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Original poster

Ashamed I can't get a mortgage

116 replies

username1223 · 26/07/2021 12:18

So im in my early thirties and feeling very down and deflated lately.

I have always lived with my parents, we get on really well and it was fine. I did feel in my twenties, that this was fine as I hoped I would eventually meet somebody and we'd combine finances to move into a place of our own. For the last few years however, I have wanted to move out on my own when my hopes didn't come to anything, however I lost my job when Covid hit and it took a year before I got a new Full time job.

The new job I got, was a step up on the previous job I lost through covid. I am now at management level. However with all the extra work I do, I still only earn £20k a year. Only about 4k more on what I previously earnt. I like my job, and the field i am in, its all i've ever known. I worked up from the age of 18. Yet here I am, as far as I can realistically go, and still earning peanuts. (its a sales role btw)

My family is proud of me, I also got a car to commute to my new job. The first car ive had as I previously didnt need one as I commuted by train. But i'm constantly feeling down and depressed and comparing myself with other people.

Sure im single and wanting to move out alone. Its not exactly my choice to be single, my love life has just always been a shambles. In my late twenties I put myself out there numerous times, done all the apps etc and still nothing stuck. :( So I decided im going to have to be independant and do the moving out thing alone.

Except i've tried a few mortgage calculators and see I can't get a decent mortgage on my income with my deposit i saved from previous job. Im starting to feel like what is the point if i cant make a life for myself.

I wanted to arrange a first time buyers appointment at a bank, but im ashamed by my income and circumstance, i cant imagine sitting with someone in a office reeling off how rubbish my finances are and feeling ashamed this is where i am at in my thirties.

I have no idea what to do. My goal is to get a mortgage on a little home to call my own. But im single and on £20k a year despite working up for 10 years+. I could just cry.

OP posts:

MySecretHistory · 26/07/2021 13:43

@Reallyreallyborednow

A basic house round here with 2 bedrooms and a garden would be around about £180 - £200k

So look for a studio or 1 bed flat. Houses near me are about the same, but you can get flats for 60k-70k.

If you really want to but you need to adjust your expectations to match your budget..

Do t buy a studio or 1 bed flat Hard to resell and likely to get harder

Bluntness100 · 26/07/2021 13:46

Is there a reason you need two beds? Have you kids?

Hannayeah · 26/07/2021 13:51

£15K savings is great!

Go see what kind of mortgage you can get and decide if that’s what you want.

Set some goals for yourself and work toward them.

Look for podcasts and websites about raising your income. www.askamanager.com is great help.

And be glad you haven’t found the wrong person yet, being alone is not really so bad. You only need to read around mumsnet to see that being with the wrong person is a nightmare. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 39.

titchy · 26/07/2021 13:57

Why have you only managed to save £15k? Have your parents been charging very high rent?

Options - shared ownership. Flat. Different area.

If it's independence from your parents you want - house share!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 26/07/2021 14:00

Are you looking in the cheapest area? House prices are similar where I am, but there are desirable towns and less desirable towns.

If I were in your shoes I would look a little further afield to see if there are cheap areas that might work out for you.

Also keep in mind that as you currently live with your parents you don't need to buy somewhere immediately liveable. Look at real fixer uppers including auctions. You could stay with your parents for the first few weeks or months while you get essentials sorted and you can do cosmetic stuff more slowly as and when you can afford it.

Get the appointment with the mortgage broker to get an idea of what you can afford now, you have nothing to lose. If you can't afford anything then look at increasing your salary and deposit and then get a new quote.

Original poster

username1223 · 26/07/2021 14:01

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age. But then again they are married and have two incomes! I only want a little terrarace or something. Shared ownership is something I may consider.

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

OP posts:

badatcrochet1996 · 26/07/2021 14:02

The online calculators aren't accurate at all. You need to go to a mortgage broker who can tell you exactly what's available to you. Most of them don't charge for the service.

I'd go for a flat rather than a house and garden. I found on my own a 2 bed house with a smallish garden a lot of upkeep when working full time. Will be cheaper as well.

Ask the broker about 5% deposits and help to buy.

