Estate Agent cliches / pet peeves

[CoronaIsWatching]

What really grinds your gears on estate agent property listings?

Mine are;

• "For sale by the modern method of auction"
• "The ever popular x"
• "In need of modernisation"
• Some generic statement about being close to bars, shops and restaurants

Every day during my property search I see each of the above, drives me barmy!

@LolaSkoda

OIEO 🙄

Offal In Every Orifice?

Early viewing recommend

@JoJoSM2

My favourite... not... is the agent whose listings go along the following lines:

Bedroom 1: double glazed window, panel radiator, ceiling downlight, power point

Bedroom 2: double glazed window, panel radiator, ceiling downlight, power point

Bedroom 3: double glazed window, panel radiator, ceiling downlight, power point

Bathroom: washbasin, low level WC, shower cubicle...

Really makes me want to buy every house they market.

This is typical of agencies around where I'm looking

Love the 'early viewing advised' on properties which have been reduced because they don't sell.

'Spacious 3 bed semi' when the 3rd is a box room or the dining room...

A new one I've seen recently 'YARDEN', for a yard that has been improved with plants in pots.

Honestly - I once read a Rightmove listing for an attic flat which said

"The sort of place you'd want to write a novel...or hang yourself. You decide"

Speaking of attic flats, I recently saw one advertised as a ‘penthouse’. Servants’ quarters more like.

Random words in capitals like the Daily Mail.

And lots of -ing words annoys me. "A modern house, having four good sized bedrooms..." etc

Sounds as though we need a modern day Roy Brooks to bring some sanity!

www.mortgagestrategy.co.uk/opinion/roy-brooks/

amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0719560284?pf_rd_r=VZWNHZ5PBB52ERY0GX9Q&pf_rd_p=e632fea2-678f-4848-9a97-bcecda59cb4e]]

Formal dining room

'Arranged over two floors'.

You mean on two floors you twerp. Using long words does not make you sound clever.

My pet hate is when estate agents post pictures of peoples possessions in a very arty manner rather than the property; and I agree with pp re 'stunning'.

I saw one the other day which described the house as being "a credit to the current owners". How bloody patronising

I like the ones where they do a little pun based around the road name

Dive into Ocean Street!
Ride up to Stable Avenue!

Every bog standard terraced seems to have become a "Town House" recently which inevitably makes me roll my eyes

Unique opportunity bloody weird

@FatimaMunchy

We’ve recently sold our cottage through them 😊😊

Near popular schools and close to transport

No matter where they are

The modern method of auction is an absolute rip off for the buyer.

My MAIN OBJECTION is how things are HIGHLIGHTED with all those BLOCKCAPS.

And - deceptively spacious - we all know it means cramped.

@Pomegranatemolasses

Every area is 'highly sought after'

Or in some cases sort after 😂

I hate it when they lie about the number of bedrooms, a surprising number of estate agents don't seem to be able to count! so a downstairs study, or dining room or or a dressing room thats off that the master bedroom or a room so small you'd struggle to fit a single bed in ,let alone a chest of drawers is counted as a bedroom.
Another one is easy to maintain garden, which basically means its the size of a postage stamp.

Low level WC. How many houses DON'T have a low level WC these days? A high level WC would be a period feature.

all of these! I've taken to skipping the painful descriptions and looking at photos and floor plans now but even those seem to throw in a curve ball of random bedside light picture or rooms with no doors/access on the floor plan

Bunnyfuller (only because you must live near me.

@Pomegranatemolasses

Every area is 'highly sought after'

Could be worse. In Australia estate agents seem to be illiterate and nine times out of ten it’s ‘sort after’. The agent for the place I bought could spell and so I had to buy it. It was a Rare Opportunity

@FatimaMunchy I think I'm familiar with them as well Are the initials S&P by any chance?

I think most of my peeves have already been mentioned. Another one is "act now to view this..." which a local agent always seems to use. That irritates me for some reason.

What grinds my teeth is all the 'gushing' and bad grammar/spelling. Here are some examples from a local estate agent:
------
*Who would have thought at first glance that this property has such a large garden. The current owners could almost be Tom and Barbara from the sticom TV series with their vegetable bed, chickens and garden that backs onto fields. Self sufficiency also includes the addition of solar roof panels that pay a good chunk of the electricity (especially during the summer months) and a log burning stove for the winter months.

A little gem of a house with lots of appeal!! Size is not always important; it's what it's got that really matters and as the saying goes 'good things come in small packages!'

A bit like vintage port, some properties just get better with age! Such is the case with ---, which in many ways is reminiscent of a 'Gentleman's Residence' with many features, including for example, the timber panelled walls in the dining room that are surely from a bygone era.*