Ashamed I can't get a mortgage

[username1223]

So im in my early thirties and feeling very down and deflated lately.

I have always lived with my parents, we get on really well and it was fine. I did feel in my twenties, that this was fine as I hoped I would eventually meet somebody and we'd combine finances to move into a place of our own. For the last few years however, I have wanted to move out on my own when my hopes didn't come to anything, however I lost my job when Covid hit and it took a year before I got a new Full time job.

The new job I got, was a step up on the previous job I lost through covid. I am now at management level. However with all the extra work I do, I still only earn £20k a year. Only about 4k more on what I previously earnt. I like my job, and the field i am in, its all i've ever known. I worked up from the age of 18. Yet here I am, as far as I can realistically go, and still earning peanuts. (its a sales role btw)

My family is proud of me, I also got a car to commute to my new job. The first car ive had as I previously didnt need one as I commuted by train. But i'm constantly feeling down and depressed and comparing myself with other people.

Sure im single and wanting to move out alone. Its not exactly my choice to be single, my love life has just always been a shambles. In my late twenties I put myself out there numerous times, done all the apps etc and still nothing stuck. :( So I decided im going to have to be independant and do the moving out thing alone.

Except i've tried a few mortgage calculators and see I can't get a decent mortgage on my income with my deposit i saved from previous job. Im starting to feel like what is the point if i cant make a life for myself.

I wanted to arrange a first time buyers appointment at a bank, but im ashamed by my income and circumstance, i cant imagine sitting with someone in a office reeling off how rubbish my finances are and feeling ashamed this is where i am at in my thirties.

I have no idea what to do. My goal is to get a mortgage on a little home to call my own. But im single and on £20k a year despite working up for 10 years+. I could just cry.

If you're good at selling and enjoy it you can earn loads more than 20k. I was bad at it and hated it and was still on 23k basic plus around 10k commission. Have a look around at job ads and see if anything jumps out at you - and don't forget it's often worth applying even if you don't meet all the criteria. B2B (selling to businesses) is where the good money is.

In the meantime no good will come of comparing yourself to other people. We all have different trajectories in life and money isn't everything - for example I know loads of people who wish they had as good a relationship with their parents as you do.

Do you live in an area where it's impossible to get another job? That's a very low salary for a sales management job, maybe it's time to move on. Most people don't increase their salary significantly by staying in the same company.

Could you buy an investment property in a cheaper area, rent it out until you have some more equity to get a bigger deposit and at least get on the ladder that way?

Retail is poorly paid but if you move into supermarkets for instance there is more career progression. You could also move into another section. Realistically where you live that isn't sufficient salary wise to buy - you have the makings of a good deposit though. Shared ownership might be an option but I would look at what career changes you can make first

Why do you need two beds and a garden?

Most FTB look at 1 beds because that’s what’s within budget.

£15k is a good deposit. Find a good mortgage broker, the online calculators are terrible. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Your friends have bigger properties because they have dual incomes.

You can do this, but you need to cut your coat accordingly. A friend of mine (in his forties) inherited £100k a few years ago and ended up blowing it because it wasn’t enough to get the 4 bed cottage he dreamt of, he’s still in rented.

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom.

But why? I know several people with a 1 bedroom flat. They certainly don't consider themselves to be failures

I've just done a quick search for sales manager jobs (in lots of different industries) and the average salary seems to be about 35k. If I were you I'd stick at the current job for now but start applying elsewhere, then you will be a step closer to getting that house.

I wonder if my 500sq feet flat is big enough to throw a failure party for all of us who live in flats.

You've got champagne taste but a beer budget OP.

At the end of the day, in the nicest possible way, you live with your folks. Living in a 1 bed flat would be nothing but an upgrade.

You need to look at flats. Even a 2 bed flat is cheaper than a house. You would be better off putting your savings into a flat then waiting another x years to save for a house, in that time inflation on a flat would be worth more than the extra savings. You also need to stop comparing yourself to your friends, your situations are entirely different!

Sales Manager is very different to Retail Sales Manager though....

You should definitely look to see how you can progress your career to earn more. It’s usually the salary multiple that holds people back from being able to buy, so you’re not alone in that. You didn’t say what kind of retail you work in but could earn double your current salary as a deputy store manager for Lidl, for example careers.lidl.co.uk/stores/deputy-store-manager?page=1&bulktemplate=4&filter=%7B%22contract_type%22:%5B%5D,%22employment_area%22:%5B%5D,%22entry_level%22:%5B%5D%7D&with_event=false

@Bluesheep8

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom.

But why? I know several people with a 1 bedroom flat. They certainly don't consider themselves to be failures

It’s an attitude that’s also going to hold you back in other areas of your life. There’s not a chance in hell I’d want to date somebody in their thirties still living at home with their parents having never moved out and lived like a proper grown up, because they thought living in a flat was beneath them and wouldn’t consider anything less than a house.

