Con man sending his children to the same school

[OneQuickPombear]

I’m looking for a bit of advice…
we hired a project manager to oversee a renovation on our house a couple of years ago, there were problems from start to finish and at the end he lumped us with a massive bill thousands over the quote, even though we had multiple budget meetings. This was a massive shock and after we asked him to itemise the extras he got aggressive, threatening to come to our house rip out parts of the work. His wife also spent evenings liking every single one of my social media posts dating back years, which I’m guessing was an attempt at intimidation. He is now taking us to court and we are currently going through the legal process awaiting a court date.
To my horror I bumped into him and his wife at my children’s school drop off and turns out he has decided to send his children there. He doesn’t live in the town and there are many other private schools in his area. It’s a very small private school with a gorgeous family feel, all of the parents know each other and we are all very friendly outside of school too. He also knows both of my children attend there and I’m feeling so much anxiety surrounding the whole situation. Lots of the parents already know this guy is taking us to court as I have been very open about chatting about our house renovation and how much stress it was causing. I have horrible visions of us taking the children to school in the morning and then heading off to court. I would love to know people’s thoughts on the situation. I was thinking about sending an email directly to him and suggest he drops the case as it’s all just too much with our children being in the same school. Would love any advice! Thanks

Hold your nerves. But I would be tempted to have a quick meeting with the head (or someone similar) to explain the situation so they can ensure nothing spills over to impact the children.

Hold your nerve

Considering the fact that he got his wife to like all of OP's social media posts from year and years, I would say that he probably would go so far as to use his kids as a weapon too.

Think about it. He appearantly has an unwinnable case and is ramping up his intimidation tactics. He already threatened OP with physical damage to her property. Some people really are that deranged. I feel sorry for his kids.

Yep, it’s certainly possible. And he may be using the threat of taking her to court as leverage, versus planning on actually going that far.

Ignore him, and do not involve the school. It is nothing to do with them.

It could be that he just likes the school for his children, as you do. He wouldn't know, surely, which children go to the same school.

All you can do, op, is ignore him. Compartmentalise your life, at pick up/drop off and open evenings or whatever, you don't know the man. It's quite simple really. What you definitely must not do is discuss this, and him, with any other parents. Keep it between you and him.

An awkward situation but not that terrifying really. Be cool.

I think you have overshared the private details of your life - why do people do this ? It’s your kids school and a house remodel that went wrong, that’s it.
Block them from SM and stop involving everyone, the court case will happen and hopefully you’ll be fine.

if you send him that email, all it will do is prove he has got to you and that he is winning.

To you this has been a difficult time and this guy is clearly intimidating and aggressive, you've clearly openly discussed your issues at school.

However please remember that many other people have a 'always two sides to every story' attitude and don't want to get involved. The school will certainly not be interested and will not appreciate this being brought into school. Your best course of action is to ignore this family, not discuss the court case and carry on as normal.

You say your solicitor says he doesn't have a case. I've been to court, believe me it's very unlikely he is perusing this thinking he has no chance. He sounds like the sort that would lie through his teeth to get a win. You need to consider he might win, then, if you've reported to the school, bad mouthed him etc you will have egg on your face.

OP there's good advice in this thread, don't act in haste, take your time, sit and watch. You need to protect yourself first.

As far as I can see the OP owes this man a substantial amount of money and he wants it paid. That's why he is taking her to court. Unless it's an idle threat he must think he has a case.

OP, you have provided sufficient information for your situation to be recognised. Nobody knows his side of the story and starting a public thread calling him a con man could backfire on you.

Given the point about the wife liking social media posts, I wonder if there is a case to make that he is effectively stalking you. Could be worth asking your solicitor.

If that is “no” then I agree with previous posters who say, do not contact him

If that is “maybe” then can you document all of the other instances where he or his family approached you outside of the legal context? Could be useful for building a case against him.

Then regarding your kids and his - I am thinking it would be not ideal for you if they become friends and his kids starts inviting yours over to his house for play dates. Maybe you can just cross that bridge if you come to it, but if other posters have any idea how to preempt that, it could be useful.

Do not contact him, except via solicitors. Whatever you think of the merits of his case, he has the right to bring legal proceedings and any attempt to persuade him not to is likely to be brought up at the trial, and will reflect badly on you.

?

I didn't say anything about whether he's a con artist or not. My post was about you saying his solicitor clearly thinks he's got a case, which is not an assumption you can make. Because people can and do bring cases to court when they've been advised against doing it. It's not even guaranteed that he's got a solicitor. OP doesn't specify, and people self represent sometimes.

If the project manager has refused to itemise his charges then it does not show high credibility. I am also not quite sure how he expects to win a court case where he charged above the agreed amount and refused to itemise.

There are plenty of builders out there who do shitty work and overcharge.

So without knowing more details, I would not start out assuming that the OP legally or morally owes him money. She might, and she might not.

Agreed with Honeycrisp!

Fair point, but do you not think it is weird, creepy and inappropriate for the wife to have done that?

I was thinking about sending an email directly to him and suggest he drops the case as it’s all just too much with our children being in the same school.

Surely his response would be "if it's a problem for you, just pay me then there won't be a court case." He's not gonna drop it to be nice now is he. That's not how con men work.