladder.

It’s do-able OP, don’t worry. It’s not you; it’s the current market.

When we brought our first home my credit rating was too shite to even be added as a joint applicant so DP had to go it alone and I just ‘move in’(and pay half) - he was on single income of around £22k and got £124.5k mortgage. We had enough deposit to buy a £140k 2 bed end terrace house with a large front and back garden, it needed decorating but nothing much in the way of ‘doer-upper’ that would cost loads to renovate.

However, we’ve just sold this house that’s only had a lick of paint and it’s just sold for nearly £189k - the market it mental at the moment, banks are wary due to covid. It’s not you. You’re essentially just looking at the worst possible time.

Hang in there, the market will come down, houses will become cheaper, people will stop buying everything that breaths on the market and something will come up. Youre being way too hard on yourself.

As for your shitty income, totally area dependant. I was a dental nurse for years and only ever managed to earn 16k it was totally bullshit working so hard for the qualification. I’m just a ‘IT’ person now and on 20k, which is pretty good for a 25 year old in my area doing what I do. But if I were in London it would be pennies.

Please don’t be down on yourself. You’ll get there!

So what is OP supposed to do? Waste more money on rent? It's not the end of the world to buy a one bed flat!

Just don’t buy. You have good savings, keep plugging away at your job to earn more and keep going.
You may well meet somebody. I was 34 when I met DH, he was far better paid than me and it just worked. Rented until that point

@Lovelouise6778

So what is OP supposed to do? Waste more money on rent? It's not the end of the world to buy a one bed flat!

If the only other option is living with parents in your 30s and not moving on in life then yes.

Do not be ashamed. Buying a house is seen as the must to thing but honestly you don't have to. Also you can buy a house at any age. For that amount of saving as well is great.
Speak to an independent broker about your options. Shared ownership could be one. Or set a date in mind where ul have 10% deposit. Might take another 1 or 2 bit set a goal and work towards that.