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Original poster

Builder has gone AWOL

114 replies

PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 14:39

Hi All. A bit of an odd situation.

Our builder was due to start renovating our recently purchased house this afternoon. We've been in regular contact for months, he's been in the property several times, we have all the designs, quotes and timescales agreed in writing.

For completeness, we know him well because he's completed renovation of our previous house which was excellent. We are on friendly terms with him and know he's an honest man.

We are currently living and wfh squished in two rooms because we've stripped the rest of the house bare as agreed, ready for him to start this afternoon. I am also 22 weeks pregnant, due in August.

We last had contact with him on Good Friday and all was well.

Since then, we rang, emailed and texted and absolute silence. This is completely not like him, he is normally very responsive and on busy days would revert at say 7am or 10pm when he isn't working. This has never been an issue.

We know he has had some health problems and was due to attend hospital appointments, but at no point was there any talk about him not doing the work.

I am now getting seriously concerned, I am worried about him and also worried about our renovation, I don't understand what is going on and as you can imagine, we need to get this done before DS arrives. The house is old and has not been renovated for 40 years so there is a lot to do.

Any thoughts, please? I can't believe I am even writing this and having to ask for advice. xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 14:43

Do you know where he lives? Does he have a wife/partner you could contact, perhaps via Facebook? Given this is so out of character, I would be very concerned about him.

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 15:12

I am worried too. Yes, we have his full address, phone no (rings but then goes to VM, I tried calling from my no, DH's, I hid my number, no difference), and no response to emails in the last week either. NB re emails, he did have a problem with his inbox and we have been texting a lot instead just before he's gone silent.

Would it be OTT to drive up and check on him?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 15:14

Would it be OTT to drive up and check on him?

I would under these circumstances.

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 15:16

Thanks, you've thought the same way as I have. I'll speak to DH now.

OP posts:
NewHouseNewMe · 08/04/2021 17:02

If the phone is ringing, then it's being charged. Someone is aware you're looking for him, but it may be a relative.

It's only been less than a week so I would give it to Monday before going around.

Have you paid for much in advance?

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 17:22

No, luckily we haven't paid anything in advance. We rarely do, he always tells us in advance and invoices first if that is required.

My concern is maybe he left his phone on charge and collapsed or something. DH is back home now, we are going to check on him this evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 17:24

To add, he lives alone. He's divorced and he looks after his mum who is in a care home.

OP posts:
Lassy1945 · 08/04/2021 17:25

Get around there OP!

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 18:31

He just rang. He sounds like death. Unfortunately he is very ill, he was taken to hospital and now waiting for biopsy results.

He can't do our project now and we can't wait for obvious reasons.

I am sat on the floor sobbing. We are utterly, utterly fucked and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 18:37

Oh no, the poor man. How awful.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 08/04/2021 18:39

Oh no - what bad timing, and a complete mare.

Where in the country are you? Maybe collectively we could come up with a plan or know people who may be able to help?

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 08/04/2021 18:43

When I was pregnant with ds1 half our living room ceiling collapsed as the bath above had been leaking and we weren’t aware of it.

We ended up having to buy a shed to put the stuff in which was ok and everything else had to go to the dump it site as the ceiling was lath and plaster and everything was covered in black wet ‘stuff’ - no idea what it was.

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 19:10

Cardiff

OP posts:
friskybivalves · 08/04/2021 19:22

Poor man and poor you. Thinking practically, he may well know someone whom he would recommend to take your project on. If he is waiting for biopsy results (and you say you have no reason to doubt his integrity: with some builders unfortunately one might suspect they just had a better contract to do or were coming up with excuses) it is understandable that his head is all over the place. But hopefully he will retain enough of a professional approach to try to find you a solution within a week or two.

Or yes - perhaps the MN massive of Cardiff can swing into action!

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 08/04/2021 20:30

Unfortunately I don’t have any contacts in Cardiff - sorry, but maybe someone else can help?

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 08/04/2021 20:42

We asked him and he doesn't have anyone to step in, he hadca labourer to help him but he's not sufficiently experienced for this and he's genuinely unwell, I can tell. There's no way he can even supervise the works now. The rest of the people he collaborates with are specialists that would only do selected bits, eg electrician and gas engineer. We can probably arrange them ourselves, but the problem is with the majority of the work he was going to do himself and with someone managing the project as a whole, we both work FT and there's just no option for us to do it. We wouldn't be experienced enough regardless and stress is the last thing I need now.

We received some recommendations but everyone is booked up til next year. I am distraught.

OP posts:
RichmondMumof2 · 08/04/2021 20:51

Are you distraught that your extension isn't getting done as soon as you had planned?

Delaying a house extension is not something to be distraught about. Or am I missing something?

friskybivalves · 08/04/2021 20:56

@RichmondMumof2

Are you distraught that your extension isn't getting done as soon as you had planned?

