Private school on a £85k

[Rebmolellmar]

Hi I am looking at sending my daughter to a private secondary school as I feel this would best suit her needs etc to her to blossom and hopefully enjoy her time at school,
We don’t earn massive amounts the school we are looking at is £8000 a term,we rent and it’s £1750,I am looking at any ways to reduce our other bills,
hopefully I can do a business in the evenings to get extra money.

We are doing similar and it's hard not having any spare cash.
Our kids are in their element, living life to the max and doing extremely well. If they weren't, it really wouldn't be worth it.
It's not just the fees. The school trips cost more, all their friends are from wealthy families - although this just means great houses for parties, it isn't a flashy school so they all mostly go to charity shops and the "in" trainers etc just aren't a thing.
All your friends have a better quality of life, whereas you are just scraping through.
For us it is definitely worth it, but I can very easily see that it would lose it's sheen the second a (fairly likely) dissatisfaction with the school or friendships arises.

I couldn’t afford my child’s school fees (years ago) at £5k a term when I was on £80k. I genuinely would not start this because it is very difficult having to move a child at a non-standard move point (such as year 7). £8k a term is £24k net income you need to have spare and that’s not including any of the school trips. You also have to allow for year on year fee hikes, which can be brutal. If you’re borderline affording it to start with, very quickly you will not afford it.

Only a tiny percentage of children go to private schools. In many ways, it’s a disadvantage these days because many universities give adapted offers to state school children. My child who moved from private to state during secondary school went to an RG university doing a STEM degree and did really well.

I think that the friendships are often curated by some parents but from my experience good parents encourage good friendships and not social climbing. The good parents teach their children not to judge.

A good, loyal friend is infinitely more valuable than a rich one.

DS’s best friend was/is from the most wealthy family but they have raised their children not to look down. In fact DS’s friend’s mum is now a close friend. We are both currently discovering Vinted and EBay, both of us can afford new clothes but love the thrill of a bargain. We frequently spend hours researching before buying appliances for value for money. They also travel as a family involving the children in planning and spent two weeks crossing Europe by train and other forms of transport on a shoe string to encourage them to spend wisely and with an eye on the environment.
Unfortunately poor health has limited our ability to travel but DS has enjoyed trips with friends. They are experts on renting air bnbs and organising themselves.
Not all private school parents are bringing up entitled youngsters. Most want their children to be independent and capable of looking after themselves. DS has enjoyed a busy year at uni ( a bit too busy) and has funded a lot of it himself, working with a friend doing labouring jobs for friend’s DF’s business. They tender for the jobs themselves and organise a group of friends to work with them sharing out the fee they get. It does go through the books but they are learning how to run a business, albeit with help. Every business owner should start at the bottom.

Do you mean £85k before tax? It’s seems like it would be a struggle. What about other expenses apart from rent? And don’t forget all the additional expenses that come with private schools eg. uniforms, sports equipment, school trips. I’ve read that parents budget an extra 10% for these so that’s another £2.4k per year.

What if your income changes, it could be really disruptive and upsetting to have to take her out of the school if you couldn’t afford it.

We considered private school for DS as the local comprehensive had a really bad reputation. The fees were £18k per year. At the time our income was over £100k, our mortgage lower than your rent, and we were still worried about affording it. Thankfully DS got into a grammar school so didn’t go to private.

Also what about saving for your and her future? The future is so uncertain with the way the economy is, computers/AI taking more jobs and it’s going to get even harder for the younger generation. I’d rather put the money into saving to help their future.

Ultimately only you can decide this, and I know it’s difficult. I hope you can find the right answer for your family.

We considered private school on a similar income, but decided instead to move to the catchment of a top 20 (in the country) state school. If you are renting it is much easier and quicker to move compared to selling & buying.

We moved in Yr 5 in preparation for secondary applications for dc1 in Yr 6, and we rented a small flat on the same street as a school with a tiny catchment (the houses were far too expensive to ever consider buying). It was too small for us long term but we put up with it for long enough to get our 2 dcs in the school and then moved further away (still walking distance) once the youngest was in. Overall the cost and hassle of moving was far less than the cost of school fees, and we can supplement with extracurriculars, and tutoring in the exam years, plus we have access to various uni outreach schemes and contextual offers in future. To me it seems that if you have a small amount of extra income, it is better to use it towards getting into the best state school you can, rather than spending it on private fees.

OP - Good luck however I’d strongly be against it based on your income.

Ski trips / residential few thousand plus kit list. Bus to get to school nearly £2k. D of E I think that was £400 plus equipment costs £300.

Bursary offered less and less.
Scholarships tiny amount 5% and that’s being at the very top.

Sen child in a private independent can off role a child. Of course all these schools / teachers do a fab PR. Also, have you checked the financials of this school so many merging / going under now.

With your salary no offence it will cause you more stress than it’s worth. Move house to get within a state catchment of a school you like

Save your money and use it for private sixth form. Use state until then.

Personally I’d advice the other way round
Unis are becoming increasingly biased against Indi kids

although you’d have to move them out before the gcse years as well as Unis consider those too.
So Indi up to then in order to avoid that

To clarify… contextual offers don’t get given to any and everyone in state school. If OP moves her child from private to a state school with a track record of getting kids to uni, doesn’t qualify for FSM, doesn’t live in an economically deprived postcode etc, then there will be no difference in the offer from the uni.

The fees include all food annd snacks and all school trips,and I have looked and they haven’t put there fees up massive amount in the last 3 years.

