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downsizing - too many questions

92 replies

AlmaWhittaker · 07/07/2019 21:19

We've decided to downsize a little early (kids are just 18, 16, 14) but it's more to do with wanting to move from big house and big garden in the country to the city where we both work. We're in the process of buying a smaller apartment in the city and selling our house.

Lots of reasons to move.

Pro move: We hate our current neighbour,
Con: but obviously we risk having more than one awful neighbour so that seems like a terrible reason.

Pro move: We hate spending every spare moment trying to keep the garden under control. Neither of us likes gardening (anymore, I did go through a phase of growing veg etc but I just don't have the time anymore).
Pro: So, a tiny balcony instead.
??? Oh god, will we regret it?

Pro: We want less house to clean, less diy to do.
Con: Oh god, we're reducing our living space by about a half.

Pro: We want to cut out a lot of driving. This can only be a good thing. We aim to go from 2 cars to one.
Con: can I really live without a car? I work mainly from home and just a day or two where I'd need to get a bus.

Just wondering if anyone has done this with so many doubts? When I tell myself all the reasons we're moving, they make sense, but then I look around our existing spacious house/garden and worry about how to dry clothes/fit all our things in tiny cupboards. Also, ds 18 has already left home (uni) but comes home every 3 or 4 weeks for the weekend and for holidays too. In the new arrangement he'll have to share with ds2 (14) whereas they didn't have to share before. Is that asking for trouble, or pushing ds1 out?

But I'm craving a bit of city fun. The novelty of home delivery food, being able to walk to cinema, bars, restaurants. DS being able to walk to school instead of me driving him is a HUGE plus for both of us. But but but...

Would love some stories of your experiences (I'm afraid everyone else dreams of doing the opposite, of finding a house and a garden for retirement, but we've experienced the sheer work involved in that lifestyle and know we don't want that). We're 54 and 49.

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 11/07/2019 12:43

One of the features of apartment life in Scandinavia is a basement storage area, where people keep luggage, winter tyres etc. Thinking about keeping big stuff that you don’t use often somewhere else (lock up garage?) is useful.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 11/07/2019 12:52

Use some of your petrol savings to rent a storeage unit nearby, keep your winter clothes and things like Christmas decs there (obviously swapping backwards and forwards as the seasons change). This will also give you a ready-made space for boomeranging kid's stuff, for eg if eldest decides to go travelling after uni, there's somewhere ready-made for their stuff.

Laundry - we use a spare room to dry clothes, I have to say it's my biggest frustration (and we have a house by the way, but in Scotland good drying days are rare) and this is something I'd put more thought into wrt a tumble dryer. Do you have space for a ceiling laundry rack, for example?

The space issue, honestly the way some folk are going on in this thread it's like you're cutting the ugly sisters toes off to fit into Cinderella's shoes! Your kids will have space and a base, and will benefit so much from being in the city. I honestly wouldn't hesitate. Yes, there are cons, but there are cons with every single house move. Make the change while you're all still young enough to enjoy it! I'm planning on doing the same the minute DS finishes school.

SparrowBo · 11/07/2019 13:21

I think it's brilliant. You'll love it!
Your dc want to, you want to and it sounds great.
Good luck

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/07/2019 13:22

Friend when they moved into their house had 1 dc at uni, one going to uni the next year, and 1 doing their GCSEs. They were under the impression that 3 years and they would be off their hands.

10 years later, they all went off to uni and 1 or 2 returned at any one point then within a few months all of them returned bringing with them gfs and fiancées because they could not afford to save up for a place of their own whilst renting. They also have teens living there as well

This has been going on for at least 3-4 years and doesn’t look like it will change any time soon.

StarJumpsandaHalf · 11/07/2019 20:58

By the same token and as I've said we've had boomeranging DCs, we have six rooms in our house that are never used now. We could have all our DCs and their partners come back and not be overcrowded. Very unlikely to happen as they own their own homes, but for now, we choose to stay here.

I've also said my own preference is for space and peace in a rural location, so I'm not lobbying with an agenda, but you simply can't dictate to the OP as though it's all a given, based on someone else's experiences.

