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Original poster

Bought house with parents, now they want their money back in one go.

187 replies

DreamlessSleep · 08/10/2013 11:46

My mum and step dad suggested that they helped us buy a house 5 years ago when our landlord was selling the house we were in, but now they want all their money back in one go (70,000 I don't begrudge them for wanting it but think they could have gone about it in a different way) and obviously we don't have this. We tried remortgaging but they won't take their names off the mortgage therefore we cant as they are now deemed too old to be on our mortgage.

Are there any other options I have not thought of apart from from selling? (Which is the option it looks like we will have to go for at the moment.) We were naive when we bought it and in hindsight we should have stuck to renting.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 30/10/2013 14:51

They might be required to prove where the original £70K came from IF there was any kind of enquiry. It is unlikely, but not impossible.

showtunesgirl · 30/10/2013 14:53

OP, I am worried that due to you understandably wanting to get this all over and done with as soon as possible, aren't thinking of your longterm future.

I really would get more legal advice if I were you.

DreamingAlice · 30/10/2013 14:57

I don't see why you would let them anywhere near you or your kids after this, to be honest. They are forcing you to lose money on this house- and for what? So they can come away with less money than they put into it and you with NOTHING- and not only nothing but having suffered a LOSS.

This is quite possibly one of the insanest things I have come across in a long time and believe me, I have a crazy family.

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 30/10/2013 15:07

They are doing it so they can take the money to do something else with it. But yes it does seem a crazy thing to have done.

Much as I'd love to cut them out completely abd have nothing to do with them again mum is a good grandparent and has a good relationship with the kids. There will definitely be a lot more distance between us though.

OP posts:
SteamWisher · 30/10/2013 15:11

How is your mum a good grandparent when she's forcing you to sell which directly impacts on her grand children? Hmm

moralimbecile · 30/10/2013 15:14

Dreamless - where are you going to go?

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 30/10/2013 15:18

We can stay at fil's if we haven't found a place to rent by then.

Yes this is shit behaviour by them but aside from this her role in their life has been a positive one. I'd just be cutting my nose off to spite my face to completely stop all contact.

OP posts:
littlemslazybones · 30/10/2013 15:21

Your mother is forcing your children out of their home and jepordising your financial well-being based on a mis-judged whim. She's not winning any awards in my book.

PastaBeeandCheese · 30/10/2013 15:55

In the light of the advice you've had will they not reconsider your original offer to remortgage to give them their money provided they come off the deeds?

I still think this was an overly generous offer from you but it means you can keep your home and cut financial ties with them.

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 30/10/2013 15:58

No they won't even consider it. I have explained it would be better to do that many times over.

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/10/2013 16:14

It's so bizarre that they won't take the one option available that would actually allow them to recoup their whole 70K. This is because they want to hedge their bets, isn't it? Take all of their capital out of their investment but retain a 'life interest' in the asset so they can share in any eventual profit. Deeply odd. It's like they want to punish you for the house's value falling.

SteamWisher · 30/10/2013 16:46

How bad does she have to get?
Man alive, you're taking this far too lightly tbh.

SteamWisher · 30/10/2013 16:47

Moving house is one of the most stressful things one can go through and your mum is putting your family through it all for money.

bigbrick · 30/10/2013 16:51

Just say ok you'll sell & move & that's it for them as grandparents. Let them show what they value in life

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 30/10/2013 17:03

Their presence in our life will be cut right back, I physically cant even talk to them right now im so angry about their behaviour.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 30/10/2013 17:16

Moving house has been compared to divorcing in terms of the stress level.

How many times are you going to put yourselves and your DCs through that amount of stress to please your DM and step father.

What if you can't afford to rent, can you live permanently at FIL's? With all your belongings, without hindering his home life?

I know you think your DM is a good grandmother, but I don't believe it. I understand what you said about step father controlling DM, and maybe she needs help because of that, but losing large amounts of money you can't afford and having no home to live will not help her and it could negatively impact your DCs. That doesn't achieve helping DM either.

As for the potential money laundering aspect, a lot of money laundering enterprises actually appear to lose money. The people who are doing it don't care about those loses because the money they get back is clean. The financial authorities know that, that's why simply saying "but I lost money" won't satisfy them if they suspect wrong doing.

I'm really sorry you've been put in this position, but I agree that you are taking it far too lightly.

If I were in your position I would not only get legal advice but I would instruct a solicitor to write to them outlining the agreement you made with them and with a sensible proposal for resolving this. Like if they want the investment back they relinquish that which they invested in.

And if they cry "you set a solicitor on us" they tried to make you and the GCs homeless and out of pocket.

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 30/10/2013 19:11

I know how stressful it is to move, this will be my 8th move. 1st time with the children though.

Nothing will be done from now on without consultation.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/10/2013 19:38

I think if you do as they propose they will still complain that they didn't get all their money back, so you may as well split the equity remaining 70:10 in the way you put it in. Paying the mortgage is lost money anyway on a house that has gone down in value and presumably it was similar to the level of rent you were paying?

I really feel for you

SnozzleWobbleson · 30/10/2013 20:18

Oh Dreamless what a shit situation

While I understand your need to get it all done and dusted ASAP, it's possible that in years to come you will really really regret not looking after your own interests and doing this via a solicitor with the proper financial shareout if you do go through with the sale.

I disagree that you'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you cut all contact. Your own mother is breezily forcing you to sell your home, causing you to uproot your children and move them in with your FIL - hardly ideal IMO - and expecting you to take a massive financial hit in the process.

If this was my mother I would be telling her in no uncertain terms the effect her actions were having on her family (ie daughter and grandchildren) and that we would not be able to have any kind of relationship with her in the future.

Print this thread off and send it to her.

contortionist · 30/10/2013 20:38

You're not nearly angry enough about this. Have you done the numbers and figured out how much your goodwill gesture would cost you?

contortionist · 30/10/2013 20:43

Don't forget to include stamp duty, estate agents fees, conveyancing fees, surveys, searches etc.
Those are all costs of the transactions, and if you're paying them, it should be counted as part of your financial contribution.
Mortgage capital repayments too (but not interest).

RedBushedT · 30/10/2013 20:48

I have nothing to add advice wise, but just wanted to say that I cannot believe how cruel your mother is being. Whether she is being pushed into it by your step father or not, I cannot imagine ever putting my children in such a position for the sake of money!
You have children, in what crazy world would you do this to them?! You wouldn't. Get angry, she is behaving atrociously.

HerRoyalNotness · 30/10/2013 21:00

Omg I can't believe they would do this and then beat you with it if you don't give them all of the 70k. I think from now to eternity I would be beating them with it.

Yes we have to move again, remember you forced us to sell the house and left us with nothing etc...

I'd have to question just how much they care for their DGC if they are happy to put them out of their home!!

3littlefrogs · 30/10/2013 21:58

Do not underestimate the effect of moving house on young children. It is stressful for adults but much more so for children. I speak from experience.

Original poster
DreamlessSleep · 31/10/2013 06:45

I do know how damaging it can be, but hopefully it would be good for the family in the end as currently live 15 mins from town and will be able to move close to the centre so that will be helpful as I cant drive, and the school would be suitable for ds as has special teams and classes to help him (he has higher functioning autism.) Assuming I can get him in that is. Plus will be walking distance of mil and step-fil. (We get on well with them)

OP posts: