competitive mums

[lovecheese]

Do you have them in your Dcs playground? I bet you do; Child comes out of school and the first thing that mum does is grab the childs book bag to see if "he/she has gone up a level" and then the spelling book to check that the poor child has got 10/10, meanwhile child is waiting for a kiss and a hug and a how has your day been? And this in infants too. I'm not one. Are other schools like this?

I'm sure there are competitive mothers out there, who worry about how their child is doing in comparison to other children. I'm also sure that those people who are particularly bothered or "amused" by it are by nature fairly competitive themselves - why else would it bother them? By definition, you are comparing yourself favourably to the other mother who, oh so pathetically, checks her ds/dd's spelling test results the minute he comes out of school, whilst you give your child a lovely little hug, first (because you're the better mummy really and have your priorities right). Human beings are all a bundle of insecurities, and we reveal our insecurities by the manner in which we compare ourselves to others and the extent to which we let others see how we are comparing ourselves to them.

Wise words Rabbitstew.

Rabbit stew
so you think its right to go nosying into other childrens classbooks??
Being so devious as to invite children back just to get an oveview as to how they compare to your own child?
maybe you think this is acceptable- I dont!

At what point did I say this was acceptable??!!! The more ridiculously devious the behaviour, the more likely the person concerned has a diagnosable anxiety disorder or other mental health problem!!! I seriously doubt there are many people in the world who behave in quite such a ridiculous fashion, and don't intend to go about looking for them to prove or disprove this belief. I'm happy in my blissful ignorance of such ludicrous behaviour.

As for comments on people who check their child's spellings when they come out from school, or ask you what reading level your child has got to, I do think this is showing signs of your own insecurity if this gets to you, just as much as it shows signs of theirs. Why be bothered by it? Why assume it is a way of being competitive, unless you are competitive yourself and therefore view everything in that light? Whenever people have asked me questions about my child's maths or reading abilities, I've assumed it's because they are concerned about their child's development and want a comparison to set their minds at rest, not because they want to check that their child is better than mine. And I don't assume I'm a better parent than other people in the playground because I make sure I kiss and hug my child when he comes out, rather than look at his spelling test results. Frankly, I'm not looking around to see how other people are greeting their children.

Just remembered 1 more "competition"
The party bag!( well after the party that is)

One of dds P3 classmates mum wrote an article for a local parents magazine extolling the possibilities of buying "cheap" cultured pearls for girls to string at the party instead of plastic beads so that these could then be wrapped into the party bag...hmmmm

my daughters mate at school had a horrid mother - if anyone crossed her dd she would be into the school and have a go at children in the playground etc - always going 'oh my dd blah blah reading levels etc'.

The scales fell from my eyes when her darling dd went to punch her after her mother asked he to eat her yoghurt at the table, even though she had been told she couldn't have it because she hadn't eaten any dinner - she did manage to secure eating it and having sweets in front of the television. Just a horrid little emperor of a child really.

Amusing though becuase just the week after this, we were all waiting in the playground listenig to this woman bray about the onderful dd and slagging off my dd for being too loud. I was biting my tongue when the children came out, my dd and her friend came out and my dd shouted really loudly 'soandso has had three fillings mummy - look they are amazing........'

the braying mother nearly keeled over from the shock and muttered something about weak teeth - another mummy said 'gosh, three fillings in a 6 year old, that is unlucky...'

we were all mighty smug

Our school stopped the easter egg painting competiton because too many parents were doing the eggs for their children and then those children becoming too upset that they didnt win as the prize rightly went to the child who had so obviously done it themselves. however a 5 yr old child can only see that their perfect masterpiece was beaten by someone who cannot even paint "the eyes properly" as one child came out howling once when their absolutely perfect prescion engineered silver tin man with pipecleaner arms and legs attached just so was beaten by my DD'S humpty dumpty childlike as a 5 year olds should be painted with splodgy runny eyes and a red jammy mouth.
they now make easter bonnets in school which are never brought home to do much fairer

Not seen much of this, tbh, yet (Y1) though parents are sometimes anxious and ask each other about levels, targets etc. Not deviously, though, just openly.

I think we'll all calm down after the parent consultations next week

Oh god, it's that time of year again.

Really don't see the point of the making Easter bonnets as a out-of-school task and then awarding prizes for the parents' creative talents. What 4 yr old can make an Easter bonnet without help? After explaining to ds that Ben10 wasn't a traditional Easter figure, I sweated over a Cadbury's cream egg masterpiece that was masculine enough that ds would wear it.

It makes you wonder what the impact will be on these children!!As a parent of a special needs child I always feel slightly removed from all the competition at the school gate (which is rife where I live)...whilst I am trying to get my DS through a day at school without a major meltdown or without wetting himself, I am obviously on a completely different planet to others worrying about reading levels...I do kind of agree with rabbitstew though-we are all terribly insecure and egotistical as human beings and parenting brings out the worst in that because if someone is extolling the social/sporting/academic brilliance of their children, what they are really saying is "look at me I am such a fantastic parent...just look what I have managed to produce...". Any criticism of our children (whether by teachers or other parents)strikes at our very heart because we all translate this as a criticiam of our parenting skills.

