Estate Agent cliches / pet peeves

[CoronaIsWatching]

What really grinds your gears on estate agent property listings?

Mine are;

• "For sale by the modern method of auction"
• "The ever popular x"
• "In need of modernisation"
• Some generic statement about being close to bars, shops and restaurants

Every day during my property search I see each of the above, drives me barmy!

Inside, expect to find...

'...this realistically priced OPPORTUNITY...'

@ShellieEllie

Guide Price £200-£210K. What on this planet does that mean? Would an offer below £200K be rejected? or do they want £210k?

THIS!!!

I always think it means 'agent says it was worth £x but vendor is greedy and was hoping for £y'.

Deceptively spacious = it's tiny.

Requires modernisation throughout = it's a dump.

15 mins walk from the station = over a mile from public transport.

Part refurbished = the sellers ran out of money.

Vibrant city centre = triple glazing required.

Low maintenance garden = concrete.

Harringay Ladder = not Muswell Hill.

Utility room = large cupboard.

Gated access = high crime area.

Excellent opportunity = please take this property off our books, it's been sitting with us for ages.

Strong community spirit = Neighbourhood Watch will report you if you have visitors.

I saw one today .... “first to view will be rushing to write a cheque” What?
Also no one must have viewed as the house was listed in January!

A block of flats converted from an old mill in a Derbyshire village that's the "hub of the Midlands" Definitely not!!!

'This quality family home allows family members to engage in diverse individual activities or spend quality time together'
Who writes this stuff?

'Dorma' bungalow makes me grit my teeth with rage. Dorma is a bedding manufacturer,you shiny suited,pointy shoes illiterate popinjay.

This is my favourite photo from Rightmove ever. It’s just perfection.

@TheFnozwhowasmirage

'Dorma' bungalow makes me grit my teeth with rage. Dorma is a bedding manufacturer,you shiny suited,pointy shoes illiterate popinjay.

"Popinjay" should definitely enjoy a comeback; brilliant .

"Immaculate condition."

It means they've bothered to vacuum.

@Nomorescreentime

This is my favourite photo from Rightmove ever. It’s just perfection.

I just have to buy that house

I thought 'immaculate condition' meant 'soulless:.

My pet peeve relates to our local property market.

"Situated in the xyz school catchment area".

1. It may be in the catchment this year, but catchments change.
2. There's only 2 secondary schools in town. The other one is never mentioned in estate agents blurb.
3. The other school is actually a pretty good school.
4. Not all buyers have school age children.

There is an estate agent nearby which does property launches. Why do I have to wait to see the house why can't I do it now?

I have just seen one agent who describes the place where I live as a 'sought after market town'. That truly is wishful thinking 😁

"Offers in excess of..." What's the point? Surely no one is going to offer in excess of that, unless they're in a bidding war.

@KitMarlowesCodpiece

'Benefits from', always followed by something that you'd expect as standard, like walls or indoor plumbing.

Yes, ‘benefits from’ when what they mean is ‘has’.

‘Sort after’
And the good old flower ‘boarders’ and shower ‘cubicals’.

Cliched blurbs some twat has churned out without even thinking. Blurb for a house near us trotted out the tired old ‘bars and restaurants’ while failing to mention that it was a very few minutes’ walk from a pedestrian entrance to a 2000 acre Royal Park.

“Architect designed”. As opposed to ......?

“Myself and my colleague...” When did all estate agents start saying Myself? And why? Also - the market’s going well when you’re trying to work out which agent to go with and the moment you’ve listed, it goes into free fall apparently. And also you always meet the one competent person in the office at that first meeting and never ever ever hear from them again. Aaaargh.