Quite pissed off about this, am I being daft?

[FlightAttendant]

Today ds1 went abck to school and was really looking forward to it.

I went to get him at 3.15 and he was absolutely busting to tell me about the 'thing' that had landed in the woodland bit of the playground.

I followed him and a large crowd of grown ups and children was standing around this thing, which looked to me very much like a huge air conditioning unit half buried in the ground, with a slightly blackened tree next to it.

I have to admit I immediately thought it was a kind of set up, for fun - there was stripey tape all round it and nobody allowed to touch.

Ds told me that it had apparently 'crashed' last night, and was from a satellite or spaceship or similar and it even had the voltage written on it!

He loves this kind of thing so was utterly serious and really quite blown away by the idea. They had spent all day finding out about it and someone from the BBC had apparently come and interviewed a witness, with a microphone but no camera.

There is nothing on the BBC website. The newsletter just arrived and there is a large paragraph about it - 'We hope the children enjoyed the 'space mystery' today, our project this term is all about space' etc etc...

I didn't know what to do, so stupidly, probably, I told ds it wasn't actually from a spaceship, and he started to cry

I mean is this just like the Father Christmas thing we do with them, or is it actually rather cruel of them to lie about something so potentially thrilling - I have probably done the wrong thing but he would have found out later anyway no doubt and been MORE upset.

He is insisting the newsletter is wrong and is very cross and fed up.

Can anyone talk me down, I really don't need another confrontation with the HT...I am just so sad for him.

Claig that's a good analogy, thankyou.

Kitty, I'm sorry but I think the scenario you describe sounds awful. I don't mean to offend you with that but it does really offend my sense of ...something.

Aboutthe AS thing - I wondered when I got so flamed initially if it was just that aspect of my brain that didn't like it.

But seeing as many of us seem toconcur i don't think it is to do with aspergers.

Skegness I take your point though, thankyou - and am already aware that there will likely be clashes.

(not long 'out' about it so being called an 'Aspie' etc a bit of a jolt! )

But FA's ds was very upset and burst out crying because FA decided to burst his bubble tell him the truth.

He's being upset by her telling him very bluntly that it's not true when he fell for it hook line and sinker.

The adult projections come from believing the because children have been decieved and that they will never trust thier teachers again.

My space bar/typing issue however does have AS written all over it. [considers what else she can blame on it]

But Feenie and Kitty - when do you think they should be told? Or shouldn't they?

i am confused as to what is being suggested.

By juuule Wed 06-Jan-10 13:24:46
How is FA's son being very upset adult projection?

By claig Wed 06-Jan-10 13:27:30
FlightAttendant's DS was very upset and burst out crying and I am sure he was not the only child to do so.

what caused him to be upset ?
would he have been as upset if the scenario had run it's course and he had come to the realisation himself? we will never know

By claig Wed 06-Jan-10 13:27:30

It is to do with the degree of excitement and expectation generated, followed by the sharp disappointment.

perhaps he would not have had to experience a "sharp disappointment" as the project developed and he received not what he initially expected but other just as worthwhile outcomes.

'When they all arrived at school there were loads of diggers on the playing field and police. The headteacher had actually chained themselves to a digger in protest at the planned development. What followed was the children had to pursuade the council to stop.'

how did ANYONE ever come to the conclusion that this was a sane thing to do?

[completely baffled]

Flight do you not think your son capable of reaching the conclusion himself as he learnt more?

It wasn't awful at all. No children have had to have therapy for it. It was handled very well. As someone else mentioned earlier (sorry can't remember who). The older children twigged quite early on and it did make them all think and investigate, is it real if not why not.

[shakes head] wanders off wondering where she can find a bulldozer for next week

The point is that they don't NEED to be told either way. The children will naturally talk about what's happening - the jungle telegraph will be working over time throughout the school - some children will be saying that it's true because... others will be arguing the other way. They'll all be thinking of reasons for their arguments, they'll be doing exciting, thought-provoking ideas in class,etc, etc.

