Buying a house that is too big

[Hels20]

Wouldn’t mind getting people’s thoughts.

We live in a nice 4 bed terraced house in SW London. We have a small garden. Pre Christmas, we were looking at building a basement which would give us another 800 sq ft - including an office, gym and extra reception room for kids. Our kids are 5 and 9.

We like the area we live in and finally, feel as though we have a community - although our neighbours on one side are a nightmare and horrible (constant verbal abuse directed at our children). I feel as though I am always telling my children to “hush” because I fear the abuse. The basement would create sound proofing and would give our children privacy as they became teens.

I was on Rightmove and came across a house that is almost double the size and has a large garden. It is a mile away from where we live - not such a nice location but ok. It is detached!! However, whilst downstairs and first floor is perfect - we would never use the second floor unless we had guests...and I think as soon as children flew the nest we would rattle around. But our kids could run around without being told to hush.

However - building basement would not require us to extend our mortgage (which is roughly 2x my salary (I earn more than DH). New house would mean doubling our mortgage and it might become a money pit...I am mid 40s...so not sure this is sensible.

Realise this is slightly hypothetical as haven’t even put our house on market and would not to touch up in a couple of places - but what would you do? Anyone else been in this position? (Realise we are very fortunate).

Financially the basement plan sounds like a good one but I'm not sure I would want to stay put with such awful neighbours. Are they likely to object or cause you grief during the building works?

If your children are 5 and 9 it could be 20 years before they have both left home. Sounds like the second floor could be their own self contained areas (or yours) I have a loft conversion and have my room up there. I love having it on a separate floor to my dd's. (Small house so literally only stairs separate us)

We used to live sw London and every street was being dug up. Neighbours did it and they've had YEARS of issues - water leaks, flooding, electrics... subsidence problems. I think you open yourself up to expensive problems. Easier to move.

Yep - they are likely to object to basement etc and cause a lot of grief. They are vile. We aren’t perfect and am sure could do better (we try!) but swearing at kids isn’t acceptable...especially my 5 year old (who they have had an issue with since he was 3 and despite the fact he has SEN). If we did basement we wouldn’t have to downsize and am worried about new house being a money pit and it isn’t in such a nice area...

I'd go for the detached house with the bigger garden. Space and privacy are everything.

Could you still comfortably afford the bigger mortgage? It sounds like it if it would be 4x (just your) salary?

Area is very important in London and you say you have a good community... is there anything more suitable closer? Tbh though I would HATE to live through a basement conversion so I would lean towards moving.

I would be moving away from your neighbours you are underestimating the negative impact they are having on you!

I would go for the bigger house no question. Basements are hugely disruptive and expensive and friends find they don't use them as much as they though they would. Your second floor could be used by an au pair or any help you might need with your children or by your children when they older (and might not leave home....)

Fwiw - a few questions I would ask myself are:-
You say the other house would be to big .. but ‘what if’ your children bounce back in later years possibly with a partner - you would need /live the extra space! Or you may need extra income and could rent out the space.
You could always decide to downsize and free up capital for whatever future needs.
Is the other area moving upwards in terms of desire-ability?
If your nightmare neighbour objects to a basement - would you still want to stay?
(Nice dilemma to be in!)

These aren't the only two options. Could you move to a larger house within your area? Change of neighbours and more space without the disruption of digging out a basement.

Go for the detached house. I moved to a detached a few years ago and still really appreciate it.

I think that doing major building work with such difficult neighbours would become an absolute nightmare and could easily snowball a difficult relationship into one beyond redemption. You really need to factor that into your decision.

No way would I consider major building work next to nightmare neighbours.

Definitely move.

Bigger house will be more expensive to maintain, heat etc etc.

Make sure you factor ot all in to what you can afford.

Detached makes a huge difference, we have just moved to one and I feel myself relaxing far more.

As a civil engineer, I have to ask, would your house take a basement ?

That kind of building work could ruin an already fractious relationship with your neighbours. I grew up in London terraces and lived through our neighbours doing something similar, it’s massively disruptive!

The larger house will only be too large until grandchildren come to visit....

We live in a ‘too big’ house and I love it. My children are 4 and 6, and I already know that being able to have excess space is going to be better for us longer term. We have two lounge rooms, and it’s nice to all be together or to separate off and do different things. If you can afford it, then I’d definitely consider it.

As others say those aren't your only two options. Moving but not to the enormous house in worse area sounds a good idea!

The other thing is to remember that you aren't making marriage vows to a house. Its perfectly sensible to downsize once you're relatively sure your children have completely moved out (and to set a rough age after which your housing plans don't prioritise the theoretical possibility of your children moving back in - say when the youngest is 25).

You mention your youngest has SEN - obviously you don't have to elaborate, but if his needs are more extensive than just needing support with academic work and make it less likely he'll live independently then you might choose to factor in semi independent living space for him well into adulthood. That might make a big house a long term good idea. However if this isn't the case buying a house with dead space in a worse area probably isnt worth while to escape one set of neighbours.

How sure are you that the neighbours are dug in for life and unlikely to relocate/ upsize/ downsize?

London parents do tend to have kids at home for longer - most of my London based friends only moved out on their own in their 30s if they did at all. The bigger house sounds better as everyone can have their privacy later on when they’re older or with partners

Let us have a nosey at the bigger house!

What sizes are you talking? It would be much easier to say if too big if we knew about big you are talking about. (preferably in m2 but I can convert from sq ft if you still work in imperial).

I would go with move with the plan to move again if you wish to when children have flown the nest, which could be longer than you expect, especially if you can make a seperate flat up there to live in as adults.

Would you need to have either parents live with you in the further either? Having a built in granny flat could work out well.

Finally basements in terrace houses are often problematic, long drawn out party wall agreements, huge distribution, potential problems (subsidence, not water proof etc...). Add is unpleasant neighbours....

I'd move, if schools and friends not an issue and if new area ok.

Having basement dug would be months of ghastliness and potentially ongoing problems.

@PickAChew

I think that doing major building work with such difficult neighbours would become an absolute nightmare and could easily snowball a difficult relationship into one beyond redemption. You really need to factor that into your decision.

This. And I speak from experience.

I'd start looking for a bigger house in your local area. The building work will be long, painful and more expensive than any quote you get. If you share a party wall with bad neighbour they can delay signing paperwork, complain, get their own surveyor for the works which you will have to pay for etc. Basement extensions are riddled with issues and often the results aren't that great. Moving to a worse location might mean that you will not be happy there but moving locally will get you away from your nasty neighbour. The costs of moving to a bigger local house might not be that different to doing the basement extension but without the pain.