Can’t beat a nice cup of coffee here in my failure of a flat. Better not have any friends around this weekend lest they see my shame.

Oh and those calculators are bollocks. When we moved last year the highest we could apparently get was around £150k. A broker got us a good £40k more.

You’ve always lived at home but have only saved 15k in 10 years? This is really poor

I agree with PPs, I wouldn't date somebody living at home but I would date somebody who "only" lived in a flat.

Why don’t you go and see a mortgage broker and then you will know if the mortgage is doable or not? Without actually knowing, you could be worrying about nothing.
Then you will be able to either save some more money for another year or look at property. You may find something quirky that you hadn’t thought of. Instead of focusing on how many bedrooms, why not focus upon that feeling when you will be able to put your own key in your own front door.
I think a lot of people feel anxious when going to see a mortgage advisor. I know we did. It’s almost like going to see the Headteacher when at school!

@username1223

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age. But then again they are married and have two incomes! I only want a little terrarace or something. Shared ownership is something I may consider.

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

Well I don't want to sound awful but you can't afford that. So you either need to get a better job, win the lottery, or just stick to what you can afford.

Get a flat so you're atleast on the property ladder. You'll be paying your mortgage off and can sell it hopefully for a profit when you want to move on in a few years time, that money can then go towards a deposit for your second home.

I bought for 140k in 2019 and it's now worth 210k after doing some basic diy and decorating. You won't be in a flat forever, but you're atleast on the ladder and progressing up it.

@username1223 you are in a comfort zone with your job. Step out of it to something completely unknown, the fact that you're management will help you start something new as management.

If you always do what you always done then you'll always get what you always got.

Apply for everything, if you get an interview do your research so you know what to say and learn anything else later once you have the job.

Come on now OP give yourself a kick up the arse

OP my sister and I bought together because we are both single with no prospects looming in that department.

We own a house and though totally functional it currently looks like we live in the 1970s decor wise. Do I feel ashamed or bad about it? Hell no! It's what we could afford and slowly slowly we are making changes as we are able to.

If you went to visit a new friend and they lived in a one bedroom apartment would you think anything of it? I would hope the answer to that is no. If you bought a one bed and told all your friends and family they would be nothing but thrilled for you.

Time to stop looking for problems and start looking for solutions.

sounds like you have the right income for shared ownership house -great way for single people to get on the ladder with your salary.
check out the filter on rightmove
also sharetobuy.com
and whoever your local housing associations are - there should be lots coming into the market this end of this year/ early next year.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

At 30 my long term relationship ended and I had to move back in with my parents. Ex partner had left me with 5k in debt. I was also unemployed and ended up in a series of entry level temp jobs (the type id done on my university holidays) as it was recession and competition was fierce whilst my friends were getting amazing promotions and/or getting married and babies.

I thought I'd be married with children by the age of 30 and spent many miserable years comparing myself to friends and feeling ashamed of what I felt were my failures. That translated into putting up with a lot of shitty relationships with men as I had no self respect.

Eventually I got a good job and cleared all the debt before being made redundant. That redundancy gave me a decent chunk of deposit which was a silver lining.

It worked out once I started believing in myself and getting some self esteem. I met my partner when I was 34. He was in a similar boat having had to move in with his Mum to save.

We finally the got the keys to our house when we were 37 and 38. We went in Nationwide when we were first trying to buy and they pretty much laughed at us, despite having what we thought was a decent deposit between us. We got a decent independent broker who got us a much better deal and ironically, that was with Nationwide. I'd not bother going into a branch for a mortgage now.

I promise you it will all be OK xx

You don’t need to feel ashamed. If you are not happy you need to look at what changes you can make. Set realistic goals.

When I turned 30 I was living in a council house, I was a single parent on unemployed on income support, I didn’t even have an A Level to my name. In the past 8 years I’ve done an access course, got a first class degree from a Russel group university, done a Masters, got a job earning 35K, met an amazing man, got married. And we are just about to exchange on our first house.

My husband was also living with his parents in a dead end job when I met him. He now has a great job in the Civil Service with opportunities coming up for career progression. Neither of us are 40 yet.

What I’m saying is if you have a dream go out there and grab it. Nothing will change if you don’t make changes.

Equally, as others have said there’s no shame in buying a flat, it doesn’t make you a failure. You need to change your mindset.

OP, I wouldnt be deflated just yet.

There's bound to be another economic crash that takes the housing market with it.

Houses are overpriced at the moment and mortgages are unachievable for many, but it's not always going to be that way.

If homeownership is your goal, and retail is where you have experience, have you looked for other roles in retail?

I have heard great things of the Aldi management scheme. It's a lot of hard work so it might not be easy, but starting salaries for the area management scheme start at £54k rising to above £70k

Good luck.