Painter/decorator 'friend'... would I be giving him the wrong impression/ leading him on?!

[Flammingstar]

Hi I am after a little advice on a sort of moral dilemma.
I will shortly be moving into my new flat and finances are extremely tight to say the least. I have recently lost my job and I am going to have to decorate and furnish the place myself on limited funds.
It's been a hideous few years. One thing after another and finally I will have my 'own' (housing association) place and a little bit of security.

The other huge problem is that I am completely useless, I can't do a thing although I am good with design/colour and quite creative!
Severe back pain and 2 prolapsed discs also severely limit what I can do because the pain makes me exhausted quickly.
This will seem like I am going off subject, but bear with me!!
A few months ago I met a guy on a dating site and we went out, Unfortunately he wasn't the sharpest and he had forgotten his wallet!!! I ended up paying for all of the drinks and the taxi back to my place.
I knew he was genuine because he was mortified and so apologetic.
The next day (Sunday) I was cooking a roast and he was over the moon at being 'spoiled' and was very 'into' me!

I was not really into him though and I told him after the date that I juat wanted to be 'friends' and I was not into him romantically at all. I tried to be kind and say that he was not my type.
This was true, but what i didn't tell him because I didn't want to hurt him is that he irritated the living daylights out of me even in the short time we spent together and I don't find him attractive in any way!!
He made it clear that he was gutted and kept on about taking me for a slap up meal, as friends, to make up for being an idiot on the first date.
I kept making excuses and we never actually went out. He still messages occasionally to say hello and for some general chit chat though.

My dilemma is that he is a painter/decorator/handy-man....... and I am going to need a lot of things done at my new place!!
The list is endless.... wallpapering, curtain poles put up, washing machine plumbed in, blinds fitted, furniture assembled and that is just the start
..........so my question is do I ask him to help out to 're-pay' the favour instead of the meal or would that be leading him on/using him??
I don't have anyone to help me do anything at all and I know that I am going to struggle and get really frustrated and miserable that I can not achieve anything or get the place looking homely and comfortable?
I was thinking that if I offer to pay him at a reduced rate or something it won't seem so bad?
What would you do??

Has he not paid you back after all this time? Anyway I think it's a very bad idea.

A terrible idea!

I guess that I agree. I am just trying to think of the best way to get the things that I need done as easily and cheaply as possible.
I am impatient and a real neat freak and if I can't get the new place looking tidy and decent, I am going to end up more depressed.
It's been a shit couple of years with more stress, anxiety and problems than most people could face and I kind-of want this to be a fresh start.
There are so many practical considerations that you don't realise when you are a single female moving on your own with no help.
Like how do you move furniture and get things delivered without paying a fortune.
I have been on minimum wage for years and struggled now I've lost my job, finances are even tighter.

Don't do this. I have a mechanic friend who I also know is in to me and bless his heart, he is a lovely guy. I wouldn't ever use him because it would be awful. Even expecting a reduced rate for a couple of dates is cheeky, sorry.

Re the question of how you get it done cheaply - Do you have a skill to offer? There are people who may be in need of something (cooking or running errands for a relative etc) in exchange for their skill i.e. Your decorating. There are a few skill swap sites on FB?

Windbeneth please read my entire post.
It may be "cheeky", but he is the one who kept on and on about "paying me back".
Also may I respectfully say that until you are trying to move entirely alone on a very limited budget with no help or support and inability to do anything yourself, Please don't judge. Thanks.

I have moved entirely on my own and didn't use anyone, thanks 😊 Additionally I've offered you a way of finding help without resorting to guilt tripping this guy simply because you are a "helpless female on your own" so read my entire post.

I remember your other thread, so plased it's all going ahead for you.

Your insistence that you are "useless" is a bit weird though. You are a grown woman who has the nous to be able to run her life and make big life changing decisions. Of course you can handle a paintbrush or a hammer, stop being so feeble about it! The only way to learn is to do!
(although I appreciate you have health issues which physically limit you, that is different to saying you are "useless").

If it is really unliveable-with, your best bet is to simply paint the whole place in magnolia, to give you a clean and inoffensive backdrop while you work out your ideal look and save up for it. Buy big pots of trade emulsion and it won't cost much.

Also, I think you already know that getting the date-guy is a bad idea. You can find handymen who can do the painting relatively cheaply (cheaper than pro decorators anyway).

For things like heavy furniture, I would hire a local "man with a van" and simply get everything booked for the same day and pick it all up then (although many places offer free delivery too, depends what items you are thinking of)

OP
Did he ever pay you back after very conveniently leaving his wallet at home so you had to pay for the date and taxis ?
If not, he must be all talk. And not as nice as you think.
He could easily have stuck the money in an envelope for you and put it in your letterbox.