Our house is a lot of work and maintenance, very costly to run and there are no buses. It's a 10 mile round trip to buy anything. It's not a situation that suits many, same as extreme downsizing won't suit all, but the OP's family have given it serious thought before making a positive decision.

When all's said and done it's not even an irreversible decision, if the lifestyle doesn't work out they can think again and do something different.

Itscoldouthere · 11/07/2019 23:58

I think you also have to take into account that the OP is not living in the UK and it sound like housing is probably cheaper.
I’m in my 50s and the youngest of 6, myself and my siblings all left home in our late teens and didn’t go back because we could afford to rent our own places.

Obviously it’s much harder for young people now to afford to do this now, but maybe where the OP lives it’s still possible for young people to rent or buy homes for themselves rather than having to boomerang back to their parents.

HeronLanyon · 12/07/2019 00:20

I moved to central London after house garden etc etc. Walk to work (although work all over at the Bar but Chambers is close). Downsized dramatically. Absolutely love walking everywhere and everything within spur of the moment reach. After more than 10 years without a garden I am beginning to have pangs. Otherwise best move ever. No car. Rent or through club when needed.
From your posts it feels as though your downsize May be a few years early ? Kids will love being in city (so long as school move is ok) but wonders if three kids that age will be a challenge in much smaller set up?

echt · 12/07/2019 06:00

I would actually love to live in a bungalow, I know that sounds naff

This made me smile as here in Australia, there is no such thing as a bungalow, it's a house, i.e. the norm. Things are moving on now, so split-level/town house to take into account the new move to two storeys. I took me a while to get used to having the bedrooms on the ground floor, but now it's entirely natural.

I'd love to downsize to a single-level house but most are old, by Australian standards, and not up-to date, so I'd be swapping a well-renovated old-style house for a heap of renovations ( all of which I've already done to my present house) and stamp duty, or a soulless shithole of a unit with no garden. And stamp duty.

And they wonder why older people are rattling around in massive houses. Hmm

Itscoldouthere · 12/07/2019 19:38

Well here in the UK bungalows have a reputation of being old people’s homes which I think is a real shame.
I think well designed bungalows are great, I think the problem in uk is lots of them are too small and on small plots.
I would love to build a house ( bit of a pipe dream really) and I’d love single level living.

itsboiledeggsagain · 12/07/2019 22:39

I'm amused by the suggestion that grown ups might live with parents because thry can't afford to pay rent and save up for a house. That is pretty standard isn't it?

My parents didn't think it was theie problem. Of course given they live in the sticks none of us really wanted to live there, if they had been in a city it would have been a much more attractive prospect. Confused

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/07/2019 23:29

I think 1950s bungalows were voted the worst designed homes ever

We live in one and ended up having to take virtually every wall down to configure it into a place you could live in

The most odd layout. Lots of random walls sticking out into a room.

Redders16 · 19/10/2022 09:26

Hi I came upon your post and read all the replies (lots of people trying to persuade you not to move). What was the outcome- how did it all turn out?

EmmaH2022 · 19/10/2022 10:37

I'm curious how OP is too

I really struggle alone in a flat. I could live in mum's 3 bed house, alone, very happily.

she also gets people telling her to downsize and we don't know why. We have a lovely young lady who helps me with gardening but we are not fussy about it being perfect.

User57713 · 19/10/2022 13:56

We made a similar move a couple of years back. Luckily we were persuaded to buy a larger flat with an extra bedroom or I think we would be tripping over each other and it would not have been fun. Especially since we were all stuck there during lockdown. I got a bit carried away with the idea of somewhere small but that extra room was more practical for sure.

Our older teens love being in the city, being able to ravel independently, one has a job in a local coffee shop. They couldnt have done that in our old house. Youngest misses the garden more than he thought he would. More than I thought he would.

Our flat also has a balcony and lots of those windows right to the ground with railings across them (I can't remember what they're called) and I find myself opening all the windows all the time so I can feel fresh air moving. I don't miss the garden as such but I realised that I needed to feel like I was outdoors much more than I anticipated. I also have loads of house plants, having hated gardening before.

Good luck op, I hope your move goes smoothly.