BeaBeaBuzz · 26/07/2021 14:04

Could you start to look at sales roles in other industries? Your skills are transferable and b2b sales can be really lucrative. Don’t limit yourself

JustWonderingIfYou · 26/07/2021 14:07

You have worked your way up for 15 years in retail and only earn £20k??? You need to name and shame that company, that's ridiculous.

I think you need to change company. I worked retail and floor staff started on the same as you. £27k for basic management plus commission and options to earn more with national events/sales etc.

Can you move to a company where you can enhance you basic wage? With commission or one that let's you do overtime. You could actually move out of retail, look at low admin jobs in big companies. They normally start £20-25k with much more room for progression. I assume in management you do budgeting, reporting etc. The skills are transferable.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/07/2021 14:08

@username1223

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

I think your problem is that you’re comparing yourself to others too much and finding yourself lacking. You don’t have the same life as your friends. They’ve made different decisions and taken different paths. There’s no “failure” in living tin a small flat which you’ve saved and earned to afford by yourself (at any rate, it’s got to be better and feel like more of an achievement than still living with your mum and dad at 40, surely?)

There are no quick fixes. If you want a bigger, flasher house than what you can afford then you need to put some serious thought and work into how you can develop or change your career to enable that. You clearly have transferable skills, maybe it’s time to think about where to transfer them.

Booboobadoo · 26/07/2021 14:08

If you had a one bedroom flat, at least it would be your one bedroom flat. I can't see why this would be seen as a failure. Who by? You? People understand it's harder with a single wage. I would also look at your employment situation and see if you could earn more.

Reallyreallyborednow · 26/07/2021 14:09

I would honestly feel like a failure if I only got a flat with 1 bedroom. All my friends are married with children and have small 2 bed houses with a garden at the same age

But you say you feel ashamed you haven’t bought?

Surely it’s better to buy a flat and get on the property ladder than continue to hanker over a
2 bed house you can’t afford?

I bought a flat first, then after 5 years was able to upgrade to a house. If I hadn’t have bought the flat I would never have been able to afford the house.

If you don’t have a partner and kids you don’t need a 2 bed house. And who gives a fuck what other people think, do whats best for you.

This gets me so frustrated, people saying they can’t afford to buy, when what they mean is they want to buy what they can’t afford and won’t compromise.

FAQs · 26/07/2021 14:10

Weird to say buying a one bed is a failure, we have something like 4 million people in flats, you either need to adjust your expectations, or stay, wallow but save more. Comparisons really won’t help you feel better. Many of my friends live in huge houses, two in actual very old beautiful mansions, something unless I win the lottery won’t happen to me, you have to adapt to what is best for yourself.

starrynight87 · 26/07/2021 14:10

I am the same, 33 and with good savings but can't afford anywhere around here, and I want to be close to my family because of my lt mental health condition.

FAQs · 26/07/2021 14:12

This gets me so frustrated, people saying they can’t afford to buy, when what they mean is they want to buy what they can’t afford and won’t compromise

^this!

Puddington · 26/07/2021 14:13

@JustWonderingIfYou

You have worked your way up for 15 years in retail and only earn £20k??? You need to name and shame that company, that's ridiculous.

I think you need to change company. I worked retail and floor staff started on the same as you. £27k for basic management plus commission and options to earn more with national events/sales etc.

I think from what OP has written she has only been at this job for about a year, so even with years of previous retail experience if it's a new company she likely wouldn't start off at the top of the ladder. Agree with everything else you wrote though and I do think people in retail management are underpaid anyway for all the shit they have to deal with.

Meghan1985 · 26/07/2021 14:17

Hey! I am 36 now and I cannot get a mortgage either. I was supposed to save up but a messy divorce and now a legal case has made me virtually bankrupt. Please take some solace in that your situation is still far far better mine :( Take care x

WhatAWasteOfOranges · 26/07/2021 14:17

Going slightly against the grain here but I would say if you can avoid it don’t buy a flat or a studio. Keep saving until you can get the house - too risky these days to buy a flat/ all the issues that go with a leasehold property.

Don’t get too down on yourself most people that buy young have family help with deposits etc. If you’re in sales could you move over to a job with commission such as car sales, a friend of mine works for VW and earns considerably more than 20k. Or Estate Agents/ recruitment are often next steps for retail workers…

Flowers500 · 26/07/2021 14:22

@username1223

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

In the nicest possible way, you live with your parents currently...

