Is there any point appealing a private school sixth form refusal?

[Nivvers2001]

DS is currently in year 11 at a fairly academic school and is predicted 7,8s and 9s. He should meet the academic requirements for sixth form entry, however, the head of sixth form told us in February that they will not be offering him a place due to his behaviour. The school is very strict and DS has racked up a number of behaviour points over lateness, uniform, having his phone on him and in one case missing detentions. I am not that worried about DS staying there as he has other sixth form offers and not convinced it's worth 10k a term to stay put, however, DS has lots of friends at school and is happy there so would at least like the option of staying. My question is whether there is any point in appealing the decision given that independent sixth forms can decide who and who they don't admit so it may be pointless even trying. Thoughts?

The behaviours you list in your opening post are low level disruption. Someone ( a teacher) is having to deal with them, I would be very surprised if they are not issues that then crop up during lesson time. Unless you have personally canvassed every single parent from each of his lessons you won’t know if anyone has complained.

It might be unfair but I am judging your child by the argumentative responses you are giving to other posters . Apples and trees.

Feel free to push back.

Hey op. Really feel
for you as we have a similar profile DS and had similar (albeit more serious) issues at school. We decided not to appeal as we thought why pay to send him somewhere where they don’t really want him and will be looking to pounce on the smallest infraction. Sixth formers still get in trouble and you don’t want to be on tenterhooks for 2 years. Send him to somewhere else with a bit more flex and accommodating of the adhd challenge. Ds has been so much happier at the other school (which gets better results than his original school in a much more chilled environment). Yes it’s hard leaving friends but it does widen their world view.

Exactly. They were actually the ones who suggested he may have ADHD and referred him for the ed psych assessment but they made the decision not to offer a place BEFORE the assessment was done which is odd and no warnings were given. Had they warned him/us and given him a chance to address the minor issues and took into account the report then I wouldn't mind but it feels like they have been unreasonable. All his subject teachers have him a really good report in March which is also why it's surprising.

OP said One or two teachers said he sometimes talks in lessons

Teachers do not say this is if it's literally once or twice across the year. They say it because it's sufficient to have been something that they've noted aka low level disruption. At an academic highly sought after London private school this is not expected behaviour amongst Year 11 students.

And I don't know what you mean by "no one has complained". This whole post is about how the school is not prepared to keep DS after the end of the year on account of his behaviour. That sounds like "someone has complained".

And unless YOU have canvased their opinions, YOU don't know either so stop your nasty speculation.

Well you must know more than me than. Can you tell me more about this complaint? You seem to know so much.

OP, in answer to your question, no point whatsoever in trying to appeal. If your DS has been in trouble before for various infractions, it sounds as though this isn’t the school for him anyway. I can understand your concern about his friends, but you chose to send him to a very strict and academic school, so it’s inevitable that there would be consequences for poor behaviour. Other parents will have taken on board the school’s reputation and ethos and are likely to be far less forgiving of your son than those in a somewhat less rigid establishment.

And actually, the post is to ask advice on whether it's worth appealing to a prvivate school when they don't have to follow any sort of process and are not bound by a national admissions code.

The point of the post is NOT to invite attacks on my son and I am reporting every single poster who attacks my son.

Being late to lesson repeatedly IS disruptive.

(And rude. And inconsiderate to the teachers and other learners.)

Have you spoken to him about strategies to be on time?

In that case I think I would appeal, even if DS later decides to go elsewhere. You can refer to the ADHD list of symptoms, the fact that the school support a diagnosis, the disability discrimination legislation and his recent report and I think it would be quite convincing.

As I said, argumentative responses…..

FWIW neither of my children with ADHD are badly behaved either but if they were at schools that sanctioned them for forgetfulness and organisation difficulties I would not be impressed.

Thank you, this is so helpful. Yes, that is what I am thinking too but I feel for him that he has not been fairly treated. He has an offer from another state (selective) sixth form with the same results but with way more freedom so might be best he goes there. I may still raise these issues with them though but in a constructive way as I just don't see how they can chuck out someone from minor issues. I know they are a private school but that effectively mean your child has no protection and can be chucked out for minor issues. There is a reason why state schools have to go through a process.

In response to your nasty, judgemental responses attacking a 16 year old and making things up.

If your responses were pleasant and helpful so would my responses be. Don't come on a thread to attack someone.

This OP's threads always go the same way. Tbh it's pointless trying to offer advice because OP is just looking for an argument. She may as well post in AIBU and get to the insults and nastiness stage within her first few posts.

He isn't late repeatedly. Sometimes the bus or tube is late. It happens. Not sure you can strategise around it. I assume you are NEVER late?

