Things you would NEVER want in your house:

[AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons]

I'll start.

A kitchen island.
A hall console table.
A corner sofa.
New rugs.

I am thinking of getting a plumbed-in Miele coffee machine.

A random hole in the wall serving hatch between the kitchen and living room

Taxidermy
Wood panelling
Ceiling beams
Wild rodents
Wood chip
Artex walls

I don't think it's mean either. It's just different tastes.

I have several things in my house that I love that have been mentioned here.

Bedbugs

And another vote for Nigel Farage

I'm waiting for someone to say woodchip, Artex & shag pile are their favourite things

we have woodchips, i HATE it, in the middle of trying to strip it off our stairs/landing.

It DOESNT COME OFF.

Haggard - solar panels?! Not wildly attractive, true, but the environmental benefit must outweigh the looks surely? I'm definitely keen to get some one day if we can afford it.

I think I could tolerate shag pile ok I do have a love of the cheesiest of retro things though...

My auntie used to live in a house where the shag pile went about three feet up the wall. If I was having shag pile it would have to go up the walls as well. No room for half measures

OP P L E A S E explain what you mean by you wouldn't have "new rugs"

Sorcerer, hire a steam stripper for a weekend - we had the same problem, after hours of scratching & scrubbing with soapy water we gave in & hired one & it was FANTASTIC!

You still have to scratch, & the house gets a bit steamy, but it comes off in sheets Better for the plaster underneath too.

those in-sink shredder thingies.
why would anyone want those?

I love my waste disposal unit. The macerator eats all the stinky leftovers and peelings and I have no horrid food caddy manking up my kitchen. I can just scrape the crud off the plates straight down the sink when I rinse the plates and bowls and press the grinder and away it goes. Lovely.

I would also love a bidet.
And a log burner. But I have an open fire which must be messier than a log burner

I don't want dust in my house unfortunately there is always lots.
I can't have twiggy shit as the cat eats it
I had laminate flooring and hated it so wouldnt want that again
I have lots of ornaments but hate those china ladies in swirly dresses ornaments.
Id like a juke box but there's no room

I wouldn't have a log burner. Not good for the health.

My friend has had one for years, has just upgraded hers to a new one. I love visiting- her house is toasty, the log burner looks amazing and her house is pleasingly fragranced with wood smoke.

But that same cosy smell is also laden with lots of cancer giving chemicals and pollutants, not something I would want to inhale on a regular basis

Wouldn't want a hot tub, and I dislike exposed beams.

antumbra'what's your evidence for the assertion that logs burners are carcinogenic?

copd.about.com/od/livingwithcop1/a/healthhazardssofwoodstoves.htm

Having lived with Victorian sash windows inmy parents house I love my UPVC double glazing as it Needs no maintenance!

I would like a wood burner, a proper one.

I would like a bidet, of my own in an ensuite that was just for me. I would love a bathroom of my own.

Definitely not taxidermy or Nigel Farage (or are they the same thing?)

A grey waste bin- rotting food sitting on your kitchen worktop for 1/2/3 days. A built in sink waste disposal is amazing!
Toys in the lounge or kitchen
artwork/glitter tubes produced 4 years ago by a child blutacked to the kitchen cabinets. If it's good frame it, if it's not put it in a memory box or the bin
Tiled work surfaces
Gas hobs
Low level oven
2 slice toasters, if they did 6 slice toasters I would buy one, what family wants toast in stages?
DVDs/CDs on display

Surely the whole point of a stove is that it is sealed in behind a door and the smoke and the fumes go up the chimney?
Which has a nice safe flue liner, installed to Building Regs spec?
How does this toxic wood smoke get into the room?

antumbra I can't see any mention of a link with malignancy in that link, nor have I ever read elsewhere of woodburners being associated with an increased link of any cancer. That link cites only COPD and other chronic respiratory disease as being conditions in which woodburners MAY cause exacerbations.

Miniature ensuite bathrooms. Would rather have one big family one.

Seperate taps

Fixed shower heads

Shower in the bath

Glass shower doors (water stains!!)

Carpets in bathrooms

Bidet

Cupboards in the bottom half of your kitchen rather then drawers.

No hallway

Cheap ugly art

Conservatory that isn't a proper part of the house, but with a door through to main part of the house. Too warm in summer, too cold in winter.

Purple. I hate the colour. Just can't stand it.

Electric stoves

Ornamental fireplaces. I don't see the point of having one if it can't be used to burn a fire in!

Definitely no Nigel Farage. By extension no other bigoted wankers either. And no cats (I quite like cats but they give me asthma).

No also to laminate flooring, acrylic carpet, damp-encouraging house aspects (retrospective double glazing without trickle vents etc), words on the walls, shabby shit furniture, ultra modern anything that needs to be spotless all the time, washing machine in the kitchen, curtains, halogen down spots, feature walls, shower over the bath...

Thinking about houses I've lived in, also no to sharing walls with other people, mice living in the floor, black mould, carpet in the bathroom, twenty year old carpet, lack of storage space, collapsed bathroom ceiling, boiler that doesn't work reliably, cramming too many rooms into a small house....

Wall mounted telly
Leather sofa (they are so cold!)
Chandelier