AlmaWhittaker · 29/12/2022 16:08

UPDATE (warning, it’s long): Sorry for missing this when people asked for an update. Hope this will be useful for anyone thinking of doing something similar. I realise it's not a popular move and that most people prefer the idea of retiring to a quieter house in the country but I’m glad to report that we have very few regrets.

We ended up buying our apartment before selling our house (equity on house of higher value than cost of apartment, so bank was happy to give us a loan). We moved to apartment in the city in late 2019. Little did we know that covid was about to hit!

3 bed apartment 70m2 (not in UK), exactly half the size of our house! DS1 was away at uni so not there all the time. DS2 was in last year of school (stayed in old school so some driving was necessary after the move), DD had to change schools anyway so she started in new city even before we moved there (also driving required before the move!)

Space-wise: DS1 was happy to share with DS2 when home (they get along very well), although room was tiny when bed was opened out for 2. All of us were excited to be in the city with lots of things to do, so there were no regrets about lack of space in apartment. DH grew up in a tiny apartment so he had no problem adjusting, and I’ve been learning to be less materialistic. I’m the one who needed to work most on just not having too many things. We got rid of A LOT of stuff and pared down our belongings. Such a relief! I don’t miss any of it 🙄

It was/is so great to be able to walk to cafes, restaurants, school for DD (first time she was able to get to school independently), cinema (renewed my love for arty films that were inaccessible before), etc. Plus, now that we don’t have a garden, we consider all the city’s parks our garden and love the running joke that our gardeners are doing a fine job for us 😀 Apartment is on a quiet street, so noise is minimal.

Dog poo on pavements, alas. So it’s not perfect. Also, quite a few homeless people and more obvious poverty is a little shocking.

Sold my car. It turned out that DH’s job provides a free bus to work so he doesn’t even need his car but it’s good to have one between us, esp in the first year when there was some driving to school required (though that was cut short because of covid). I work from home but I do have a couple of days when I work in the city, so that commute has changed from a 3-hour round trip in the car to a 30 minute round trip on foot.

Apartment needed total refurbishment but we decided to move in while doing most of the work with the option of moving back to our house during the bigger works, all the while getting the house ready to put on the market. Worked out well for a couple of hectic months. Luckily we got a lot done in that time new kitchen - there was nothing but a sink in the kitchen so that was urgent, new windows, painted most of the rooms… before lockdown.

Then covid struck and our plans went out the window (as everyone can identify with). We ended up in worst-case scenario - all 5 of us in apartment for about 3 months, about 6 weeks of which was the worst lockdown where we were barely able to leave the home. We managed!! We were just happy to be alive really with all the uncertainty about covid at that stage. We did miss our garden at this point!! When we were finally allowed out of lockdown we went to see if our house was okay and had a few pangs of regret - the countryside seemed really attractive at that stage!

Now, 3 years later, all 3 DC are away at uni and we’re on our own and LOVING the city. Lots of free concerts and events going on. Great food options. A short drive to the countryside.

Neighbours are all very pleasant, although there is a bit of a dispute going on between some of them, so maybe I shouldn’t talk too soon about that. We keep our noses out of everyone’s business 😉

Cleaning the apartment is a doddle (maybe partly because DC have moved out!)

Financials: When our house finally sold after covid delays, we banked approx the same as the cost of apartment plus all the renovations. But that was as we had expected. Now, our heating, water, travel, repairs, etc. are much lower, so we’re better off for sure.

We have a lot less space to heat, and with rising costs that’s an advantage I hadn’t expected. Plus the fact that we used to spend so much on petrol and now spend almost nothing.

Access to train station means kids have freedom to come and go easily without us having to collect them.

All 3 DC are home for the Christmas holidays and it is a bit of a squeeze but very temporary so okay.

Sorry that was loooooonnngggg!😂

OP posts:
demotedreally · 29/12/2022 19:17

Thanks for coming back OP, I commented a couple of times supporting you in a different username, and have occasionally wondered how you are getting on.

We've moved to a slightly smaller house in a better location since covid, and are really happy with the choice. We will move smaller again when the kids leave home. I just need to pursuade dh 😁

GrandMarnierChocolate · 30/12/2022 09:44

That's great. It's all about what feels right for you. Sometimes smaller and simpler is freeing. Good luck for future plans😁

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