Is there any point appealing a private school sixth form refusal?

[Nivvers2001]

DS is currently in year 11 at a fairly academic school and is predicted 7,8s and 9s. He should meet the academic requirements for sixth form entry, however, the head of sixth form told us in February that they will not be offering him a place due to his behaviour. The school is very strict and DS has racked up a number of behaviour points over lateness, uniform, having his phone on him and in one case missing detentions. I am not that worried about DS staying there as he has other sixth form offers and not convinced it's worth 10k a term to stay put, however, DS has lots of friends at school and is happy there so would at least like the option of staying. My question is whether there is any point in appealing the decision given that independent sixth forms can decide who and who they don't admit so it may be pointless even trying. Thoughts?

The school is a private business and is entitled to reject him on the basis of his past behaviour.

However if he wants to stay there, I suggest he (not you) requests a meeting with the head of sixth form, explains that he wants to stay, apologies sincerely for his previous behaviour, demonstrates his increased maturity, and commits to abiding by school rules for the sixth form years.

He may be able to convince them.

It doesn’t sound like the best environment for your son OP .

I understand the temptation to appeal just on the basis of discrimination and to be contrary due to the perceived unfairness . Is it really in your son’s best interests though ? Sixth form should be a slightly freer place than year 11 in my view .

Schools often remove pupils. At my school it was called "being asked to leave". If your behaviour was bad or if you were having a chaotic home life, they asked you to leave the second your results looked anything less than perfect. 7s at GCSE would have been the perfect excuse.

It is very hard to let it go when it feels as though someone is treating your child unfairly but I feel like you might as well. It doesn’t seem like the most supportive environment for him.
Both my DDs have AuDHD and both went to private schools and moved to new (private) schools for 6th Form. They’re both academic and don’t have any behaviour issues aside from a little disorganisation. Elder DD transferred to an extremely strict 6th Form (from a very orderly school) and found it quite challenging. She managed, but she certainly didn’t thrive in that punitive environment.
Younger DD went to an extremely relaxed private 6th form, no uniform, calling teachers by first names , only needing to attend when actually in class and it did her the world of good. It certainly helped prepare her for university because they were treated like young students, rather than pupils.
Do any of his other offers provide him with the chance for a really different experience? It might help him to be treated in a more adult manner and it might give you the chance to see how ready he is, or isn’t, for university so you can see where to help.

Actually sounds like you need to sort your son out. He is at an age where he needs to take responsibility. You are trivialising which maybe the start of a life problem

If it is a strict school and he is struggling maybe it's better to look for a 6th form that is more supportive. The other schools you have offers from might be more flexible and suitable him better. Have you spoken to them about how they could support him. Especially as A levels require more independence a more supportive school that is willing to help him with SEN would likely help him get better results

You condone him not turning up for detention etc? I am really questioning your parenting

If he was consistently late for work he'd be sacked.

If he repeatedly failed to complete tasks he'd be sacked.

Plenty of jobs that you're not allowed to have your phone op - in my DP's company it's a gross misconduct to have your phone on you in the workplace.

Not supporting the school with their sanctions is actually doing your D's a mis-service frankly. Even if you stick by the argument that what he did to get to this point is insignificant, rules are rules, in school and in life. He's fucked around, now he's finding out the consequences of his actions.

Good for the school that they've decided not to tolerate the behaviour next year.

People aren’t ’attacking’ a 16 yo! They are saying it’s blindingly obvious that he is disruptive to others, that is why they don’t want him in their sixth form. That’s not judgement, that’s literally the facts! (I note you shoved talking in last as if it was nothing)

I think if you can’t bear to hear it out loud that your son isn’t the bestest ever ever, then appealing would be a very foolish thing to do, as you might discover precisely why they don’t want him.

if you don’t want to hear ‘judgement’ I would take the very kindly offered ‘late sometimes’ and run with it.

