Con man sending his children to the same school

[OneQuickPombear]

I’m looking for a bit of advice…
we hired a project manager to oversee a renovation on our house a couple of years ago, there were problems from start to finish and at the end he lumped us with a massive bill thousands over the quote, even though we had multiple budget meetings. This was a massive shock and after we asked him to itemise the extras he got aggressive, threatening to come to our house rip out parts of the work. His wife also spent evenings liking every single one of my social media posts dating back years, which I’m guessing was an attempt at intimidation. He is now taking us to court and we are currently going through the legal process awaiting a court date.
To my horror I bumped into him and his wife at my children’s school drop off and turns out he has decided to send his children there. He doesn’t live in the town and there are many other private schools in his area. It’s a very small private school with a gorgeous family feel, all of the parents know each other and we are all very friendly outside of school too. He also knows both of my children attend there and I’m feeling so much anxiety surrounding the whole situation. Lots of the parents already know this guy is taking us to court as I have been very open about chatting about our house renovation and how much stress it was causing. I have horrible visions of us taking the children to school in the morning and then heading off to court. I would love to know people’s thoughts on the situation. I was thinking about sending an email directly to him and suggest he drops the case as it’s all just too much with our children being in the same school. Would love any advice! Thanks

If you definitely have a case against him keep going I'd say. He sounds like a bully and him and his wife are trying to intimidate you (probably because they know you will win) seems a bit weird them all of a sudden sending their kids to your school even though they're not from the area, could be an intimidation tactic or could be pure coincidence. Stand your ground I say, head up high and do not interact with them. I would reiterate to the other parents who you have already told what he's done and how it's making you feel intimidated, they might keep a watch on you (I would anyway) incase anything escalated at school. I would even mention it to the head teacher so they're aware of the situation. They have done a few intimidating things so I would even put it on record with the police incase it ramps up even more. Stay firm, don't give in to bullies x

I would let the school know everything you've said in your email OP. They need to be able to keep your DC safe and if you suspect that this man and his wife have sent their DC to this school purely in order to intimidate you, the school needs to know that. They probably won't do anything, but they should have the information. And no, you shouldn't contact him and ask him to drop the case 'because your DC are at school together'. This unpleasant man and his unpleasant wife are already trying to intimidate you, your letter would only confirm that they are succeeding.

Yes, this. If he’s doing it to intimidate you, then why would you want to show him it’s working? And it would be very easy to twist the email you’ve suggested to make it look threatening: “You should really drop your court case, I know where your children go to school…”

And please make your SM private. I don't understand why people have their settings public so anyone can see and comment on their personal, family photos and business.

Yes.

I think a con man may use any available methods to get more money for themselves, as long as they think they are unlikely to suffer adverse consequences for doing so.

OP did not say his business activities are “illegal.” He’s not running a drug den. So he’s not going to get thrown into jail if he tries it on with the courts and ends up losing.

OP stated that he charged more than the agreed, budgeted amount AND refused to itemise upon issuing an above-budget final bill. Unless she is misrepresenting the facts, that does not sound like a strong case.

Courts are expensive and intimidating. If the guy is self representing, he can put OP in a position of either experiencing anxiety and suffering legal costs — or having to spend time and energy learning to self-represent — or having to give him more money than she originally agreed to pay, regardless of whether that is fair or justified.

Adding in the story about liking social media posts and then putting his kids into the same small school that is far from where he lives - the guy sounds like a bully.

Exactly. Sounds like the OP is not averse to using bullying and intimidating tactics.

Mention to the school
Say to other parents that you’ve been advised not to discuss the situation now that his kids are at your school, and that they need to make their own minds up regarding how they view him. Tell the kids to keep quiet too ( if they even know) and view the children like any other children.

Review the situation depending on what happens between the kids.

Some posters on this thread are very weirdly invested in making shit up about the OP. Nowt queer as folk.

Absolutely do not email him. You have a solicitor. Let them deal with court. Emailing him asking him to drop the case could back fire on you quite badly.

Just ignore him at school. Make sure your children don’t over hear anything and don’t discuss it with the parents at school. Personally I wouldn’t tell the school anything but I can see others differ and I can see the arguments both ways.

