Snubbed at work for being a cash buyer

[OhEmGee24]

Am I pathetic that this bothers me? Dp and I are extremely fortunate in that both of our parents have helped us to buy our first home outright. We ourselves aren't loaded at all. I deliberately kept that detail quiet but accidentally let slip when mortgages came up in conversation. Now I'm getting cutting comments like "drinks are on you, you're rich", and "ooo bet you're gonna have diamond chandeliers in your house". We are in an area where house prices are high and we we are only young but it's made me dread going into work. :-(

In any case I thought these large gifts are subject to tax.

How can you let that "slip" OP without a very deliberate, unequivocal statement being made I.e. we don't have a mortgage, our parents bought our house.

Either laugh it off or suck it up.

Emgee,

I am quite shocked at the amount of unpleasant jealousy on MN. There seem very few people these days who are genuinely pleased for others' good fortune. Let me congratulate you on your house purchase and wish you best of luck in your new abode!

You do seem somewhat thin skinned and naive, though. A little joshing is really not the end of the world and the reality is that, if you do not have a mortgage or rent, you are, in take home income terms, a lot richer than your colleagues. In that sense, it is completely different from a flashy car.

Why not just invite them all for drinks to celebrate your house purchase? I am sure their attitude will change. There will always be those only interested in you for your money but I find they are easily weeded out.

I actually see where you're coming from, because a similar thing happened to me.

DH and I are not badly off, but not rich, we have to be careful what we buy and meal plan etc, but my parents are rich. However, we do not ever ask for anything from them and do not get anything (except Christmas presents etc, but not over the top).

Naively I thought people at work would understand that there's a difference between having rich parents and being rich, but apparently not. I got teased for being posh and a snob, had constant comments of "ooo is it grouse or venison for dinner" after I once told someone excitedly that dad had given me a pheasant he'd shot so that had saved me money on the shopping, was belittled for everything I'd achieved because they assummed it was down to my parents, right up until I left. These were colleagues who owned their own homes, wore designer clothes etc, but still thought this of me in my Primark stuff.

I was younger then and would NEVER tell anyone at work anything about my finances/past now. It's a shame, and it's unfounded jealousy. There's a difference between lording it over someone because of money, and being ashamed of "letting slip" a detail about money. I think you are getting a hard time here because people are assuming you fall into the first category not the second.

Think title of thread should be "snubbed at work for OUR PARENTS being a cash buyer" would be more true.

Of course people are going to be at your remark. I am and i dont know you, your job, or your area! but i know how much of a massive, massive difference that would make in our lives, huge!!!

Of course you will get it back. How naive are you? I like the comment of the person that said to calculate what a mortgage would be on your property and then imagine your lifestyle with that chunk gone every single month.

And people PAY for their cars, never heard of a a garage that hands them out for free.

Anna,

I do get where you are coming from in that there is a huge difference in being rich and having rich parents. On the other hand, I always noticed when I was in my 20s and 30s that a lot of those with wealthy parents spent all their money on fun whereas those without tended to save more and be more careful.

Most wealthy parents (unless extremely mean) are ultimately there as an insurance policy and I don't think the psychological value of that should be underestimated. Ultimately, the "pheasant" was always there for you should you be having a really tough month or an unexpected bill.

As a parent of young children who is what most people would describe as comfortably off (and I suspect a lot would describe as rich, though does not feel like it), I am thinking very hard of the best way to bring up my children to make them respect money at the same time as giving them a nice time and lots of experiences. It is a hard balance to make and I am sure it only gets harder as time goes on. My 3 year old already assumes that everyone goes on one or more holidays abroad a year.

Somebody told me there was a rule as to how much money you can give away each year. Not that I've intentions of giving my millions away just right now.

Wow, lots of green eyes on MN.

It's difficult to keep up a pretence or lie all the time or avoid a particular issue and you ended up being honest with your work colleagues eventually whether you intended to or not.

The people making comments are jealous, plain and simple, as are the posters on here accusing you of stealth boasting and expressing their lack of sympathy for your "situation".

