Rough school - does it matter

[Feelingsensitive]

This follows on from a post last week so excuse slight repetition but I feel I have fine tuned my thoughts a bit now. DD is currently as a school we are happy with (nursery) in every sense (good results but not results driven, nice grounds) except its in a rough area. I dont have much in common with the other mums but DD seems happy and has made some lovely friends. We have now been offered another school in a 'better' area. Lots of boden and cup cakes going on IYKWIM. However, the grounds are nothing compared to the current school. It has excellent results which I imagine is due to them being more results driven.

I feel uncomfortable with the rough element of DDs school but I question whether thats my problem and in actual fact it doesnt matter?

Any thoughts.

I like to think I am somehere in the middle - not scummy or yummy. Quite obviously a snob though

What do you mean by 'rough'?

If you feel uncomfortable with it, I'd send her to the other school.

It depends on what you mean by rough.. there is a school close to us that I would never send my dd's too, My children are quite easily led and will often do things without thinking of the consequences.

By rough I mean, the immediate area is run down and covers quite a large estate. Majority of parents are what I would consider rough looking; loads of tatoos, tracksuits, football tops, staff terriers in tow. That type of thing. Probably insulted a few of you now - sorry! Just trying to be honest.

If you don't want to mix with people who wear tracksuits and have tattoos and cant afford to buy their own homes, then by all means move. Your children will grow up tracksuit and tattoo free and you can congratulate yourself on what a good parent you are

I'd move her, those working class kids carry all kinds of diseases.

Send her to the other school then.

IME, part of the school experience is that you have something in common with the parents whose children go there, because then you'll be more inclined to do stuff with the school.

I dont see the need to be sarcastic but if that makes you feel better so be it. So are you saying it doesnt matter to you then if your child goes to a school you consider to be rough? I am genuinely asking the question. My first reponse to getting the second school was a 'yes' but then I started to ask why. Anyone else got any useful comments?

IME professionally and personally, many schools in 'rough' areas are incredibly kind, caring and nurturing schools. The staff work in more challenging circumstances so the results they achieve are worth far more.

My DD2 is at quite a 'rough' school, but it is perfect for her - has a ton of experience with SEN/SN (loads of parents name it on their statement) and is a lovely caring, inclusive school with none of that competitive parenting shite you get at 'better' schools.

But is the school rough?
Because from what you've said you just don't like the way the other parents dress.

DD's school is a mixture of mainly forces and low income families (we're a low income family, single parent), but it's a great school and she's doing really well there.

I don't understand your concept of 'rough'. You mean poor, surely?

What advice are you looking for, honestly?

'Yes, move her! I regret not moving my child from a school full of poor children with uneducated parents. It has fucked up her life!'

'No, keep her there, My child has really benefited from mixing with 'rough' kids from a 'rough' estate and their 'rough' parents?'

is your child healthy, happy, aming friends, progressing well? Then what on earth is the problem? If she isn't, then you have your answer.

This thread is offensive. I am offended.

making friends

Thanks Sidge. That was alomg the lines I was thinking. DDs school is definately inclusive, as I said its mixed in every sense. The second school could be as incusive for all I know but they have more of a certain type attending so less to choose from.

MW - I am not mixing rough with working class here. I am talking about parents who look rough but are also swearing in the school and arguing with each other. I expect that goes on every where which is part of my question really.

I wouldn't like swearing, tbh.

Our head and her staff would seriously tell people off for that.

it's only offensive if you're hyper sensitive.

You have backtracked massively - Tracksuits and tattoos, you said - but OK. Swearing isn't nice. Nobody swears in the playground at my DS's (very mixed, inner London) primary school.

No one swears in DD's school either, that I've heard, nor argues in the playground, and fair enough, I wouldn't like that but that's not what you initially said.
I often wonder if people who suddenly come up with this stuff is so they get agreement.

If that;' what happens, then why not mention it in your OP, or even the second post you made after you were asked what you meant by rough?

Wind your neck in RD. I am not trying to offend I am asking a question. If someone offered you a school in an area you consider to be rough or an area that wasn't, which would you pick and why?

Both schools do well but the second one slightly better.

What I consider to be rough is aside. Yes its alot to do with the way people dress, but we all are judged and do judge on that but much more to do with general behaviour, aspirations and all that. When I got offered school 2 my initial reaction was 'yes' but as I said then I got thinking. Why? Its a good school with undoubtedly greater pressure than school 2 has to deal with.

There seems to be pros and cons for both schools (from your point) so really it is down to your priorities - excellent results and cup cakes or better grounds and rough area

Where do you think your child will be happier and thrive?

What you consider 'rough' isn't an aside, it's the whole point of the thread. Did you actually think about what you were posting? Do you think nobody on MN lives on a council estate or has tattoos or whatever? This isn't a middle class dinner party, love.

Wind my neck in? Pah.

I have tattoos, and piercings!

It is an insult FS to see that I would perhaps be a reason for you yo want to move your DD to another school.
I don't have a staffy, but I do have rats, and I don't have a tracksuit, but I do have a pair of Playboy trainers.

I am also an involved and caring parent, as I'm sure are many others, even if they don't dress to your taste.

mrz- exactly. Not sure really. DD is very happy where she is so will probably keep her there.Even if that means I will have to share air space with people with tatoos, tracksuits and rats as pets . That is a joke MW and RD! Lots of my friends said go for school 2 when I got the offer which got me thinking. Made me question what it was I had a problem with. Anyway must go, I need to go and lay my dinner party table for my middle class friends.

Do both schools feed into the same secondary school? If not, is it worth considering which secondary school you would prefer?

It does depend what youmean by rough. Our dd is at a school that sounds similar to the one you describe. It takes kids from a number of small council estates. As a family we come from that background so we did not discriminate against a school simply because of it's intake. Things were ok for the first year, the odd story of chairs being thrown in class, nits are an eternal issue, a lot of swearing and parents turning up to pick up kids and leaving beer cans on the wall. Things took a turn for the worse when we moved out of the town into a village to what seems a large posh house. She is ostracised by many of the kids, this got worse when they found out that I was a teacher. She has been threatened, punched, kicked. Lessons are chaos. She had a "friend" round last week who ignores dd T school but often comes round to play. I overheard her asking dd for money for not only her but her brothers and sisters.

It takes a lot of strength not to enrol my dd in the local prep school.