Shotsfired
Thank you for the advice and a little confidence boost, it is appreciated.
I am useless though - I simply don't know where to start with assembling furniture or doing anything with diy.
I could never hope in a million years to be able to put a curtain pole or shelf up, I wouldn't know how to use a drill or organise the placing of it.
Sometimes you need more than one pair of hands to do some jobs too.
The flat is a housing association flat and it is decorated in magnolia and new kitchen and bathroom but it has nothing else. No carpets, fittings etc so while it is nice that I will have a blank canvas, I would need to do everything there to make it a home.

OP totally disregards sensible advice of skill swapping.

Women move all the time. youtube has tutorials. Take some responsibility for yourself.

lol read the instructions that come with the furniture and drill? or put the guilt trip on a random man? yes such a dilemma!

I am not suggesting that I guilt trip some random man, but he himself did say that he wanted to take me out for a special meal to re-pay me. This is more useful.

I didn't "disregard" the skill swap thing. It is a good idea, but again you failed to read my post.
I dont have ANYONE.
I am an only child as are my mother and my maternal Grandfather. My father is not alive and I don't have any contact with distant cousins etc from my maternal Grandmother's siblings (most of whom are very elderly or passed away) Even if I did have contact with cousins etc, they are spread all over the country. I don't even know their addresses.
I fail to see how I can 'skill swap' with relatives that I don't have.

It can be a skill swap with people you aren't related to! Local facebook groups and freecycle etc - all have swap, giveaway and buy ad sell pages. Offer things you have or can do and people will offer you things back.

And people do actually do nice things just for being nice too!
(I once had a man come round and untangle a rats nest of wiring and sort my sky out after I got in a right mess with it. All for the price of a cuppa while he worked!)

People are inherently good, don't forget that. Some choose to be dicks, but nobody is born that way.

WindBeneth
If you don't have anything construcrive to offer, Please feel free to leave the post. You have no idea of what my life is like. I am pretty confident that when you moved you prob had some assistance from someone......also you have absolutely no idea how limiting and draining that the continual pain is so before you troll and critisise, Please think

How much did you spend? Because you seem to want a lot in return for it.

I think if uou want him to do it, ask and offer to pay properly. If he offers anything else fair enough, but be honest and explain you will not be romantically involved with him,

Using people is not nice and karma is a bitch.

Honestly, as someone who was a lone parent for a long long time, just because you've never done those things before doesn't mean you CAN'T do them. I do the diy in this house and it really isn't hard. I have a friend who has just moved and insisted I had to come and put up her piceure hooks as she couldn't. I laughed. Yes I helped her, but it really wasn't anything she couldn't have managed. It's all about confidence. Don't even consider this guy as an option.

oh sorry of course you are right. being an only child does give you the right to behave like this, silly me!

seriously, read the instructions and put up your own furniture.

from a single female who moved house, drove the removal van and put up the furniture herself.

you can do this, good luck!

@Flammingstar I am useless though - I simply don't know where to start with assembling furniture or doing anything with diy.

Nobody knows the first time they do this stuff. Many of us had to do trial and error and made our fair share of utter bodge-jobs! It's all part of the fun of learning a new skill. But when you have the internet at hand, you can learn almost anything step by step.

You absolutely CAN do all the things you have listed. Just take your time, watch the videos, read the guides and follow the steps. If you have a query, ask on forums and discussion boards (say, whether you need a special fixing or where to get the best xyz tool etc).

Have faith in yourself! This is your life, other people won't live it for you!

I don't think he forgot his wallet, so I don't think you'd get a discount.

Did he stay the night with you that first night? You said you cooked him dinner the next day. If he had forgotten his wallet, it sounds as though he had plenty of time to go back and get it.

If you asked him to do the work he might, if he was genuine, knock a bit off. I doubt this, though, and don't think he'd do it until he was reckoning up the bill, anyway.

If your home is magnolia, that's okay for now, isn't it? Eventually you'll be better and will be able to paint.

If you buy a carpet, there's usually the option to have it fitted. I'd rather get a slightly cheaper carpet, eg an off-cut, and have it fitted than ask that guy for a favour.

That's just really rude. It's one thing to accept an invitation for a meal but it is something completely different to ask for free labour. Thibkofifthis way, if you were invited to dinner at a friend's house and the next day they texted you to ask you to 'repay' the favour by painting their garden fe for what would you think?

Ummmgogo
I was not aware that I was behaving in any particular manner. Merely stating the facts. If I have offended you, feel free to go elsewhere. No one is forcing you to read or post.
I am not "behaving like this" because I am an only child. I am simply pointing out that I don't have anyone to do anything.
I also think that a severe back issue and 2 prolapsed discs with nerve damage and barely being able to lift more than a heavy bag some days is reason enough.