downsizing - too many questions

[AlmaWhittaker]

We've decided to downsize a little early (kids are just 18, 16, 14) but it's more to do with wanting to move from big house and big garden in the country to the city where we both work. We're in the process of buying a smaller apartment in the city and selling our house.

Lots of reasons to move.

Pro move: We hate our current neighbour,
Con: but obviously we risk having more than one awful neighbour so that seems like a terrible reason.

Pro move: We hate spending every spare moment trying to keep the garden under control. Neither of us likes gardening (anymore, I did go through a phase of growing veg etc but I just don't have the time anymore).
Pro: So, a tiny balcony instead.
??? Oh god, will we regret it?

Pro: We want less house to clean, less diy to do.
Con: Oh god, we're reducing our living space by about a half.

Pro: We want to cut out a lot of driving. This can only be a good thing. We aim to go from 2 cars to one.
Con: can I really live without a car? I work mainly from home and just a day or two where I'd need to get a bus.

Just wondering if anyone has done this with so many doubts? When I tell myself all the reasons we're moving, they make sense, but then I look around our existing spacious house/garden and worry about how to dry clothes/fit all our things in tiny cupboards. Also, ds 18 has already left home (uni) but comes home every 3 or 4 weeks for the weekend and for holidays too. In the new arrangement he'll have to share with ds2 (14) whereas they didn't have to share before. Is that asking for trouble, or pushing ds1 out?

But I'm craving a bit of city fun. The novelty of home delivery food, being able to walk to cinema, bars, restaurants. DS being able to walk to school instead of me driving him is a HUGE plus for both of us. But but but...

Would love some stories of your experiences (I'm afraid everyone else dreams of doing the opposite, of finding a house and a garden for retirement, but we've experienced the sheer work involved in that lifestyle and know we don't want that). We're 54 and 49.

Why an apartment, could you nor downsize to a small house with at least a small court-yard back garden.

Good point, DillyDilly. We did consider this but we used to have a smaller house with a smaller garden and there was still the effort required to cut the grass/hedge every week in the growing season. Less time but you still need the machines and to make the effort. I realise I'm probably an anomaly on mumsnet where nobody likes flats.

Can't you get a gardener to do upkeep - you don't need to have grass. It seems quite a drastic change tbh - is there really not the middle ground of a house?

We have an apartment in the city for all the very valid reasons you mention! I must admit I like the idea of a garden more than the upkeep. I would like a bigger balcony that we could eat out on but apart from that I'm happy. Ds likes the freedom of being able to bike/bus everywhere as do I.

Cripes, I do think you are going to feel the move. Every where you turn there will be a wall, at least that's how my DM felt when we moved when I was younger. However if you still have the space for everyone then why not. But is your DS likely to need somewhere to return to once uni finishes and he needs to start saving for his own property for example. You may well have all 3 children still under your feet for a while and will there really be enough room? Could you wait a few years before down sizing?
We are the complete opposite in which we left the city and have a huge garden etc now and would never move back but that's because I love the space.

Oh dear, space is great I'm sure if you have a gardener and a cleaner. I've spent every weekend so far this year (for past 13 years) hoping to get things under control and failing. Looking forward to walking in parks where its not my job to cut the grass! But a bit nervous too because you get used to space. Kids are beyond thrilled at prospect of being able to go out and about themselves.

@timeforakinderworld phew, glad I'm not the only one.

You are doing what I intend to do in a few years, I love my house but it takes up all of my spare time, it’s partly my own fault as I’m a perfectionist and my house and garden have to be immaculate, I do love it but it is exhausting and I do resent the time it takes to keep it the way I like. I can fully understand why you want to do it but in your position with 3 children I think it’s too soon if I’m honest, I think city life could wear a bit thin when you are on top of each other.

Will your 14 year old need to change schools? Will the youngest two be able to get to friends?

I love it when we go on holiday in the UK and we rent little thatched cottages or glamorous apartments with a balcony and I fantasise at how easy the cleaning and maintenance would be, and then I remember how I would have to get rid of lots of my beautiful furniture...... it will be a wrench when I do it that’s for sure but hopefully the cute cottage will make up for the lack of space.

Sounds like a good idea

Get a sofa bed for the lounge

Declutter, recycle thoroughly before you move

Ensure you confirm all the maintenance & payments to freeholder if you are buying a flat, it can be expensive if you are buying a leasehold

I think with 3 children at that age, it might be tricky. If you can't get a big apartment, I'd go for a smaller house with a small garden/patio garden. In fact, any small garden can be turned into a beautiful and minimal (a few hours a year) maintenance space in a week, by a competent bricklayer. That increases the house choice.

Don't forget that this is the boomerang generation, and that even if you don't have them at home, their stuff usually still is!

It sounds a really good plan to me. As for living without a car we did this. We put all the money that usually went into car expenses and used it for transport, mainly public but quite a bit of Uber. We are a few thousand in credit and we go out more because we don’t have to worry about having a few drinks.

I didn't it expect to be talked out of it because we have so many good reasons to make the move, all of which I haven't detailed here. I understand why many people crave the space and the country but we've tried it and it brings more hassle than joy to us . I expect as we get older it'll only get harder.

Florentina, I'm already anticipating a better social life that will be financed by the 400 pm or so that we'll save on petrol not to mention other car expenses. Looking forward to biking about town like I did as a student.