You have no partner and no dependants, therefore zero need for a house. And you can't afford one. I don't understand why you feel better living with your parents than in a home you can afford to buy???

You seem to be generally dissatisfied with where you are in life, nothing to do with what house you can afford. You're comparing yourself to people with children and partnered up, even if you could afford a 2 bed house that wouldn't come with a free husband and kid. THIS is the root of your problem, not what mortgage you can get.

I could say "I can't get a mortgage"--because I want a townhouse in Chelsea. I can afford a mortgage, I can afford a one bed flat. It's acting like a child, throwing your toys out of the pram to act like if you can't afford your dream house you're being wronged

kirinm · 26/07/2021 14:24

@username1223

The type of Sales i'm in is retail. Didn't realise retail was such a crap career but guess it must be why people look down on retail workers. You work up to the top and it still isnt enough.

So far this thread isn't making me feel any better tbh.

I'm a qualified lawyer, in a relationship with someone all we could afford when we bought in 2016 was a one bed flat with a garden. A two bed house in my area costs £900k.

I don't see myself as a failure.

NotMyCat · 26/07/2021 14:25

I'm single and moved from a 3 bed house to a 2 bed apartment (with garden) and I honestly prefer it. Mine is 1 of 4 in the block so it's v quiet, easy to clean and it's 75sqm so I still have two bedrooms, two bathrooms and plenty of space

PurplePansy05 · 26/07/2021 14:27

Firstly, your employer is ripping you off, that's a peanuts salary with your experience and no it isn't true that all roles in retail pay that at your level. I'd be looking for a different job, pronto.

Secondly, well done you saved a decent deposit on your own! You should be proud of yourself, stop putting yourself down.

Finally, I have never met anyone in their mid-30s who bought a two bed house on their own on a single salary of £20k. I have never met anyone who bought their perfect home as their first purchase either. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself and it's become your enemy. You can't and shouldn't compare your needs to your friends who have partners and kids - yes, they need larger homes but they have two incomes too. What you need is a good starter flat or a studio, make it look great and your own, gain equity then sell up and buy a house. In the meantime you may find your partner tomorrow or in a year's time and in 3 year's time you can live in a 4 bed with kids. You never know how your life will go. But for the time being, you have to stop this misery, be realistic and climb up the ladder starting with what you can afford. In a couple of years' time your position will be different and in any event, you will be a home owner too which will make life easier and lift you up. At the moment you're not helping yourself with this attitude.

Hillary17 · 26/07/2021 14:27

Don’t be ashamed. The only reason I’m a homeowner is because I met my husband and we combined finances. At £20k a year i’d suggest speaking to an independent mortgage advisor who should be able to help, especially with Help 2 Buy.

MoneyWhatMoney · 26/07/2021 14:28

You really shouldn't compare your situation to anyone else's - that way misery lies, and there will always be someone who is better off than you. For example, I bought my first house (2 bed semi) in Jan this year. DH and I are 35 and it will took 2 of us to get to this point, while the majority of our friends are on their second or third house with at least 3 beds.
It was frustrating but looking at others doesn't help at all.

As for practical advice, speak to a mortgage broker. DH and I had bad credit scores and online calculators / checks always declined us. Mortgage broker found a fair few lenders who were willing to take us on.

If a basic house is going to cost £180k, would you consider moving slightly further away?
Most people have to compromise on something to start with and the most common is size or location (we opened for smaller house to be in the area we wanted).

It's worth making the sacrifice now so you can hopefully start building up equity with a view to getting exactly what you want in the future

Finally, warning £16k, losing your job and now earning £20k and managing to save £15k for a deposit is amazing, you should 100% be proud of that!

Flowers500 · 26/07/2021 14:30

Actually at this point this is just pissing me off. I have no idea why a single woman in her early 30s feels she MUST have a 2 bed house with garden just because her friends with children need more space. You're also incredibly lucky to have the option to just live at home indefinitely so you can save up all this deposit money.

The average age of a first time buyer in the UK is 34, you're not hard done by. A spare bedroom is a luxury a great many people in the UK can't afford, and there are a lot of people living with zero security and much larger families in homes that you turn your nose up at.

You're not going to get anywhere with your pity party.

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