Con man sending his children to the same school

[OneQuickPombear]

I’m looking for a bit of advice…
we hired a project manager to oversee a renovation on our house a couple of years ago, there were problems from start to finish and at the end he lumped us with a massive bill thousands over the quote, even though we had multiple budget meetings. This was a massive shock and after we asked him to itemise the extras he got aggressive, threatening to come to our house rip out parts of the work. His wife also spent evenings liking every single one of my social media posts dating back years, which I’m guessing was an attempt at intimidation. He is now taking us to court and we are currently going through the legal process awaiting a court date.
To my horror I bumped into him and his wife at my children’s school drop off and turns out he has decided to send his children there. He doesn’t live in the town and there are many other private schools in his area. It’s a very small private school with a gorgeous family feel, all of the parents know each other and we are all very friendly outside of school too. He also knows both of my children attend there and I’m feeling so much anxiety surrounding the whole situation. Lots of the parents already know this guy is taking us to court as I have been very open about chatting about our house renovation and how much stress it was causing. I have horrible visions of us taking the children to school in the morning and then heading off to court. I would love to know people’s thoughts on the situation. I was thinking about sending an email directly to him and suggest he drops the case as it’s all just too much with our children being in the same school. Would love any advice! Thanks

Do you honestly think he has done this to annoy you @OneQuickPombear

I'd inform the school keeping it factual, advise them of the situation and that you are concerned of repercussions coming into school life for the children. Tell them you aren't expecting anything from them at this stage and hopefully nothing will change, but it's such an unusual situation you think they ought to be aware in case anything happens.

But quickly run that plan past your solicitor in case there's any reason why that would be a bad idea.

The two situations, your legal battle and his children’s education, are completely separate so I would try to view them that way.
The school is not involved in your legal battle and so I’m not sure why people are suggesting to let them know. He is as much of a customer at the school as you are.
Be the grey rock and take your win with dignity when it comes.

If you ask him to drop the case will it not be seen as intimidation

About what? There are two sides to every story. Project managers are notoriously expensive from what I've heard.

I definitely wouldn't email him!!!!!

It would just be fuel to the fire and if you mentioned the kids he could try to twist that into some threat.

Only communicate through your solicitor

Wait it out. He will have more reason to leave when you win your case.

Usually these characters are narcissistic or even psychopathic and just high functioning with serious personality disorders. It wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve deliberately veered to this school especially when his wife has liked all your posts which I agree, going back years is creepy and weird. If it was one by mistake then no but this is just socially off.

Hold your nerve, hold your head high, definitely repeat the story about how she went back and liked all your Facebook posts for years !

The court case sounds vexatious and if it turns out he’s brought it against you for no good reason and he’s placed his kids at your school & his wife is being a weirdo on social and they’ve threatened you, then I think it’s veering into restraining order territory.

I feel so sorry for you OP. Your kid’s school is a sanctuary for them & should be a place you both feel safe.

I think the threatening behaviour should be advised to the school, in case he does this to a teacher or other staff member. Perhaps via your solicitor.

Meanwhile you should consider not talking about it to other parents, or just saying that you've had to seek legal advice so cannot say any more.

Absolutely do not contact him via email or any other way. Keep away from them at school drop off and don't speak to them. Don't discuss it with other parents. Hopefully the court case will go in your favour and it will all be over soon. Unfortunately, it's nothing to do with you where they decide to send their children to school. Tighten up your social media settings so that they can't see your posts.

Agree keep all communication through solicitor. Avoid them and do not engage at all at any cost.

@Lavenderfarmcottage 👌👌👌 your first post up thread was spot on

Rise above it. Anything you do or say to him could be used against you. Make the school aware.

I would very calmly let the headteacher know and let them know that as far as anything is in your power you won’t be creating any drama. Then if he decides to behave badly at least the HT will have the context.

I would let the school know because chances are he's left unpaid debts behind at another school. Friend is a bursar and she says they hop from school to school, feign some issue, refusing to pay and move on.

I know you have a lot of emotion tied up in this but you have to treat it as a business transaction.

It seems extreme for him to move his children to the same school as your children to intimidate you. The court case will be over, there will be a winner and a loser and everyone will move on.

i assume he won’t drum up much business from parents, the whiff of a court case around a house renovation project will put off any home over. Regardless of how he spins it.

ignore him and his wife, let the school know there is history there in case is spills over into school life.

this will pass.

Do not send him an email. Best to ignore him.
This will be relatively easy if your children are not in the same class/year?
Perhaps Greyrocked's suggestion of having a quiet word with the Head would be a wise move, to convey your side of the story, just in case anything untoward occurs

His solicitor may very well not think differently. Plenty of legal representatives take cases having explained to the client that they think the chances of success are low. I'd agree it likely means the claimant himself believes he has a case, but that's all.

Ignore him. An email won't change anything and puts you in the position of seeming to beg him to be reasonable. It's awkward but you need to pretend you don't care.

You're overthinking it.

Of course you don't get a say in where he sends his kids to school, and you can send that email if you want but it won't reflect well on you.

Just rise above, get through the court case, nod and smile at the school gate.

Yes, there are two sides to every story. Either side could be wrong. One of the sides sounds aggressive and creepy though.

And as for his wife liking your SM posts for years… you couldn’t have ever rustled up the energy to block her?

Erm, I think she means the wife went through and liked years back of posts one after the other. I’m sure OP blocked her following that 😊