I think it's the posters who come on here attacking me and my son that are looking for an argument. I am looking for responses to the question I asked in the opening post. It always amazes me how many nasty people there are on Mumsnet. Why answer a post to attack? Why? If I wanted an argument, presumably I would be lurking on threads attacking people like you do, being unkind, making up stuff, not accepting the facts as stated. But I don't, infact, I think I have commented HELPFULLY on one thread I didn't start in the last year. I don't waste my time judging people nor do I have time to hang around on Mumsnet. I come here to ask a specific question then I leave. Also worrying that there are a lot of people here who seem to think they are their kids are perfect and literally cannot tolerate and suggestion that a child may not be perfect. Shame on all of you. I can assure you that neither you nor your kids are perfect.

Millions of London children travel to school by tube, no doubt many of his classmates among them.
Are the others frequently late? Have they also been told not to return for sixth form?
Your son’s behaviour is clearly outside the norm for the school, yet you continue to justify this by stating “he’s not a robot, of course he shows up late and “forgets” to do homework, doesn’t everyone?”
Well, no, evidently not.
You’re doing him no favours.

I would say there is only a point in appealing, if you can assure the school that DS’s behaviour is going to improve. You’ve chosen to send him to a very strict school, so you either abide by their rules or move him to a different school that isn’t as strict.

Does that answer the question or are you just having a go?

And yes, lots of other students are late.

No don't appeal. They do not want your son there so why would you want him there? But tbh I think your son is just a symptom- you're the problem not seeing anything wrong with being late, talking in class, not follow rules etc.

OP, don’t let those holier than thou PP’s with perfect children rile you up.

Most of us don’t have perfect children. Most of our teenagers can be late occasionally, forget homework, and push boundaries.

My 16yo DD does all those things and more. Fortunately her school sees the whole person. Yes she can be a nightmare with organisation, she doesn’t think getting in on time for registration is important, she wears far too much jewelry and she has had all her school skirts shortened to just below her arse.

But, she’s kind, works hard, gets great results, is charming and polite to all her teachers, plays in the A teams for all her sports and captains a couple. Her school values her as a member of the school community.

You need to find a school that does just the same for your DS. He deserves it and you’re paying too much money to settle for anything else.

I’m not making any assumptions about your son or the school, just offering a different perspective.
When I worked in a highly selective independent school, very occasionally a pupil would be encouraged to leave and go to another school at an appropriate point in their academic career. It provided them with a fresh start among new teachers and peers. Similarly the school would very occasionally take pupils from other independent schools for the same reason. It was done with the best interests of the pupil at heart.
I spoke to one such pupil a couple of years after such a move and he said it was incredibly positive for him ‘because [the new school] didn’t let me get away with anything’. He appreciated the opportunity for a reset, starting afresh without any backstory.
This was not done lightly - only after everything else had been tried to improve the situation over a number of years and when the school felt that it was in the best interests of the pupil, and the relationship between the pupil and the school was no longer a positive one. No school wants to do this, but sometimes it is the best solution for everyone. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit, just as with some jobs, relationships, etc. The best thing is a fresh start.
I hope this helps, and I wish you and your son well.

I guess if he has ADHD then you could have a case for disabiity discrimination but personally I don't think I would pursue it. If this was the only school where he could do his chosen A level combination or something then it would be different, but if he has good alternative options available, I'd let it go.
My thinking is two fold. First that going down that route may be a long and stressful process and injects further uncertainty at a time when your DS needs to be fully focused on his exams. Second is, be careful what you wish for. If you were to win, is this really the best place for him? I'm just wondering what it would be like if the school was forced to take him and weren't happy about it? It might not make for the best 6th form experience, and it's a crucial time for him.
I had a vaguely similar experience years ago when I lost a job after a period of serious ill health. My union were appalled and said it would be considered disability discrimination and that my employer hadn't even followed their own policy and procedures. Initially I was up for a fight and then I asked myself why I was doing it? Yes, there was principle at stake any maybe I should have challenged it for the greater good, but actually, why would I want to keep working for people who had treated me like shit when I was at my most vulnerable? And I knew if I did go back they would be breathing down my neck, watching for the day I was 2 minutes late and if I so much as took a day off with flu or something they'd be down on me like a ton of bricks. I didn't need that particular job anyway, they weren't the only show in town and I'm well qualified and experienced. So I gave in, but actually was much better off in the end as I found a better job where I have been happy ever since.
Lots of DC change schools for 6th form for lots of different reasons.Your son won't be alone. I'd try to frame it as an opportunity for positive change and hopefully he'll find somewhere that is a better fit for him anyway.

Our ADHD DS didn't get to stay at his (state) school for similar reasons. The move was actually good for him.In the long term as he made new friends.and still kept up with his old ones.
It was also a good lesson in the fact that we could say to him, yes, these things that you do.Aren't your fault and you have to work harder to be on time, be organised and tidy and remember stuff. And then it's harder for you than your peers. But that is just life.And you have to suck it up and find strategies to sort it out. I also have ADHD and my employer doesn't allow me to be late, forget work etc so he needs to learn the hard way (I did by being sacked!)