The law of averages would dictate that some children are good at some things, some good at others...and it very much depends how you measure "achievement". For some its acadmic brilliance, for others its musical or sporting ability...for me at the moment, its a pair of dry pants...its all relative...mind you at DS school there does seem to be a spookily high proportion of children who seem to be all round geniuses

Why be bothered by what another mother thinks is reasonable to put in a party bag? I don't care whether other parents think my child's party bag is cheap and tacky or excessively extravagant, and I don't look at other parents' choices in a comparative way, either. It only bothers me if it bothers my child, and neither of my ds's seem to have noticed that sort of thing, yet. I do think I may be lucky here, though - I just don't mix with parents wealthy enough to make a big party-bag statement, so the differences in cheap tat are fairly minimal!!!! I do have a friend, though, who adores doing children's parties and is willing to spend a lot more on them than I am. It brings her great pleasure and I would feel a bit sad for her if people thought she was being competitive, just because she enjoys making the effort more than the rest of us (I confess to not being bothered whether there is any kind of colour theme to the party, or whether there's a pattern on the plates and cups etc, etc). She is the least competitive person I know. Still makes me feel a bit sloppy, though! My problem, not hers...

oddgirl - checking whether dd has dry knickers is top of my list at the school gates!

Haven't seen any of this other stuff yet - but it's only reception. I am a bit curious about other dc's reading levels but I never ask and no-one has asked me - so it remains one of life's great mysteries.

Just got back to the thread. Sorry Lovecheese to not answer sooner.
The answer is our lovely new teacher drew herself up to her full height and pointed out that it was her job as the teacher to determine which set a child was placed in and she was not placing any child in a set in which they would struggle.
About the same time DH went to say her and say we had a problem with homework to which she developed a rabbit in the headlights look and stumble what not enough. Not really being involved in playground politics I was unaware some people had been asking for more so stunned I said er no too much. Teacher breaths huge sigh of relief and tells us we really don't have to do it all.

I never realised they were all on different reading levels. Sort of assumed they were all reading the same crap about Biff and Chip and just rotated the books around the children each week iyswim. I am not even sure what reading level DS1 is on. Will have a look later.

I didn't realise they were on different reading levels either until one of the Mums pointed out to me that my January child would be on a much lower level than her Sept Child who had already accelerated quite a bit. The same Mum came back to gloat six months later and asked what reading level my dd was on now - this time my dd had jumped on quite a bit further than her child and I was fully interrogated as to why my child had been moved on so far - must admit to feeling slightly smug as I walked away - she never asked again!

We have the children's names on the front of the reading book boxes so you don't even have to ask what level another child is on! No spelling tests here either so don't have to worry about the results.

always chuckle at replies posted on the Gifted & Talented threads.
Q: Is my child gifted because he is reading War and Peace at 3YO? Cue lots of answers "Just let him play outdoors and be a child" from parents who fondly believe that their own child needs "far more stimulation".

Just feel sorry for them-and their poor DCs.

yes it is the DC's I feel sorry for too I often wonder if they ever just point blank refuse to do any of these extra things some of them just never seem to have a minute spare to be an ordinary child playing out ,kicking a ball in the garden when they come home from school, going out on their bikes etc
how do these parents get their DC's to do all these things piano, clarinet, gymnastics, learning to speak Mandarin etc my kids would just refuse if it was something they were not interested in and no amount of persuasion would change their minds. I believe you have to get the balance right and I would never force my child to do anything they did not want to do just to keep up with little Johnny/ Samantha in their class. Let kids be kids and enjoy their childhood without pressures while they can it is amazing how fast time goes.

I could get my kids to do pretty much anything I asked of them and they are very into after school activities - in fact I'm the one who limits it. You can't judge all situations by your own - all kids arer different.

One of my dcs is very interested in extra curicular activities. He swims 3x a week, plays piano, does gymnastics and learns chinese. He isn't especially clever but he wants do do stuff all the time. He wants to do beavers, after school football and ice skating but he can't because there isn't time. The other one isn't really bothered but I do make her have swimming lessons which she enjoys but I don't think she would miss it if she stopped.

It's all wasted on me, being of the drop-and-run persuasion.

Whenever I do collect, I'm too busy laying bets on whether DS will be the muddiest/slowest out/have the most food on his tie. When I collect DD I am instructed to wait around the corner in case I embarass her

But seriously, these competitive mums, if they exist and I am persuaded by MN that they do, surely they don't have Enough To Do ...

I am always puzzled why piano lessons, tennis lessons and swimming are considered pushing one's children.

I think they are all important (well music and swimming) in life, and tennis is fun.

I agree that many parents ask to get an idea of where their own children are as this kind of information isn't given by schools. It's not to be competitive, but to see if their own children need extra support or are doing just fine. However, there is always the scary uber-competitive parent around. I just choose to ignore them.