I am in a similar mortgage free situation although it's because I'm old so bought when houses were much cheaper and have always worked since I left school, taken ridiculously short maternity leaves, not had flash cars or expensive holidays nor spent a great deal on clothes/other consumer goodies plus I received a very small (

Some things in life are easy e.g. parents wop you a wad of cash that sets you up for life when most other people don't have a pot to piss in.

Some things in life are not so inevitable e.g. occasionally being on the receiving end of a lively bit of workmate banter

Some things in life are a lesson e.g. when you make a bit of a tit of yourself and people are taking the mick, don't repeat that tittyness in front of a population the size of MN

Er, no one's denying being jealous. And jealousy may be a sin, but that doesn't make it any less of a natural reaction. You might even have felt a flicker of it too, Springer, except that you're mortgage free too. You say we're jealous. We say you're jammy. This is how the world is and it ain't going to change whilst the inequality gap widens.

You have my sympathy OP. Jealousy is always ugly. It's relatively easily dismissed on an internet forum, but in the workplace it can be thoroughly unpleasant. If it tips over the edge into bullying I suggest you make a formal complaint under your firm's relevant grievance procedure.

We are in a similar position, thanks to DP's mother and step-father. We count ourselves as extremely lucky and never discuss/admit it except to bank managers etc. My parents know we bought outright (but not the specific price), but I don't think my sisters do.

I do understand what you mean about not being especially rich yourselves in terms of income - DP and I are both lecturers in good jobs but our salaries are pretty average by professional London terms. But you have to admit that it does make a huge difference in terms of disposable income. We are just expecting our first baby and it meant that we didn't have to wait and save before starting a family, and also that we can choose between various childcare options when I go back to work next year.

There's not much you can do now that they all know but I think the best policy is to agree with good grace that you are very fortunate.

What on earth did you say? Was it "We are considerably richer than yow?"

I used to work in banking where money discussions happen without an eyelid being batted but I managed to keep my gob shut when details like the size of my mortgage of property purchase price were asked outright. However I have hide like a rhino and can say "mind your own business" without thinking twice.

But I did my marry my money rather than get it from my parents

We have no mortgage on our home and not a week goes by when I am not grateful for this. But I have never mentioned this in RL and never will. If the cost of living comes up in conversation I nod and agree. And leave it at that. If anyone asked me about my mortgage I'd tell them it was none of their business.

larry I think you are right about the unconscious insurance policy in most cases of rich parents (though not in mine but that's a different story and not typical). I think you are very perceptive, and I hadn't consciously thought of the insurance policy/safety net aspect which may make others jealous.

Luckily DH and I put saving first, so seem to have emerged relatively unscathed, as I imagine your children will do too with such thoughtful parenting.

I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the OP. I'm jealous of my SIL who gets everything bought for her by her mum because she's a single parent with a low paid job. Yes, including her new 200k house. I'm jealous even though we live comfortably in our nice house with our two cars and our decently paid jobs. I'm jealous because we pay for it ourselves. All of it. And we always run out of money at the end of the month because of the stonking great mortgage. Which is entirely our fault of course. But wouldnt it be lovely if someone handed it to us on a plate.

Its not very nice to have the mickey taken out of you, but I'm hoping it is only jolly ribbing, and you now understand that envy is normal and manifests itself in this way. It peeves us big time. I work. In a job I dont like. Because the pay is OK and they let me go part time and its not too far from the kids and we need to pay bills. DH works. In a job he doesnt like either. Because the pay is very good and we need to pay the mortgage.

In answer to your question - no you arent pathetic that it bothers you - you are sensitive to mickey taking and probably getting pretty p*ssed off with it. Just ignore and they may forget. They probably won't. But such is life. Look on the bright side - you can find another job without worrying about having to pay for a roof over your head ;)

Anna,

Thank you :).

EmGee,

I do disagree with some re buying some drinks. Hosting one evening of drinks "to celebrate your new home" will at most cost a few hundred pounds (which you clearly have). I have always done that throughout my career (and life post career). I feel that, if you want people to be less jealous, you do need to show a little nobless oblige. It is not buying all drinks for all time but merely marking the fact that you would like to share your good fortune with others.

noblesse oblige, even, before the pedants jump on it!

Do you know what, if someone gave me £20k it would change my life and allow me to help my kids out too at some point in the future. It's not a 'small gift' at all. It's twenty thousand pounds!