This man might very well be in the wrong both morally and legally. But it’s unusual for a “con man” to bring his business to the court arena. Not absolutely unheard of but pretty unusual. Sounds more like he is a legitimate business man with whom you are in a financial/legal dispute. These things happen. They are upsetting but hopefully it will be over in a few months. You don’t need to get on with everyone at the school. Just ensure there is no active unpleasantness.

That's. My take. OP can't afford his bill so hasn't paid it. And is now spreading stories that he's a con man.

Him sending his kids there sounds like a stalking/harassment tactic to me but of course very hard to prove.

Do not communicate directly with this nutter and keep a log of all events. Yes I would have a quiet word with the bursar and head about this family and a brief chat with your friends about what's going on in the background..

Try and look after yourselves and not get too worked up. I've been in a very similar situation myself and it's too outing to give any details. He was out to destroy me financially and socially if he could, it was a very difficult few years whilst it was going on but thankfully I'm out the other side now. You will be too in time.

You really have no idea, do you?

Bullies will use any means available to punish their victims including trying to use the court system because they are too arrogant to think that anyone will dare to disagree with them. It’s very likely that his own legal counsel has advised him that his chances of winning are very low but the law firm will still act for him as they’re being paid. They don’t make the judgement.

OP hold your nerve. Don’t contact him or speak to him when he’s on the school premises. Look straight through him.

A general principle - You can't control other peoples choices, behaviour and reactions, only your own.

No contact with him, legal system has to play out now or it could work against you.
Not a school role, though general information to them about there being a legal case ongoing with another parent. He may have informed them too.

If you are concerned about your children or how this is seen in the school community, you have a choice to move schools.

Don’t be so alarmist and ridiculous. You don’t even know if the OP lives in the UK for goodness sake. 😂

You have to remember that he has a solicitor, too, who has no doubt told him he has a winnable case.

I would quietly talk to the leadership at the school and let them know your concerns about his sudden appearance at the school and your worries about any ulterior motives. You do have to wonder if he's primed his children to go in and spread tales about yours. People like this suck and have no problems involving their children in their suckiness.

Don’t tattle to the other parents whatever you do. In his eyes you are a client who hasn’t paid then made up reasons not to do so. As a small business owner I have some sympathy

Let the school know if a factual way - there are ongoing legal proceedings and animosity between the two families. He has made threats to damage your property etc. you are just alerting the school so they can make sure there is no spill over onto the children.

Don't email him - he is not going to drop the case because being at the same school is making you feel awkward.

He is doing a lot and sounds desperate! If he was genuine, he would have no problem showing the breakdown of costs, he seems to think he can bulldoze and intimidate you, physically and psychologically. The wife knows damn well what she's doing by liking all your old posts - time for you to stand your ground and do a counterclaim. He's taking the piss because he thinks he can walk all over your family and you are folding in front of this person. Check out reviews about this guy's previous work. Block them off social media. Even if they have decided another tactic of sending their kids to the school, don't show that you're fazed about this, just concentrate on the facts.

@Kool4katz I am not being alarmist. I am a lawyer and have dealt with building disputes in court proceedings for years. The situation can be complicated and we only have one side of the case and most certainly not all of the facts.

Your kids, and his kids,are entitled to go to school , learn, socialise and develop without whatever issues their respective parents are dealing with outside the school gates being brought into the classroom or the playground.

How he behaves is up to him, but from your point of view you need to bottle up how you feel about him at drop off and pick up, ignore him, don’t spread gossip or information about him or the court case to other members of the school community.

Invoke your inner Coleen Rooney and save your ammunition for when it counts.

Aggressive behaviour when asking for a detailed bill is a massive red flag in itself.
Finding a good school is very important and getting on well with other parents is a fantastic bonus so I can see why you are apprehensive but try and hold your nerve until after the court case

I can see why it feels like he’s sent his children as part of a harassment campaign but there could be so many other reasons. Smaller schools are often better for SEND children or children that’ve been bullied, they may have relatives nearby that provide childcare, maybe they moved. Maybe they just really like the school like you? If you email him or the school accusing him of moving them there to get at you, you’ll look stupid if that isn’t the case.

There’s two sets of children involved so keep your cool instead of escalating things. Ignore them, let the courts sort your dispute. All the children involved, including his, deserve a calm safe school environment so they can learn and thrive.