Builder has gone AWOL

[PurplePansy05]

Hi All. A bit of an odd situation.

Our builder was due to start renovating our recently purchased house this afternoon. We've been in regular contact for months, he's been in the property several times, we have all the designs, quotes and timescales agreed in writing.

For completeness, we know him well because he's completed renovation of our previous house which was excellent. We are on friendly terms with him and know he's an honest man.

We are currently living and wfh squished in two rooms because we've stripped the rest of the house bare as agreed, ready for him to start this afternoon. I am also 22 weeks pregnant, due in August.

We last had contact with him on Good Friday and all was well.

Since then, we rang, emailed and texted and absolute silence. This is completely not like him, he is normally very responsive and on busy days would revert at say 7am or 10pm when he isn't working. This has never been an issue.

We know he has had some health problems and was due to attend hospital appointments, but at no point was there any talk about him not doing the work.

I am now getting seriously concerned, I am worried about him and also worried about our renovation, I don't understand what is going on and as you can imagine, we need to get this done before DS arrives. The house is old and has not been renovated for 40 years so there is a lot to do.

Any thoughts, please? I can't believe I am even writing this and having to ask for advice. xx

I know it's painful but you need to consider the possibility that you might need to look at changing some of your plans / decisions / designs / timeframes.

And I've deliberately worded that in a very careful way to emphasise how small your initial
Mindset shift needs to be. But once you've made it, you will find everything suddenly opens up and becomes possible.

Stop working on achieving 100% of what you want and reframe to 'how can I get to 70% the least painful way?"

It's like you've nearly finished a really difficult jigsaw but now some pieces are missing so you need to break up some of the jigsaw and use other pieces to build around the whole. You won't be able to move forward unless you very tentatively agree that some of your very definite and final plans might have to work another way.

And maybe spending your budget in a different way now - and possibly having to redo some of it next year / when you can get more money. It sucks but eg slamming some cheap Lino down now then retiling properly later isn't the 'proper' way to do it and will ultimately cost more in the long run - but it gets you a useable kitchen much faster and cheaper right now.

The goalposts have changed so the sooner you can stop trying to hammer your beautifully square peg into your now round hole the better.

I am a bit concerned regarding your comment about it not be the right Navy blue and everything needing to be perfect. Also about needing it be down and beautiful for your baby.

Are you generally a perfectionist?

Babies are unpredictable and parenthood is far from "perfect".

In my mind you need to do get the basics done - rewiring, plumbing, bathroom, plastering etc.

I would be tempted to consider getting all the first fixes done for your dream kitchen and then just having some basic units cheap as units put in (2nd hand if you can find some) until you can then afford your dream kitchen. This may make your budget spread far enough for now?

A navy kitchen could be well out of fashion in a few years?

I very much agree with Fusionchef!

Take a deep breath, consider a two stage project. Allow for the possibility that the first stage will include some 'just for now' choices.

Re quotes, I think I'd let them see what I had expected. 'Our trusted builder was doing it for x, y, z, that is our budget. How close can you get?'

Let them know you are experienced- it will weed out anyone who's trying to pull a fast one.

Yes, a perfectionist. But a sensible one, I can and have compromised. But I'm not spending £7k on something that simply isn't right, or spending my hard earned money on cheap shit that I'd have replace in 2 years. I'm not into false economy. Don't think this option is something we'd consider. I'd rather leave out some of the rooms if I absolutely had to and if it's possible. Although not sure how we'd do them up later with so many extra childcare costs but there we are.

I can see a lot of merit in your suggestions to be open re budget, we will try that gently I think.

Temporary kitchen budget is £500 type option very basic until you save up.

I have savings and a proper quote. I don't know why you're so hung up on this.

You could put in the more affordable DIY kitchen option and at a later date get the cabinets resprayed.

Works have just started on our extension and renovation. Our budget is tight because the age and style of our property means there are some things we can't do cheaply. So the compromise for us was to go with an ikea kitchen. It's not the colour I want, but it's close enough. My plan is to respray at a later date because the budget has to go on other more important things than an exact shade of cabinet.

I very much sympathise, but don't let perfect be the enemy of good. A slightly off shade of navy is not worse than being unable to use half your house and a respray sometime down the line is cheaper than having whole rooms still to renovate. You might even find you don't even notice the shade difference once it's all in.

I’d love a navy kitchen! I just had a look on diy kitchens (for my own kitchen dreams 🤣) and they seem to have a custom colour match service saying they will match to any colour. Might still be bake to get your colour but a bit cheaper?

Hope it works out for you! Sounds very stressful

I really don't think the focus of this thread is on the shade of navy. We're not talking about £2k one way or another that is crucial and that's what this would come down to, but thank you anyway.

Only because you were saying that you don't think any other builder will match your current quote?

Just trying to help to get the rest done within the money you have available. Waiting to do an expensive thing such as your kitchen (excluding all electrics etc) could be a way to have your home habitable ASAP.

When I said it I meant that I'm concerned the quotes may be quite a bit higher, sorry I should have been clearer. I am concerned we might be talking extra £10-20k without contingency. Maybe I am exaggerating because I don't have a benchmark. But I worry it might be that and if that's the case, that's where we'd struggle and a cheaper lino or a DIY kitchen won't cut it regardless. In any event like I said earlier, lots of things are already here, eg bathroom and utility tiles, kitchen tiles etc. Replacing those now would not make any sense either.