P1zza, yes to decluttering, I've started but a lot more to do.

Sofa bed for ds in ds2's room. They get on v well so I hope it'll be OK for him. Plan to save him wardrobe space too.

Worried about clothes mgmt. Will buy a washer dryer but never had one before. Do they dry clothes totally or will I need to hang to?

Thanks for all comments. I'm getting lots of the don't do it variety from friends too

Downsizing to an apartment as a couple is one thing, but with a 14 and a 16 year old it's much more of a radical move. Not because of the bedrooms so much, just halving the living space when you have 4-5 near-adults will push you all into closer proximity.

I'd be totally on board with a move from country to town or city. But I think we'd be looking at a house in the 'burbs on good bus routes, and a gardener.

Sounds great, I think an apartment is ideal as long as you find the right one. Good luck and enjoy!

Washer dryers are rubbish. Can you stack a washer and tumble dryer instead? That's what we did and I hardly ever have to hang anything out.

Yes with a smaller footprint a tumble dryer is more important if anything, because you have less space to hang things out. I've spent enough of my life sharing my living room with a clothes horse! With 4-5 of you that's a lot of washing with limited drying space. But you can think creatively and put a condensing tumble dryer in a bedroom or something. Look for storage. This is what we really missed when we lived in our flat - no understairs cupboard or loft, limited kitchen & bathroom cupboards. There will be somewhere to store the vacuum cleaner, ironing board, mop bucket but longer term stuff like Christmas decorations, school books, camping stuff might be tricky.

Why don't you get a smaller house with small low maintenance garden or gardener?

Even my NDNs have a large Victorian house but it has a garden but wit the fake grass and patio. They use it a lot for entertaining in summer but I never see them gardening!

Be careful with the actual small garden you have - friend of mine a few years back got a nice house with garden but the back part of garden was owned by the house backing onto hers (if you see what I mean) - so they had a small wraparound courtyard garden but it was tiny - especially for her as she had a young DD. They moved to somewhere with a larger garden.

It sounds like an exciting move! And the kids are on board, great! Yes your living space is going to
Be much smaller, but you will all spend less time in it, the kids will able to be more independent and have better social lives / part time jobs. You will be able to pop out to parks/shops/bars etc much more easily and spontaneously. A big change like this can be really rejuvenating, you’ll feel ten years younger with fewer responsibilities and more freedom

Sound like going from one extreme to the other. I'd move to a small terrace with a separate sitting room at the front and a courtyard garden. You don't need any grass in there but at least you'll have an outside space and a bit of room to accommodate your teens.

I wrote a long reply and it seems to have disappeared, dammit!

JoJo, we currently have acres and teens just go from bed to computer to car to social life. I don't think any of them have set foot in the garden properly since they were about 11 or 12. DH and I only set foot in it to work and sometimes have a coffee and look at all the work that still needs to be done.

@Letthemysterybe , yes to part-time jobs, DS is definitely on for that. Yes to park/shops/bars and rejuvenating. I already feel a burden lifted and we haven't even sold our house yet.

@Ambydex, yes these are all the things I'm a bit anxious about. Storage - we're decluttering to our heart's content but you build up a lot of stuff when you stay put for too long (I think we have about 20 different garden chairs, for example, and our balcony can take one or two!). I'm dreaming of minimalist living to be honest. I'm not sure we'll have space for washing machine and separate dryer - are 2-in-1 machines really that awful? Maybe we need to go to a launderette once a week on top of one small wash a day? Is that doable?

OTOH, there are 4 of us for less than a year and then dd will be off to uni too, so the small space will seem bigger. As for adult children coming back to live with parents in their 20s, sorry, but no! Short-term, they're welcome, but I'm looking forward to having a life again

This is your dream, although you say your dc's are on board. However there is no way on earth my 2 who have just left uni would want to share if they have to live at home for the interim.
Adult children coming back home to live after uni? I do think you are coming across as a bit harsh and unrealistic.
Where are you going to store all their things whilst at uni and in the holidays when they bring everything home.
I have a spacious 3 bed semi with good loft space and I am struggling to accommodate all their belongings.
We downsized last year and I ruthlessly had to declutter, there is still too much stuff and there is never enough storage. I would rethink this plan for a few years, but good luck whatever you decide.

The storage is only a problem if you let it be. 6 of us shared a tiny house and it is just a case of living within your space. Yes to the kids finding their own places as soon as possible. Mine had all left home by 20 to spread their wings. One went.abroad, one had accommodations with his job and the others went into house shares. University students soon learn to live with minimal space.

It sounds like you're talking about a 3 bed apartment though - I wonder perhaps if you have really quite a big house now and you'd only be downsizing to something fairly average? Are we talking 1 reception room 14x12' to do for lounge and dining for the 4-5 of you, and a pocket handkerchief kitchen, or something with a floor area more akin to an average 3 bed semi?

I'm interested in the thread because we are actively thinking about trading floor area for location. DC are happy to have smaller bedrooms or a smaller garden, but I think if it got to the point where there wasn't space for a desk for them to work at during A levels, or to give them some privacy to have friends round, then I think it would be a step too far for us. If you're talking a 3 bed apartment with decent reception space, and space in the second bedroom for single bed, sofa, desk and wardrobe then that is potentially still a substantial sized property.