Buying a house that is too big

[Hels20]

Wouldn’t mind getting people’s thoughts.

We live in a nice 4 bed terraced house in SW London. We have a small garden. Pre Christmas, we were looking at building a basement which would give us another 800 sq ft - including an office, gym and extra reception room for kids. Our kids are 5 and 9.

We like the area we live in and finally, feel as though we have a community - although our neighbours on one side are a nightmare and horrible (constant verbal abuse directed at our children). I feel as though I am always telling my children to “hush” because I fear the abuse. The basement would create sound proofing and would give our children privacy as they became teens.

I was on Rightmove and came across a house that is almost double the size and has a large garden. It is a mile away from where we live - not such a nice location but ok. It is detached!! However, whilst downstairs and first floor is perfect - we would never use the second floor unless we had guests...and I think as soon as children flew the nest we would rattle around. But our kids could run around without being told to hush.

However - building basement would not require us to extend our mortgage (which is roughly 2x my salary (I earn more than DH). New house would mean doubling our mortgage and it might become a money pit...I am mid 40s...so not sure this is sensible.

Realise this is slightly hypothetical as haven’t even put our house on market and would not to touch up in a couple of places - but what would you do? Anyone else been in this position? (Realise we are very fortunate).

Oooh. We have a house similar to the one you’re considering buying. 1910s, detached, suburban, decent sized garden for the location. We also have two Dc, youngest has SN.

We have six bedrooms (four on the first floor, two on the second floor), we have a bedroom each on the first floor and and use the court bedroom as a study. The two bedrooms on the second floor (one en suite) are used when people come to stay. Obviously they were barely used last year, but at least one of them would normally be used every month.

We find that it is much easier to host than to go to friends’ houses, as it is easier to keep an eye on Ds2 in our house, and he is comfortable here. I also know that he is safe. And having the extra two rooms means that when friends and their Dc come for the day, they are quite likely to stay over, which means that we can all have a drink, talk into the evening etc. My parents also live miles away, and so they come to stay regularly.

Maybe as DS1 gets older, he will take the top floor as a bedroom and a study, and that would leave us with a spare bedroom on the first floor.

Lots of options.

It really works for us. Having a detached house is important to us as Ds2 can have meltdowns and they’re hard enough to deal with without having neighbours’ sensitivities and needs to consider. I really value not having shared walls.

Just RTFT. Ahem! Our house is considerably smaller than 5000sq ft.

You sound very resilient around the neighbors issue but that would concern me in terms of of things escalated, I think you have to declare formal disputes with neighbors when you sell, so I think I'd be pushing to get house on market and find somewhere else. I'm sure it's not great for the children to have to live with that for years and years.
It's a tough one as moving itself is so expensive so I think it's be looking for somewhere a little smaller than you suggest ( I day this as someone living in a much bigger house than I really need though!)

You would get a lot of bang for your buck out of London! Your dc would be fine. They are not fine now are they? They are being shouted at. Why not buy space inside and out? Much better for them I think. And less for you to worry about! You could get something fabulous around me! I’m 35 miles from London!

Move away from the neighbours

Have you viewed the big house? We tried to make such a move, really because the price of the big houses was better value than smaller ones. I suppose because no one wants them or they have a limited market.

We looked at a couple, just massive. No idea how we would use the space, keep it warm, pay for decorating and carpets...and why would we...for rooms we would never use.
I couldn't have imagined living there when my DP was away with work, for instance, rattling around on my own or just me and small DC's.

In fact I had friends with a huge house, yet they lived near permanently in the dining kitchen, with one small sofa. Heating other rooms took too long, so no 'on spec' use if visitors called as it was too cold. They used the two main rooms once a year at Christmas!

If you cannot afford to heat a big house it’s useless really. We can afford to heat ours so although there’s only 2 of us at home now, we can have anyone to stay at anytime - normally. There are lovely houses available in the Home Counties and at least you would enjoy your house and garden with dc .

No way could I live next to people like that - it sounds hellish. I would move ASAP! If your neighbours did kick up a fuss about the basement though I wouldn’t blame them. It must be horrendous living next to that sort of building work (and worrying that your house could be structurally undermined in the process!)

I wouldn't get the basement with those neighbours. Our friends got a double basement, via an experienced company, and their neighbours still ended up with cracks in their walls which our friends had to make good.

I'd try to arrange a viewing on the detached house. It sounds like moving from where you are is your best long term option. Does it really matter if a few rooms end up being left until the budget allows for them to get a full makeover?

Came back to thread to see where OP was in her thoughts so read only her posts and was struck by this:

" Real issue is neighbours - and yes - would be 4 to 5 months of excavation work and then 4 to 5 months of fit out noise. But then I think their abuse would reduce because they wouldn’t hear us. I would definitely add some sound proofing to existing property."

I doubt the abuse would reduce . They're not being abusive because of any noise your children are making, they're being abusive because that's who they are. They're using 'noise' as their excuse, but it's not their reason. If your entire household were to become miraculously silent overnight, they'd simply find something else to abuse you for. How your car was parked. The number of delivery vans coming to your door. The light from your windows, you should shut your curtains earlier. The plants in your garden. Feeding the birds. And 8-10 months of building work is an absolute gift that can be flung in your face for decades.

Soundproofing won't stop them. I think this is something else you should factor into your decision.

Good point WhereYouLeftIt. Assholes will always find something to be assholes about.

I’m very tolerant but if my neighbours decided to do intrusive building work while we’re all stuck at home then I’d probably have something assholey to say to them.

How bad is the detached house area?

Your area sounds extremely expensive so maybe a nice enough area rather then a super posh area might be better for quality of living?

Smaller detached so your mortgage isn’t increased as much?

@WhereYouLeftIt

Came back to thread to see where OP was in her thoughts so read only her posts and was struck by this:

" Real issue is neighbours - and yes - would be 4 to 5 months of excavation work and then 4 to 5 months of fit out noise. But then I think their abuse would reduce because they wouldn’t hear us. I would definitely add some sound proofing to existing property."

I doubt the abuse would reduce . They're not being abusive because of any noise your children are making, they're being abusive because that's who they are. They're using 'noise' as their excuse, but it's not their reason. If your entire household were to become miraculously silent overnight, they'd simply find something else to abuse you for. How your car was parked. The number of delivery vans coming to your door. The light from your windows, you should shut your curtains earlier. The plants in your garden. Feeding the birds. And 8-10 months of building work is an absolute gift that can be flung in your face for decades.

Soundproofing won't stop them. I think this is something else you should factor into your decision.

This.