Delaying a house extension is not something to be distraught about. Or am I missing something?

You are missing something. Its not an extension. It's a renovation that is supposed to be starting today and the OP is pregnant and living in two rooms having stripped the rest of the house bare.

Crack on with the empathy revision classes.

RichmondMumof2 · 08/04/2021 21:13

Apologies OP.

FusionChefGeoff · 08/04/2021 21:13

Oh God you poor thing.

First - write off today / tonight and try to go to bed and get some sleep. It's a lot to handle / process so do your best to pack it away for tonight so you can tackle it properly and with fresh eyes.

I would suggest that you both ask work for some emergency leave / phone in sick tomorrow at least to give yourself a day to breathe and start to tackle the solution. If you try to do this whilst working you won't be able to focus on either.

Things to look at:

  • Immediate jobs to make it more habitable whilst working on step 2. What can easily be moved back / free up more space
  • stock up on easy food / meals so you don't need to worry about that for a bit
  • Friends / family who can help with the above jobs so you can focus on next jobs
  • Appeal to every local friend / neighbour and ask them to appeal to their work / networks / schools / churches - everything - for any recommendations or offers from other builders who could help due to cancelled jobs
  • local Facebook groups for the same
  • medium term jobs: what are the absolute priorities before Baby arrives? What could
Plan B look like that might tide you over until you can get a new builder booked in?

But please try to accept that there's nothing you can do about it now and you will be far stronger to deal with it if you can get some rest tonight.
ThanksThanks

RichmondMumof2 · 08/04/2021 21:16

What @FusionChefGeoff said!

User0ne · 08/04/2021 21:22

I don't think you need to panic timewise.
From experience I can tell you that a baby is relatively easy to manage in a renovation/building site until they begin to move independently (which gives you an extra 6m).

Me, DH and Ds1 only had 1 "safe" room for around that length of time; everything else was a major work in progress. There were 2 nights we stayed with family due to having no heating, electric or water available in mid December.

Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 09/04/2021 05:53

Thanks all. We have some other people coming in today but no guarantee they'll take this on, need to see it and need to check their availability.

There are multiple other added complexities too, I suspect our builder gave us a discounted rate. He knows us and we worked very well together on our previous project and he's been our go to person in between for small jobs. Just all around good egg. This project was already more expensive than our budget, we changed it reduced here and there, decided to do less first etc. All this has already been done and we have finance in place based on the existing quotes from him There's no way we could stretch any further now when it's fully arranged and with the baby coming. We've already maximised everything sensibly to still be able to function with the LO.

So I am mentally prepping that even if any if those people miraculously step in now, we jist won't be able to afford it and then I really don't know what to do. We can't really remove more things from the scope of works as that's been done and they are needed, and also linked together (think electrics, plumbing, same flooring throughout part of the house, windows). Splitting it is nigh impossible now and in any event we won't grow a money tree on maternity or with childcare to finish it later.

I spent months designing this house, talking to the builder, he knows our taste and sometimes just reads my mind tbh. I can't physically imagine starting afresh now with someone I never met. I just haven't got it in me right now.

It was supposed to be plain sailing with a bit of mess and noise from now on and it's turned into an unbelievable nightmare. I did everything I could to relax thoughout this pregnancy as I had 3 MCs before. I plsnned my mat leave to be truly mine and DS' precious, calm time together. Now all of it has just burst for good and I can't see the way out. Sorry about the essay, this has knocked me so much that I can't do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
PurplePansy05 · 09/04/2021 06:09

And I agree I'd benefit from a day off today, sadly I can't disappoint my clients having a tight deadline today so aftee barely any sleep I need to get my act together for them to finish some things off today.

DH is sort of engaged in this but he's in cuckooland comparing to me, I've been managing all this because he isn't as organised as me and no good at planning, finance or design. So it's dawned on me even more overnight that I am practically alone with all this now and I just can't pull this off from scratch now.

OP posts:
Netaporter · 09/04/2021 06:09

Aww OP, that’s stressful.

Firstly, I’d concentrate on your health and your baby’s first. Then look at the situation you find yourself in and break it down into manageable steps. I know you said you have the designs etc agreed with the builder but do you have them all? Do you have specific plans for each room? Is it all clearly laid out to hand to a new builder if you find one? Get the messy stuff done now - plumbing, electrics. If you have clear plans and the materials on site, it isn’t stressful to manage these two trades yourself. Then follow with plasterers and then joiners/carpentry and then finally finishes such as flooring and decorators. Get all trades signed off by the correct body and retain the Certs. If it is likely to be more expensive than you budgeted for, consider taking down the finishes a notch or try and buy wisely. Decorating (apart from the nursery) can wait. Maybe spend your time now getting a list of purchases that need to be made. Materials on site makes a massive difference to facilitating a tradesman fitting you in at short notice as they can crack on without waiting.

It’s not ideal, but you can do this.