@PurplePansy05 Please don't let anyone add to your stress levels
I'm sure you will find a way - likely to take longer and be more convoluted than it should have been, but knowing exactly what you want, and being able to do some of the finishing and decorating yourselves, will stand you in good stead when trying to engage tradespeople. If jobs can be clearly defined, you may find good people who will be able to fit these in around larger jobs
I'm sorry, but I can't remember if you were extending as well?
If it's a refurb without structural remodelling and enlarging, can you draw up a priority list for rooms? Tackle one at a time?
Do you need rewiring and plumbing/heating system/boiler?

Tradespeople hate lack of clarity, but you have that x

I think also, your in shock and need time to compute. This is a major project, and you've put so much into it - this is a massive blow.
It will take time to resolve.
Get references/ recommendations for people though!
Any chance you could decamp to parents when you have new baby, and work is in full swing?

@Lassy1945 because we live in London where a one bedroom flat that could be extended cost £400,000 and we didn't want to borrow to do the renovation works. We didn't have a baby until 2 years ago.

And we did the renovations ourselves hence it stopping and starting. Not everyone has access to thousand of pounds. But to be able to move up the ladder, we needed to add value.

Do you have room for a caravan on the drive to have a bit more space for yourself outside of the house away from the works. Could someone lend you one?

Sorry to hear you're in this situation.

My parents live abroad, DH is NC with his mother so not an option.

No extension or conversion.
One wall needs to be knocked off between two rooms but that's it structurally.
We initially considered full rewiring but then concluded it wasn't actually required (thanks to this our original quote decreased to a more acceptable level).
New boiler - not instantly, planned in few years time, but a new pump is needed now.
So altogether not much to strip from on the big jobs really.

DH arranged two builders to come in today, I spent 40 mins explaining things to them and they are not available before autumn at all. DH didn't check because, quote "he was panicked". That's fucking him all over, wasting everyone's time, incapable of managing the smallest of things and communicating properly. Unfortunately that's the reality.

@PurplePansy05 Unfortunately, good people will be booked out months in advance, usually, unless you can get them on a cancellation. Talk to as many as you can - sorry if that's a bit obvious!

I completely understand why you are so upset and why this seems like a complete disaster.
However, said with kindness, you seem to be catastrophising and you also seem like a massive control freak.
If you have these personality traits then this is going to feel like the end of your world - when in fact it is a blip in the road.
Even if you have to live with no renovations until after the baby is born, you will all survive.
Good builders are going to be booked up and there is massive demand at the moment, there's no amount of stressing that will change that.
Just take a deep breath and start again - all your previous work is not lost - but you need a positive attitude to move forward

Apart from moving stuff out of the rooms that were to be worked on, have you actually done anything to the rooms?
Do you still have a kitchen or bathroom. If you have just removed stuff to make way for the works, can you not just move everything back and live with the house as it is until such a time that you can get a builder booked again. It might be frustrating that it's not done before the baby arrives but surely not the end of the world.

Sorry you are going through this. I have an 8 month old and a 2 year old so can understand your worries with having a safe house for your children to be living in over the next few months.

Do you have a working kitchen? A working boiler - heating/hot water?

No, I can't just move everything back in, I've explained half of the house is stripped bare. We are living in one small bedroom and working in the lounge. Yes, the kitchen is working at the moment, but work needs to be done in the bathroom too, it's not suitable for a baby as it stands, water pressure is not existing, there's a number of other issues.

Sally, minimising the issues by way of saying "it's just a blip in the road" is very unhelpful. I am happy to say that I am control freak because I have to be one with a horizontal DH. I already said I'm a perfectionist too. You're right that with these traits this isn't easy. But it's a fact, and it doesn't help to state the obvious. Even for more laid back people this is quite a set back and a worry, I could see from DH's initial reaction too, from how my friends have reacted. Maybe it is affecting me more because of who I am and because of the hormones but I'm not going to be apologising to a judgmental stranger in the internet who kicks me when I am down already. You haven't walked in my shoes, you don't know how much other load I carry and this lack of compassion really isn't what I need now.

I think you're being rather unfair on that poster actually. I don't see a lack of compassion and they're right - this is deeply frustrating and disappointing, but you will survive this.

Take it one step at a time - get some more quotes, see where that leaves you. I think you do need to consider whether you can cope with living there with a baby while renovations are going on. What is the bare minimum that needs to happen before then? To me, it sounds difficult but not impossible to live there as things are. If that absolutely isn't an option, then you will have to either find somewhere else to live before the baby is born. Personally, I always feel better about things once I have a plan A and a plan B (and maybe C and D too). Try to stop panicking and start planning.

Stripped bare as in?

You've taken the furniture/flooring out? You've not got any heating? No walls?

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my property doesn't have any heating. Walls are stripped back to crumbling plaster and no flooring. Shit kitchen and shittier bathroom.

It was supposed to be a full Reno/remodel but something happened and now it will be another year before I can complete what I started. I just have to make the house as livable as possible!

You will struggle to get anyone to do it before baby arrives, and if you do, I wouldn't want them to because it's a huge red flag.

I really would wait for your builder to get better. It will be worth it.

Yes, the walls and floors are stripped, heating doesn't work there and we've taken all furniture /boxes with our stuff out. I've explained it's been prepared to start the works.

I'm going to deal with it privately now, good advice has been given and that's what I'll take. No need for more negativity now.

Just, best if luck