Con man sending his children to the same school

[OneQuickPombear]

I’m looking for a bit of advice…
we hired a project manager to oversee a renovation on our house a couple of years ago, there were problems from start to finish and at the end he lumped us with a massive bill thousands over the quote, even though we had multiple budget meetings. This was a massive shock and after we asked him to itemise the extras he got aggressive, threatening to come to our house rip out parts of the work. His wife also spent evenings liking every single one of my social media posts dating back years, which I’m guessing was an attempt at intimidation. He is now taking us to court and we are currently going through the legal process awaiting a court date.
To my horror I bumped into him and his wife at my children’s school drop off and turns out he has decided to send his children there. He doesn’t live in the town and there are many other private schools in his area. It’s a very small private school with a gorgeous family feel, all of the parents know each other and we are all very friendly outside of school too. He also knows both of my children attend there and I’m feeling so much anxiety surrounding the whole situation. Lots of the parents already know this guy is taking us to court as I have been very open about chatting about our house renovation and how much stress it was causing. I have horrible visions of us taking the children to school in the morning and then heading off to court. I would love to know people’s thoughts on the situation. I was thinking about sending an email directly to him and suggest he drops the case as it’s all just too much with our children being in the same school. Would love any advice! Thanks

I'm going to put this nicely, because I've been in the same position.

I can totally believe that he has pursued you for the money, and tried to be intimidating etc
And this has made you paranoid.

I really can't see him deciding to send his children, so presumably at an expense of at least £20k a year in order to intimidate you to pay a bill. If he'd been seen looking round, or hanging round outside the school, okay, but not actually going to the trouble and expense to send them to the school - and knowing that you were there first so will have got the story in first.
If he's intimidating you for doing a bad job, then it's pretty high chances that he has, and will have others to intimidate as well. Will he move his children round to different schools?

It's really easy in this situation to see everything they do as a deliberate attempt to intimidate. I've been there, and I would run things past someone who was fairly neutral, and knew the other person well, and they'd say if they thought it was a fluke or deliberate. Those that they thought were a fluke, which tbf weren't many, I had to deliberately set to one side.

So what I'd do is ask to speak to the safeguarding lead, and possibly the head, and give them your side, without exaggerations. So if anything happens then they have the heads up.
Then stop. Don't go round telling people, don't shoot daggers. Just get on with ordinary life. Maybe ask a friend if they can stay with you during pick up just in case.

The children going to the school is none of your business

This place seems to be people needing to stick their noses in things that is nothing to do with them

It is a separate thing

There's a builder who had a very big company that declared bankruptcy owing hundreds of thousands to local businesses, trade workers. Their children went to the local school as did other children whose parents had suffered financial hardship as a result of the bankruptcy.

Made things a bit awkward at the school gates but the children were never picked on. It's a grown up problem.

Yeah, because legitimate business people refuse to explain the overspend and provide an itemised bill on request, preferring to become aggressive and threatening.

@OneQuickPombear you need to hold your nerve and just keep to yourself. You don’t need to talk to him or his wife at drop-offs. If over the course of the renovations you ever mentioned schooling and this school in particular then it is no surprise he is sending his child there. You have to ignore all that and stop over-thinking this as connected. Even if it is, it is out of your control.

It's very sad that thos man is now using his children as a pawn in this issue he has with u but learn this a reflection of the man he is not the embrassment that goes with yer children sharing the same school. Hold ur head up high stop over thinking the situation and belive in ur own values .

You don't have to be friends with every parent at your DC's school, so just stay away from him. If you are forced to cross paths, just say hello and move on.

Do not contact him directly - leave the correspondence between your respective solicitors, and don't offer to settle just because of the perceived awkwardness.

There's no reason you can't be civil, as you know the legal issue between you will be decided by the court now and not by either of you, so if anything, the fact this dispute isn't between just the two of you any more should make it less awkward as it's out of your hands now.

Commercial disputes happen all the time, but it has nothing to do with your DC or the school, so try to keep the two issues separate.

Just wait for the court case. Perfectly reasonable to ask for an itemised invoice. Don't think he has a leg to stand on. The is also maybe stalking going on here. Would definitely speak to the solicitor about it. Block them on any social media. Just avoid them at the school gates.

I wouldn’t react at all. I don’t think he would change his children’s school just to intimidate you - that’s insanity.

If you see them at events or drop off/pick up, just smile politely and carry on chatting to your friends.

If they try to speak to you or shout at you, just tell them you think it’s best to keep all communication via the solicitors until the court case is over. Don’t be afraid to say that in front of people if necessary. Just be polite about it. .

My dc went/go to private school and there have been a few parents who have made the national news due to their nefarious practices. I have never discussed these cases or their parents with my dc. Of course it's different if you're personally involved with litigation but you need to keep it away from the school and your dc and not allow it to affect their relationships with other dc.

If he's already paying for his kids schooling elsewhere it's not an extra expense to intimidate them, anyone who kicks off when asked to justify a massive hike from the estimate makes themselves look extremely untrustworthy 🤷‍♂️

I'm sure your solicitor can use it as an example of his intimidation.

If you have done nothing wrong, then hold your head high. If he loses and has to pay costs and potentially compensation, you will probably find he will take his children from the school anyway. Don't contact him, nor the school regarding this.

Is this in the Harrow area by any chance?

If he’s unpleasant enough to rip you off like that in the first place then he’s hardly going to respond well to an email and he could even claim you’re trying to intimidate him. I think you should ignore him outside of the court case (only deal with him through your lawyers), keep a log of all the stuff he and his wife are doing to intimidate you, and enjoy the look on his face when his lawsuit comes to nothing. Have any of the other parents at the school had dealings last with him, professionally or personally? School mums can be a vicious lot but that might be handy in this situation if they’re on your side!

Thanks for all your replies. So helpful!
just to be clear, I don’t think the only reason he’s moved his kids to the school is to intimidate, it’s a lovely school and that is obviously part of the reason. It’s just a shame as it will feel intimidating at drop off and I’m wondering how to deal with it. Also socially, school events, birthday parties etc.
There have been multiple other people at the school that he has done work for poorly (damaged property etc.) but as far as I know we’re the only ones they’re taking to court.
As for the social media stuff, of course I blocked them as soon as it all blew up.
For those asking location I won’t say exactly where, but we’re Southeast.

Reading this is like deja vue from about 15 years ago at my kids school....a very awkward situation all round. Also a builder....convicted and nearly went down for fraud. Also South East. All best wishes for your court case.

Definitely follow this advice.

You are choosing it to be intimidating

Personally I find that type of person means to be intimidating and has done this knowing your kids are at school there.

I expect he'll bad mouth you in subtle ways to others and glare at you at every opportunity. Imo best way to deal with this type of behaviour is smile, say nothing to your fellow parents.

Don't talk about it with other parents until the case is over - you don't want a defamation case against you

Totally agree with this. You need to be very careful if you have been telling everyone about the case. As others have said, keep your distance, stay calm. I am not sure about telling the school. This could also backfire on you if it is twisted.