Why should they ever know the 'truth'?

It's just like the existence of God really. You have your doubters, you have your believers - they both argue their cause but non-one REALLY knows the truth.

Surely, at the very least, the school could have let the parents in on it so that they could perhaps tailor things to their individual child's needs.

Thank god for teachers like Feenie.

When children realise (probably steadily as it goes on) that it is a fictional role play, they make a committment to staying in their part of the role, and understand very well afterwards that that was what it was, and why the teachers did it. They appreciate it.

They don't go around disillusioned and thinking that everything a tacher tells them, from how to multiply to where frog spawn comes from is a lie!

The most adventurous thing that happened in my children's school was a block of ice that had apparantly 'arrived in the post' as a mystery, and they had to find the most effective ways to melt the ice and find the message inside. Total engagement in the task - and an alternative to the endless KS2 bloody worksheets.

better that FlightAttendant breaks the bad news to him at home, than to find out in the playground where on top of the disappointment he may also be teased and humiliated.

I can't see this being able to run its course without some bright children twigging early on, and since they are not all angels, teasing and upsetting others

FlightAttendant, don't worry it is absolutely nothing to do with AS, it is just the normal differences in understanding

Yes of course Mrz. He's not thick. But he was swept up in it and desperate for it to be real, if you had seen him at 3.15 yesterday you would have been worried about him finding out he was being told a story too.

He was gasping, couldn't get the words out, he was just so so thrilled.

It was going to be upsetting whenever he found out I think. Sorry.

I'm sure many kids are more resilient. But Kitty I wonder how many of the children just kept schtum if they were worried or upset because it was expected of them to [lplay along' and not be threatened by what would be to any adult an extremely threatening situation? I can't know that.

IME children are very open to saying how they feel to their teachers and TAs, esp if they are unsure or wary, scraed or upset. It would have been noted and dealt with appropriately by the teaching staff around I am sure. As a TA if one of my class was upset or worried - which IMO is easy to notice in such situations - I'd have spoken to them and hinted out the pretending aspect.

Juuule - the vast majority of parents and children just take this sort of thing in their stride. Schools don't need to pass every activity beyond worksheets past children, surely?

Does MN attract espeially neurotic micromanaging parents regarding what thier children do at school? What if they read a sad book and get upst? What if they see blood in a poicture and feel faint, what if they become over-excited joining in with 'the wheels on the bus' - are these all things that parents should be warned about so that they can coddle thier little darlings and help them through the experience?

I do have sympathy with the OPs difficulty with this re AS. But am surprised at the nuber of people who are up in arms on her behalf.

Plus seeing an adult who is usually in authority, chained to something and obviously out of control - being threatened by the bulldozing people - that's surely terrifying to a small child? I hope to goodness you didn't do this with 5 or 6 year olds present.

Might be fun for the teachers but children are often far more literal than we are.

It would have REALLY upset me as a child. Seriously.

But why did he ever need to 'find out'?

Thanks, HaveItAllMummy

I still can't believe that someone would really 'thank god' I didn't teach their children because of a bit of crown shaped paper. Mad.

haveitallmummy, I'm sorry but I find your attirbuting this to my AS quite wrong.

I thinkw e have established it may indeed be partially responsible for my reaction but by no means entirely.

And your comment about 'coddle their little darlings' is just horrible, and patronising.

You have no idea.

I kept quiet at school about things that upset me (including primary).
My children have come out of school at different stages, upset about things and I've had to reassure them. They have begged me at times not to go into school to discuss with teachers as it would make them feel silly/be more upset. Sometimes I've had to and sometimes we've just dealt with it at home.
So some children don't always voice their fears etc. to teachers.

Me too Juule, and I would have kept quiet too because I would have been made to feel very silly - if not by the other kids, then by the teachers.

'Oh don't be so silly, it's just for fun, it's not real - grow up now and don't be a silly girl. You're a big girl now'

'coddle their darlings'