Definitely look at bursaries and scholarships.

I'm on about £50k, single mum, and my ds won a 50% academic scholarship. It's still a stretch for me but I manage.

I was worried about how his possessions would compare but actually his class mates are completely indifferent to kit.. They seem to take pride in having the oldest, most worn school uniform. The second hand shop does a roaring trade.

It was tight the years he went on the school ski trips and the GCSE field trips/MFL exchange. You do need a back up plan, mine was to raid my pension if I needed to, which thankfully hasn't been necessary. He's loved the school, now lower VI, and for us it's been worth every penny.

For our schools
That won’t include the big trips like a week in Iceland for Geography Igcse.
Its for the smaller more local ones that involve jumping into the minibus.

Id check what it really includes for your desired school.

How long have you got until secondary? If you have a few years then start saving the amount of the fees now and see if you can manage.
At the worst you'll end up with a nice savings pot and at the best it will give you a cushion for unexpected increases. Fees also usually more expensive for 6 form so check the price list carefully and that is outside of fee increases.

It sounds like they might have “reduced” fees temporarily so the VAT increase wasn’t so high, I’d expect it to go up a lot soon.

September 2026 and the schools only goes to GCSE level

Laptop? All of mine needed ipad / laptop which cost £1200-£1500 which could only be bought via the school (to be supported by IT)

Stable fees - its going to increase massively soon.

Music lessons that another nice little top up too.

What about clubs after school - we have to pay extra for climbing club / even with the school sports teachers rowing its extra.

Sen child any additional support will just be billed back to the parents. So that can be a huge cost. Hopefully your child will be ok and not needing any additional support as that equals more cash.

OP this school sounds too good not for any extras - name it and I can put all my children in it haha

We are combined on just over half your salary and couldn’t do it. (We will have a child at uni at the same time as child 2 would need to be funded through private secondary.)
is there a grammar school near you?
Our eldest has thrived - this has been a much better option for us.

It won't be nearly enough to live a reasonably comfortable life. I am not against private schools but penny pinching to afford it is usually a mistake.

Fees are only going to go up and up. Plenty of schools have surpressed the effect of VAT this year by dropping the baseline fee before adding the 20%, giving a marginal increase of say 10-15%. Expect the full amount in the very near future, plus the effect of business rates relief being removed and employers’ NICs increasing mean the fees will just have to keep increasing. I would absolutely not commit to starting your DC on your salary in the climate private schools are having to operate in now. More and more schools are posting operating losses each year, and some of them are huge losses, even with fees as high as they are. Once they run out of capital and assets to sell to plug those gaps, they’re closing their doors.

The fees include all food annd snacks and all school trips,

I find that difficult to believe. Language trips abroad? Field trips? Ski trips?

It sounds like you cannot afford private school and I would be seriously worried the fees were going to rise steeply with the VAT rises if they haven't gone up in three years.

This reminds me of the poster last week who had moved into the smallest house in a rather expensive area and was really embarrassed by having anyone found to play as they all lived in massive detached mansions and she had a really small house.

How would your kids feel in a class with children with huge houses, the best phones, foreign holidays 4 times a year?

We're on a similar income and have children at state school, a mortgage of less than £1k per month and very little left at the end of the month after paying for extracurriculars, gym membership etc. We have a fairly modest lifestyle with an old car, clothes mostly from Vinted, meals out once or twice a month, a week in Europe and a couple of UK breaks per year. No way could we consider private school.

Are you sure the state schools near you are that bad? If they are, could you move to the catchment of a better school? It's much easier to move as a renter than an owner.

I was concerned that my DS might have difficulty at secondary school as he's got autism, ADHD, ODD and had terrible anxiety and school refusal in years 5 and 6, but his secondary school is wonderful, so supportive, and he's getting on brilliantly both academically and socially. I really can't see what could be better at a private school.

I think that’s wishful thinking. Unis are all about bums on seats and if you can afford private school you will have no problem supporting a child through uni.
Despite loans for fees and maintenance grants it is incredibly expensive to go to uni.
Unis prefer candidates that are likely to stay the course and do well without having to work full time to support themselves. It’s unfair but a reality of the higher education system.

DS’s maintenance grant will just about cover his accommodation this coming academic year. He is working all summer to build up savings. We can afford to help him financially but would like him to contribute, life lesson, so we are only providing enough for basic living.
I’m fairly certain he will need emergency top ups, he’s not brilliant at budgeting, but we are not always going to be around.

It must be incredibly hard for students who don’t have the bank of mum & dad to fall back on.
That being said the cost of funding him through uni is well over 50% less than paying school fees. We are not paying tuition fees because he needs to understand the cost of the opportunity he is being given. We may offer to help him out later if the cost of repayment disadvantages him with regard to mortgage applications.

Agree I’ve got three at Uni and rent at the moment is averaging £7000 ( it’s huge but for us vastly left than Indi fees ). We pay for some and they supplement with holiday work.

however my comment wasn’t about factoring in financing Uni. It was in reference to getting an offer.

So many people are completely naive about the cost of university. Even those on full maintenance loans might not even be able to cover their rent on that, particularly if they choose to go to London, Brighton or one of the other expensive areas. Most people I know with kids who get the minimum loan let their kids live on the loan and they pay the rent. That's 3-4 years of circa £8k (more for expensive areas). It's a big chunk to save for. It's far better to opt for private sixth form and then have the money for university, particularly since GCSE result are largely irrelevant other than as a stepping stone for access to A levels.