With regards to the ‘why haven’t they excluded him?’. Again, blindingly obvious. They’re already in to exam season. He’s getting good marks, presumably good enough for their normal range of marks (not good enough for grammars, but good enough for indies), so keep him for his results.

You’ve very defensive and aggressive. Im
kind of seeing why the school may not want to have to deal with your family.

Any private business definitely would. You just can’t disclose that. So you just say ‘sorry, we’re fully booked’ or ‘we can’t have him because he’s late sometimes and his shirt is untucked.’

@Nivvers2001 Your son hasn't been assessed for ADHD so how are you so sure he's got it? Most students behave correctly and when they don't they hopefully have a parent that lectures them. This doesn't seem to be the case here. Your DS is excused by you because "he's not a robot" and you think he's got adhd. I think it's your lack of implication and laxist attitude that is the main problem here and I understand that the school doesn't want to deal with that.

Honestly I wouldn't want him at a school who didn't want him. It's doubtful they'd go beyond the bare minimum where as he may get extra support and encouragement at a new start.
the fear is that they'd just be waiting for him to step out of line again to prove a point .

It must be an absolutely fantastic school to be able to turn away someone willing to pay those fees. And/or there are further issues which they don’t want to go into.

We have a lot of these sorts of parents at our school. Thinking their money is better than everyone else’s and gives them the right to behave however they want. Refusing to accept that their children just might be in the wrong.

I get the feeling that OP can't cope with her DS being rejected. She wants the school to relent and offer a sixth form place ... so that then she can reject them in a fit of pique..

My DS moved from a London private to London state. He could have stayed but they weren't overly positive about him and he wasn't too keen to stay in any case.
He's moved to our local state 6th form and we all couldn't be happier. He's just been selected for a highly selective competition place in his subject (hed never got any such recognition in the private) and he loves his teachers and has made some amazing friends including a very charming gf who is just fab. All to say moving him has been the best thing! So please don't despair. I think he's better off where he is wanted!

Talkative = disruptive. Late = disruptive.

They will not have asked him to leave lightly.

The fact that you think these are ‘minor issues’ and excuse his poor attitude suggests that they probably see little hope in things improving and don’t t feel confident that you will work with the school to help your son. Someone else will benefit more from his place. It’s not discriminatory if he has no diagnosis.

Please don’t use undiagnosed ADHD as an excuse for poor behaviour, OP.

I wish your DS luck in his exams and wherever he goes next.

My daughter had three secondary schools and a separate six form. She is SEN.
She couldn't do uniform or timings either.
What subjects would make your son happy ? My DD didn't continue with any of her A levels for her degree.
She thrived in a more casual environment. She wanted to dye her hair etc! I wish I'd sent her to a FE college earlier on but I resisted as she is really clever. Now many years on she's just finalizing her next degree and she's much happier.
Where does your son want to go? Will he make new friends easily.
I'll never forget her boarding school expelling her (later revoked) for wearing trousers and my DD quoting the equality act!
They lost out as she is a trainee criminal and forensic psychologist. And that school likes to boast about their alumni!
I really would look for a happy place.

OP I cannot stress enough the importance of getting I’m properly assessed. You could be describing my son. He’s now medicated and his behaviour which was almost identical to your sons is no longer a problem

I agree. I think you need to see this as a wake up call OP. These kind of behaviours whilst minor individually, add up to a lot of disruption and will annoy the hell out of a school or, in the future, an employer. This kind of thing could continue to be a problem for him his whole life if he doesn’t get some help with it.

Stop saying it’s the school being too strict and the behaviour is minor, accept it clearly IS a problem, and focus on helping your son learn the executive function skills he clearly needs. That should probably include an assessment although of course a diagnosis isn’t a magic bullet.

Perhaps you too are consistently a bit late, lose stuff, forget things etc and that’s why you don’t see it as an issue?

There’s no point appealing, OP. They’ve clearly made a decision about him and it’s best to let it go. He will likely be happier somewhere else. I would get an assessment lined up for over summer.